


Forever in the Flame

by buffy46143



Category: clexa - Fandom
Genre: Clarke +Lexa, Clexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:40:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 140,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffy46143/pseuds/buffy46143
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story begins immediately after the events of 3x16 and will follow Clarke and others as they attempt to save their people as nuclear reactors begin to meltdown and they face new enemies. Clexa will be heavily featured as will other characters and there will be a major character death. Rated M just in case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This story begins at the end of 3x16 and everything that happened on the show has occurred. This is a long story and it would be my version of Season 4. There will be Clexa in this story along with a loose interpretation of "science" and yes, I meant to put science in quotes like that. This story is unlike my other Clexa stories in that because of the events that occurred in season 3, Clexa is featured and will be heavily, but other plots and characters are featured heavily as well. This one will deal with the aftermath of the CoL, Clarke trying to save her people again, more battles as well as a major character death.

After everything she'd been through, it would all end anyway. Despite all her efforts to save everyone; to save the people she loved, they'd all be gone. They'd all die. She'd die too, of course. She'd never really considered being scared or fearful of her own death. She'd never had time. It had always been about everyone else.

On the Ark, life was just life. People worked and went to classes to learn how to work. Their sole purpose as a unit of humanity was to keep the ship in space. That's how humanity would survive. They'd keep the Ark running, even if it was barely clinging to life itself because that's what they had to do. Humanity had to survive so they put in the work until even the work wasn't enough and they sent the 100 down to the ground. They weren't expected they'd survive, but survive they did. Most of the time, it felt like they were barely hanging on. Most of the time, that was enough for Clarke. Until it wasn't anymore.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't always dream of earth; that she didn't draw up it both in her waking and sleeping hours inside her head. The thoughts of what it must have been like before the bombs swirled inside her brain daily because it was all that she had outside of her parents and friends to sustain her. When one parent was floated and the other looked on and then saw her escorted to a solitary cell, she lost all of that and earth was what was left.

She'd always been envious of the future humans who would be around when the radiation died down enough for them to finally step foot on the ground. They'd be exploring a place no one had stepped foot on in hundreds of years most likely and they'd get to explore the forests and the cities that had become ghost towns. She wondered if there would be bodies; long decomposed of course and bones by the time anyone would see them, but people were at work and at home and walking on streets when bombs blew up the planet. Some weren't killed in blasts, but by radiation poisoning and they'd likely died in their own beds or in hospitals. She used to wonder if it made her a bad person to consider these things when she thought of the ground. These dark thoughts often came to her just before lights out as she faced the ceiling in her stifling cell. She'd often thought about how the people that were alive on the Ark at that moment were really just killing time. It was their job to keep humans alive long enough for their offspring's offspring maybe to try for life of earth instead of inside a patched and battered metal box. They only existed to make sure the future could exist.

*****

When their feet hit the ground, she had a moment of absolute hope before everything changed. They'd survived the fall and apparently the intense radiation was depleted enough for them to make it. She'd been stupid to think that a group of teenage criminals would actually want to send their signal back to the Ark so that the adults could come down and most likely lock them back up and take over the world. And it really was that way. They would run the world. There was no one else on the planet. It was either the 100 or the adults from the Ark that would create the new earth. Clarke wasn't exactly sure which she preferred herself when things started to change.

They discovered they weren't the only people on the planet after all. The dark thoughts she'd been able to push out of her mind briefly returned and multiplied as they began fighting for their survival in a different way than on the Ark and somehow she'd been gifted with the role of leader of her people. Gift is a funny way of looking at it since for most of the time, it was but a curse to Clarke Griffin. Every moment of her day and night was about just getting people to the next one without someone among them dying.

Then, she met Lexa. As she thought back to their meeting, she couldn't conceive how the woman before her that day could become so unbelievably important to her. How she'd be considering, in this very moment, that she no longer wanted to live if she couldn't have the one person in the world she felt truly understood her; the one person she'd finally opened herself up to loving more than her people; the one person she'd love forever.

In the immediate moments after Lexa's death, Clarke had pushed through her grief because that was what was asked of her by her people. In order to save them, she had to save herself and to do that, she had to flee Polis with the Flame. She had to find a way to defeat A.L.I.E. and get everyone out of the City of Light.

Using Ontari's blood was the best chance she had and she took it. She took it because she needed to find the kill switch, but she also took it because there was a chance she'd see her again. Even if that chance was miniscule, she had to take it or she knew she'd regret it for the rest of her life. Sure, she'd searched for Luna and really any other Nightblood. She hoped they'd take the Flame and end A.L.I.E.. That was their best chance. Her taking the chip wasn't a possibility then.

When she was out of all other possibilities though, she knew she was their only chance. Before she woke up in the City of Light, there was a moment of black; of solid darkness where she thought she was dead. She also thought about how it always came to be that these were her burdens to bear. Why had she been chosen and who had done the choosing? Was it as Lexa had repeatedly told her that she was born for this? It was pre-determined before her birth that this would be her destiny? In that same moment, she thought about how she was just a teenage girl who'd lost her father, lost friends, nearly lost her mother and lost the love of her life all within a short span of time. She was just a girl and yet.

When her eyes opened, it was bright and she realized the Flame had led her where she needed to go, but it wasn't until she saw Lexa look over her shoulder with a small smile that she felt like she had a real chance. It wasn't until Lexa was in her arms that she felt like she was home. She recognized the feeling immediately because she'd felt it before. She'd felt it when she leaned in and kissed Lexa in Polis, when she looked down at her on her bed and saw the tear sliding down her face and she knew Lexa loved her back. She'd felt it again and again that day until Titus took her home away.

She'd gotten a chance to say those three words she never did in life to Lexa before Lexa reminded her she'd always be with her and Clarke wondered briefly how hard it would have been for Lexa to just say the words back to her. Then, at least Clarke would have them to hold onto along with their memories, but when she awoke after flipping the kill switch, she realized that though those words would have meant everything to her, she didn't need them. Lexa had showed her time and again how much she loved her. The truth was that Clarke had never seen someone love another person the way Lexa had loved her. It wasn't always in words. In fact, it was rarely in words. It was always in her actions. And it started when they first met.

*****

Clarke had no time to grieve after Lexa's death. That was true, but there were moments where she had to sleep. They were few and far between as they tried to determine how to kill A.L.I.E. and get her friends out of the City of Light. Those moments when she stared up at the sky at night or the ceiling when she was inside were the moments when she ran through her entirely too short time with the Commander of the 12 Clans; Lexa kom Trikru. Lexa. Her Lexa. No one would ever know what they meant to each other. No one could ever understand how Lexa had pulled her out of the dark. She'd never be able to explain it properly to anyone and while that bothered her, in a way, it also felt right somehow. She and Lexa were special together, but they were more special in their private moments.

Lexa had spared her life after Clarke's mercy killing of Finn. Truthfully, she could have killed her the moment she entered her tent. Indra wanted her too. Every grounder wanted her to kill the Sky Girl that burned their warriors, but Lexa didn't do it. She believed Clarke when Raven was blamed for trying to poison her. Lexa drove a strong sword into the chest of the perpetrator and Clarke saw in her eyes that this was someone she cared about. She was someone who could care and when she heard Lexa talk of Costia, she knew she'd been right in her assertion. The harsh Commander had a heart.

Unfortunately, at the mountain, Lexa had thought with her head and not her heart. It killed Clarke in more ways than one when Lexa walked off leaving her there to save her people. She'd understood it, but it hurt like hell and Clarke had to admit to herself all those months wandering, hunting, trying to stay hidden, if the reason it hurt so much was because she felt betrayed by a fellow leader or if she felt betrayed by someone she'd grown to care about. The answer, she'd decided was both and that didn't make it better.

Lexa saved her from the bounty on her head. Clarke knew it wasn't just for the possibility of an alliance and because she wanted the power of Wanheda. Lexa saved Clarke; not the Commander of Death. As she'd stare up with tears in her eyes trying to both sleep away her always present exhaustion, but also somehow remain fully awake so she could think of her and recall every single moment of their time together, she'd remember Lexa always giving her space; never pushing Clarke toward their seemingly inevitable romantic relationship. Whenever Clarke needed to push her away, Lexa had allowed it. Lexa allowed Clarke to speak to her as a person when no one else was allowed to address the Commander that way. She never yelled at Clarke in the way she yelled at others even when they disagreed. She'd always respected Clarke's position as a leader of her people.

That night, when Lexa knelt before her, Clarke saw all of Lexa for the first time. Sure, she'd really seen all of her when they finally bared themselves physically to one another a time later, but the Commander knelt before no one and Lexa had knelt before her. She'd pledged fealty. She pledged to treat Clarke's needs as her own and in that moment, Lexa reminded Clarke of the wedding ceremonies that had grown more and more infrequent on the Ark before she'd been sent down. She saw Lexa. Lexa loved her. Lexa wouldn't leave her again. She'd never betray her. As Clarke helped her stand, she thought about what it would mean if she kissed Lexa in that moment. She gripped onto her hand moments longer than was needed to help the girl rise. Her breath stopped momentarily before it seemed to require pushing out of her body all at once so she could take in more oxygen. Her heartrate increased as her skin met Lexa's and she considered sliding her fingers between Lexa's longer ones before leaning in. Their eyes remained locked as they stood in silence considering what had just happened. Clarke was certain Lexa had planned that moment prior to Clarke kneeling before her in front of the ambassadors and others in the room. Lexa wasn't one for in the moment decisions unless they were in battle and she and Clarke were no longer in battle. Lexa had planned to bow to her as a way of apology, but also as a way to tell Clarke she viewed her as her equal. Clarke knew more than she'd known anything before that she loved her then. While things seemed to be looking up for their alliance and they finally had at least some people on their side, time would never be on their side. Clarke hadn't slid her fingers between Lexa's. She hadn't connected their lips. They'd been interrupted by Titus as they had been before and would be again. Clan business pulled Lexa's hand away from Clarke's that night.

She thought back to the night Lexa fought Roan and killed the Ice Queen. She'd come to say thank you and they'd spoken briefly as Clarke tended her wound, but if Clarke had one regret besides not being able to stop a bullet from entering Lexa's body, it would be that night. She'd said good night to her when they could have had more time together. She'd sent her away because she wasn't ready, but now that Lexa was gone, she pushed her mind back to that night more than any other and made herself ready for Lexa's love. She'd wrap her hand and then hold it in her own while rubbing a thumb softly across Lexa's skin. She'd feel her heart beat loudly and sense Lexa's doing the same. She'd move slightly closer and watch as Lexa had a momentary freak out and Clarke smiled at the thought as she recalled that night and continued to play out her revision of it in her mind.

That's all she had left of her now; the too few happy memories and the revisions she made in her mind of all the others. Lexa's smile, she worried would leave her memory first. She'd seen it far too rarely and it was beautiful. She'd squint her eyes closed as tightly as she could as she tried to sleep those first few nights after Lexa's death and she'd force that smile to stay in her mind. As much as it hurt to remember that last day together; holding Lexa as she died and feeling her dark blood on her fingers, she'd forced herself to replay that smile while they were naked next to one another. She forced herself to replay it over and over again in the hopes that if she did this a little each day, maybe she'd never forget it. She would touch her fingertips together and pretend her fingertips were touching Lexa's skin. She tried to remember the tattoo on her back, the feel of her soft lips against her own, the smell of her skin when Clarke was pressed close. That was all she had left of her until she took the Flame.

*****

Unfortunately, their reunion in the City of Light, like their time together, was all too brief. Clarke wanted nothing more than to run off with Lexa. She considered it when Jasper reminded her how much humans continued to hurt each other. Life was hard and painful and Clarke thought about the woman standing next to her as Jasper spoke for A.L.I.E. and she wondered what would happen if she just gave in. She could hang up her guns. Lexa could put away her swords. They could live together in the City of Light. Was it really that bad?

She knew it couldn't be that way though. Lexa had been right about her all along. She was special. She was the one who had to save her people; who had to save the world.

"I love you." Clarke pushed out in one shaky breath.

"I'll always be with you." Lexa replied and before Clarke could breakdown entirely at those words knowing Lexa was going to take on an army by herself, she took another deep, shaky breath and followed Raven's door to Becca. Clarke had no time to consider that if Lexa got killed here, she'd be dead for good. Her consciousness that had been stored on the Flame, would evaporate and she'd be gone entirely. Her body was gone already, but her mind and everything Lexa was had been kept in this Flame. Clarke still didn't fully understand it, but when she held Lexa and kissed her again on those stairs, she knew it was her. It was her Lexa. She hadn't stopped to consider that no one else made it through that door. No one followed her into the kill switch room. Lexa had managed to keep them back long enough for Clarke to pull the switch and Clarke held onto that thought as Abby attempted to check to see if she was okay. Ontari was gone. The Nightblood was gone. The Flame, however, was still alive and Clarke had it in her hand. She still had her Lexa. She just had to figure out a way to get back to her.

*****

Clarke watched as Octavia left the room. Pike was dead and Clarke thought for a moment about stopping the girl from leaving. She thought for a moment about trying to see if Pike could be saved, but it was clear he was dead and also, she didn't want to save him. He didn't deserve saving. He was responsible for so much of this pain. He'd executed Lincoln as Octavia had to watch. He'd caused the violence in Arkadia. He'd recruited Bellamy. He'd killed hundreds of people. Despite what he did at the end, it would not redeem him. There was no redeeming Pike.

Clarke stood in the room and watched Octavia disappear. She had no idea where she'd go, but Clarke had other worries now.

"What do we do?" Bellamy asked her while she looked down at Pike's corpse. Clarke didn't answer. "Clarke? What should we do now?" He repeatedly asked her.

"Clarke?" Abby checked. "Are you okay? You should sit down." She put her hands on Clarke's arm and over her stomach while Clarke stood staring. "She should rest." She directed toward Bellamy.

"Earth is covered in reactors that are going to meltdown." Clarke finally spoke up.

"What?" Abby asked.

"I think I just killed everyone with the flip of a switch." She clarified mostly to herself.

*****

It was hours later and there was still confusion. People were embracing one another; others were helping the wounded. Some were clearing the dead. Clarke didn't know where to go or what to do. She held the Flame tightly in her hand as if she didn't, it would disappear. Lexa would disappear.

She needed a moment to herself. She needed just one moment where people weren't asking her questions or calling her name. She couldn't go back to Lexa's room because Ontari had tainted it just by being there. She couldn't go back to her old room in Polis because that's where she watched Lexa die. So, she stood on the balcony overlooking Polis while others moved around inside. Abby paused her questioning of her daughter to tend to the wounded. She'd enlisted the help of Murphy and anyone who could move or stand. She sent people outside to the crosses and into the city to help others. Clarke heard the commotion inside, but she did nothing to turn around and help. Bellamy had run off after Octavia and Clarke was glad he'd left. She knew Bell and he wouldn't be able to stop asking her questions about what had happened in the City of Light and in this moment, she just wanted to think. She needed to think.

This city was no longer Lexa's and that broke Clarke's heart almost as much as losing her had done. Lexa wanted peace so badly for her people. She'd seen hope when no one else before her could and it had cost her her life. Well, Clarke had some responsibility in that as well. Titus was aiming at her. He wanted Clarke dead. He wanted the Commander free of her influence and that is how Lexa got shot. Clarke struggled with that every day, but she knew Lexa didn't blame her. She knew Lexa would tell her it wasn't her fault and that she can't feel guilty about it. She also knew that she needed to see her again. She clung tighter to the Flame in her hand and finally turned around.

"Mom, I need you, Kane and Indra."

Abby turned away from a grounder she was bandaging and looked toward Clarke.

"Thelonious too." Abby offered and stood. She motioned toward the grounder that he was done and he nodded and walked off.

"No." Clarke objected.

"Clarke-"

"No!" She repeated a little louder this time. "Just us."

"What about me?" It was Bellamy. He'd returned from looking for Octavia. "I can't find O. I sent a few guys to look for her. I can't believe she'd just-"

"Kill Pike?" Clarke interrupted. Bellamy nodded. "I can."

"Honey-"

"Mom, clear the room." She turned toward Murphy. "Murphy, can you get Kane and Indra here?"

"Yeah, I think Kane went outside. I'll find him." Murphy jumped to leave and Emori stood to go with him.

"Bellamy, you don't need to be here." Clarke stated.

"Clarke, I can help. Let me help." He implored. He gripped her somewhat gently by the arm and she looked down at his hand. It was as if seeing Lexa in the City of Light brought her back to a time when she and Bellamy were enemies. He was partly responsible for much of this. He didn't trust her. He didn't trust Lexa. He handcuffed her in Arkadia. He killed hundreds of people in cold blood. Clarke couldn't help but let those feelings come back into her; to engulf her in anger and disappointment in this person she used to trust. She'd been able to work with him to get them here, but she was unsure how she'd ever be able to fully trust him again. His actions along with Pike's led to so many horrors.

"Help people out there. I don't need you in here."

Bellamy opted not to argue and he nodded affirmatively, yet clearly he was hurt.

"I'll go see about helping outside." He turned and walked out of the room. Clarke didn't have time to worry about Bellamy's pain. She had too much of her own to deal with and unfortunately for her, the City of Light wasn't the pain free place it was for everyone else.

*****

The crowd of people that had been in the tower began to disperse and after several minutes of Clarke standing back out on the balcony looking at the chaos that had finally begun to quiet, she heard Indra's voice.

"Klark kom Skaikru!" She greeted confidently, but was clearly in pain. Kane was helping her to a chair while Abby rushed over to assist. Murphy and Emori entered behind them. Then, she saw Jaha walk in behind them.

"Indra, how are you?" Clarke asked as she dismissed Jaha and moved toward the general.

"I'll be fine." Indra nodded in defiance of her clear pain.

"Clarke…"

She heard his voice and turned toward him.

"Thelonious, you should get checked out." Abby advised and looked back and forth between Jaha and Clarke.

Jaha just looked at Clarke.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought…" It was clear he had been crying. Clarke didn't know if it was because now he was back in a world where there was pain or if his tears were because he actually had to deal with the consequences of his actions now.  
"Just go." Clarke ordered, but softly because she had no more energy to fight.

"I can-"

"Help?" She finished his sentence with an assumption. "I think you helped enough."

"Clarke?" Kane stood up next to Indra. "He didn't know. None of us could have known it would have led to this."

"I need people in this room I can trust." She turned toward Kane and then back to Jaha. "You are not one of them."

"I guess we should go then too." Murphy spoke up and started to turn with Emori.

"Murphy, stay." Clarke stopped him. "Stay." She repeated.

"Thelonious, you should-"

"Go?" He questioned Abby's words. "I'll do what I can outside to help the others."

"We'll talk later." Kane assured him.

Jaha nodded and began to turn before stopping and turning back around to face them.

"I am sorry." He stated with defeat in his voice and turned back to leave.

Clarke waited until it was only Indra being helped by Abby and Kane and Emori standing pressed up against Murphy. She noticed they were holding hands. She looked down at the floor and took a breath before looking back up at the group.

"The City of Light is gone, but we have something else to worry about now."

"Don't we always?" Murphy questioned as he pulled Emori closer to the rest of the group.

Clarke felt strange just standing in the middle of the room while everyone else looked at her. It felt off somehow. Plus, she felt the weight of her body begin to attack her tired legs.

"Honey, you need to sit down." Abby noticed Clarke sway slightly. "Your body's been through too much. You need to rest."

Clarke swayed slightly again and realized her mother was right.

"Clarke, come on." Kane approached and took Clarke's arm delicately and moved her backwards.

Clarke sat down and rested her head back against the seat before closing her eyes briefly. She saw Lexa's face looking up at her, smiling and considered not opening her eyes again before she heard Indra's voice.

"That's the Commander's." Clarke opened her eyes and glanced in Indra's direction. Indra paused as she stared into Clarke's eyes. She bowed her head slightly. "Heda." She stated without a sign of reluctance in her tone.

Clarke sucked in a breath. There were no more Nightbloods save Luna and she wanted nothing to do with being the Commander.

"I told you my spirit would choose wisely." Clarke heard Lexa's voice telling her.

"Clarke, I think you just became the Commander of the 12 Clans." Kane posited and moved back slightly. He nodded his head at her as a sign of respect and walked back toward Indra to help her into a standing position.

"13." Abby reminded. "Skaikru is a part of this alliance now."

"We have no more need for an alliance." Indra stated.

"Indra?" Kane questioned.

"You misunderstand me." She addressed his confused tone and grunted through her attempt to stand upright fully on her own accord. "We have no need for an alliance because we are united."

"Except for the Ice Nation." Emori reminded. "Now that everyone's out of the City of Light, I doubt they'll be happy their Commander is dead."

"Our army can handle Azgeda if they attempt a coup, but the other clans will support Clarke as Heda."

"How do you know that?" Murphy asked.

"Because she was worthy of the Flame. The Commander's spirit chose her."

"But the Flame isn't-" Murphy started to tell Indra something she wasn't aware of apparently.

"The Commander's spirit." Abby completed and glared at Murphy before looking at Clarke. Indra was unaware that the Flame had been removed. Murphy and Abby were the only ones in the room that knew and apparently Abby felt the need to protect that secret.

"Oh, yeah." Murphy took the hint.

"To us it is the spirit of our past Commanders and Clarke has it now. She is Heda. I do not know how she was able to receive it without being a Nightblood. Our people will believe that makes her even more powerful. They already thought her powerful as Wanheda."

"I guess that's a good thing." Murphy shrugged. "Right?"

"It is a good thing, but there will be some who wish to challenge her power." Indra explained. "Trikru will protect you. The Commander would have wanted that. The other clans will swear allegiance as Lexa commanded."

"What?" Clarke felt her legs finally relax and she lifted her head with what little energy she had left. "What do you mean?"

"Lexa commanded her generals and the other ambassadors in the coalition to protect Skaikru from Azgeda. She made them swear fealty to you, Klark kom Skaikru. Some did it willingly and some did it because their Heda commanded, but all will fall in line. I will see to it."

"Lexa did that?" Kane asked Indra who nodded.

"I knew she asked the other Nightbloods to…" Clarke faded as she leaned forward in the Commander's throne. Lexa's throne. "I didn't know…" She dropped off again.

"It was unnecessary for you to know."

"Did you swear it because you wanted to Indra or because Lexa commanded it?" Abby asked Indra.

Indra side-eyed her for a moment before looking back at Clarke. She took a step forward toward the girl in the Commander's chair and she knelt down on one knee.

"We have had our differences in the past, Klark kom Skaikru, but I swore my allegiance to the former Commander willingly as I swear it to you now. Skaikru is a part of the coalition and you are the new Heda." She looked up at Clarke. "If Azgeda forms their army and attempts to take Polis, we will fight for you."

Clarke gulped though she prayed not audibly as suddenly she felt the room draped by silence. She didn't want to be Commander. This was not what was supposed to happen. She felt the Flame in her clasped hand and wished Lexa was here to guide her through this. She didn't know what to say or what to do.

"I learned something when I was in the City of Light." She spoke and tried to regain her composure as Indra stood back up. "A.L.I.E. claimed she was trying to bring us all to the City of Light because the nuclear plants that survived are melting. Most of the planet will be uninhabitable within the next 6 months once that happens. We'll have nowhere to go, nothing to eat. We'll die from radiation poisoning."

"Oh my God!" Abby covered her mouth.

"Well, what are we going to do?" Murphy questioned. "In case you forgot, we kind of destroyed the only machine capable of getting us into space and even if we had another Ark, I'm not going back up there to live in a tin can."

"We'll think of something, but for now, you're the only ones that know. Jaha might know. I don't know what A.L.I.E told him. She seemed to trust him."

"She was a computer, Clarke." Abby offered.

"She was an AI, mom. She was programmed, but she understood us. She understood emotion and how to manipulate people enough to get them to the City of Light willingly." She paused. "At least at first." She glanced in Kane's direction and then back at Abby. "Look, right now we need to assess the damage in Polis and Arkadia. We'll gather the ambassadors and others. We need to come up with a plan then and figure out what we're going to do."

"You need to rest." Abby repeated for what Clarke guessed was the tenth time. "I'll assess the wounded and Marcus can regain control of the city."

"I'll send people to Arkadia to see what needs to be done there. We should rendezvous back here though." Kane suggested.

"Tomorrow." Indra offered. "I'll need time to gather the ambassadors and see who is on our side." She paused. "Those who are not…" She faded out. "I will be able to tell and they will be dealt with."

"Indra-"

"Jus nou drein jus daun, Heda." Indra interjected. "I will have them rounded up."

Clarke nodded. She knew Indra had cared for Lexa, but she never really understood how much actual care was for the person and how much was a general following her Commander. She knew now though.

"You should go to the Commander's room. It's kind of yours now." Murphy suggested.

"I can't-" Clarke stated immediately.

Murphy hung his head and shook it slightly with disappointment in his own suggestion.

"I'm sorry." He offered her.

"There are other rooms. I'm sure we can make-" Abby started.

"I can help get us situated." Emori offered the group after probably feeling a little left out of the conversation.

"Do that." Clarke stood. She felt her legs regain their strength. "I can't stay here though."

"Do you want to stay in Arkadia?" Kane asked her.

"I can't stay there either. At least not now." She walked toward them. "I'll be in the room, Murphy."

"What room?" He asked her turning his head to the side as she walked past him.

"You know what room." She replied.

"Clarke?" Abby yelled after her.

"Mom, I can't right now. Please." Clarke didn't turn back. She just kept on walking.

"She'll be fine, Abby. She's just been through a lot. She needs some time."

"Marcus, she's just been made the Commander. I don't think any of us expected that and there are people out there that need to know there's a leader in control of this situation. They're traumatized and injured and-" Abby started rambling.

"So is she." Murphy completed for her and took steps away from Emori and toward Abby. "She watched Lexa die and she loved her. She watched you torture her and then you almost kill yourself. She saw her friends leave her for A.L.I.E. and Pike and she's probably seen more death than any of us at this point." He pointed out to everyone's surprise before calming down slightly. "I'm just saying she probably needs some time. She never got any time to…"

"Grieve." Emori finished his thought and took a step beside him to take his hand.

"I was there, okay. I watched Lexa get shot and I saw how Clarke reacted and how she had to watch her die and see her body lifted off the bed away from her and then we had to stay in that room while they figured out what to do with us. She had to see Lexa's blood on that bed and she just stared and then it was like another war started and she had to lead us through it. So, I gave Clarke a lot of shit before, but I won't again because she's the only reason we're all standing here right now and not trapped in A.L.I.E's mind games so if she needs a night to herself to mourn her girlfriend, I say we give it to her."

"Okay." Abby muttered in shock at Murphy's mild outburst.

*****

"Clarke? Hey!" It was Bellamy jogging over to her as she passed through the crowd of people mostly unnoticed and walked toward her destination. "What happened? I can't find Octavia. I'm worried about her. She just-"

"Bell, I can't right now." Clarke replied honestly, but impatiently.

"Hey, talk to me!" He demanded and she stopped in her tracks and pulled him off to the side of the road toward a small hut that had been a merchant's booth at some point, but no longer contained any items to sell since Polis had been taken over.

"Bellamy, I can't talk to you. Don't you get that?"

"Clarke, I thought we were-"

"Fine? We were fine, but now nothing is fine. I just- You have no idea what you've done. You think you do. You think you have the guilt over killing those grounders and you played a part in what happened to Lincoln, but there's more Bellamy." She lowered her voice when she noticed a few people start to stare. "Ever since we got down here, you've been making bad decisions and those decisions have gotten people killed. I've killed people too and I will always feel guilty for that, but you are reckless and you are entitled. I'm sorry Gina died, Bellamy. I am, but you contributed to a war because she died. You supported Pike because of it. You didn't trust me when I told you Lexa was on our side; that we could have peace with the coalition and you got him elected Chancellor. Because of that, there was a kill order put on Arkadia. Because of that, I had to say goodbye to Lexa that day. Because of that, Titus couldn't trust us. He couldn't trust you or Pike or me and he couldn't trust Lexa to make the decisions he thought were right and he tried to kill me, but he got her instead." Clarke took a deep breath while Bellamy stared at her in shock. "I've been holding this all in for a long time, Bell." She paused. "You don't get to have a monopoly on grief. I loved her, Bell." She felt tears welling up, but she pushed them down. "I loved her. We could have had peace. We could have all been fine, but she died."

"Clarke, I'm sor-"

"She's gone, Bellamy and I have to live with that." She took a step toward him. "And instead of starting another war, I finished one and now we'll all have to work together to prevent another end of the world. I loved her more than…" She let her words die out. "And I held it together for everyone. Why couldn't you do that?" She questioned and then calmed herself. "If you want to help, you'll find Octavia and make sure she's okay. I doubt she'll be worried about this right now, but she won't be punished for what she did."

"I don't think she cares if she's punished." He offered with a sense of defeat in his tone.

"Tell her that I'm Commander now. She's pardoned and we need her here… when she's ready." She finished and then walked past him toward her destination.

Bellamy stood in that spot for a few more moments while running his hand over the back of his neck repeatedly as he thought about what Clarke had said. He turned off to the woods and began walking to try to find his sister.

*****

Clarke made it to the only room she thought she could be in right now and noticed the candles lit inside. They reminded her of Lexa. The pod was still there with POLIS written on it and not much else. She stood at first looking around at the origin story on the walls. They'd never known how connected their people really were. She felt her legs get heavy and then she felt her heart get heavier. Her body felt as if it was melting into the floor as she sank into her pain and she cried against the cool concrete beneath her. She cried for the Lexa she'd lost when the bullet hit her and now she cried for the Lexa she'd gotten back in the City of Light. She cried at the thought that she hadn't said "May we meet again" as she always had when they parted before. She cried at the finality of it as she grasped the Flame in her hand. She cried for her father, she cried for Lincoln, she cried for Wells, she cried for Anya, she cried for Finn, she cried for every innocent at Mount Weather, she cried for every person from the sky and from the ground that had been lost in this seemingly endless battle and when she thought she couldn't cry anymore, she finally cried for herself.

"Clarke, wake up."

Clarke's eyes remained closed.

"Clarke, wake up. Come on."

She tried to open her eyes and realized it was harder than it should be. She'd fallen asleep crying and it felt like her eyes were salted shut. She finally opened them and saw Murphy kneeling in front of her.

"Murphy?"

"Hey sorry, you've been asleep for a while. I told your mom I'd come check on you and I wanted to make sure you weren't dead."

She sat up and pressed her hand against the cool, hard ground.

"I'm still here."

"You know; we could get a bed in here for you or at least a blanket if you plan on staying here permanently."

"I don't. I just needed somewhere that wasn't-"  
"I get it. You don't have to explain it to me."

"Thank you." She ran her hands over her face. "How long have I been out?"

"Just the night and some of the morning. It's almost noon."

"I should get back." She went to stand so he did too.

"I didn't tell anyone about this place. Your mom tried to get it out of me, but I didn't know if you wanted anyone else to know where you were."  
"Thanks."

"So, what's the game plan?" He asked as they began to leave.

"Honestly, I have no idea."

"Well, that's great." He retorted sarcastically.

They emerged into a crowd of people moving to and fro throughout Polis. People who were new to the city wouldn't have even know about what had happened if they'd just arrived. Things were moving about as normal and Clarke squinted against the harsh sunlight and wondered if the people of Polis were just so used to battles and blood that they recovered this quickly.

"Raven!" Clarke yelled when she saw Raven climbing down roughly from a jeep.

"Hey! Welcome back!" Raven reached out for her and Clarke hugged her.

"Thank you!" She took a breath in and out. "You saved us in there."

"Pretty sure you're the one who saved us, Clarke." Raven replied when they parted from their embrace. "How you doing with all this? I heard from Abby on the radio last night that you've been made Commander."

"I didn't ask for it."

"I know. Who would?" Raven shrugged at her. "I take it you got that thing out of you and lived to talk about it since you're standing in front of me. Also, Abby told me."

"The grounders don't know. They think it's still inside."

"So, that's why you're in charge now?"

"I'll tell Indra when the time is right and we'll see what she thinks we should do."

"Hey Clarke." It was a soft voice off to her left and she turned to see Jasper standing next to Monty and Niylah was standing behind Raven, but off to the right and she appeared to be looking around Polis and not paying attention until she heard Jasper speak and then she looked at Clarke and nodded. It seemed like so long ago that Clarke needed her comfort to push the events at Mount Weather behind her; to try to push Lexa out of her mind.

"Jasper. Hey, Monty." Clarke looked back toward them.

"Clarke, I'm-"  
"It's okay, Jas. You don't have to apologize. A.L.I.E manipulated everyone."

"Not you." Jasper answered. "And Raven was able to take her." He motioned with his hand toward Raven.

"Well, I'm a badass." Raven tried to lighten the mood.  
"Let's just move forward." Clarke offered him.

He took several steps toward her slowly and leaned in.

"She made it, Clarke." It was almost a whisper.

Clarke's entire body tensed at his words and her eyes drifted cautiously to his.

"What?" She gulped.

"After she punched me, I saw what happened. She made it. She was alive when you flipped the switch."

Clarke let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Jas-"

"I don't know what it means. The City of Light is gone. I don't know how AI works. I just… I thought you should know she didn't die in there. She fought for you. She was still fighting when it happened."

Clarke didn't know what to think. She'd known Lexa was a great fighter and she'd hoped she'd survived until the switch was flipped, but Jasper was right. The City of Light was gone so Lexa existed only in the Flame that she had in her pocket; the pocket her hand was currently covering as if protecting it from anyone who might try to take it. There was no way to get back to her. There was no way to verify what Jasper had said and even if she could get back to her, what would it mean? She didn't have time to think about that because Monty was approaching.  
"What you did, Clarke… you saved everyone." He offered her a hug, which she took.

"Raven helped. I never would have gotten to the switch without her." Clarke admitted.

"I didn't know for sure if it worked until the computers went black and Jasper came back to us."

"The computers went black?" Clarke asked her.

"Yeah, like they shut down all at once."

"So, it really is gone?" Clarke muttered mostly to herself.

"What is?" Raven checked.

"Nothing. Let's go. My mom's probably wondering where I am."

"How are you two?" Raven asked her as they started walking toward the tower. "I mean after what happened. People were all connected in the City of Light so when Abby was in there…"  
"And she tortured me, everyone knew?" She looked toward Jasper who'd probably revealed a lot of what happened on their drive. "We haven't exactly had time to talk about it."

"I'm sorry, Clarke. I can't imagine what she feels like knowing she did that to you. I mean, it wasn't really her."

"Raven, it wasn't just her." Clarke stopped walking and motioned with her head for Jasper, Monty and Niylah to keep going so they could have a moment. "It was me too."

"What do you mean?"

"A.L.I.E. wanted the Flame and I wouldn't give it to her so she tried to kill my mom in front of me. She thought I'd give it to her then, but I didn't. My mom almost died because of me." Clarke revealed out loud.

"Clarke, your mom understands you did what you had to do to stop that bitch. I'm sure she doesn't blame you for anything that's happened."

"It doesn't matter if she does. I do. That was me, Raven. I can't say I was in the City of Light or I was being manipulated. I chose to let her die so that I could-"  
Raven met Clarke's eyes before she watched Clarke hang her head.

"Clarke, that wasn't about Lexa." Raven expressed and took her hand. "You did it to save everyone. You didn't do it because you were trying to save the Flame because of Lexa."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know you. You've sacrificed everything for everyone. You were willing to lose Abby so you could save us again and I know you loved Lexa, but you wouldn't have risked Abby's life just to save her consciousness in that Flame and even if you did…" She paused. "Even if you did, Clarke, so what? You loved her. You were protecting her just like you were protecting all of us. Abby understands that." She dropped Clarke's hand. "Now, come on. We've got to figure out how to save the world again." She smirked at Clarke who tried to return a small smile.

*****

"First, we need to find out where the nuclear plants were when the bombs went off, which ones are still active, where they are in relationship to where we are and then we need to calculate the likelihood of the radiation from the meltdown reaching us here." Abby explained to them as they sat around the room. Clarke felt both uncomfortable in Lexa's throne and yet somehow felt like she was right where she belonged at the same time. She wasn't sure what that meant.

"How do we do that?" Kane asked.

"We can send our warriors out past clan lands." Indra proposed.

Raven, Jasper and Monty had joined the conversation. Niylah had opted to stay outside to help some of the people who still needed medical attention from either the battle or being forced to take the chip. Abby and Kane sat next to each other in chairs that had once belonged to ambassadors. While Indra had managed to determine that most of the ambassadors would be with them and lock away one she suspected of siding with Azgeda if there was a battle to come, they'd decided not to include them in these initial conversations. Clarke wanted to have a plan at least somewhat prepared when they brought them into the fold. Everyone had agreed that this was the way to go to get them to trust in her ability to lead without Lexa by her side now.

"We don't need to do that." Monty shared.

"Yeah, we had specs on the Ark. They're on the network. It won't tell us which are most in danger of melting down on us, but it will at least tell us where they are and then if we need to, we should be able to calculate what the range of radiation would be based on that regardless of whether or not it's on the meltdown track." Raven added. "We can have the specs up on a screen in Arkadia as soon as we get back."

"A.L.I.E. destroyed the network, didn't she?" Clarke checked.

"Some of it, yeah. Not all of it though. I mean, I haven't exactly had the time to run full schematics and determine exactly what's still there and what's not, but the specs would have been on a storage drive; not on the active network. A.L.I.E. didn't have any need to pull those. She was around then. She knew where they were located. They should be fine. I'll get back and pull them." Raven explained.

"We should setup a station here." Monty pointed out. "We should bring what we can from Arkadia. If Clarke is staying here, that makes this our H.Q. We should have a setup here too." Monty proposed.

"I'll help." Jasper offered. Clarke could tell he was still shaken up from being pulled out of the City of Light. He'd been one of the most messed up after the mountain and being taken into the City of Light didn't actually resolve anything for him. It just postponed what he'd been going through. She sensed he was doing what he could to contribute and maybe that was because he felt bad about being a part of the problem or maybe it was because he wanted to keep himself busy or he'd risk breaking down again. As their eyes met, she knew she understood what he was feeling where that breakdown was concerned.

"I should get back to Arkadia myself." Kane spoke up. "There's no Chancellor and we need to maintain order."

"You're technically the Chancellor." Abby reminded.

"Pike was technically the Chancellor." Kane corrected.

"You ran against him and he's gone now." Clarke addressed. "You are Chancellor now, Kane."

"Sha, Heda." Raven mocked slightly. "Hey, where's Octavia? Bellamy? Shouldn't they be here?" She asked.

Clarke met Abby's eye and then Murphy's who was sitting next to Emori on the floor.

"Octavia took off after…" Clarke tried to explain.

"After she ran Pike through with a sword." Murphy completed.

"Bellamy went to look for her. Hopefully, we can bring her back."

"You miss a lot when you're stuck behind code." Raven retorted. "I'll take Monty and Jasper back with me. We'll get the gear we need." She paused. "You coming with us Chancellor?" She asked Kane. He nodded. "Monty should stay behind. He can run the rig there if we need someone with skills on that setup." She started to move toward the door.

"When you return, I'll take the jeep back and check on the hospital there." Abby told them. "I want to make sure everyone there is okay too. Make sure we have what we need in place in case I need to spend more time in Polis."

"Raven!" Clarke yelled slightly after her and stood to meet her as she walked out of the room.

"I should accompany you to Arkadia." Indra suggested to Kane as they walked off and passed Raven and Clarke, Monty and Jasper. "I should take stock of our supplies there. Weapons, soldiers." She turned back to look at Clarke who was pulling on Raven's arm to get her to slow down. "Heda?" She checked.

It took Clarke a moment to realize Indra was talking to her.

"Go. Just get back when you can." She agreed and Indra walked off with Kane.

"Murphy, Emori, we could use your help setting up the aid station outside. There are a few healers and a couple of Ark doctors, but we need people to help resupply, take blood donations from donors. Come on."

Murphy and Emori stood somewhat reluctantly. Clarke guessed they were searching for a moment of calm to just be together too.

"I'll meet you guys by the car." Raven told the rest of them who walked out. "What's up?" She asked when she turned back to Clarke.

"I thought the computers died when I flipped the kill switch."

"They went black and the code is probably a mangled pile of 0s and 1s, but the computers still work. A.L.I.E. couldn't break the hardware."

"But the City of Light is gone?"  
"Yeah, you killed it with the switch, Clarke. What's going on?"

"Nothing. It's… nothing." Clarke took a step back from Raven and ran her hands through her very messy hair.

"Clarke, what happened in there?" Raven asked softly. "I saw the code and I sent you a signal, but I wasn't actually there so I don't know what you went through."

"It doesn't matter. It's gone." She put her hand inside her pocket and touched the Flame.

"Lexa?" Raven guessed.

Clarke met her eye and then her glance shifted to the now empty throne.

"She helped me."

"She's still in the Flame."

"And I can't get back to her."

"You want too?" Raven checked.

Clarke glared at her as if that was the most ridiculous question she'd ever heard.

"Jasper said she made it, Raven. If you died in the City of Light, you died out here, right? But she didn't die according to him and even though the city is gone, she's still inside the Flame."

"Which you can't put back in your head because you're not a Nightblood and Ontari's all used up."

"I shouldn't be worrying about this right now anyway. We need to find a place that's going to be habitable in a few months or all of this would have been for nothing. She would have died for nothing." Clarke's eyes returned to Lexa's chair.

"I get it, Griffin." Raven shared with her. "When I lost Finn the first time… when you guys were shipped down here and I thought I'd never see him again because you guys would all be dead within minutes of landing on the ground, I kept thinking about everything I never said to him and any of the bad things I may have said to him. I have a temper; you know?" Raven smiled and Clarke tried to smile back. "Then, I lost him for good and if there was a Flame out there with him inside it and I thought I could get back to him, I'd try."

"You really loved him."

"I did." She took a breath. "Things were different once we were down here. He and I never had a chance once he was off the Ark. He was all into you after that, but maybe he and I would have found our way back to each other one day."

"I'm sorry, Raven." Clarke wasn't sure exactly what she was apologizing for, but she just knew she needed to do it.

"I know." Raven replied. "Look, I don't know what's left of A.L.I.E. on our system if anything, but even if I could rebuild the City of Light for a reunion for you two out of some patchwork in the code, you couldn't get there anyway."

"And we'd risk bringing A.L.I.E. back if you did that." Clarke shook her head no.

"No, she's gone. You killed her. Any code left behind isn't really AI. It's just code. Even if we created a new world, A.L.I.E. is gone for good."

"How can you know?"

"Because I'm a genius, Clarke. I saved the day in there, remember?" Raven winked. "I should get back to the Ark and get things setup. I'll be back." She turned to walk out of the room. "And look, if you need to talk more about this… about her, I'm here." She offered with a small nod.

"Thanks, Raven."

Clarke was left in the now empty room. She'd sent everyone else off with tasks and managed not to give herself any. Things were always better when she could keep herself busy. There had been two things she kept with her since Lexa died. Two things she protected because they were all she had left of her. The Flame rested in her pocket and the other item was in her jacket. She regretted having to fold it up, but it was the only way she could keep it safe and as she pulled the drawing out, she sat back on the throne and stared at Lexa's sleeping form. She had another regret now. She'd drawn her sleeping. Her eyes were closed. She'd never see those eyes again and she had nothing to remember them by. She squeezed her eyes closed again and focused on the smile and then her mind shifted the memory and she saw them. Those green eyes, bright with love and happiness for the first time Clarke had ever seen. They were smiling too. She wondered for a moment if her supplies were still where she left them and decided it was worth the pain to find out.

Before she went to Lexa's room to say goodbye, after Octavia had left her alone, she'd walked around the room Lexa had given her and she realized she'd basically made it home. She had clothes there, she had a hair brush in the bathroom. She had her art supplies somewhat stocked and she never knew for sure, but she thought Lexa had something to do with it. During one of their early conversations in the tent waiting for the battle to start at Mount Weather, they'd talked about a few things outside of battle strategy and Clarke had let her love of drawing slip. When she arrived in Polis, she stayed in her room most of the time initially and drawing was something she did to pass the time, but she didn't have real supplies. She had a few sheets of random paper that might have been left over from even before the bombs and she had a small piece of brick that had chipped from the wall that she'd managed to turn into a fairly convincing chalk pencil.

When Clarke and Lexa began to work together again though, suddenly a sketchbook appeared in her room. Then, there were a few charcoal pencils. Clarke never talked to her about it, but she hoped Lexa knew she appreciated the gesture when she picked up the drawing Clarke had made while she rested on the couch. Clarke had yet another regret. She never actually found out of Lexa liked it. Her expression when she saw it appeared to be more shock than anything and then they were interrupted as she always seemed to be and they never had a chance to talk about it.

*****

She took in a deep breath as she stood in front of the door as if that breath would protect her from any pain she'd feel by pushing it open and walking inside. It took a few minutes for her to work up the courage and she was glad there were no guards around to watch her. She considered that for a moment. She was Commander now. Once control of Polis was regained and order restored, she'd be surrounded by guards all the time. Moments of solitude for her were about to become even rarer.

She pushed the doors in front of her open and stepped inside the room. She glanced at the bed only for a moment before moving swiftly toward her destination. She pulled open the drawer and grasped two pencils and a few sheets of loose paper before closing it once again and turning to flee as if someone was chasing her; as if Titus was still there aiming the gun at her. When she made it back to the doorway, she halted her movements as if her body had taken control. She was standing in the spot where it had happened. She tried to keep herself from remembering it, but the image of Lexa standing there, with her hair draped beautifully down one side of her neck and her eyes looking at Clarke and then down at her stomach and then back at Clarke in shock pushed itself inside her mind. "Lexa!" She'd yelled and her arms went instinctively to stop her from falling. That was the moment she'd lost her. Her hand went out in front of her as if Lexa was still standing there. It hovered and moved gently through the air over the spot where the bullet had entered her body. She stood silently for a moment and waited for her legs to start moving again. She felt yet another tear leave her eyes and she wiped it away with the hand that had been held out and she shook her head to get herself out of this memory and left the room. She closed the doors tightly behind her and walked until she was outside the tower and moving quickly past the aid station Abby had setup. She watched her mother work. She saw Murphy helping someone stand from their bed. They had bandages on their hands and were hooked up to an IV. She kept moving until she was back in the room she'd broken down in only the night before.

She noticed something was different about it though and reminded herself to thank Murphy or maybe even Emori because while there was no bed, there were 3 or 4 blankets in a small pile and food and water sitting next to them.

"Hey."

She heard the voice greet her from behind and turned quickly to see Octavia standing there.

"Octavia."

"I'm not back." Octavia started and took a few steps into the small space. "I saw Bell. He didn't see me, but I saw him looking for me. I figured you'd just keep sending him and probably others to find me unless I asked you not too." She stood in front of Clarke. She'd clearly been injured, but Clarke continued to marvel at Octavia's strength to always carry on. "I saw you leave the tower and followed you here."

Clarke leaned forward and pulled her into a hug; dropping the art supplies to the floor.

"He deserved it, Clarke." Octavia defended her actions. "He executed Lincoln. He was responsible for-"  
Clarke pulled back.

"Octavia, I know. It's okay. You don't have to defend yourself to me; to anyone."

"I guess I wanted to check on you too." Octavia admitted. "How are you after everything?"

"I've been better."

"Yeah? When?"

Clarke stared down at the ground and the paper and pencils she'd dropped. She leaned down and Octavia followed. They collected the items and Clarke sat them all on the pile of blankets before returning her eyes to Octavia.

"You're not staying, are you?"

"I told you. I'm not back. I can't be back right now. Please don't send people to find me. I'll come back when I'm ready."

"And what if we need you?" Clarke asked.

"For what? You stopped A.L.I.E. Pike's gone. Looks like they've put you in charge at least for now. Things will get back to whatever normal is for people now."

"The nuclear power plants are melting down, Octavia. That's what I learned in the City of Light. We have maybe 6 months if we're lucky and then most of the world will be swimming in radiation and if we can't find a way to stop that or at least somewhere to-"

"Hide."

"We can't exactly flee in a ship this time."

"You don't need me for any of this, Clarke. I'm no good to anyone right now anyway." She paused. "Remember when you left after the mountain? That's what I need to do right now."

"Octavia, if we have to make a move somewhere-" Clarke protested.

"I'll stay close enough. I'll know if something happens. Just give me this time… Heda." She stated and lowered her head slightly before lifting it back up. "I overheard out there."

"I didn't want this." Clarke explained.

"No." Octavia started and took a step backwards. "You want her and I want him and neither of us is going to get what we want, but you're Commander now, Clarke. Lexa thought you were special enough to trust and it looks like she was right. She left you all of this. She must have had some kind of faith in you." She turned. "What do I have left of him? Just the image of him on his knees being shot in the head and the anger that comes with it."

"Octavia-"

"I'll see you around, Commander." She was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke sat on the floor and between small bites of food she forced herself to eat she used the pencil to sketch out different pieces of what she could remember. She tackled her eyes first because she was most worried about forgetting them. She didn’t have a green pencil, but there was moss growing on the side of one of the walls and after a few hours, she’d used it to make a pretty convincing set of green eyes that were lighter than Lexa’s eyes were normally because that’s how they were in that moment. She moved to her nose and remembered what it felt like to have her own graze against it and to feel the breath move in and out of it as she kissed her.

  
She worked on her lips next and left them in a small, shy smile. How she managed to be that shy after what they’d done was beyond Clarke. They’d had sex. They’d seen each other naked and yet immediately after it was over, Lexa had reached for the sheet to cover the body Clarke had just touched and kissed all over. Clarke had smiled herself when Lexa had rolled away and then she noticed the full tattoo she’d only seen parts of before and began sliding her finger up and down it.

  
She wished as she tried to remember every inch of it that she could convey the feeling of Lexa’s skin under her finger in the drawing when it was done, but there would be no way to do that. When her hands hurt from drawing and her eyes hurt from lack of sleep, she laid the papers on the ground in front of her and was satisfied, at least for now, that she’d done what she could to keep Lexa’s image in her mind by making it tangible. She must have fallen asleep because when she woke up, she saw Murphy looking down at her work.

  
“Raven’s back and she asked for you.” He continued to look down at the drawings, but apparently was fine with ignoring them. “Do you want to go to-“

  
“You can tell her I’m here.” Clarke sat up and wiped her eyes.

  
“Okay.” He knelt down near her. “And Clarke, you really should consider taking a shower. You’re starting to smell.”

  
Clarke cracked a small smile and tried to remember the last time she actually bathed.

  
“I’ll take care of it.”

  
“If you don’t want to go to the tower yet, Emori knows this grounder that had a place nearby. He died in the City of Light. She’s kind of got us crashing there right now. You can use that.”

  
“Thanks, Murphy.” She stood and looked at him as he stood as well. “For everything.”

  
“Yeah well, I just wanted to be the hero for once, I guess.” He deflected. “Come on. I’ll take you and then I’ll let Raven know where you’ll be.”

*****

Clarke climbed out of the bathtub feeling clean for the first time in a long time. She dressed herself again in clothes she was sure either belonged to Emori or to a woman who used to live here and were just a little too big, but were better than her clothes that smelled of blood and battle. She put her jacket back on and made sure the Flame was tucked safely away before she joined Raven in the small kitchen.

  
“Much better.” Raven joked. “We were all about to douse you with water and soap if you didn’t take care of it yourself.”

  
Clarke sat at a small table next to Raven who had a laptop open in front of her.

  
“You wanted to see me?”

  
“I guess we’re not to the joking part yet, are we?” Raven checked.

  
“No, Raven. We’re not.”

  
Raven nodded.

  
“Alright, I’ve got Monty setup back at Arkadia. He’s not exactly a coding master, but he understands the basics enough and I can advise him from here if I need to. We brought back four networked comps and a couple laps like this one. I just need to know where to hook them all up.”

  
“Wherever you want.” Clarke knew she wasn’t exactly acting like a strong Commander and she hated herself for it. Lexa had always been strong. She’d been calm and able to handle anything with and without Clarke and here Clarke was falling apart without her.

  
“Clarke, help me out here. You’re in charge now. I know it’s not exactly ideal, but we’re kind of following your lead here.”

  
“I feel like I’m not myself, Raven. I can’t help it. I can’t stop thinking about her. I know we have work to do and I’m Commander now, but I can’t stop seeing her face in the City of Light. I see her everywhere and it’s a constant battle since I got out, trying to push her out so I can process everything else.”

  
“Don’t push her out then. Keep her there. Just help us too.”

  
“I don’t know how to do that.”

  
Raven seemed to be taking a moment to let that sink in. As long as she’s known Clarke, she’s never seen her like this. She had circles under her eyes that were dark and her eyes were bloodshot. She looked as if she needed a year’s worth of sleep and that she’d been crying. Raven wasn’t exactly equipped to handle this and she didn’t know if Clarke had anyone in her life that could really help her through this.

  
“She was it, wasn’t she?” Raven finally spoke up though quietly.

  
Clarke met her eye.

  
“She was everything.” She admitted. “I don’t know if I can do this without her, Raven.” She paused and leaned forward. She reached inside her pocket and pulled out the Flame. She held it in her hand for a moment and then set it on the table. “People don’t know how we were together.”

  
“I think they know, Clarke.”

  
“I don’t mean like that.” She shot back, but Raven didn’t seem to take offense. “We talked, Raven. We helped each other figure things out. I didn’t always agree with her and she didn’t always agree with me, but we’d gotten to this place where we were making a difference for everyone together.”

  
“You could bounce things off of her?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded. “And now you don’t have her to bounce things off of.”

  
Clarke felt a tear and she pushed it back.

  
“We’ve all lost people. I shouldn’t be acting like this. We’ve got-“

  
“Hey, it’s okay.” Raven placed her hand on top of Clarke’s. “It’s okay. You’ve earned the right to grieve her, Clarke. Hell, we’ve all earned the right to grieve the ones we’ve lost. As much as it hurt losing Finn and watching his body burned like that, at least I got a funeral. I found a way to say goodbye. Maybe that’s what you need.”

  
“Ontari already-“

  
“I don’t mean with her actual body. Maybe you need to find a way to say goodbye.” Raven looked down at the Flame Clarke was staring at. Clarke met her eye and then noticed what she was looking at.

  
“I can’t, Raven. I can’t destroy-“

  
“Woah! I’m not saying destroy it, Griffin. If there is another Nightblood out there one day, they might want that. I’m just saying, maybe you should figure out something to do with it so you’re not just clinging to it inside your pocket or maybe your goodbye has nothing to do with that AI. Maybe it’s just something you need to do; something you need to say to her.”

  
“She can’t hear me, Raven. What’s the point?”

  
“It’s not about her, Clarke.” Raven paused and squeezed her hand. “She got what she needed. You’re here. You’re safe. You’re Commander of her people. That’s what she wanted for you. She saved you in there because she knew you’d save us out here, right?” Raven questioned without expecting an answer. “Maybe you just need to find a way to get closure.”

  
“She’s still in here. That’s the part I can’t get past.” Clarke moved her hand and picked up the Flame. “I can’t destroy it, but I can’t think about her being trapped inside with me having no way to get to her either.” She pressed her eyes closed briefly. Lexa was there. She opened them again. “Why does this thing only work for Nightbloods?” Clarke asked herself.

  
Raven squinted her eyes together and then looked at her computer. She registered a thought and looked at Clarke who continued to stare at all she had left of the person she loved. She decided not to tell her what she was thinking until she could actually figure out if it was even possible. Clarke didn’t deserve more pain or disappointment.

  
“I don’t know.” She replied after a moment.

  
Clarke let out a deep breath and slid the Flame back into her pocket.

  
“What did you find out?” She motioned with her head toward the laptop in front of Raven.

  
“Oh, well we’re pretty much in the worst possible location if these reactors are going to liquefy on us.”

  
“Perfect.” Clarke replied sarcastically.

  
“Monty and I did some rough calculations last night. He’s still working some stuff out and I’ve got some stuff to figure out here, but it looks like there were 26 nuclear reactors on the east coast down to Florida before the bombs went off. 31 countries had nuclear plants when the bombs went off. There were 442 nuclear power plant units with an installed electric net capacity of about 384 GW. That’s gigawatts and that’s one billion times the power unit of watt. Most of our lightbulbs in Arkadia are 60 watts if that gives you any idea. There were some under construction at that time. Something like 66 in 16 countries I think. I don’t know if they were ever online though and pumping out power. The further west you go, the fewer there are, but none of that really matters because it’s the radiation that’s the problem.”

  
“How bad?” Clarke asked.

  
Raven turned the computer toward her and showed her an image of what Clarke assumed was a reactor.

  
“When they work right, reactors make large amounts of heat with nuclear fission reactions. The heat converts the surrounding water into steam, which turns these turbines here.” She pointed at the image. “And that generates electricity, but if you remove the water, you also remove the cooling element and there’s a possibility for nuclear meltdown.”

  
“Then, why haven’t they melted down already?” Clarke asked. “It’s not like someone’s been keeping them cool all this time?”

  
“I don’t know. Maybe they had some kind of fail safes in place. Maybe A.L.I.E. had a hand in keeping them working this long. A lot of them are next to dams or rivers or another water source that could be controlled. Maybe it was run by computers that she kept running. All I do know is that even when the reactor is turned off, the fuel rods… these.” She pointed. “They remain crazy radioactive and hot and need to be cooled by water for an extended period of time. Without enough water, the fuel rods melt. If they melt, Clarke, the nuclear reactor core and the containment around it goes too and they release radiation.”

  
“How far does it go?”

  
“I don’t know. Monty and I did some rough stuff comparing the data we had from other meltdowns. There was this place called Chernobyl and another place closer to here actually in Pennsylvania. There was another one in Japan that we had data on. We did the best guessing we could with that data and with even the smallest meltdown, we’d lose 10 square kilometers around the reactor just to be safe. If all of these are going though…” She considered. “All of the ones just up and down the coast and I’m not even talking about the ones further in… we’re looking at 30-40 square kilometers around each one just to hope no one gets sick.”

  
“That means we have to move an entire population away from the east coast.”

  
“Clarke, that means we have to get every single person here as far away from all the reactors in the world as we possibly can and then we have to build radiation detectors. We have to keep animals from crossing the lines and people from hunting them because if they survive the radiation and we end up cooking up one for dinner…”

  
“I get it.”

  
“We have to keep plants from pollenating plants wherever we end up since they’ll me mutated with radiation. We-“

  
“You’re saying it’s impossible.” Clarke pointed out. “You’re saying that I killed us all by flipping the kill switch.”

  
“I’m not saying that.” Raven defended and closed her laptop. “None of knew this was a possibility, Clarke. You did what you had to do to stop people from being tortured into the City of Light.”

  
“Maybe A.L.I.E. was right. Maybe that was a better place for us. Maybe our bodies die, but our minds get stored safely away and that’s all we get.”

  
“I know you don’t mean that. What we were in there wasn’t real, Clarke. I mean Lexa was herself and you were you, but that was because of A.L.I.E. and that thing in your pocket. Everyone else was just a shell of who they were. Trust me, I know. None of us would really want that for ourselves.”

  
“People would rather die instead?”

  
“That wasn’t living, Clarke.” Raven reminded her. “You don’t know what it was like. I know people were all about no pain and all that, but there wasn’t pain because nothing was real. It was a mirage.”

  
“Can we keep them from melting down?” Clarke changed the subject.

  
“We might be able to find a way to save a few of them, but not all of them. It would just be postponing the inevitable. We have to move. There’s no other way.”

  
“Who else knows about this?” Clarke asked her.

  
“No one. I came to you first. You’re the Commander now.”

  
“Kane’s Chancellor.”

  
“And what exactly does that mean now?” Raven questioned. “Clarke, all the clans are together here in Polis. Even most of the Ice Nation seems to have been shocked by the whole science of it all. I don’t know what we even need a Chancellor if you’re in command. You care about Sky Crew more than anyone can or will. You were one of the first to set foot on this place and no one would doubt how much you care about the grounders now.”

  
Clarke shook her head.

  
“Because they were her people.”

  
“From what I’ve seen even angry Indra is on board with you taking over and that’s a pretty big deal, Clarke.”

  
“Where can we go if the world is going to end?” Clarke changed the subject.

  
“I’d say Mount Weather, but Ice Nation went and blew that up.”

  
“We need another Mount Weather.”

  
“I guess.” Raven agreed hesitantly.

  
“What else can we do?”

  
“I don’t know that I see a lot of other options. I just think you’re going to have a hard time finding a place big enough to hold all of us and then on top of that trying to convince a bunch of people who survived the first apocalypse that they won’t survive this one.”

  
“They live on the ground. They’re not going to want to live under it.”

  
“Look, I should go.” Raven closed the laptop. “I should get on the radio with Monty and keep doing the calculations.” She stood to leave. “You should find somewhere to stay if you’re not going to stay in the tower, Clarke. I think Murphy and Emori called this place.”

  
“I have somewhere.”

  
“Yeah, Murphy told me and that’s not somewhere, Clarke. It’s a floor. I’ll ask Emori to find you something.”

  
“I should be in the tower.”

  
“Not if being there makes it worse right now. Go there when you have to, but I’ll have her find you somewhere that’s an actual house.” She paused. “It’s only temporary. None of us can stay here any longer than 6 months anyway.”

  
Raven left the house and turned to look through the door before it closed and saw a broken Clarke Griffin pulling the small object out of her pocket again to stare at it. Raven hung her head that her friend was in this much pain and that she still had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

*****

“Hey, I found a place for Clarke.” Emori told Raven who sat in front of her laptop. The sun had set and Raven was in the throne room of the tower with the laptop on in front of a bank of computers scrawling with code. The candles had been lit by grounders that had done it before when Lexa was Commander and didn’t know what to do now without anyone telling them to do it so they just did it anyway.

  
“Where?” Raven asked her without taking her eyes off the screen.

  
“Down the street from our place.”

  
“Our place? It’s our place now?” Raven smiled, but still kept her eyes on the screen.

  
“Yes, it’s my place with John.” She stood behind Raven. “At least while we can have a place before we’ve got to move. What are you working on? These don’t look like radiation calculations. Not that I would know, I guess.”

  
“It is. The computer’s just running through some sims I built to see how far we need to get away and how quickly.” Raven lied. “By the way, this coffee is crap. I think we can safely say that whatever we jacked from Mount Weather during supply runs has expired.” Raven took a sip of the now cold beverage as her eyes remained glued to the screen.

  
“Maybe you shouldn’t leave it sitting there all day.” Emori suggested. “Probably doesn’t make it taste any better.”

  
“Where’s Clarke now?” Raven asked her as the girl turned to leave her alone in the room.

  
“She’s there. Abby’s there too. They’re getting her settled in, I think. They seemed to need some time alone so I left them. I’m going to check on the aid station one more time and then I’ll go find John.”

  
“Thanks.” Raven typed on the keyboard of the laptop and watched one of the screen’s code begin to shift and move at her command.

  
She heard the door close behind her and knew she was alone. She continued her maddening pace until she heard almost no sound coming from outside signaling to her that everyone was sleeping and her eyes grew heavier, but she couldn’t relent. She was making progress; actual progress and she couldn’t stop until she was sure she had at least something.

*****

Clarke stared at the ceiling above her borrowed bed. Emori had stationed her here when she determined the inhabitants had also died in the City of Light. She wondered if it was Lexa that had killed them, but pushed the thought out of her mind when Abby approached with hot tea and sat on the edge of the bed.

  
“Here honey, drink this.”

  
“I’m fine, mom.” Clarke objected and continued staring.

  
Abby sat the tea on the smallest of tables that was next to the bed.

  
“I’m going to stay here tonight in the other room, okay?” Abby stated and asked at the same time. “Tomorrow, I want to do a check up on you. I want to make sure there were no residual effects from the transfusion.” She paused as if waiting for Clarke to say something, but she didn’t. “I want to make sure you’re okay, Clarke.”

  
Clarke finally turned to look at her mother.

  
“I’m far from okay, mom.” She returned her glance to the ceiling and then she closed her eyes.

  
Abby remained in that spot for several more moments watching her daughter try to find sleep. She felt more guilt than she would ever have imagined she could at what she’d done to Clarke. A.L.I.E. or no A.L.I.E., Clarke had watched her mother do those things to her and then to herself. She wondered if they’d ever be able to get past this as mother and daughter or if she’d lost her daughter to the trauma of it all and would only have her as the Commander from now on.

  
“Why couldn’t you resist it?” Clarke muttered under her breath apparently still awake.

  
“What, honey?”

  
Her bloodshot eyes opened.

  
“Why couldn’t you resist A.L.I.E.? Raven made it out somehow, but you couldn’t?”

  
“Oh, Clarke!”

  
“You tortured me, mom.” She felt the tears start in her eyes again and wondered if she’d ever cried as much in her entire life as she had done in recent days. “I know it wasn’t really you. I know that. I’m not mad about that.”

  
“You’re mad that I couldn’t stop her myself.” Abby replied and took Clarke’s hand. “I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did, Clarke. It doesn’t matter if I was being controlled or not. My hands did that to you. You heard my voice saying those things. I won’t ever be able to get those images out of my mind.” Abby felt tears come to her eyes as she looked down at her daughter. “I am so sorry, honey. I am so sorry.” She used her free hand to wipe them away. “I am sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong like you.”

  
“I’m not strong, mom. Look at me.” Clarke turned away from her mother.

  
Abby took her hand and placed it on Clarke’s cheek lightly turning her head back toward her.

  
“You are the strongest person I’ve ever seen, Clarke. You are brave and resilient and I know you’re in pain now and I would do anything to take that away for you, but you will get through this. We will all get through this.”

  
“I’m not so sure this time.” Clarke replied softly and closed her eyes again.

  
Abby kept her hand on Clarke’s face for a moment before removing it so Clarke could sleep comfortably and made her way out of the room. Clarke opened her eyes again after hearing her mom leave and stared at the ceiling. After a few seconds, she wiped her face clean of tears and closed her eyes again to see Lexa. She squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could to burn the memory of her face into her brain. “I’ll always be with you,” she heard in Lexa’s voice and made her brain repeat it again and again. “I’ll always be with you.” She never wanted to forget her voice. “Our fight is not over.” “Not everyone, not you.” “That’s why… you’re you.” “May we meet again.” “I hope so.” She let the voice ring in her ears until it carried her off to sleep.

*****

When she woke up, she washed her face and hands and tried to open her eyes rapidly in the hopes that the red lines inside them caused by her crying would disappear, but she gave up when she realized how stupid she was being and walked out to the small kitchen where Abby had left her breakfast and a note to join them in the tower later for a meeting with what she referred to as Clarke’s advisors. Clarke guessed that meant Abby, Kane, Indra, Raven, Monty and Murphy. Maybe Emori if she chose to participate and only Kane, Indra and Monty if they’d come in from Arkadia. Thinking that made her understand just how far gone she was. She had no idea if they would be there because she’d been failing as a Commander. She wondered what Lexa would think of her now.

  
“Hey Griffin, got a minute?” It was Raven who entered without knocking and looked as if she hadn’t slept in days.

  
“Are you okay?” Clarke asked her as the girl raced as much as she could toward the kitchen table and placed the laptop down and opened it.

  
“I’ve had a lot of coffee, but I’m okay.”

  
“Have you slept?”

  
“You’re one to talk, Commander.”

  
Raven sat down and Clarke sat next to her.

  
“What’s going on? Did you finish the calculations?”

  
“Monty’s working on those. I was working on something else.”

  
“What?”

  
“I didn’t want to say anything because I wasn’t sure I could actually do it. I had to find out how much code was left and what shape it was in and then I had to see if I could recode it somehow to do what I wanted and…” She was rambling so quickly Clarke was just trying to keep up. “Look, I am not about enabling. I want that to be clear.”

  
“Raven, what’s going on?”

  
“I think I can trick it, Clarke.”

  
“Trick what?”

  
“The Flame. I think I can trick it into thinking you’re a Nightblood.”

  
Clarke’s eyes went big and she gripped her pocket.

  
“What?”

  
“I wasn’t going to tell you, but I need to run some tests and I need the Flame to run them and I knew I’d never get it out of your hands unless I just told you what I was doing.”

  
“Even if you could do that, Raven, the City of Light was destroyed. I don’t even know where I’d go if I could use the Flame. I don’t even know what’s happened to her since that world is gone.”

  
“I can recode it, Clarke.” Raven smiled at her. “Well, not that place exactly. I can create a mock world. Basic stuff. Nothing like the whole City of Light deal. I mean you’d know you were in a computer generate environment so what’s the point in all the frills. Also, I can’t create them anyway. Maybe if I had a few years, I could try, but-“

  
“Raven!” Clarke practically yelled and reached for the girl’s arm. “What you’re saying is im-“

  
“I ran the sims last night, Clarke. I didn’t have the Flame, but I had some of its code from when you and A.L.I.E. nearly merged and I ran some tests. It’s a computer, Clarke. It’s all code. Somewhere, deep in its system it got hardwired to run in a Nightblood and kill all the rest of us, but I ran sims, Griffin. I just need the Flame to verify some of its extraneous code and run a few more tests and if they work, you could go back in.”

  
Clarke couldn’t speak. Her throat dried up entirely despite the fact that she’d downed a large glass of water before Raven had shown up. She felt lightheaded at the thought of having hope and then Raven not coming through and the hope would be gone. All hope would be gone.

  
“We can’t, Raven.” Clarke announced after several moments. “We have too much to worry about. We have to figure out what to do-“

  
“About the nukes, I know.” She paused and licked her lips before speaking again. “Clarke, I can do this. I can do this for you. I can get you back to her.” She took a deep breath. “It would be temporary each time. You’d be here, but you’d be there too. You could come and go though and see her whenever you wanted. It’s not the same as having her here, I know but it’s all I can do.”

  
“Why are you doing this?” Clarke asked her.

  
“Not for one reason, I guess.” Raven considered.

  
“What are all the reasons?” Clarke replied suspiciously.

  
“Well for one, I’d be a pretty badass coder if I managed to make this work.” She smiled in Clarke’s direction, but then got more serious. “And two, I’ve lost people I care about too and if I could get back to them in any way, I would. And three, you’re the one we all look to, Clarke even though you hate it sometimes and we need you to be 100% and right now…” She looked at her laptop for a second. “You’re not exactly there. If this could help, if seeing her could help you, if bouncing things off of her and, who knows, maybe even the other Commanders, you could actually be our Clarke again. You could be our leader again.”

  
“It’s selfish, Raven. Even if Lexa could help us, it’s selfish of me to put this before everything else.”

  
“You didn’t, Clarke. I did. I made this choice and it’s already been made for you.” She shrugged. “Sorry, Commander.”

  
Clarke considered Raven’s bombshell and felt her heart race inside her chest at the thought of seeing the woman she loved again.

  
“You can’t tell anyone.”

  
“I won’t. This is just between the two of us. If it doesn’t work, I don’t want people to know I failed.” She tried to brush it off.

  
“Raven, if this doesn’t work, I could die. You get that, right?” Clarke thought out loud. “If we put that back in my head and it fails, I’m dead.”

  
“I’m not going to make you do this, Clarke. If you say you don’t want to risk it, then it’s off and I’ll stop.”

  
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that if it doesn’t work, you’d be the one that would have to answer to everyone.”

  
Raven appeared to be thinking about that.

  
“I’m in if you are.” She finally said.

  
“What do you need?”

  
“I just need you to trust me with the Flame for the day.”

  
Clarke gulped for whatever reason despite her mouth still feeling incredibly dry. She reached inside her pocket and pulled it out. She hesitated a moment before handing it to Raven who took it with reverence.

  
“That’s all I have left of her.”

  
“I know. I’ll keep her safe, I promise.” Raven swore.

  
“I should go. They’re expecting me.” Clarke stood.

  
“Can you cover for me?” Raven asked her.

  
“I’ll tell them you’re working things out here.”

  
“Clarke, if the tests don’t work, that’s it. You know that, right?”

  
“I know.” She turned to leave her borrowed house. “Raven?”

  
“Yeah?” Raven turned to look at her.

  
“No matter what happens… thank you.”

  
“Thank me when you see her again.”

  
Clarke nodded with a small smile at that thought and headed toward the tower to her meeting. When she got outside, she saw two guards standing there to meet her and she realized that her time of solidarity was indeed over as they escorted her to the tower and the point was made especially strong when she noticed people bow their heads as she walked past. Indra was right. They saw her as Commander now.

*****

“Heda.” Indra bowed her head when Clarke entered the door, guards in tow. “I have returned from Arkadia and I’ve taken stock of our weaponry.”

  
“Kane remained behind?” Clarke asked her and took her seat.

  
“He thought it best.” Indra replied.

  
“Monty?”

“He stayed behind too. He’s working on running numbers on the Ark’s super computer or something.” Jasper offered in Monty’s absence. “I came back to see if I could do anything here. I’m pretty much useless there and a lot of people…” He looked down at the floor beneath his chair. Clarke guessed many people view Jasper as Jaha’s conspirator along with others that took the chip willingly.

  
“Where’s Jaha?” Clarke asked.

  
“He’s found a place to stay in Polis.” Murphy answered. “I saw him yesterday. I don’t think he leaves much. People here pretty much hate him.”

  
“All this will die down soon.” Abby interjected.

  
Clarke looked to the side of the room where she’d once stood up in Lexa’s defense and noticed that’s where Raven had setup her computers. They were currently turned off, but her mind shifted to thoughts of the possibilities she’d been told about. She looked back at her mother who was following her glance. The ambassador’s chairs were all there. Someone had arranged them in the old style, but there were no ambassadors sitting in them. Indra sat in one, Jasper next to her. Abby and Murphy in two more.

  
“Raven is working on calculations right now, but based on what she and I have already talked about, it appears we have no choice but to move from Polis.” Clarke addressed the elephant in the room.

  
“Resettle?” Indra asked her.

  
“Yes, we have to find a location far away from her. Most likely a few locations. Bunkers that are still around and maybe just need some work. We can’t stay here.” Clarke answered.  
“What about Mount Weather?” Murphy asked.

  
“It was destroyed.” Jasper replied to him.

  
“Maybe we should take a look at the damage.” Murphy suggested. “No one’s really checked it out since it happened. Maybe there’s a part of it that’s worth saving.”  
“There’s no part of that place that’s worth saving.” Jasper disagreed.

  
“Hey, come on, man. I’m just trying to help.”

  
“You want us to move back into that place?” Jasper began to argue. “We were held hostage there, our bone marrow was sucked from our bodies so that those people could go above ground and people that were in there that supported us, died because of it.” His voice got louder.

  
“Jasper!” Clarke yelled to stop him.

  
“Clarke, he wants us-“ Jasper stood to argue the point further.

  
“You will sit down in that chair and respect the Commander or I will throw you out of this room, boy!” Indra had stood up next to him and glared at him with her hand on her sword.  
Clarke couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Indra defended her as she had done with Lexa time and again and Jasper sat back down in his chair feeling defeated.

  
“Murphy, take some of Skaikru with you and see what’s left of Mount Weather. We need airtight space and a lot of it. I don’t know if there’s any of that left after the self-destruct mechanism went off.” Clarke ordered. Murphy stood. “Indra, get him some people to help him with any debris.”

  
“You mean the bodies?” Jasper muttered under his breath and a still standing Indra grunted in his direction.

  
“Murphy, take someone from engineering and someone from farm station at least. Tell them to check on the integrity of the tunnels, determine the food situation and if we could grow anything down there.”

  
“Got it.” He replied.

  
“Jasper?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Sha, Heda.” Indra wouldn’t stop glaring at him.

  
Jasper stood reluctantly.  
“Yes, Commander?” He spoke with disdain.

  
“Mount Weather has to be checked out and even if there’s space, there won’t be enough for all of us.”

  
“I won’t go back there, Clarke.”

  
Clarke stood and walked toward him.

  
“I wouldn’t ask you too. You should go back to Arkadia and work with Monty.”

  
“I’m not a computer person, Clarke. You know that.”

  
“You don’t need to be.” She told him. “Review whatever we have on the network about where we could go. You and Monty can start trying to figure out how we’d grow plants when we find a place and which to grow too. We have to start considering what we need to store and what we have to bring with us and what we can get when we get wherever it is we can go.”  
“What do you mean?” Jasper asked her.

  
“I mean the east coast isn’t a possibility. We have to move west and as far west as we can go. Look into what can grow where and figure out a plan based on where you find bunkers.”  
“You want me to find hidden bunkers listed somewhere in our network and hope they’re still there and then plan how we’d grow food based on those locations?”

  
“Yes.” Clarke replied easily. “Can you do that?”

  
Jasper nodded.

  
“What if there are people still living in them? What if we run into another Mount Weather?” He questioned.

  
“Then, we’ll handle it.” Clarke replied. “Take a jeep. Murphy get your crew and go. Indra?”

  
“I will gather who I can.” She nodded. “What should we share with the ambassadors, Heda. They are asking why they are not involved in these meetings.”

  
“Send them here. I’ll talk to them.”

  
“Sha, Heda.” Indra moved toward the door with Murphy and Jasper in tow. “Octavia kom Trikru?” Indra greeted Octavia who stood in the doorway after Murphy had opened it to leave.

  
“Octavia?” Clarke moved around past Indra so she could see the girl standing there.

  
“Your guards wouldn’t let me in, Commander, but I could hear from outside.”

  
“I thought you weren’t coming back.” Clarke shared.

  
“I’m not, but I thought about what you said the other day about the plants melting down and after I evaded my determined brother again, I decided maybe I could help after all.”  
“We’re glad you’re here.” Abby told her.

  
“I want to go away.” Octavia stated. “Jasper and Monty are doing research, right? Finding places we can go, assuming they exist.”

  
“Yeah.” Jasper confirmed.

  
“I’ll ride west. I’ll take a long-range radio and they can guide me when they find something. We’ll need someone to check it out before we just take everyone along and hope for the best.”  
“She’s right.” Indra agreed. “She should not have left her post, but she is right.”

  
“Always the general.” Murphy muttered under his breath.

  
“I’ll ride southwest. You should send Bell northwest.”

  
“Bellamy?” Clarke asked.

  
“He’s just out there looking for me, Clarke. Send him away and give him something to do.”

  
“You can’t go by yourself.” Clarke told her.

  
“She can manage.” Indra explained.

  
“I’ll be fine. How long will the radios last?” Octavia asked.

  
“Go talk to Raven. She’s at my place.”

  
“I can show you.” Murphy told her.

  
“Ask her about the range and what you need to make it happen.” Clarke paused and approached the girl. “This is a big job. We don’t know what’s out there or how long it will take. We don’t even really know where to send you yet.”

  
“I know. It’s what I want, Commander.”

  
“Go. Take whatever supplies you need and send Bellamy here. I’ll tell him to go northwest.”

  
Octavia nodded.

  
“Thank you.”

  
“I will send the ambassadors in, Heda.”

  
“Thanks, Indra.”

  
Clarke watched as everyone left the room and she was alone with her mother.

  
“Clarke?”

  
“The ambassadors will be here soon. You should-“

  
“Go? I’ll-“

  
“I was going to say you should act as Skaikru’s ambassador since Kane’s not here.”

  
“Oh.” Abby was surprised. “Okay. If that’ what you want, I’ll stay.”

  
Clarke nodded and after a few moments, they both watched as ambassadors from the other clans entered the room and took their old seats.

  
One ambassador stood up as Clarke sat in her throne. She nodded in Clarke’s direction.

  
“May I speak freely, Heda?”

  
“You may.” Clarke granted as her heart pounded. She wished more than anything that Lexa was in this chair and she was back in her own ambassador’s chair on the floor.

  
“Lexa kom Trikru asked us to swear fealty to Skaikru as a part of the coalition and we have done so. The clans represented here will support you as Heda as you were worthy of the Flame.”

  
Abby looked over at Clarke and Clarke watched as her mother gulped audibly.

  
“Thank you.”

  
“We didn’t always understand her intentions and hopes for peace. We’ve lived in a time of war for too long to believe it was possible.”

  
“But Lexa did.” Clarke interrupted. “She saw a future where all clans were united in peace and we owe it to her after all of this, after everything our people have been through to make peace her legacy.”

  
The ambassadors nodded.

  
“For the first time in our history, there was no conclave to make a Commander. How would you like us to proceed to announce you as Heda to our people?” The standing ambassador asked and then sat down in her seat.

  
“We don’t have time for ceremony or tradition. Tell your people I have accepted the Flame and my role as Heda and that we have another battle ahead of us.” There were murmurs amongst the leaders. “Not against one another.”

  
“Azgeda?” Another ambassador guessed.

  
“Azgeda is a part of this coalition as long as they do not attempt anything against us.”

  
“Their ambassador is missing.”

  
“Their ambassador died in the City of Light. There is one among you who expressed an interest in the old ways of jus drein jus daun. He has been locked away for now.”

  
“Not killed?” Another ambassador checked. “If we believe he will-“

  
“We won’t kill him.” Clarke interrupted. “We don’t do that anymore.” She reminded. “Azgeda will select a new ambassador to join us here, but for now, we need to talk about what we’re going to do.”

  
Abby watched and marveled at her only child. Clarke had been beaten and broken and nearly killed time and time again and yet she was not only still here, she was strong. She was leading people who once would have killed her without a second thought.

  
She listened as Clarke laid out the problems and the plans they’d put into action just moments before. The ambassadors were mostly in shock that they’d have to leave their family homes, their heritage. They’d have to move thousands of people across the country and possibly live underground like the Mountain Men.

  
“You expect us to live below ground?” One of them asked her.

  
“I expect us to live.” Clarke retorted and stood. “We’ll explore other options, but for our people to survive, we may need to go underground until the Earth is safe again.”

  
“When will that be?” One asked.

  
Clarke looked down at the ground.

  
“Your great-grandchildren might be able to see the ground again.” It was all she could offer.

  
“We know only the ground.”

  
“So did our ancestors.” Abby pointed out. “Until they had to stay in space to survive.”

  
“We can do this.” Clarke encouraged. “We’re sending people out west to find possible places and in the meantime, we have people calculating the dangers of the radiation. When I know more, I will share it with you, but for now, you should return to your people and tell them they should prepare to move. We may not know where yet, but we know we have no choice.” She explained. “They should pack what they can carry and help hunt, gather food and other supplies for the trip and for storing once we get where we’re going. Skaikru will help in any way we can. I’ll send scientists and people who know about growing food and making medicine to your people to help you prepare. This is how we survive. This is how we make it through our last war.” Clarke told them hopefully.

  
After her message, the ambassadors stood, nodded out of respect and left the room.

  
“I should go back to Arkadia now. I should have gone earlier, but I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Abby told her once they were alone.

  
“I’m fine, mom. You can go. Help Kane.”

  
“I’ll check our supplies there and help coordinate the people you just promised to the ambassadors.”

  
“Fine.” Clarke sat back in her chair.

  
Abby turned to walk toward the door before turning back.

  
“Will we ever be okay again?” She asked her daughter.

  
Clarke considered her mother’s question for a moment.

  
“We’ll survive.” It was the best she could give her and Abby nodded and walked out.

  
“Heda?” One of the guards questioned and Clarke looked up to see Bellamy standing just outside the doors.

  
“It’s okay.”

  
The guard nodded and Bellamy, looking worse for wear walked in.

  
“You wanted to see me?”

  
“I’m sending you with riders west to the north. You’ll take a radio and Monty and Jasper will tell you where to look.”

  
“You’re sending me away?” He approached closer.

  
“Octavia is taking the southern route. You want to be helpful, you’ll take the northern and find us somewhere we can ride this out.”

  
“I can help here, Clarke. I know you’re mad at-“

  
“This doesn’t have anything to do with that, Bellamy.”

  
“It doesn’t? Because you can barely even look at me.”

  
“If you want to help me, you’ll do this for us. Take whoever you need. Split up along the way if you have to, but we need a bunker like the mountain. It may be the only way we can survive.”  
“Fine. I’ll go, but you can’t send O out there on her own. Send me with her and someone else along the north.”

  
“Bellamy, she doesn’t want to see you right now. Can’t you see it? She’s not over what happened and she needs to be alone to help get through it. Take the north. Octavia will be fine. She’ll have a radio and we’ll keep in contact.”

  
“She’s my sister, Clarke.”

  
“And you helped Pike execute the man she loves, Bellamy. Now that the dust has settled and we’re on the other side of A.L.I.E., she needs to grieve.”

  
He hung his head.

  
“When do I leave?”

  
“As soon as you can. Get supplies. Go see Raven. Octavia’s probably already been there and gone. Raven will make sure you have what you need with the radio to last long-range. Then, go. Report back as you can.”

  
He nodded and Clarke could see it was reluctantly, but he turned to leave the room all the same and she was left alone while her guards remained on the other side of the door. She felt exhausted again, but she felt slightly more confident in herself after her meeting with the ambassadors. Maybe she could do this after all. She turned to walk outside on the balcony to overlook the city as the sun continued to set. She reached instinctively for her pocket and remembered the Flame wasn’t there. “I’ll always be with you.” She smiled as she heard Lexa’s voice in her ear. She stood there for a while just looking down at the city as the torches were lit and people were moving from their business to their homes for the evening. When she finally felt as if Bellamy could have had enough time to work with Raven and would be gone, she decided to go back to the house Emori had found for her.

*****

“Hey, you’re just in time.” Raven greeted her from her chair in front of her laptop. “I connected to the computers in the tower earlier to access more data and-“

  
“They were turned off.” Clarke told her.

  
“No, they weren’t. I just made them look that way in case people tried to touch them.”

  
“So, I’m just in time?” Clarke questioned hopefully.

  
“I ran some tests. I can’t say for sure since I can’t exactly experiment on a person, but according to the sims I ran, the code works. I’ve tricked the Flame into thinking it’s inside a Nightblood.”

  
“So, we can put it in me?”

  
“It’s still risky. I only know what I’ve been able to see in code and there’s tons of code I can’t get to still either because of A.L.I.E. or because the Flame doesn’t want me to see it. AIs are tricky.”

  
“And the City of Light?”

  
“I’ve worked out a mock up. It’s not much and I don’t know what’s going to happen when you get in there, but-“

  
“Let’s go.” Clarke stood.

  
“Clarke, I’ve got it setup, but I should check out a few more things. I’ve got thousands of lines of code to review and I should run more tests. I’m confident, but-“

  
Clarke sat down again.

  
“Raven, please.”

  
“Clarke, what if something happens to you? What if I’m wrong?”

  
“You said you’d take the risk.”

  
“I will. I just mean we should have a game plan in place. You should consider who takes over if you die in there, what am I supposed to say to your mom, what-“

  
“Tell her I needed to try. Tell her that if she had the chance to see my dad again, she’d take it.” Clarke took a breath. “Tell her that this is what I wanted.”

  
“This is a bad idea.”

  
“This was your idea.”

  
“And my ideas aren’t always good, Clarke.”

  
“You’ve helped get us this far.”

  
“Did you ever think how I’d feel if I end up killing the new Commander?”

  
“You should have thought about that before you told me your idea.” Clarke reached for Raven’s hand. “If it doesn’t work, it’s not your fault. It’s mine for going in knowing the risks and you know I’m going to do it with or without you-“

  
“I have the Flame.” Raven reminded.

  
“Not anymore.” Clarke had used the moment she took Raven’s hand as a distraction and had the Flame currently in her other hand. “Please help me, Raven.”

*****

Raven convinced Clarke to let her run two more short simulations and let her enter in a few more lines of code she said would enhance the new City of Light a little to make her feel better before Clarke sat back against the wall on her borrowed bed. Raven had uncertain hands as she held onto the Flame. She uttered the words near it and it activated. Clarke leaned her head down and took a deep breath.

  
“Are you sure?” Raven checked one more time. She’d asked her at least 5 times already.

  
“Do it.” Clarke ordered and felt, only moments later, the Flame attach itself and then she was gone.

*****

Raven realized immediately after she’d put the Flame inside Clarke’s head that she’d made a mistake. She should have had someone here with real medical training to help if something went wrong.

  
“Shit!” She screamed at herself and she lifted Clarke’s head and leaned it back against the wall. She could feel Clarke’s breath and she felt her wrist for a pulse and it was there, it was racing, but it was there. “I can’t believe I did this. It’s my damn ego. It’s me being-“

  
“Really smart.” Clarke interrupted her.

  
“Clarke?” Raven sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in. She put her hands on Clarke’s chin and looked into her eyes. “You’re okay?”

  
“I’m okay.” Clarke replied with surprise. “I’m okay.”

  
“So, you can come and go?” Raven asked.

  
“I don’t know. I haven’t gone yet, but I feel fine.” She pressed her hand to the back of her neck to feel that the Flame was indeed inside her body. “At least this part worked and I’m not dead.”

  
“I should get a doctor. I’ll get Abby.”

  
“Abby went back to Arkadia.”

  
“I’ll find a grounder healer-“

  
“Raven, just stay here. I’m going to try.”

  
“Just wait until-“ But Clarke had closed her eyes and Raven was left sitting in front of her. “What if you can’t come back?” Raven asked.

*****

Clarke opened her eyes and was met with blackness. She looked down at her hands as if to see if her body arrived along with her mind and she saw her hands held out in front of her. She inhaled and exhaled multiple times before she looked further out into the distance. She could see the shapes of large rectangles and squares. They were shades of gray and Clarke wasn’t sure what they were at first until she noticed other shapes appear on them.

  
“Windows.” She said to herself when she realized windows and doors were appearing on distant buildings. She watched as a street appeared beneath her feet. It was still black, but the lines were white. She wondered if the street only went in front of her and wanted to know if it continued in the other direction and she went to turn around to check when she heard it.

  
“Clarke of the Sky People has honored us with her presence.”

  
Clarke turned around and beheld the sight in front of her.

  
“Lexa!” She exclaimed in a whisper.


	3. Chapter 3

“Okay. Everything seems to be going okay.” Raven stared at her computer screen. “Buildings are going up.” She typed in a few lines of code. “We probably should have worked out a damn signal in case I need you to leave, Clarke, but whatever. You had to be impatient. Here, have somewhere to sit down at least.” Raven typed again.

*****

Clarke held Lexa’s face in her hands. She said nothing at first. She could only stare at her eyes and that smile that she hadn’t seen in far too long. Her eyes closed as she released tears down her cheek. Lexa’s hands went to wipe them away and Clarke couldn’t believe she was actually feeling her touching her again.

  
“How did you do this?” Lexa asked her. Clarke didn’t respond right away. Lexa just looked at her as she pressed her forehead against her own and kept her eyes closed. “Clarke, open your eyes for me.”

  
Clarke leaned back slightly and opened her eyes.

  
“I can’t believe it worked.”

  
“How?” Lexa repeated and wiped another tear away for Clarke before wrapping both arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

 

  
“Just wait. Wait.” Clarke took a deep breath. “Not now. Just hold on.”

  
Lexa looked back at her confused at first before Clarke leaned in and Lexa felt Clarke’s lips pressed to hers. This time, there was no one around to interrupt them. It was just their lips pressed against one another at first as if they were making sure it was really happening and then Lexa began moving her mouth against Clarke’s and Clarke moved in rhythm with her. They stood there in a world of black, white and gray for what felt like forever until Lexa finally slid her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth and Clarke’s arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck and she held onto her elbows with her hands. She could feel tears streaming down her cheeks, but for the first time in a long time, they were happy tears.

  
“I missed you.” Lexa confessed when they finally pulled apart enough to just press their foreheads back together.

  
“I missed you.”

  
“How did you do this, Clarke? How are you here right now? You’re not a Nightblood.”

  
“Raven. She wrote something in the code to convince the Flame that I am and it worked. She created this place for us to be able to see each other.”

  
“You can come here again?” Lexa pulled back even further because she needed to see Clarke’s eyes to hear this answer.

  
“I think so. This is the first time I’ve tried it.” Clarke pulled her back into her. “I love you.” She repeated her words from the last time they had to say goodbye. “I love you and I don’t know -“

  
“I love you.” Lexa returned quietly and then hid behind that shy smile Clarke had loved. “I should have said it before.”

  
“You had to go save me so I could flip the switch.” Clarke completed for her.

  
“No.” Lexa answered and checked Clarke’s confused expression. “When you were leaving Polis. I should have told you then, but I thought it was better for you to go without-“

  
“Knowing that you loved me?”

“It would make it easier for you.”

  
Clarke pulled her in even closer.

  
“I knew you loved me, Lexa. I think I’ve known for a while.” She pressed her lips to Lexa’s forehead. “But it is nice to finally hear you say it.”

  
“What do we do now?” Lexa asked her as she looked around at the world that appeared to be in progress.

“She gave us a bench.” Clarke noticed off to the side. “She could have given us a bed.” Clarke joked and Lexa smirked and laughed lightly at it. Clarke turned at the sound and was enamored with it and never wanted to hear anything else again.

  
“What?”

  
“Nothing. I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh like that.” Clarke proclaimed as she took Lexa’s hand and moved them toward the bench Raven had created from nothing. She kept Lexa’s hand in her own as they sat facing one another.

  
“When do you have to leave?” Lexa asked and it reminded Clarke of the last time she’d asked that.

  
“I don’t.”

  
“Clarke, you can’t stay here.” Lexa replied and toyed with Clarke’s fingers while she wrapped her free hand around the back of Clarke’s neck and began playing with her hair.

  
“Why not?”

  
“Because you’re alive, Clarke.” Lexa had to remind her. “You have to live.”

  
Clarke leaned into her.

  
“I just got here. Can we please not talk about me leaving already?”

  
“I didn’t want this for you, Clarke.” Lexa confessed and Clarke stared at her.

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“You shouldn’t be here.” She leaned forward. “I am happy you are. I never thought I’d see you again after the kill switch, but you belong in the real world. You have to go back and fight for-“

  
“Lexa, what was it like after I flipped it?” Clarke asked. “Where did you go?”

  
Lexa looked down at Clarke’s hand she was playing with and she entwined their fingers.

  
“Nowhere.”

  
“Nowhere?”

  
“I guess it was just black. I remember thinking, but I don’t remember my body or moving or anything else. These buildings were not here. I was just…” She didn’t know what she’d been between the moment the City of Light evaporated and this new version appeared with Clarke standing in front of her. “I don’t know how to describe it.”

  
Clarke put her hand on Lexa’s cheek.

  
“It’s okay.” Clarke offered her.

  
“What happened after you left?” Lexa asked and Clarke sensed she’d been wanting to ask that all along.

  
“We’re picking up the pieces.” Clarke shared. Lexa pulled her closer and Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s shoulder while Lexa’s hand continued to play with her hair. She could smell her skin again. She could touch it. She was with Lexa. She smiled at the thought. “Some people didn’t make it and others are having a hard time after…” She faded.

  
“They made you Commander?”

  
Clarke sat up and looked at her.

  
“How did you know?”

  
Lexa smiled.

  
“Because you are special, Clarke of the Sky People.” Lexa brushed her hair out of her face. “I’ve always known it and now our people do too.” She paused. “You saved them.”

  
Clarke lowered her head.

  
“I didn’t save you.”

  
Lexa looked down at the mane of blonde hair atop Clarke’s hung head and gently lifted Clarke’s chin until her wide, blue eyes were looking back at her.

  
“But I told you, Clarke. Death is not the end. We are here now. We have borrowed time somehow.”

  
“I can’t do this without you, Lexa.” Clarke confessed her inner most thoughts. It was something new to the both of them. So many things had gone unsaid before and Lexa was right. They were living on borrowed time and they needed to just get everything out in case something went wrong and they got pulled apart again. “We were supposed to lead them together and without you-“

  
“I told you I’d always be with you, Clarke.”

  
Clarke rolled her eyes.

  
“You know it’s not the same.”

  
“I wish I could be there. I wish that more than anything I could be there to see what you create to see for myself how you lead our people.”

  
“You asked the ambassadors and the Nightbloods to support me.”

  
“I asked them to swear their loyalty to you, yes. I wanted to make sure you were protected if something happened to me.”

  
“But you and I hadn’t…”

  
“Clarke, it was enough that I loved you. I never thought you’d love me back.” She reached for Clarke’s cheek and swiped her thumb against it. “What happened between us made me happier than I thought I could ever be. You showed me that I could love someone with my whole heart and still lead my people with my head. You are special, Clarke and I knew that if something happened to me and you had the loyalty of the people around you, you could lead them to a better life; to the peace we both desired.”

  
“What do I do? The nuclear plants are melting, Lexa. We don’t have enough time to plan and move everyone and find somewhere we can stay for the next century or even longer.”

  
“Why don’t you ask Becca?” Lexa asked her.

  
“Becca? Is she here?” Clarke looked around as if expecting to see the first Commander appear in front of her eyes.

  
“She must be if I’m here as must all the Commanders that came before me.”

  
“We should avoid them then.”

  
Lexa smirked at her.

  
“You want us to be alone?”

  
“No, they just didn’t like me, remember?” Clarke started. “Wanted you to go back to just drein jus daun.” Lexa’s smile grew wider at Clarke’s words. “What?”

  
“Did I ever tell you how much I liked when you spoke Trigedasleng?”

  
Clarke laughed lightly.

  
“No.”

  
“You learned it so quickly. It was one of the first things that impressed me about you.”

  
Clarke smiled back at her and rested her head again on the girl’s shoulder.

  
“How can we find Becca in here? Why didn’t she just appear when you did? Why didn’t the other Commanders?”

  
“I don’t know. I don’t even understand how you’re here and how this world was created. Perhaps you have to want to see her as you wanted to see me.” Clarke lifted her head and her eyebrow at that comment. “That is not what I meant.”

  
“We didn’t have enough time like this, Lexa.”

  
“I know.”

  
“We deserved more time.”

  
“We did.”

  
Clarke looked off to the side of one of the buildings where she noticed a giant, flashing raven symbol in red on the wall.

  
“No, I just got here.”

  
“Raven’s signal?” Lexa asked her. “You can’t ignore it.”

  
“I don’t want to go.” She looked back at Lexa.

  
“I know, but you have too.”

  
“What happens to you if I leave?”

  
“I don’t know.”  
“What if it only works once? What if I can’t get back?”

  
“Then, it is as it should be.” Lexa stood.

  
“Lexa, don’t-“ Clarke stood. Their hands were still linked.

  
“Clarke, I love you. I will be here if you are able to return.” She gripped onto Clarke’s hand tightly. “I will always be here. Go and fight for our people. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  
“What about Becca?”

  
“Now that a world exists, I will see what I can uncover about it. Maybe I can find her.”

  
Clarke took Lexa’s face back in her hands again.

  
“I’ll be back.”

  
“If you can’t come back, Clarke…” She gulped away the words for a moment before remembering that they’d been given another chance to say everything they wanted to say to one another. “I will be fine here. You will be the Commander I always knew you could be and you will lead our people to safety. I know this like I know that I love you and will always love you.”

She pressed her lips gently to Clarke’s. “I want you to move on.” She told her softly when she pulled away.

  
“Lex-“

  
“I want you to be happy and if it can’t be with me, I still want that.”

  
“Stop!” Clarke ordered. “I’m coming back.”

  
“You-“

  
“Love you, Lexa. I love you and I get you even if it’s like this and this is what I want. This is what will make me happy.” She pressed her lips back to Lexa’s. “I’m coming back and you and I will finally get more time together.” She kissed Lexa’s forehead. “Just wait for me.”

  
Lexa embraced her in a hug.

  
“Always.”

  
Clarke squeezed her as tightly as she could as she closed her eyes. She knew the resolve it was taking her to just consider leaving her not knowing if Raven’s trick would work repeatedly or if it was one-time only. She couldn’t look Lexa in the eye again and let her go. It had to be now. She thought about the bed. She thought about Raven and her mom and Arkadia and Polis. She thought about her drawings of Lexa still on the floor of that small room and when she opened her eyes, she no longer felt Lexa’s arms around her. She already felt incomplete again.

*****

“Hey, did you get my signal?” Raven asked as she ran over to the bed to sit on the edge. “Are you okay? How was it? Did you see her?”

  
Clarke took a deep breath.

  
“I saw her.”

  
Raven smiled and she recognized Clarke seemed a little bit better.

  
“How was it?”

  
“You gave us a bench?” Clarke looked at her.

  
“I thought you’d need somewhere to sit. You didn’t give me a lot of time, Griffin.”

  
“Why’d you pull me out? Has something happened?”

  
“No, I just wanted to test the system.”

  
“You pulled me out for a test? Raven, I was with Lexa again. I just got there.”

  
“Clarke, you were in a city I made up with a chip in your neck I tricked into thinking you could survive. Call me crazy, but I wanted to make sure I could pull you out if I had too. You didn’t seem to want to leave willingly and we didn’t discuss a system of letting you know what’s going on out here when you’re in there. I thought you were supposed to be all fully aware of both worlds.”

  
“I blocked it out, I guess.” Clarke surmised. “I did it on purpose. I didn’t want to be here at all. I just wanted to be there. I must have blocked it out.”

  
“So, maybe you can be in both places at once if you don’t?”

  
“Maybe. I’ll try now.”

  
“Clarke…” Raven took her hand. “I know you want to get back to her, but I am exhausted. I haven’t slept in days, I don’t think. They’re kind of blurring together.”

  
“I don’t need you to stay, Raven. I can-“

  
“It’s not safe yet. There’s still too much we don’t know.” Raven pointed out. “Just take a break, let me sleep for a while and then we can try again.”

  
Clarke thought about how Lexa wouldn’t want her to neglect the real world for time with her and she nodded hesitantly.

  
“Okay.” She agreed. “I should get some sleep anyway.”

  
“And remember, Commander, we still need you out here too. You can’t spend all your time with your girlfriend.” Raven stood. “I bet you expected me to build you a bed in there, didn’t you?”

  
Clarke felt lighter when she laughed at Raven’s comment.

  
“Hey, can-“

  
“I’ll see what I can do tomorrow after hours and hours of sleep. I’m taking this other room. I’m too tired to go anywhere else.” She walked off.

  
“Raven!” Clarke called after her and stood up. “Thank you.”

  
Raven turned and smiled.

  
“Tell her I said hi next time.”

*****

“Raven, wake up.” Clarke lightly shoved at the girl’s shoulder as the sun began moving ever so slightly higher in the sky. Raven had fallen asleep in the small bed off to the side of the kitchen. She was facing the wall and appeared to be sleeping heavily.

  
Clarke, however, had gotten no sleep at all. She’d spent the entire night tossing and turning in the bed. She couldn’t get comfortable. She’d close her eyes and Lexa’s image would fill her view. She’d feel as if she was heading toward the blackness, which would then take her to Raven’s new city and she’d open them again. The night was an endless struggle between her wanting to keep her promise to Raven about not going back in without her being there to guide and watch over her and wanting to see Lexa again. She started to practice the idea of being aware of both places at once. She’d drift toward the city and hold herself there as she listened to the rustle of the trees behind the house in the wind that she knew were from Polis. Just as she felt herself being pulled fully over, she’d stop herself and open her eyes.

  
This was different than what Lexa had experienced when she had the Flame inside her. She didn’t have a world like this. She just had dreams where Commanders of the past warned her and advised her. Clarke made it a point to ask her about her experiences later. As she turned in the bed again, she smiled at that thought. While she hadn’t officially made the trip to the city again to verify that it would continue to work, she had tested it at least slightly and it appeared she could get back. Her smile faded almost immediately though because she had to keep things in perspective. Just because it worked once and may work again didn’t mean it always would. She had a ticking time bomb inside her head in a way that required coding by Raven to even allow her to live with it inside her. She’d been stupid to risk it. She could have died. She still could, but she pushed the thoughts out of her mind because Lexa was worth it despite the girl telling her this isn’t what she wanted for Clarke.

  
Clarke sat up in the bed and hung her legs over the side of it. She looked out the small window above her head and saw that the first signs of morning were appearing and she gave up all hope on sleeping. She walked to the kitchen and looked down at Raven who was definitely asleep.

  
Clarke grew impatient. She knew it wasn’t fair to wake her. Raven had given her an amazing gift. Even if she never saw Lexa again, she could never repay the sleeping girl for giving her the chance to hear Lexa say “I love you.” She started to move around the kitchen. There wasn’t much in it. Emori had some people put some food in a small cabinet and Raven had spent the previous day here and added to the stock with some Mount Weather supplies. Clarke was starving, but she knew she couldn’t eat. Every moment she spent in Polis and not with Lexa felt wrong somehow. She stared at Raven again and began tapping her foot on the ground as if that would wake her up.

  
After several moments of this, she went to the bathroom to at least attempt to ready herself for the day. Thankfully, she had a toothbrush and what passed for toothpaste in Polis. It was mainly water and baking soda mixed with mint leaves and probably another ingredient or two, but Clarke was only brushing her teeth in the hopes that this sound would wake Raven. It didn’t.

  
When she was finished, she went to the table and sat down. It was then that she noticed the extension cords for the first time. It hadn’t dawned on her at all that there was no power in the small hut like house and yet Raven had been working on a laptop in the place all day. The cord went out through the small window in the kitchen and Clarke stared out it to see if she could spot where it ended. All she could see was that it was linked to another cord and possibly even another after that, but she couldn’t make anymore out in the near darkness. The cords were heading in the direction of the tower. Raven must have hooked up power somehow and had all the computers running off it. Clarke considered herself a fairly observant person normally and this just made her feel like she’d been going through the motions the past few days; turning on the Commander in her when she had to, but forgetting everything when she could at the thought of seeing Lexa again both just in her mind as she practiced burning the girl’s image into her brain and now in the city Raven made for them.  
So, here she was now rubbing at Raven’s shoulder. She knew it was wrong. She knew the girl needed sleep and she at least owed that much to her, but she wanted to badly to get back to Lexa. She couldn’t wait any longer.

  
“Raven, wake up.” Clarke lightly shoved at the girl’s shoulder again.

  
“Jesus, Griffin! What time is it?” Raven had barely opened her eyes and turned over to face Clarke. “What’s wrong?” She leaned herself up resting on her elbows and looked at Clarke. “You look how I feel.” Raven pointed out. “And I don’t feel good, Clarke.”

  
“I know. I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”

  
“You don’t think I could hear you tossing and turning over there. How long did you spend with her this time?”

  
“What?” Clarke stood. “I didn’t. I told you I’d wait.”

  
“And you actually did? I’m shocked.” Raven stated. “So, you woke me up because you can’t wait any longer, right?”

  
Clarke clasped her hands in front of her body.

  
“I want to go back in to meet with Becca. She might still be there.”

  
“She’s still there. I can tell from the code. Her lines appear in different colors on the screen. Pretty clever engineering.” Raven wiped her eyes with her hand and sat up all the way.  
“I want to ask her about the plants. She probably has information that can help us.”

  
“Clarke…” Raven stood and tried to fix her shirt before she moved toward the chair at the table and she sat back down. “Don’t pretend that you want to go back in there just to talk to Becca.”

  
“I’m not pretending, Raven.” Clarke defended herself. “The other Commanders are in their too or they should be. I didn’t see them yesterday, but Lexa said that maybe I didn’t want to see them so my mind didn’t-“

  
“Call them forth from the Flame?” Raven somewhat mocked.

  
“I’m serious.” She paused when she noticed Raven’s fingers moving toward the laptop to wake it from sleeping. She tapped her finger repeatedly on the table realizing she’d be seeing Lexa again soon.

  
“Well, it is a computer. Maybe it’s like opening a program or something. You have to tell it what to open and you opened Lexa.” She stopped. “That sounded dirty.”  
“I didn’t open Lexa. She’s not a computer, Raven.” Clarke was growing frustrated.  
Raven noticed.

  
“That’s not- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” She apologized. “I just trying to make sense out of it too, Clarke. I know it’s her, but this thing inside you is an AI. It’s a computer. It’s code and that’s what I understand. So, maybe she’s right. Maybe you have to want the Commanders to be there and if you do, they’ll appear.” Raven looked up at her. “But Clarke, it’s not just about them and I’m not stupid enough to think that it is, okay?”

  
“Fine.” Clarke agreed.

 

 

The door opened and a guard held it long enough to let the ambassador who’d spoken for the group the day before at the meeting walk through.

  
“Heda.” She greeted. “I apologize for this interruption.”

  
“What’s wrong?” Clarke knew something was wrong if an ambassador would just walk into her house without waiting for permission.

  
“We have received reports of sickness coming from our northernmost lands.” She shared.

  
“It’s happening.” Raven looked at Clarke. “The north has the most reactors. One must be starting to fail already.”

  
“We had 6 months.” Clarke said mostly to herself.

  
“6 months until they all go, but I’m guessing they’re not going to all meltdown at the same time.” Raven replied.

  
“We have to start moving them.” Clarke stood and approached the ambassador. “Have them move south starting immediately. Get them all to Polis. We need to get everyone here.”

  
“What of those who are too sick to travel?” The ambassador asked.

  
Clarke considered her question.

  
“If they’re that sick already, they won’t make it anyway.” Raven pointed out. “Once radiation poisoning sets in that much, there’s no coming back from it.”

  
“If people can’t travel, there’s nothing we can do.” Clarke told the ambassador. “Anyone who is able should move to Polis while we plan where to go next.”

  
“Sha, Heda.” The ambassador nodded and turned to exit.

  
“Raven, what the hell are we going to do?” Clarke sat back down next to her.

  
“If reactors are already melting down, Clarke, there’s not much else we can do. The northernmost reactor is probably about 300 miles away from us.”

  
“So, how long are we okay here?” Clarke checked as Raven minimized what she had been working on and opened up something else instead.

  
“I don’t know. That reactor is likely going slowly so radiation is just seeping out. I’d calculate that at about 20 square miles, people would be safe, but I’m using safe here loosely because if there’s a strong storm, radiated rain can come our way. The water sources will need to be checked soon if not already. We don’t have much time, Clarke.”

  
“What about looking into repairing the other reactors?”

  
“I got sidetracked.” Raven admitted. “I got caught up in trying to code and stopped checking in with Monty. We were working on the possibility of remotely activating their cooling systems. I’ll radio him now and see what he found out.”

  
“Do it.” Clarke commanded and stood. Raven reached for her radio. Clarke walked back toward her bed and went to grab the only other shirt she owned and went to change it in the bathroom before returning to Raven. “Anything?” She asked her.

  
“He’s not responding, but it’s still early. He’s probably still asleep.”

  
“What can we do in the meantime?”

  
“I’ll start working the problem myself. He may have data on the network already. I can pull it and take a look.” She took a deep breath in.

  
“What?” Clarke asked.

  
“Sinclair would be much better at this stuff.”

  
“I’m sorry, Raven.” Clarke put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I know how important he was to you.”

  
“Yeah well, we’ve all lost someone, right?” She sucked it up.

  
Clarke watched as the tough woman in front of her went back to her screen.

  
“What can I do?”

  
“Arrange a ride.”

  
“What?”

  
“We should go to Arkadia. I’m running at pretty slow speeds here. I’m connected to the network through the world’s longest cable. It’ll be faster if I’m there tapping straight into it and everyone else is already there anyway.” Raven closed the laptop. “You should be there, Clarke.”

  
“What about Polis? If I run back to Arkadia now, people here might-“

  
“You’re trying to find a way to save them. I think they’ll understand. The tech we need is in Arkadia; not here.”

  
Clarke contemplated what Raven was saying.

  
“I’ll leave the ambassadors in charge for now.”

  
“Let’s go.”

 

Clarke and Raven headed out of the small house and the guards followed them in the direction of the outskirts of town where Clarke knew they had a few jeeps standing by. When they arrived, Raven climbed into the passenger’s seat and Clarke took the wheel.

  
“Tell the ambassadors I went to Arkadia and I’ll return as soon as I can. If they need to reach me, they can use this.” She handed one of her guards the radio she’d kept on her hip. He looked confused as he took the radio from her. “Just hold down this button.” She told the grounder that had likely never held a radio before. “Talk and I’ll answer. Let it go when you’re done talking.” She told him.

  
“There’s a charger next to the comps in the room.” Raven added as she shifted to try to get comfortable in the jeep.

  
“Did you hear that?” She asked him.

  
“Sha, Heda. I will see to it.” He replied in English to Clarke’s surprise.

  
“Thank you.” She twisted the key and the engine started.


	4. Chapter 4

They arrived at Arkadia and it was the first time Clarke had been back since everything had happened. She was shocked to see people moving around almost as if nothing had happened. She tried to avoid all the bad memories she had of this place and carried Raven’s laptop for her as the two of them made their way inside the structure. People looked and stared. Most muttered to people standing around them and Clarke could only make out a few words here and there. It appeared there were mixed results to her freeing people from the City of Light. Some must have enjoyed the fact that A.L.I.E. could offer them no pain and Clarke could only offer them pain and the dangers of nuclear meltdowns. She pushed that out of her mind as well and made her way to where Raven had Monty setup.

  
“Should you let Kane know you’re here?” Raven asked her.

  
“Probably, but take me to Monty anyway.”

*****

They arrived to the main engineering room and Clarke pushed the door open for them.

  
“Clarke?” Monty looked like he was near death. He was clearly exhausted. Clarke wondered if he’d left his station since arriving. “What are you doing here? I didn’t hear anything on the radio about you coming?” He ran a hand through his hair as if to try to make it look clean when it was clear he hadn’t showered recently and his face was covered in stubble.

  
“We didn’t radio.” Clarke replied and walked to stand behind him and stared at the computers in front of him. “Where’s Jasper?”

  
“Here.” The voice sounded from behind them and off to the side. Jasper came out from under a large stainless steel table that had a bottom shelf. It looked as if he’d been sleeping there. “I was taking a nap.”

  
“Don’t you have a room?” Raven asked him.

  
“We were running numbers and I just needed 5 minutes of not staring at a screen. It’s not bad.” He stood up fully and motioned to the table that had a sweater or jacket balled up to act as his pillow apparently. “What’s up?”

  
“Did you check to see about remote control over the cooling systems?” Raven sat in what Clarke guessed had been Jasper’s chair next to Monty.

  
“Yeah, but why did you have to come all the way here to ask me that?”

  
“What did you find out, Monty?” Clarke prodded.

  
“Some, we can control. They’re hooked into an old, existing network. I should be able to gain access with a little time and they’re attached to water that will go in when we activate the system; kind of like a dam.” He explained.

  
“How many?” Raven looked toward his screens. There were about 6 of them and some cables attached to monitors that Clarke didn’t understand.

  
“Of the ones on this coast, we can get at 12 most likely from here.”

  
“Only 12?” Clarke looked down at him and he turned to her.

  
“Hey, what do you want from me? That’s almost half, Clarke and I can’t exactly reposition them around what we need to cool the system and-“

  
”I know. I’m sorry.” Clarke squeezed his shoulder. “When can you get control?”

  
“Give me a day.” He expressed. “But we should still send people there with radiation detectors. I can get them back online and try to assess the risk level, but we should have eyes on them too. People should be there to check and double check and put backup systems in place or something.”

  
“Backup systems won’t matter if the rest of them start going down.” Raven pointed out. “This one.” She pointed at a dot on one of the screens. It was a map of the coast. “This one is already going.”

  
“There are signs of radiation poisoning around it. We’re having people move south as fast as we can, but-“ Clarke expanded on Raven’s point.

  
“That’s not one we have access to as far as I can tell. Might as well call it a wash.” He pressed a few keys on the keyboard and the blue dot turned red. “It’s already gone. There are two nearby about 20 and 30 miles away. We have those. I can have them cooled down in a couple of days max.”

  
“What about the ones near Arkadia?” Jasper joined in.

  
“And Polis?” Clarke added.

  
“We’re in the worst possible place, but I can gain control over 6 within the area. There’s one that’s offline and not picking up any signal I send out. It’s about 22 miles from Polis. If we can get someone there that knows this stuff, I can walk them through what to do to get it reading us and then hopefully, we can control the cooling units. That’s assuming it’s still in good enough shape.”

  
“You mean the building?” Jasper checked.

  
“Yeah, I mean we’re just assuming that these places we can’t connect to aren’t cooling properly because there’s no one there running them, but there’s a pretty big chance they’re just falling apart physically and that could make it hard to get someone inside. The computers that ran the place could be completely fried. The ones I’ve been able to attach to remotely; it appears had some type of backup generator that actually drew its energy from the plant itself. It’s pretty clever engineering actually. The gens have been running this whole time. They must be about to breakdown themselves. I honestly don’t know how they’ve lasted this long. We’re lucky there was even a ground to land on when we came down.” He explained. “If they can get some of the closest ones to us back online and cooled down, that will buy us some time, but not much.”

  
“How long?” Raven asked him.

  
“Uh, I have that.” Jasper turned and walked back toward the table he’d been sleeping under. He wiped his hand over his tired face and grabbed a piece of paper. He turned back to them and read from it. “If we can control all the nukes within 100 miles of here and that’s a big if… we’ve got 3 months at most.”

  
“And I grabbed Morgan. He used to run weather on the Ark.” Monty started.

  
“If you can even call space weather, weather...” Raven shrugged.

  
“Well, he’s the best we’ve got down here.” Jasper tossed the paper back on the table. “He’s the only one still around that understands earth weather. We lost Merial in Mount Weather and Mars in the explosion.” He looked at Clarke. “She was from Farm Station… inside when Ice Nation blew it up.”

  
“What’s Morgan say?” Raven asked.

  
“He doesn’t exactly have the right equipment for this, but his best guess is about 4 days out. That’s all he can predict and he says his predictions are only about 70% likely.”

  
“Meaning he can’t predict how the weather is going to be for the next 3 months and tell us how likely we are to get raining radiation.” Jasper added. “And plant wise, we’ve still got the stock from Farm Station; seeds from the Ark and the fertilizer compound they used to grow everything. In theory, if we can keep it all secure, we can grow corn, wheat, tomatoes and other vegetables as we travel.”

  
“We’d need the pod.” Monty shared.

  
“The pod?”

  
“Farm Station pod. It’s inside Arkadia now. Basically a movable green house. It’s not big enough to feed everyone with what it grows, but it’s big enough to store the seedlings and get them started.”

  
“Then, we sketched out a traveling garden.” Jasper picked up another piece of paper that he handed to Clarke. “If we can keep ahead of the weather and the radiation, we can grow and store up as we move. The jeeps can pull the rigs. Whenever we get where we’re going, we just replant and we should have a sustainable food source.”

  
“This is great.” Clarke congratulated.

  
“We need eyes on the reactors, Clarke. Preferably all the ones within 150 miles just to be safe.”

  
“How many is that total?” She asked.

  
“Uh…” Monty looked back at his screen. “16 give or take.”

  
“And you can only control 6 of them from here.” Raven followed Monty’s eyes. “That leaves 10 we need people exploring, Clarke.”

  
“Do we still have the suits from Mount Weather?”

  
“The hazmat suits? Yeah, there in storage.”

  
“I’ll send out teams of 4 to each location. Two people from the Ark and two from Polis.”

  
“Arkers are going to be better at-“ Jasper started.

  
“They’ve got to learn somehow, Jasper.” Clarke interrupted. He nodded that he understood. “We have to come together now if we’re going to survive this. For the first time, grounders and sky people are actually united.” She paused and looked up for a moment. She thought of Lexa and that recalled the many speeches the hopeful Commander had given. “We need to stall until Bellamy and Octavia can find somewhere we can stay-“

  
“Raven, what do you think about accessing Becca’s code?” Monty interrupted Clarke.

  
“What?” Raven returned slightly surprised.

  
“There’s still fragments, right? Maybe there’s data there that we don’t have access too. I know the Flame is useless, but-“

  
“Just focus on what you’ve been working on.” Clarke interjected. “Raven will look into the code and see if she can find anything.” She met Raven’s eye.

  
“Yeah.” Raven nodded. “I’ll see what I can find out.”

  
“Jasper, can you get the teams together?” Clarke asked him.

  
He stared at her for a moment.

  
“I don’t know any of the grounders.”

  
“Time to get to know them then.” Clarke took a few steps toward him and put her hand on his arm. “You can do this, Jas.” He seemed unsure. “Make your teams here first. Tell Kane what we need. See if he has anyone in mind.” Jasper nodded a small nod. “Then, take Indra to Polis with you.”

  
“Indra?”

  
“She’ll help you find the people you need.” She paused. “They should be from all the different clans if possible.”

  
“What if no one volunteers?”

  
“They’re warriors. They’re volunteer.”

  
“I meant here. What if no one here volunteers?”

  
“Convince them, Jasper. Get them to understand that this is how we survive.”

  
“I can do that.” He seemed a bit more hopeful.

  
“Good. Go now. Find Kane and Indra. Tell them what we need.”

  
He grabbed his jacket off the table and left the room.

 

 

“I’ll keep working on the cooling units.” Monty turned back to the screens.

  
“First, take a shower.” Raven told him. “You’re starting to smell, Monty.”

  
“And get some sleep.” Clarke added. “At least a couple of hours.”

  
“I should-“

  
“None of us can keep going at this pace for much longer, Monty. Get some sleep. Raven will take over.”

  
“I almost got a full night of sleep.” Raven told him. “I’m good.”

  
“I’ll just sack out for a few hours and I’ll be right back.” He stood slowly.

  
He walked past them and out the door. Raven turned back around in her chair and looked back at the computers.

  
“I think I can move a little faster than Monty. He’s good, but I’m better. Plus, he’s exhausted and I doubt he was working at full speed and…” She faded out. “And you usually interrupt my ramblings by now. What-“ She spun around in the chair and saw Clarke on the ground. “Clarke!”

  
Clarke was unconscious.


	5. Chapter 5

“Commander.”

  
Clarke heard a voice when she woke from the blackness into the world of gray. The buildings looked the same and she turned to see the bench she and Lexa had sat on just a day before, but Lexa wasn’t sitting there. Becca was in her spot.

  
“Becca?”

  
“Hello, Clarke.”

  
“What am I-“

  
“You made it back here or I suppose you made it here since this is a different place than before. You’ve improved what I thought to be something that could not be improved. You were very smart to figure out how to use the AI without being a Nightblood.”

  
“But I didn’t get myself here. How-“

  
“Your brain is literally rewriting how the AI works. Every second it’s inside you, it’s writing more and better code. I anticipate that this may cause this to happen every so often.”

  
“This?” Clarke asked her as she stood in front of the bench and Becca remained sitting, looking comfortable while Clarke felt anything but.

  
“Your brain may require a trip here if you’re processing information at a high rate. Think of it as a resting place.”

  
“Where’s Lexa?” Clarke looked around.

  
“I don’t know. I can’t access Lexa like you can. Your mind is controlling the AI. Mine is just stored here as is Lexa’s.”

  
Clarke gulped.

  
“But it’s really Lexa, right? It’s really her?”

  
“Yes, Clarke, but I sense that is not why you called me here.”

  
“I didn’t call you at all. I didn’t-“

  
“You are able to come here whenever you want, but also whenever you need. It’s probable your mind called me without you being aware.”

  
Clarke looked around again. She took a few steps forward and sat down next to Becca.

  
“The nuclear plants are melting down.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“What do we do?”

  
“Everything that I know is in your mind now. I’m not sure how much I can offer you.”

  
“But I don’t know how to access it.”

  
“I guess that’s why you’re here.” Becca realized.

  
“How can we fix the reactors?”

  
“You can’t.” She stated. “You can postpone their meltdowns, but not all of them. There are too many. There’s not enough time.”

  
“How am I supposed to save all these people then?”

  
“Before I went into space for my research, I went to a summit of scientists and government officials. The nuclear reactors that were on fault lines were a major topic of the session. There were concerns of earthquakes causing them to overheat like they did at Fukushima. The leaders of the summit told us that there were bunkers setup across the US and Canada. They’d been setup at the start of the cold war and while many of them were left empty and never used, they still existed.”

  
“Where are they?” Clarke asked hopefully.

  
“There were a series of tunnels under the US capital. They were built specifically to get high ranking officials out of harm’s way should a disaster strike. The tunnels led all the way to Pennsylvania and there were small bunkers in their network. Nothing big enough to hold an entire population. They were made for evacuation.”

  
“So, we could use them to escape, but not stay there.”

  
“But you could take the southwest route from there. If you can outrun the radiation, you should be able to make it to a bunker somewhere.”

  
“Where exactly?”

  
“There are others. Arkansas close to the town of El Dorado, and Denver, Colorado… those are the two that I know of, but I didn’t get exact locations. Those were classified.”

  
“And they’re built for this?”

  
“Your best bet is to get to what used to be Wyoming, Idaho or Montana. There aren’t any reactors near there. The weather in Wyoming would be your best bet based on the old patterns and there are mountains there that you can build into. There may even be a bunker there. I don’t know.”

  
“Why can’t we stay in the bunkers?” Clarke leaned forward and wished more than anything that she didn’t have to be the one to figure out how to save everyone. She was grateful for Becca’s information, but while it was helpful, it wasn’t easy what she was suggesting.

  
“Because with a population this size, you’d have to split our people up.” It wasn’t Becca’s voice. Clarke turned and saw Lexa standing in front of them. She stood immediately.

  
“Lexa!” Clarke greeted. She turned back and saw that Becca was gone. “Where did she go?”

  
“I don’t know.” Lexa responded and Clarke wrapped her arms around the girl again.

  
“I thought-“

  
“That I was gone?” Lexa guessed as they pulled apart.

  
“I don’t know how this works. I was just thinking about you and here you are.”

  
“Then, I’m glad you were thinking of me, Clarke.”

  
“Lexa, I wish I could only think of you right now.”

  
“I know, but there is no time for that. You have to heed Becca’s warning, Clarke.”

  
“You heard all of that?”

  
“I can’t explain how it’s working now. It wasn’t like this before, but I could hear your conversation. I wasn’t here, but I was.”

  
Clarke looked up at the all-white sky.

  
“This is crazy. I only put the Flame back in so I could be with you and now I-“

  
“Cannot worry about you and I, Clarke. We are not important and now we know that you can return here.” She took Clarke’s hands in her own. “You must locate those bunkers, Clarke. Spread the population out safely inside them until you find somewhere you can resettle everyone safely.”

  
“We might be able to fix the reactors. We might be able to get them cooled again and prevent the meltdowns.”

  
“There’s not enough time for that, Clarke and you know it.”

  
“No, I don’t know it!” She replied with loud frustration. “Lexa, how am I supposed to convince all these people to move? This is the only place they’ve ever known. They’ve fought for their lands. They’ve bled for them. Now, I have to tell them they have to leave. I’m only Commander because I have this stupid thing in my head.” She referenced the Flame. “Which, by the way, when they made me Commander, wasn’t even in my head at the time. No one that knew that we took it out actually knows it’s back in besides Raven and I don’t know that I even want them to know because my mom will want to run tests or take it out all together and they’ll all start looking at me differently because they don’t understand it.” She sat on the bench in the spot Becca had occupied. “I don’t even understand this, Lexa and I’m supposed to lead them.” Lexa sat down next to her. “They’d follow you.”

  
“And they will follow you.”

  
“What if they don’t?” Clarke looked at Lexa who put her hand on her cheek.

  
“Then they don’t.” Lexa replied. Clarke was surprised at her answer. “You are Commander, Clarke. Those that are loyal to their Commander will follow you where you command. Those that do not may choose to remain.”

  
“Then, they’ll die.”

  
“It will be their choice.” Lexa paused and lowered her hand to take Clarke’s instead. “You could attempt to force them to obey with weapons and soldiers, but that’s not how you lead, Clarke. You lead differently than all the past Commanders. You will continue what you and I started. You’ll allow people to make the choice for themselves and those that remain behind may lose their lives, but it will be their own decision to make. You can only save the ones that wish to be saved.”

 

“Clarke! Clarke, come on.”

  
“What’s that?” Clarke asked when she heard the voice that wasn’t Lexa’s.

  
“What’s what?” Lexa asked her confused.

  
“Clarke! Come on. Abby’s going to kill me.”

  
“It’s Raven.” Clarke looked around the space as if she could see Raven. “I can hear her. She’s trying to wake me up.”

  
“You should go.” Lexa told her as she squeezed her hand.

  
“Clarke, wake the hell up!” Raven yelled.

  
“Hold on. Let me try something.” Clarke looked at Lexa’s eyes and pressed her forehead to the girl’s. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  
“I have nowhere to go, Clarke.”

  
Clarke closed her eyes.

  
“Raven, I’m fine.” She greeted from the floor when she opened her eyes and saw Raven staring down at her, holding her head up off the ground.

  
“Thank God! What the hell happened?”

  
“Hold on.” Clarke sat up. She closed her eyes again and opened them. She could see Lexa sitting there with her forehead still pressed against her own. “Hi.”

  
Lexa opened her eyes and smiled.

  
“Hi.”

  
“Raven?” Clarke asked. Her eyes remained on Lexa.

  
It was the strangest sensation and she couldn’t describe it even if she tried. She could see Raven watching her sitting up on the floor of the room in Arkadia just as clearly as she could see Lexa’s green eyes watching her intently with curiosity.

  
“What’s going on?” Raven asked her.

  
“I’m in the City of Light.” Clarke responded to Raven.

  
“Clarke?” Lexa questioned her. “Are you talking to Raven?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Yes what?” Raven asked her.

  
“I’m in Arkadia too.” She looked at Raven. “It works. I can go back and forth. I can talk to you and talk to Lexa. I can see both of you in both places right now.”

  
“Whoa! Hold on!” Raven replied. “Clarke?”

  
Clarke was back solely in Arkadia. Raven was holding her up.

  
“What happened?” Clarke asked her. She felt something warm under her nose and moved her hand there. When she pulled it away, she noticed her fingers were covered in blood.

 

“Clarke, I don’t think you should do that again. You just defied the laws of physics, I think.”

  
“What are you talking about?” Clarke was trying to process what Raven just said.

  
“You were in two places at once.”

  
“I guess.” Clarke wiped at her nose and sat up.

  
“Just take it easy, okay?”

  
“I’m going back.”

  
“Clarke, you should rest first. We should go see Abby and tell her-“

  
“I’m talking to Becca in there. She’s giving me-“

  
“Clarke, you said Lexa’s name a second ago. I told you I’m not stupid, remember?”

  
“Lexa’s there, but I was talking to Becca. She’s telling me about bunkers and where to go. I’m fine, Raven. I just won’t try to talk to you both at the same time.”

  
Clarke stood and walked over to the table where Jasper’s papers were still spread out. She leaned against it for a moment to try to stop herself from being dizzy and then decided Jasper had the right idea and she climbed onto the bottom shelf of the table.

  
“I’ll give you some time in there, but if I see you bleeding again, I’m pulling you out.”

  
“Fine.” She closed her eyes and then opened them again to look back at Raven. “Raven, don’t tell my mom.” She paused. “She won’t understand.”

  
“Whatever you say, Commander.” She replied sarcastically. “But since Becca’s there and all, don’t expect to see that bed pop up anytime soon.”

 

Clarke didn’t hear that last part. She was already gone. She found herself back on the bench sitting next to Lexa.

  
“You’re bleeding.” Lexa touched Clarke’s face and pulled her fingers back. “This is too much for you. You need to stop.” She looked concerned.

  
“I’m okay.”

  
“Clarke, I-“

  
“I won’t do that again. I won’t try to be in both places.”

  
“This is too dangerous. You shouldn’t be here.”

  
“This is helping, Lexa. What I learned from Becca, I can use to help us.”

  
“But you’re not here for her, Clarke. You’re here for me.”

  
“I can have you, Lexa.” Clarke took the girl’s hand. “I can have you back.”

  
“Not if it’s killing you.” She held up her fingers that had Clarke’s blood on them before she wiped them against her black pants. “I won’t watch you kill yourself for me, Clarke.”

  
“You have to take care of yourself. You have to go back and help our people.”

  
“I can do both.”

  
Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand and stood.

  
“This isn’t fair, Clarke.”

  
“What’s not fair?” Clarke stood in front of her.

  
“I love you. I love that you’re standing in front of me right now and that I can touch you and talk to you, but this isn’t fair to me.”

  
“It’s not fair to you?” Clarke retorted. “What are you talking about?”

  
“I don’t have a choice. I can’t just walk off. I’m here when you want me to be.”

  
“And you don’t want to be here?” Clarke was both shocked and disappointed.

  
“Of course I do.” Lexa took a step toward her. “I would give anything to be back there with you, Clarke. I wish this was the right thing to do. You coming here to see me and you and I finally being together, but it’s not. I am dead and you are alive.” She took a deep breath. “You’re alive and this is selfish of me because you can live, Clarke.” She took the final step toward the girl and put her hands on Clarke’s hips. “You can live. You can be the leader I know you were meant to be. You can grow old. You can…” She dropped off. “You can find someone…” Her bright eyes grew dark and wet with tears. “You can find someone who can be with you there; someone that can make you happy.”

  
Clarke watched the girl in front of her and couldn’t believe how selfless Lexa was being. She always knew she put everyone above herself, but Clarke could see in Lexa’s eyes how much just saying that hurt her, but she said it because she wanted Clarke to be happy.

  
“I don’t want anyone else.” Clarke put her hands on Lexa’s face. “I want you, remember?”

  
“You will always have me.” Lexa’s tears began to fall. “I will always love you. You taught me that love is strength, Clarke of the Sky People.”

  
“Don’t call me that.” Clarke grew stern. “I’m just Clarke.” She leaned in. “And I love you, Lexa. I don’t want anyone else.”

  
“You will one day and-“

  
“There is no one else, Lexa.” She backed up. “Don’t you get it? There will never be another you.” Clarke was starting to cry now. “This may not be healthy or right, but this is all I’ve got. It’s all we can have and I want it.” She sighed. “Please don’t be stubborn. Please don’t push me away when I’m here. Please just be here with me.”

  
Lexa pressed her lips ever so gently to Clarke’s.

  
“You should go.”

  
“Lex-“

  
“I don’t mean forever. You should get back to Raven and tell her what you learned from Becca.”

  
“Lexa, what happens to you when I’m not here?” Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa’s nose as her thumbs slid the tears off the girl’s cheeks.

  
“It doesn’t matter.”

  
“It does to me.” She kissed her nose again.

  
“It’s not a place, Clarke. It’s just different.”

  
“Is it black?” She kissed her lips before letting her respond.

  
“Yes.”

  
“Is it sad?”

  
“Clarke…” Lexa leaned back.

  
“Tell me please.”

  
“It’s not sad or happy there.” She pressed her forehead back against Clarke’s and put her arms around Clarke’s neck. “But I am sad when you aren’t here.”

  
Clarke leaned back again.

  
“You know you shouldn’t have told me that.” Clarke reasoned.

  
“I know, but I don’t lie to you.” Lexa pulled them apart. “Go, Clarke. Go back to Raven and the others.”

  
“Sha, Heda.” Clarke responded.

  
“I am no longer Heda. You are, remember?”

  
“I’ll be back.” Clarke put her hand out and smiled a small smile at Lexa who took it only for a moment before Clarke returned to Arkadia and found herself staring up at stainless steel table above her. She moved to sit up and found that she was still slightly dizzy, but better than before.

 

“You’re back. It’s about time. I assume you and Lexa were making out in there and that’s why you completely disregarded the fact that you passed out and got a nosebleed. She must be one hell of a kisser, Clarke.”

  
“Raven, just-“ Clarke held her head in her hands and stared down at the floor.

  
“Do you remember on the Ark… those people that we could tell were on drugs and not the kind they were given by the docs, but the kind they stole and were later floated for?”

  
“Raven, I don’t-“

  
Raven stood and walked over to her.

  
“You’re starting to act like them, Clarke.”

  
“Like what?” Clarke looked up at her.

  
“Your eyes are bloodshot, you have bags under them, you’re constantly tapping your foot like that.” She pointed at Clarke’s left foot that was tapping the ground rapidly. “You’re jonesing for a fix, Clarke. You’re like an addict now.”

 

  
“I’m not an addict. There’s no drug for me to be addicted too.”  
“Lexa is your drug. The thought of being with her is your drug. You didn’t even sleep at all last night. You stayed up the entire time thinking about being with her again.”

  
Clarke stood quickly. She used her hands against the table to stabilize herself and hoped that Raven didn’t notice.

  
“Of course I did! You said you understood. You said that if you had a chance to see Finn like this, you’d take it.”

  
“I guess I didn’t realize what this would do to you. I thought you were bad before, but now you’re being reckless. Did you even see Becca in there at all or was that a lie?”

  
“I saw her, Raven and she told me things that could help us.”

  
“But you went back in for Lexa, didn’t you?”

  
“Raven, you had time with Finn on the Ark.” Clarke pressed her back against the cold, hard steel and moved her hands to the sides. “You got to be with him. I didn’t. I had one day; one afternoon. There was so much we never said; never got to do.”

  
“I get it, Clarke, but you can’t risk hurting yourself like this. We need you out here. You can’t spend all your time with her.”

  
“I’m here, aren’t I? I came back.”

  
“Be honest, how much are you wishing you didn’t?”

  
Clarke didn’t answer. She just stood up all the way.

  
“Keep working. I’m going to find a place to clean up and let Kane know what I found out from Becca.”

  
“You can’t exactly do that without letting him know you saw Becca. You planning on doing that?”

  
“I’ll tell him we found it in the data. That’s technically the truth.”

  
“Just tell him you’ve got the Flame, Clarke.”

  
“He’ll tell my mom.”

  
“Maybe he should. Maybe I should.”

  
“I’ll tell her, Raven. Eventually, but not right now.”

  
“You want more time before someone else tries to convince you how dangerous this is. I never should have done this. It was a mistake.”

  
“No, it wasn’t and I don’t just mean because of Lexa. This will help us. I already know more than I did and when I feel better, I’ll go back in and find out more from Becca.”

  
She walked past Raven.

  
“Clarke, you know I’m only saying this stuff because I care about you, right?”

  
“I know.”

 

She opened the door and walked through it allowing it to close behind her. She pressed her back against it and let out a deep breath as the slight dizziness returned momentarily. Luckily, the hallway was empty and she could take a minute to process everything that had just happened. Her head hit the door and her eyes closed. She resisted the urge to see Lexa again and was, for a second, actually proud of herself for doing that until she thought back to what Raven had said. Maybe she was like a drug addict. All she thought about was seeing Lexa again. All she wanted was to feel her; to be in the same space with her.

  
She wiped under her nose again and felt the dried blood there. She stood up all the way since the dizzy spell was gone and made her way toward a bathroom where she splashed cold water on her face and cleaned up the blood. She stared at herself in the mirror and wondered for a moment how Lexa could even look at her like this. If she was bleeding in the city, she must look the same there too. Yet, Lexa hadn’t mentioned Clarke looking so terrible. She tried to blink away the bloodshot again and then left the bathroom to go find Kane.


	6. Chapter 6

“Clarke?” Jasper told us you were here.

  
Clarke walked into what had been turned into the chancellor’s office of sorts a while ago. It seemed that in just a couple of days, Kane had managed to wipe all traces of Pike away. It was now covered in papers and screens regarding the new threat of reactor meltdown and everything that was in this space regarding Farm Station, Mount Weather, and anything else Pike was passionate about was gone.

  
Kane was leaning over the table and then Clarke realized he’d said ‘us’ and turned to see Abby sitting in a chair reviewing what looked like a patient chart on a clipboard.

  
“Honey, what happened?” Abby’s eyes shot to her daughter and she dropped the chart onto the table by Kane and rushed to Clarke. She leaned in and looked at Clarke’s eyes.

  
“I’m fine.” Clarke repeated her mantra.

  
“You don’t look fine. When was the last time you slept?” Abby asked as she pulled up Clarke’s left eyelid to examine her eye more fully.

  
“Abby, I’m fine.” Clarke had stepped back and used her mother’s name for a reason.

  
Abby stood up all the way and nodded. She understood that worrying about her daughter’s apparent declining health would have to wait. She was talking to the Commander now.

  
“Commander, Jasper and Indra have gone to gather the Arkadians who will go to reactors.” Marcus explained after an awkward moment of silence. “We were able to take over 100 suits from Mount Weather before the explosion so we have enough to get them there. Oxygen will be low, but they’ll ration. I’ve got someone working on calculations. There are enough small tanks that have a 1-hour supply and enough larger tanks to send 1 person per team into the red zone around each reactor. The larger tanks will get them 8 hours. After that, they’ll have to resupply or they’ll run out of air.”

  
“Okay.” Clarke was grateful that Kane had changed the subject for her.

  
“We can have a filling station on a jeep in case they need to stay longer. We only have two though so we’ll just have to station them where it makes the most sense. The good news is that they only need oxygen if they have to wear the suits. So, they’ll check for radiation before proceeding.”

  
“Good.”

  
Abby stared at her daughter. She was obviously concerned, but she knew not to address it in this moment.

  
“They’re still looking into Mount Weather, but-“ Kane continued.

  
“We don’t have time to make repairs.” Clarke told him. “Even if we could… people are already getting sick. We have to get on the move as soon as possible. If we can get the reactors cooled, it will buy us time.”

  
“Time to move?” Abby asked.

  
“Time to convince them that they have too.” Clarke answered.

  
“That’s not going to be easy.” Kane shared.

  
“I know. Look, we discovered something from the system.” Clarke lied. “There are bunkers we can use. They won’t hold all of us, but we can split up. We can put people and a government in place in each location and connect us all with comms.”

  
“Where?” Kane looked down at a map of the old US and Clarke pointed at the old states Becca had reverenced.

  
“We don’t know exactly.” She thought of how to explain that. “Raven just said the information was corrupted or not there.”

  
“But we have an idea now. That’s good at least. I’ll radio Octavia and Bellamy. We’ll send them in these directions to see if they can find anything.”

  
“How will they find them? They’re bunkers. They’re probably hidden.” Clarke just thought about that.

  
“Raven made sure they came here first and grabbed metal detectors along with radiation detectors. Pretty smart.”

  
Clarke just nodded and thought she probably should have known that.

  
“What about the people getting sick?” Abby joined the conversation around the table. “How bad are they?”

  
“I don’t know. We just got word. I sent an ambassador to bring anyone who can come to Polis. We’ll try to treat who we can.”

  
“If it’s already started-“ Abby stopped herself. “There’s only so much we can do medically.”

  
“I know.” Clarke nodded at her. “We’ll do the best we can.” She reached back down to the map and pointed. “We need to get people here if it gets bad or we might just want to consider getting them here as soon as we can just in case. There are tunnels under here that are air tight. We can use them to get all the way into Pennsylvania. We’d have to go in stages since they’re not made for long-term life support and most likely have no supplies.”

  
“You found this information on the computer?” Kane looked up at her and ran his hand over the back of his head.

  
“If one reactor is already going, it’s only a matter of time before the rest do and we can only control so many remotely and we have no idea what condition they’re all in anyway.” She ignored Kane’s question. “Our best hope is to go underground as quickly as we can in case one nearby starts to meltdown while we’re trying to make our way to the bunkers.”  
“We don’t even know where those bunkers actually are, Clarke and what condition they’re in.” Abby added.

  
“We have no choice.” Clarke turned to her mother. “I don’t exactly like the idea of having to move thousands of people through underground tunnels just to get them safely to another Mount Weather and I’m the one who has to try to convince them that this is the only way we can ensure our survival.” She paused and tried to lower her level of frustration, but was finding it difficult for some reason. “This is not a job I wanted. It’s not a job I should have, but it’s my responsibility now and this is what we’re going to do.” She thought of Lexa. “These are my orders.”

  
She began to relay what she planned to share with the ambassadors when she returned to Polis. They would begin gathering their people in Polis and they’d work out a schedule for the tunnels. Clarke would arrange for another team to locate the closest entrance based on the information Becca provided and once it was found and examined, people would begin departing their lands. Abby would locate all the doctors and healers and divide them up amongst the groups to ensure there was always at least one present.

  
Bellamy and Octavia would continue their search for the bunkers. Clarke knew it would take days before they’d even arrive at the likely locations; weeks for Octavia since she’d only gone on horse and was alone. She told Kane to tell Bellamy to shoot for Colorado since they had vehicles and enough gasoline to get them that far while Octavia would focus on the closer destination. They’d likely arrive around the same time and would report back.

  
The meeting continued until Clarke began to feel dizzy again. She wasn’t sure what was causing it. It could be the AI in her head, the fact that she hadn’t really been eating properly or that she hadn’t had a good night sleep in what felt like months, but was definitely at least from the moment that bullet entered Lexa’s body and she held her as she fell to the ground.

  
“We’ll take care of everything we can.” Kane agreed after Clarke wrapped up.

  
“I’ll take a look at who we’ve got and get the healers trained on some basic stuff; make sure they each have what supplies we’ve got left.” Abby confirmed. “Clarke, why don’t you come with me? I’ll examine you and get you some IV fluids. You look dehydrated.” Abby tried again.

  
“I’m okay. I just need some sleep.” She deflected. “I’ll go back to Raven and-“

  
“No, you’ll go to my room and you’ll sleep.” Abby disagreed. “At least for a few hours. You can’t do anything else right now anyway.”

  
“Mom-“

  
“Clarke, you’re the Commander now. You have to sleep. We’ll come get you if we need you and I’ll have some food sent in. You need to eat.”

  
Clarke knew she was right. Her stomach gargled even at the thought of food and her mind ached for sleep.

  
“Fine. Let me know if you hear from anyone about… anything.” She returned to Kane and allowed Abby to walk her out of the room and down the hall toward her own.

  
“I know you think you have to be around for everything, but we can handle this, Clarke.”

  
Clarke didn’t respond right away. She waited until she was standing in front of the door she knew belonged to Abby.

  
“Mom, when I left Arkadia in the hands of you and Kane, somehow Pike got elected chancellor, killed hundreds of innocent people along with Bellamy and then executed Lincoln and caused another near war.”

  
“That’s not fair, Clarke.” Abby objected to her comment.

  
Clarke opened the door.

  
“None of this is fair.” She walked inside. Abby didn’t follow. “To any of us.”

  
Abby took a moment to consider what Clarke had said.

  
“I’ll send in food. I’ll be in medical if you need anything. I’ll check on you later.” She turned and walked back down the hall.

  
Clarke looked around her mother’s room. It was tidy, but that was to be expected. She saw two bottles of water and she drank one all the way down attempting to quench her thirst and she realized her mom was at least right about her being dehydrated. She opted not to look in the mirror at her depressing figure again, but did notice her pants were fitting more loosely than they were before when she took them off to try to get more comfortable in the bed.

  
She made it about 10 minutes before the thought of seeing Lexa again overwhelmed her senses and she closed her eyes to join the girl in the city.

*****

“Raven has made some improvements.” Lexa shared when Clarke started looking around and saw that the city now had a small house. It was not unlike the house she and Raven had shared the night before. It was sat against the backdrop of the skyscraper like buildings that were still fairly black and gray with windows and doors that led to nowhere if Clarke had to guess.

  
“She made us a house?” Clarke questioned.

  
“She shouldn’t be worried about us in here, Clarke. She should be trying to find a way to save our people.” Lexa said sternly as she stood beside Clarke and took the girl’s hand in her own. She brought it gently to her lips and kissed her fingertips.

  
“We should go inside.” Clarke turned to look at her. “Wait. Maybe we can’t. Maybe the door doesn’t lead anywhere.”

  
“It does.”

  
“How do you know?” She turned to Lexa.

  
“Because I’ve been inside.” Lexa answered her with a smile.

  
“What do you mean? How?”

  
“Tell Raven thank you.”

  
“I don’t understand.”

  
“When you left, I went into that place; the vacuum is the only way I can think to describe it, but before you returned, I was brought back here. I assumed you’d returned, but you hadn’t and then I realized Raven must have changed something to make it possible for me to exist here without you being here as well.”

  
Clarke looked at the house in front of them.

  
“I don’t think Raven is doing this.” She paused and then walked forward with Lexa in tow to open the door of the house. The house was completely identical to the house she’d been staying in. “Hold on.” She let go of Lexa’s hand and walked into the tiny bathroom. Her toothbrush was exactly where she’d left it. “I think I’m doing this.” She picked up the toothbrush and returned to where Lexa was standing and looking around at the small room. She had her hands clasped in front of her and her war paint made her eyes look even greener than normal. Clarke realized she hadn’t seen Lexa without it since the day she died. “There’s no way Raven could have known where I left this.” She held up the toothbrush and Lexa nodded.  
“You’ve taken control of designing the city.” She agreed. “You brought me back here when I was alone.”

  
Clarke smiled at her and placed the toothbrush back in the bathroom before returning to stand in front of Lexa.

  
“I never want you to be alone.” Clarke told her and pressed her lips to the girl’s forehead. “Come here.” Clarke took Lexa’s hands and pulled her toward the table where she let go and pulled out the chair for her to sit on.

  
“What are you doing?” She asked as Clarke walked to the small sink. This house, like most in Polis didn’t have indoor plumbing exactly. There was a well that worked for some purposes, but not to the degree that she’d grown accustomed to on the Ark. However, as she reached for a rag that was actually an old shirt on the small counter next to the bowl that acted as the sink, she watched the bowl turn into a sink before her eyes. Those eyes grew big and even bigger when she reached for the faucet and pulled it up. A heavy stream of clean water ran into a fully functional sink that resembled their old Ark sinks. She located a small bowl next to the counter that hadn’t been there before and filled it with water that she’d somehow commanded to be slightly warm. She dipped the rag into the liquid and returned to Lexa. She sat down next to her at first and then stood briefly while leaving the bowl on the table.

  
“You don’t need any of this anymore.” Clarke reached for her armor and Lexa helped her slowly remove it. The swords came with it and she placed everything onto the table top behind the bowl. She pulled the rag out of the bowl and used her hands to wring it mostly dry.

  
“You are amazing.” Lexa gifted her. Clarke didn’t say anything. She took the rag and began slowly and softly wiping at the dark makeup. “You made all this.” Lexa just let Clarke work while she stared at her. Clarke caught her eye every so often and smiled shyly at her.

  
“It’s not me. It’s the Flame.” She finally said back and she dipped the rag into the water that had begun to cool slightly.

  
“How’s Indra?” Lexa changed the subject and as Clarke looked at her, she could tell she’d been wanting to ask that question for a while now.

  
“She’s okay. She’s helping us.”

  
“She supports you as Commander?”

  
“Because you asked her too.” Clarke replied and wiped the last of the black off of Lexa’s eyes. “There you are.” She said while staring right into them.

  
“She supports you because she knows you are a worthy Commander, Clarke.”

  
“And because I have this thing in my head.”

  
“You will never accept how special you are, will you?”

  
“Will you?” Clarke retorted with a smirk. “Can we not talk about this right now?” Clarke pushed the bowl and rag aside and placed a hand on Lexa’s thigh. “I just wanna be here with you. I don’t want to think about out there.”

  
“That doesn’t sound like the Clarke I know; the Clarke who does everything for her people.”

  
Clarke hung her head.

  
“That Clarke may not exist anymore.”

  
Lexa put her hand on the back of Clarke’s neck. She pushed the blonde hair out of the way and placed her other hand there as well; linking them together. She moved slightly so that Clarke would take the hint and lift her head up.

  
“Come on.” Lexa let go and moved to stand. She held out her hand and Clarke took it.

  
Lexa began to walk them toward the bed that Clarke had tossed and turned in the night before, but as she got closer, the bed began to change in size and shape.

  
“Oh my God.” Clarke said mostly to herself.

  
“Meizen.” Amazing! Lexa stated in disbelief. The bed had turned into Lexa’s own; the bed that had been in her room in Polis.

  
“I didn’t even do that on purpose.” Clarke stated as she separated from Lexa momentarily and ran her hand over the top of white furs before pushing down on the mattress as if to check that it was stable. “I don’t know how I’m doing this, Lexa.”

  
“Let’s just lie down.” Lexa helped Clarke sit on the edge of the bed before lifting her legs onto it. Clarke waited for Lexa to climb in next to her, but the girl walked around to the other side of the bed entirely before she actually sat on that edge and then waited a moment; a long moment before she slid in next to Clarke and turned to face her.

  
Clarke waited for Lexa to reach out and touch her somehow, but she didn’t. Green eyes bore into blue ones as Clarke rolled over on her side and placed her arm around Lexa’s torso and pulled her into her. Lexa’s head rested against Clarke’s neck and Clarke breathed in her scent.

  
“This is how it should have been.” Clarke finally spoke up, but she did so softly. She was so tired.

  
“We’re here now, Clarke.” Lexa reminded her. She pressed her lips gently to Clarke’s neck through the mess of blonde hair.

  
“I’m so tired, Lexa.” It was muttered against Lexa’s shoulder as her hand went up the back of Lexa’s loose fitting shirt.

  
“Sleep.” Lexa told her. “I’ll be right here.” She wrapped her arm around Clarke’s back and held it in place between her shoulder blades. “I’ll be right here.” She repeated and pressed her lips to Clarke’s neck again. “I love you.” She whispered into Clarke’s ear and felt the girl’s breathing slow and her grip loosen against Lexa’s skin.

*****

Eventually, Clarke rolled onto her back, but her arm remained somewhat on Lexa’s stomach when Lexa rolled with her to watch her sleep. Lexa’s hand lifted Clarke’s gently and held onto it before placing her own on Clarke’s stomach over her shirt. Lexa stared at the girl as she rested her own head on her elbow and ran her hand side to side over Clarke’s stomach; lifting the shirt slightly as she did so. She looked around the small space that had expanded since they’d entered due to the sheer size of the bed they were currently lying on. She took a moment to run her hand over the fabric of her old furs and shook her head at Clarke’s ability to recall nearly every detail of the ornate head and foot board. Her hand moved back to Clarke though when the reality set in. Clarke had somehow made it so Lexa didn’t require her presence to experience this world. She could be here and feel these furs whenever she wanted too. Clarke, however, was another story entirely. Lexa knew she was being selfish. She knew she shouldn’t have Clarke anymore. She died. The City of Light was destroyed and the Flame should have gone into another Nightblood when one was discovered and worthy, but Clarke had other plans and she was now sleeping right in front of Lexa’s eyes. Her chest rose and fell with each breath and Lexa’s fingers danced across Clarke’s cheek and neck before dragging softly across her stomach again.

  
Lexa tried not to think about the fact that Clarke looked much thinner than the last time they’d been together like this. Her eyes were heavier too. She wasn’t taking care of herself and Lexa could tell and that made her feel like maybe it was okay to be selfish because Clarke seemed to be okay here. She seemed to be fine with Lexa beside her right now and maybe this is what Clarke needed to feel better in the actual world.

  
Lexa had no real need to sleep. It was hard to get used to that at first. Sleep was something that wasn’t required here, but she laid her head in the crook of Clarke’s neck for a moment until she felt Clarke shift instinctively in her sleep and her arm went around Lexa’s back as she lifted up for it and then Lexa was back burying herself in the girl’s neck. Her arm was under Clarke’s shirt running soothing circles against soft skin and her eyes closed as she listened to Clarke’s deep, heavy breathing.

 

She wasn’t sure how long they’d been lying like that, but Clarke woke slowly as if she was trying to fight waking up. She wrapped her whole body around Lexa and Lexa just let it happen. She had no reason not to. Clarke was home to her. Her body engulfing her was the best experience Lexa had ever had. She never thought it was possible to love someone as much and as deeply as she loved this girl next to her. She slid her hand up the back of Clarke’s shirt and felt the skin there. She felt Clarke’s arms slowly begin to move under her shirt as well and she recognized the fingertips that had grazed her back before when they were lying side by side. She heard Clarke sigh and wasn’t sure if it was because of Lexa’s touch or because of Clarke feeling Lexa’s back.

  
“I’ve missed this.” Clarke finally woke enough to speak.

  
“As have I.”

  
Clarke’s eyes opened and she move her body to press it flush against Lexa’s body. Lexa gasped at first. She was still so unaccustomed to being able to touch Clarke this way. She felt Clarke shift again and her face was right in front of her.

  
“I love you too.” She finally replied to Lexa’s earlier declaration with a smirk and a soft kiss.

  
“You should sleep more.” Lexa fought the urge to smile back at her and instead just kept rubbing her back. “Or you should return.”

  
Clarke shook her head no and leaned in for another gentle kiss.

  
“I’ve slept enough and I don’t want to go back yet.” Clarke began to tug lightly at the back of Lexa’s shirt.

  
Lexa knew what was going to happen next and she closed her eyes because she couldn’t look at Clarke and turn her away, but she knew that was the right thing to do.

  
“Clarke, we shouldn’t-“ Lexa was interrupted with Clarke’s lips against her own and after a few moments, Clarke’s leg shifted between her legs and the right thing suddenly in Lexa’s mind was squeezing it tightly to let Clarke know she wanted this too as her lips began to move against the blonde’s. She heard Clarke moan slightly as her hand began to slide down to her hip and Lexa pushed back on it until Clarke understood her meaning and rolled over on her back with Lexa’s lips still attached to her lips and Lexa’s other hand moving to Clarke’s front and back up under her shirt while the hand that had been on her hip moved to hold her above Clarke.

  
Clarke’s hands couldn’t stop moving against Lexa’s skin. The brunette’s shirt was gathered beneath her breasts and her hair was draped over Clarke as she moved her lips to Clarke’s neck.

  
“Lexa, take this-“ Clarke stopped herself when she Lexa lifted herself up and threw her shirt off her body and seemed to be moving quicker than Clarke anticipated, which caused Clarke to laugh a little when Lexa’s upper body was completely naked and Clarke’s hand settled against her hips for only a moment before they dragged up and down her abdomen. Lexa’s eyes closed the moment she felt Clarke’s fingertips graze her skin and she leaned back down to continue kissing the girl’s neck.

  
“You’re beautiful.” Lexa whispered into her ear.

  
Clarke thought about how bad she’d looked in the mirror earlier and she wondered how Lexa could find her beautiful given her appearance, but then she realized that Lexa would find her beautiful no matter how Clarke looked. She felt her shirt being lifted up by a slow hand and decided to help it out by lifting her back off the bed enough for that hand and Lexa’s other one to join it in pulling it off Clarke’s body.

  
Once they were both chest to chest, Clarke could feel Lexa’s speed increase and her kisses became sloppier as they moved from one side of Clarke’s neck to the other and her free hand moved to Clarke’s breast and lightly squeezed it.

  
Their first time together had been incredibly slow. It was as if they both wanted to delay Clarke’s departure and stop time by spending as much of it as possible touching one another. Their second time had been much faster and Clarke wasn’t sure which time she liked more.

  
She did recall though that their first two times, though perfect by merely their existence, were shared with a much less sure version of Lexa than the woman who was currently on top of her sliding her tongue down between Clarke’s breasts, causing her back to rise again, which Lexa took full advantage of and swiftly moved her hands under Clarke’s body as she leaned first up and then back down and pulled at Clarke’s pants until she pulled them off entirely and settled back on top of her.

  
Clarke looked up at her and her hands went to Lexa’s hips and then pushed at her pants, which Lexa helped her slide down and off her body and yet again, Lexa resettled on top of her. Clarke’s head lifted without waiting for Lexa to move her mouth back down to hers and suddenly their tongues collided and Lexa was moaning into her mouth while Clarke’s hands roamed her body freely as they were now unencumbered by clothing. She pressed Lexa down into her causing them both to react and then she felt Lexa hips move of their own accord and Clarke could not believe how lucky she was that she got another chance to experience this. It wasn’t just the physical feelings that she sought out as Lexa’s hips rolled down against her own. It was the emotional high that comes with sharing this experience with the only person you’re supposed to share it with.

  
“Lexa-“ Clarke breathed out and Lexa slid her hand down between Clarke’s legs. She rested it against the inside of her thigh and stopped her hips while she also stopped her lips and looked down at the mess of blonde hair that had gotten sprawled over the pillows and the clear, blue eyes that had grown slightly darker since they’d begun their activities. “What’s wrong?” Clarke checked with concern in her expression.

  
Lexa’s mind shifted once again to the fact that they shouldn’t be spending time like this with Clarke so needed on the outside, but that thought disappeared as she felt Clarke’s hand on her cheek and saw the need in Clarke’s eyes for the two of them to have this.

  
“Nothing.” She told Clarke. “This could never be wrong.” She said more to herself and slid her hand between Clarke’s legs causing the girl to jerk until Lexa leaned down and rested her head in Clarke’s neck as she began to move her fingers against her and felt Clarke’s fingers grip her back tightly.


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke had fallen asleep again and Lexa was left watching. She knew she should wake her up and tell her to get back to the world she’d left, but she didn’t have the heart. She looked so peaceful now after they’d finally had their third time together and she ran her fingers up and down Clark’s back this time while she slept on her stomach.

  
Lexa felt free. She looked around the small house; not daring to move and risk waking the sleeping blonde, but she considered how she could make this place a home for the two of them. She didn’t know how it worked with things like food. If Clarke ate something here, did her body there benefit? If Lexa cooked something, would Clarke be able to taste it? She shook her head at her last thought. She knew Clarke could taste things here. She’d more than told her that while she was occupied with Lexa’s body earlier.

  
“What are you thinking about?” Clarke muttered as her eyes opened and she looked over at Lexa.

  
“How do you know I am thinking anything at all?” Lexa didn’t stop her hand.

  
“Because you always are.” Clarke responded. She rolled over and stretched slightly while Lexa’s eyes wandered and when Clarke caught her, she let that shy smile show again and Clarke let out a rumble laugh. “Is it weird that I’m hungry?” She asked and Lexa laughed. “What?” Clarke looked at her surprised.

  
“That’s what I was thinking about.”

  
“Me being hungry?” Clarke asked and rolled on her side. “Why are you covered up?” She asked Lexa and pulled at the sheet she had clutched to her chest. “I’ve seen you naked, Lexa.”

  
Lexa laughed as Clarke pulled the sheet down slightly revealing her chest.

  
“I was thinking about how little we know about how this works.”

  
“The Flame?” Clarke asked.

  
“Yes.”

  
“I don’t know what happens if I get hungry here. Can I even eat here?” She asked herself. “I should ask Jasper.”

  
“Why Jasper?”

  
“When I was in the City of Light before, I saw him. He was eating an ice cream cone. He looked like he was enjoying himself.”

  
“This is different, Clarke.” Lexa ran her hand over Clarke’s side. “And don’t think I didn’t notice that you’ve failed to take care of yourself.”

  
Clarke rolled her eyes.

  
“I was hoping you hadn’t. I’m surprised you can even look at me.” Clarke rolled on her back again and rubbed her face up and down with her hands.

  
“I will always want to look at you, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa kissed her forehead once Clarke’s hands had lowered for good. “But you have to take care of yourself.”

  
“I know. I get it.” She paused. “I am hungry though.”

  
“Then, we should test our theory.”

  
Lexa moved to climb out of the bed and Clarke watched as she reached for her shirt and pants to start pulling them back on, but those were her battle clothes. She knew they couldn’t be comfortable and as far as Clarke understood, Lexa had been wearing these clothes since entering the City of Light. Lexa pulled the shirt over her head and as she did it changed color and material. She looked down at her hands that now held the hem of a white, lightweight shirt. Clarke couldn’t believe it either and then she watched as Lexa pulled on soft black pants that were more suitable to a day lying around together than the battlefield.

  
“I still don’t understand how I can do that.”

  
“Neither do I.” Lexa agreed. She walked over to Clarke’s clothes and picked them up off the floor and bed to hand them to her, but when she arrived at Clarke, she was sitting up in the bed wearing a T-shirt Lexa didn’t notice and a pair of pants not unlike her own.

  
“What’s that?” Lexa asked as she read the words on Clarke’s shirt. “AC/DC?” It was a greenish, gray shirt with an image and those letters.

  
Clarke looked confused and then followed Lexa’s eyes and saw she was wearing something other than what she arrived in. She smiled and looked back up at Lexa.

  
“It’s my dad’s old shirt.” Clarke explained as she stood. “Well technically, it’s my dad’s dad’s dad’s shirt I think. It was on the Ark when the bombs hit and they just sort of passed it down. My dad hardly ever wore it. I think he wanted to make it last for me. He gave it to me for my 16th birthday.” She reached down to the tattered hem. “It’s seen better days.”

  
“Come on.” Lexa took her hand and they walked into the kitchen.

  
“Wait.” Clarke said and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and watching her favorite meal appear before her eyes on the table. “No way!” She was excited and sat down in front of a tray that looked like it was from a cafeteria. She picked up the fork and dove in. “This was what we got for Christmas on the Ark. It was always my favorite. We only got it once a year because of the rationing.” She started to chew and Lexa sat and watched her eat. “Oh my God, it’s so good. I can’t believe it. I never thought I’d have Ark food again. I never thought I’d miss Ark food back then.” She took another bite. “I am starving. I haven’t eaten in…” She stopped talking when she looked over at Lexa who appeared both amused and concerned. “I promise I will do better at taking care of myself.”

  
“Thank you.” It was all Lexa needed to say.

  
“You should try it.” Clarke offered and pushed the second tray toward Lexa. When she’d imagined the food for herself, her mind hadn’t forgotten the girl next to her and had conjured up two trays.

  
“I haven’t… I haven’t eaten since I’ve been here, Clarke. I don’t-“

  
“Just try it.” Clarke pushed it closer to her.

  
Lexa laughed and picked up the fork before playing with the food more than actually eating it, but she watched as Clarke ate everything on the plate and drank an entire bottle of water. Lexa only hoped that whatever she consumed here positively affected her out there because she was worried about the girl taking care of herself and she wouldn’t be there to watch over her.

  
Clarke told her of the plans and the orders she’d delivered earlier that day to Kane and Abby. She caught her up on Indra’s mission, on the review of Mount Weather, their attempts to stall the meltdowns closest to Polis. Lexa listened intently and made a few comments here and there, but she mostly just listened as Clarke relayed not only the details of her new mission, but also just the details of her day. She’d woken up in Polis if she could really call it waking up. She told Lexa how she’d struggled to stay away from her and how Raven had made her agree not to go back in until she could watch over her. She talked about the ride from Polis to Arkadia. They’d passed a small stream on their way and encountered two men fishing. Lexa just smiled as she witnessed more objects appear in the house. Clarke’s sketchbook and pencils appeared on a dresser of sorts that Lexa recognized as being from Clarke’s room in Polis. Lexa’s armor and swords were now leaning against the wall next to the front door of the house. There were candles appearing throughout the small space that was turning into a much larger space the more she thought about it and she watched as Clarke took her hand in her own and toyed with her fingers and seemed to be oblivious to everything that she was creating. There was a small sofa that looked like the one Lexa had fallen asleep on before Titus had brought in the mountain man as a gift from Roan. Clarke told her what happened to Roan and Lexa’s smile disappeared. She had hopes for Roan and was sad that he had lost his life in the battle. Clarke didn’t have any reports on the Ice Nation other than they appeared to be shaken up by what happened with A.L.I.E. and Ontari’s death and they were cooperating with her and the others leading them.

  
Part of the house started to look more like a ship than a house one would find on the ground and Lexa watched as stainless steel objects began to appear in the kitchen making it look like it could be used to prepare real meals and even that they could have people over for gatherings. Lexa lost her smile when she realized that would never happen. The former Commanders could join them if Clarke chose to call them forth somehow, but she’d never see Indra or Abby or…

  
“Clarke?”

  
“Yeah?” Clarke looked up at her. “I’m sorry. I’ve been rambling.”

  
“I like it.” Lexa admitted. She caught Clarke looking around realizing what she’s been building all while merely talking to Lexa. “How’s your mom?”

  
“My mom?” Clarke asked back. Lexa nodded. “I think she’s fine.” Clarke pulled her hand back and Lexa retracted her own.

  
“What happened just now?” Lexa expressed concern.

  
“Nothing. My mom’s fine.” Clarke stood and looked around more. “I don’t know how I’m doing all of this. Where did this come from?”

  
“Clarke, Ron ai ridiyo op.” Speak true.

  
“I am, Lexa.”

  
“No, you’re not. Tell me.” Lexa implored while reaching out for Clarke’s hand as the girl moved around the kitchen and Lexa remained sitting. She grazed the tips of her fingers before Clarke slid away from her and walked instead toward the sofa.

  
“I drew you on this.” She pointed at it. “While you were asleep.”

  
Lexa followed her and they both sat down.

  
“Yes, you did.”

  
“I wish we could go back to that moment.”

  
“Which one?”

  
“When you saw my drawing. You looked so surprised and then Titus came in and we never talked about it.”

  
“What do you want to know?” Lexa asked with kind, expressive eyes.

  
“Did you like it?” Clarke expressed her vulnerability.

  
Lexa let out a kind of half sigh.

  
“Of course I did. How could I not?” She watched as Clarke smiled a shy smile. “Clarke, I was surprised because since we met, I knew how I felt about you despite the fact that I tried to put it out of my mind and convince myself that to be Commander was to be alone. I’d gotten Costia killed and…”

  
“We never got to talk about her really either.”

  
“Or Finn.” Lexa added with an annoyed expression. Clarke recognized that look as possible jealousy. “When I showed you how I felt, you weren’t ready and I understood. You were right. That wasn’t the time and then…”

  
“The mountain.”

  
“Yes.” Lexa stated plainly and then took Clarke’s hand. “I thought I lost you for good that day. Then, there was the bounty and I had to do what I could to keep you safe. I told you it was for our people and it was, but that was not all it was.” She paused. “You were so angry at me.” She was clearly distraught at the memory. “You were lost to me then. I thought there was nothing I could do to get you to even trust me again as Commander let alone to trust me with your heart.”

  
“Lexa…” Clarke squeezed her hand.

  
“And then you had a knife to my neck and the only thing I could offer you was an apology. You proved your selflessness and your dedication to our people and our peace by offering to bow before me in front of the others and I still didn’t think I’d ever win your heart, Clarke. I honestly didn’t feel worthy of that victory.”

  
“You didn’t feel worthy of me?”

  
“I’d betrayed you at the mountain. I’d lost the trust you had in me and you were the only of your people who believed in what I was trying to do. I made you not trust yourself.” Lexa paused. “I never wanted that. I never wanted you to doubt yourself.”

  
“Hey, it’s okay.”

  
“When I kneeled before you, it was the first time I did something entirely selfish in a very long time.”

  
“What was selfish about that?” Clarke asked her.

  
“I swore fealty to you, Clarke. I did it not because I was worried about our coalition or the alliance between our people. I did it because I hoped that maybe we’d get to a point one day where you’d see me again as someone you could trust. I did it because I wanted you. I loved you and I hoped that one day maybe you’d love me in return.” She sighed at the stroke of Clarke’s thumb against her hand. “Then we started spending more time together and I did my best to push that hope out of my mind because I didn’t think I deserved it yet. I still had something to prove to you and I didn’t know how to do it, but when you came over when I awoke from my nightmare and you comforted me, I felt like maybe we were…”

  
“Finally getting somewhere?” Clarke guessed and Lexa nodded.

  
“I saw the drawing and then I knew I was right.”

  
“You looked so peaceful in your sleep. I couldn’t resist.” She leaned in. “You were reading and I was just sitting there drawing shapes and not much else and then I looked over and realized you’d fallen asleep. I’d never gotten to watch you do that.”

  
“I’d gotten to watch you.”

  
“When?” Clarke questioned.

  
“That night in the woods after you saved my life.”

  
“That’s right.” Clarke remembered. “I fell asleep and I woke up when I heard…”

  
“And I told you that you were safe.” Lexa paused. “You saw me as a way to save your people back then, but I already saw you as something more. I always have.”

  
“Lexa, I fell in love with you slowly, but somehow all at once.”

  
“I don’t understand.” It was Lexa’s turn to look confused.

  
Clarke took a deep breath in. She couldn’t believe how little they’d said to each other before all this. They’d spoken in their actions with one another, but rarely with words. This was her chance to tell Lexa their story from her side.

  
“When you and I met, I was broken over what happened at the drop ship and the mountain and with Finn. I wasn’t open to the idea of being with anyone and especially not a Commander of the people we’d been fighting since we landed.” She watched Lexa’s smile disappear, but she pressed her thumb to Lexa’s lips and then kissed them gently to get it to reappear before she continued. “It took me time to get there, but once I did, it was as if everything, every moment we had together came rushing in all at once. When you offered me your arm and said ‘may we meet again’ in your room that day… it all came crashing down and I thought about what I would feel if I never saw you again… if I never got to show you or tell you… and I realized that I had too.” She pressed her forehead to Lexa’s. “I had to tell you and I didn’t say the words. I should have, but I didn’t. I thought we’d have more time. I thought I’d go to Arkadia and we’d stop Pike and I’d return to Polis and you and I would figure this out, but then Titus happened and I couldn’t stop it and I watched you fall and…” She felt the tears fall before she even realized she was crying and Lexa soothed her with an embrace. “I watched you die and then I had to stay in that room when they took you away. I wanted to lie next to you and hold you and they took you away and all I could do was stare at the bed and the blood and think about everything I never said and what we wouldn’t have and…”

  
“I’m here. I’m here and I know. I know now.” Lexa reminded her. She watched as the candles in the room began to flicker around them and she noticed the sky outside the window that Clarke created and noticed that night was falling. “Clarke?” She lifted the girl’s head and looked into her eyes. “This can work. I can be here and you can come and we can make this place our home together. We can do that, but it isn’t up to me to decide.”

  
“Lexa-“

  
“Clarke, you are creating a world for us to live in here, but you still belong to the other world. Your family is there, your people, our people are there and they are counting on you to lead them right now.” She held Clarke’s face in her hands as her thumbs wiped away tears. “We can try to do this, but you have to promise me you will do everything you can to take care of those people out there and put me last until you know they’re safe.”

  
“I don’t know if I can do that.”

  
“Of course you can. You’re you, remember?”

  
Clarke laughed lightly.

  
“What am I supposed to do when I want to see you?”

  
“Come see me just before you’re going to fall asleep. We can have time together, sleep next to each other so I know you’re actually sleeping. You can spend the rest of your time there working to save our people.”

  
“I want all my time to be with you.”

  
“No, you don’t.” Lexa smiled at her. “That’s not who you are, Clarke. We’ll have our time together and one day, when things are safe, maybe we can have more or…”

  
“Or what, Lexa?”

  
Lexa gulped.

  
“Or if you find that coming here is too hard or you decide you want-“

  
“Someone else? Lexa, not this again.”

“I’m merely stating that I would understand.”

  
“Well, I don’t. Stop trying to get me to leave you.” Clarke stood.

  
“I’m not. That’s the last thing I want.” Lexa stood and put her hands on Clarke’s hips. “Clarke, you have the Flame inside you.”

  
“I know that.”

  
“One day, very far off into the future, you will leave that world permanently.” Lexa squinted until she was sure Clarke understood her meaning. “When you do, you will come here as I did and as all the Commanders before us have done.” She paused. “Death is not the end, Clarke and you and I will share eternity together here once you have lived your life out there. I will be here waiting no matter what happens between now and then.”

“Why does this feel like a goodbye?”

  
“It’s not a goodbye, Clarke. It’s not even ‘may we meet again.’ It’s I’ll see you tonight when you’re ready for sleep and I’ll be there next to you when you wake up and I’ll be here the day your life in that world is over to share forever with you here. Ai hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru. Death is not our end.”

 

Clarke kissed her briefly and then hugged her again. She told Lexa she’d be back later and then opened her eyes in her Arkadia bed. She felt her cheeks and they were warm and wet with tears. She sat up and looked at the clock and realized she’d been gone through the afternoon and the night. It was morning and there were two trays of food on the table in her mom’s bunk. She stood to see that one of them was dinner from the night before and the other was breakfast. There was a note next to them from Abby stating she didn’t want to wake Clarke so she slept in an empty room and made sure someone brought her breakfast. She’d come by to check on her later. Clarke looked down at the food and recognized the trays as the same ones she’d conjured up in the city and knew she wasn’t hungry because she’d eaten with Lexa. Still though, she knew she’d create more worry if she left both trays untouched so she sat down and ate enough to be convincing before using her mom’s bathroom to ready herself for the day.

  
Lexa’s words rang in her ears. She was right. Clarke needed to focus here. She needed to live in this reality and visit that one. She felt better knowing that Lexa was able to roam freely throughout the city now and not live in a world of black. She began to think of other structures and places and objects they’d need in their forever world and she wondered if while she was thinking of them in Arkadia if they were appearing there. She closed her eyes and she was standing outside the house. Lexa must have been inside. Clarke looked around and saw that a brown horse was running freely and that she’d created a small river as well. She’d also made the skyscrapers disappear. She opened her eyes in Arkadia and was confident that she could build a world for them. She looked down at the sink and noticed a small drop of blood on the edge and looked in the mirror. Her nose was bleeding again. She cleaned it up and made sure she looked as presentable as she could; noting her eyes were a lot less bloodshot and the bags under them were beginning to slowly fade.

She left Abby’s room and went to go find Raven and gather the others. It was time for the Commander to lead her people. It was time for Clarke to prove Lexa right and be the leader she’d always thought she could be.


	8. Chapter 8

“Clarke!” Raven shouted in surprise when Clarke threw the door to the room open and she found Raven sleeping in Jasper’s spot under the table. The girl jerked up slightly and banged her head on the top of the table. “God, warn a girl, will ya?”

  
Clarke moved swiftly toward her to help her get up and stand and then checked her head to make sure she wasn’t bleeding.

  
“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be here. I thought you’d be sleeping in a room. I just came because I thought Monty would have taken over by now.” Clarke helped Raven sit in the chair in front of the screens.

  
“He did take over. He was working all night. We’re pulling shifts now. I taught him some stuff to make things go a little faster. He just went to breakfast and I had just gotten to sleep when you decided now was the time to make a grand entrance.”

  
“You still haven’t slept?” Clarke asked.

  
“I did. I slept for about 3 or 4 hours when Monty tagged in, but then I got restless and came back in here. He and I made some progress and then I crashed again.” She turned toward the screens and pointed at dots that were now in different colors than before. “We’ve got all of these under control already. Water is rushing in as we speak. We rigged two laps here to be able to continue control as we move; whenever we move that is. Power source for them will be tricky.” She motioned to the laptops. “They have two backup batteries a piece and we should be able to charge those off of car batteries or stationary charging stations like we use with the comms, but they take a while since the voltages are off. Anyway, it’s a big step at least.”

  
“So, how long do we have until we really need to start moving?” Clarke sat next to her.

  
The door behind them opened. Monty pushed through it with two trays of food.

  
“Hey Clarke.” He sat them both down on the table Raven had just climbed out from under. “Morgan says, for now, we should be okay at least weather wise and the ones we’ve gotten control over buys us a few weeks, but we can’t predict the rain or the wind so…” He faded and then looked at Clarke. “You can have this one. I’ll go back and grab another.” He offered and pointed to the breakfast tray.

  
“I already ate.” Clarke replied and noticed Raven’s questioning glance. “I did.” She confirmed. Raven eyes looked her up and down.

  
“You look like maybe you slept a little too.”

  
“I did. I’m good.” She told her without revealing anything in Monty’s presence. “Did Kane fill you guys in?”

  
“Yeah, he told us, but how did you find out about the tunnels, I didn’t see anything in the system about those and the bunkers and-“ Monty took a drink of his water as he held his fork with his other hand.

  
“It doesn’t matter.” Clarke replied.

  
“We got in touch with Octavia and Bellamy.” Raven changed the subject. “They’re speeding toward the locations as we speak.” Raven explained. “With any luck, they’ll get there in a couple of weeks.”

  
“A couple of weeks?” Clarke verified.

  
“There aren’t really any clear roads anymore, Clarke. Makes driving kind of hard for Bellamy’s team and Octavia took a damn horse like we have all the time in the world to find somewhere to store up humanity until the radiation dies down again.”

  
“Maybe we should send another team by car to follow behind her and catch up.” Monty suggested.

  
“That’s not a bad idea.” Raven agreed.

  
“Octavia would probably kill me, but we don’t have the kind of time I thought we did when she left.” She looked at Monty. “I’ll have Kane arrange it.”

  
Monty passed a roll of some kind that looked to be pretty hard to Raven who bit down into it almost immediately. Clarke wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been taken care of herself. Raven and Monty both were starting to look just as bad as she had before her trip to the city.

  
“Oh and Morgan is working on weather charts using what he knows of the areas we’ll be traveling through and his calculations and I think he’s got a decent path charted out for us to both bunkers.” Monty expressed and took a bite of his food. “There are reactors along the way. We’ll have to monitor the radiation levels as we pass them, but it’s possible we can remote into the ones near us as we go. If we can, we might be able to get them back up and running at least long enough to get us out of the danger zone.”

  
“And if not?” Clarke asked.

  
“I say we have teams ready to get eyes on them.” Raven proposed. “We get close, they go in. They check out the place and jack us in if we can’t get remote control. We can start the process if we’re actually inside instead. The only thing we can’t fix is if they’re in ruins and everything’s fallen apart already.”

  
“In that case, we create a radiation zone around it and no one ever goes near it again.”

  
“Can you still get O and Bell on the radios?” Clarke asked Raven and stood.

  
“Yeah, they both have long-range extenders and backup batteries.” She answered.

  
“Good. I’m calling a meeting. Get them on the radio and tell them I’m holding a meeting in Arkadia in an hour.”

  
“Can do, Commander.” Raven returned.

  
Clarke went to leave the room, but turned to face them.

  
“Can we broadcast in Polis?” Clarke asked.

  
“You mean the meeting?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“No. I mean we have the tech for audio, but Polis isn’t wired like Arkadia is.” Monty answered.

  
“Then, change of plans. I’m going to Polis.”

*****

Clarke decided Kane should leave Arkadia with her. Raven and Monty remained behind to continue working and hopefully, get some sleep. She’d gotten necessary updates from them and from Jasper. She had Indra and Murphy contacted so they could return from the mountain with their team. The updates they’d provided already weren’t promising and given the change in speed of the meltdowns, it was no longer an option anyway.

  
When Clarke arrived in Polis, her guards rejoined her. She’d insisted they remained behind and since she obeyed rather blindly, they did not argue. Immediately upon her return though, she was flanked by four of them and escorted to the tower where she first went to the throne room and met with the ambassadors to relay the plan.

  
“Heda, Azgeda is prepared to lead the way through the tunnels.” The Ice Nation ambassador shared with the group.

  
“Azgeda should not lead any of us until it proves its loyalty to the coalition once again.” Another ambassador spoke up.

  
“How are we to prove our loyalty if we are not provided opportunity?” The Ice Nation ambassador questioned. “I fought beside King Roan before he was king; before he was exiled. I served my queen as was my duty, but not all Azgeda believed in her ways.” He looked to Clarke. “Heda, Ice Nation will do as you command. We have dealt with those who were loyal to the queen and Ontari.”

  
“You killed them?” Clarke asked him. She really had been out of it the past few days and noticed she failed to consider the fact that Ice Nation must have been dealing with inner turmoil after Roan’s death and then Ontari’s.

  
“No, Heda. Though some died as they fought arrest, the rest are being held prisoner awaiting your command. Heda, they will oppose your rule. I believe those who hold them for us support your leadership as King Roan spoke highly of you.” He nodded at her and Clarke tried to hide her surprised expression. “He spoke of your strength.” He continued. “Those that we hold captive, if let go, will most likely bring a war against the coalition. Their numbers are many, but not enough that Azgeda cannot handle them.”

  
“How many?” Clarke asked.

  
“Over 1000 we believe would engage in war if allowed to go free.”

  
“Where are you holding them?” Clarke followed up. She had no idea where Ice Nation would be able to hold 1000 prisoners.

  
“Azgeda has its own prison. It was built before the bombs. When Azgeda was founded on our lands, it was discovered. It has not been in use since before that time because crimes in Azgeda were-“

  
“I understand.” Clarke cut him off knowing Ice Nation was very similar to the Ark in its punishments for crime. Only they didn’t have lack of resources as a valid reason for killing people over petty crimes. They had blood must have blood.

  
“King Roan spoke with the former Commander about using it.”

  
“Ontari?”

  
“Lexa kom Trikru.”

  
At the mention of her name, Clarke looked around the room and noticed the ambassadors lowering their heads slightly out of respect. They had not done this when Clarke mentioned Ontari. It was then that Clarke realized how much they respected Lexa even though they often disagreed with her new approach to leadership.

  
“What did they talk about?”

  
“Roan began to setup laws with his advisors over how to use the prison. I have continued that in his absence and the prisoners who we believe would be a threat are currently secured there.”

  
Clarke wanted to ask more questions about who was taking care of them and how, but she needed to move on. She’d worry about the prisoners and how to safely transport them later.

  
“I’m about to talk to everyone in Polis and tell them our plans to move. I need you to reach out to your people who aren’t in Polis today and make sure they understand how important it is that we leave and that we do it fast.” Clarke began. “Report back to me and if I need to make a trip myself to your people and explain it, I will, but things are already in motion and we have to act quickly. People are already getting sick and dying. Radiation poisoning is slow and painful. Once it really starts, there’s not much we can do to save them.”

  
“Sha, Heda.” Several of the ambassadors said at once.

  
“And what if they won’t leave?” A normally quiet ambassador spoke up.

  
“I won’t force them to go. That’s not how this works anymore. Lexa believed we could lead without commanding; that people should make their own choices. Blood must not have blood.” Clarke remembered the first time she’d heard Lexa say those words to her in Trigedasleng and she was pretty sure that was the first time any grounder had formed that sentence out loud. “If people want to remain behind, we will not fight them. We won’t start a war between families or clans. We will just leave without them.” She took a breath and stood. “But they will have to live with the consequences.” She took the few steps down to floor level. “You should all leave now to get to your people. I have to tell Polis.” She started to walk toward the door and noticed all the ambassadors stand. She thought it was out of respect at first, but then one of them stepped in front of her. She gulped for a moment not knowing what was happening.

  
“Heda, we will stand behind you while you deliver your message.” The ambassador told her and the others nodded. “It will help them see the importance to see us there united in cause. We will leave after.”

  
Clarke nodded appreciatively and as she left the room and they followed, she could sense the tide turning. They wouldn’t have spoken to Ontari or even Lexa like that. Commanders were to be obeyed and bowed before; not told what to do. This wasn’t a bad thing though, Clarke considered. This was a very good thing. After all, she didn’t want to be Commander. She needed people around her who understood these people. She needed help and she wasn’t afraid to ask for it. She would lead the people with respect and not fear; with compassion and hope for the future. She would lead them in the way Lexa so desired to do herself.

*****

Clarke took her position on the balcony of the tower. The throne room was too high to address the crowd so they’d setup another balcony about 5 stories off the ground that was large enough to hold the Commander and several of the ambassadors. Raven had given Clarke a station that Kane had setup for her while she was meeting with the rest of the ambassadors. It was a direct connection to Arkadia so they could hear her speak and it also had one loudspeaker that they’d brought with them. She had an old-school microphone sitting next to it that would allow her voice to carry out over the masses. She knew she had to address as many people as possible in person to make sure her points were clear. The more people that heard about the plan through the grapevine, the more likely it was to fail.

  
She’d opted to wear mostly black clothing and the head piece had been pressed to her forehead by Indra. She’d insisted that this was to help people see her as Commander, but Clarke wondered how they’d see it at all with her addressing them from so far away. She did as Indra suggested though and it felt odd having it pressed to her skin when she felt it should be on someone else entirely. She had no weapons and opted to leave her hair down and unbraided. It was the best combination she could think to offer the people from clans so different because they’d come from the ground and the sky.

  
She looked at Kane who nodded that he was setup on their end.

  
“Raven, can you hear me?” He asked.

  
“Loud and clear. I’ll patch you guys through now.” Raven replied.

  
“Okay, Clarke.” He stood all the way up in line with the row of ambassadors behind their new Commander.

  
Clarke gulped down her nervousness as she saw the crowd continuing to grow beneath her. It was massive and while she had a plan, she’d never had to give a speech like this before. Not everyone would understand English and she knew enough Trigedasleng to pass, but she’d rely on the warriors to translate as she spoke because the Arkadians didn’t know any of that language.

“People of the 13 clans, I am Klark kom Skaikru.” She took a deep breath. “I was Clarke of the Sky People.” She paused intently. “I am now Heda, Commander of the 13 clans.” Her voice boomed out over the crowd at a slight delay as she considered her next words. She noticed that while some people were giving her their undivided attention, others were not. They were continuing about their days as if nothing was happening. “Oso gonplei nou ste odon kos oso gonplei don jos stot au.” Our fight is not over because our fight has only just begun. That got everyone’s attention. She hoped someone in Arkadia could translate for the Sky People. “Gon we o wan op.” Leave or die. That got everyone to stop moving and look up at her. “This is our only choice. We must leave the lands you have called home.” There were grumbles in the crowd. “Bombs and radiation ended the world before we were alive and now radiation will do it again and we must be prepared. We have a plan that will lead all of us to safety.”

  
“Osir nou lufa na bants!” We don’t want to leave! Someone shouted up at her.

  
“If you don’t leave, you will die!” Clarke yelled back in the direction of the voice.

  
“You’re from the sky!” Came another objection.

  
“We are all from the same clan!” Clarke shouted and the other voice. “Your first Commander, Becca was from Sky Crew.” There were gasps and shouts. “She came to the ground and helped your ancestors make a home here; make a safe place for you and your families to settle. We must do that again and we can.” She inhaled. “We will not force anyone to leave their homes. If you want to stay, stay.” She grew frustrated. “Your ambassadors understand that this plan is the best chance any of us have.” She turned and saw the ambassadors nod behind her. “Arkadia has technology that can track the poison heading this way and we know it’s coming faster than we thought. We’re going to take everyone to escape tunnels that will keep us from getting sick until we can outrun it. We have teams looking for places where we will be safe and we will go in that direction. We’ll keep moving as far as we have to go until we’re out of danger.” She realized she was losing the crowd beneath her. “I have the Flame!” She shouted. “I have the Keryon kom Heda! I was chosen. The Commanders will guide me and I will guide us all.” The crowd snapped to attention at the word flame and she waited for them to quiet. “The ambassadors will meet with their clans and tell you when we will move. We will survive! We will live!” She yelled. “Ge yo osud!” Be ready!

  
She stepped back and slid between two ambassadors inside the building where she couldn’t be seen by the crowd. She let out a massive breath and then forced oxygen back in her body.  
“You did well, Clarke.” Kane told her when he walked inside. “They have to make the decision for themselves.”

  
“We will handle the rest, Commander.” The Ice Nation ambassador assured her. “We can convince them.”

  
“Kane has the schedule.” Clarke pointed out. “He’ll instruct you all on where to meet and which groups will go and when. It’s easier for us to gather and travel by clan for now, but that doesn’t mean we won’t present the unity of the coalition.”

  
“Understood, Heda.”

  
“Give the prisoners the option to stay and keep their lands after we’re gone or to join us, but tell them that if they cause any problems, we will leave them behind.” Clarke warned.  
“They are dangerous, Heda. It might be better to leave them in the prison.”

  
“I won’t leave them to die, but if they choose it for themselves, that I won’t stop.”

 

She left the room and went back upstairs to the now empty throne room. The ambassadors had jobs to do. They would each spread out among the clans and tell people what they needed to do to get ready. Jasper was working with the remnants of Farm Station in helping plan out sustainable food sources and would get help where he needed to build the equipment and get the supplies. Monty and Raven had worked already on remote control of as many reactors as they could get at the other teams were beginning to report back. Clarke sat in front of the bank of computers and grabbed the radio standing by.

  
“Raven?”

  
It took a few seconds before Clarke heard some static and then her voice.

  
“Nice speech, Commander.”

  
“Did everyone there hear it?”

  
“Yeah, we’re all good over here though. You don’t have to tell a bunch of people from the Ark about radiation. We’re ready to roll over here.”

  
“What about the teams on the reactors?”

  
“A few have reported back already. Some are still on the move, but we should really call them back.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because the ones that reported back, there’s not much they can do. The radiation is already seeping out. It’s a good thing they had the suits because once they got near the places, small doses are popping up. It’s better to just pull everyone back and get us moving if you want my opinion.”

  
“Do it.” Clarke agreed. “Are you alone?” She asked more quietly.

  
“Yeah.” Raven replied. “You wanna talk about you know what?”

  
“I’m changing things in there, Raven.”

  
“What do you mean?” Came the curious reply.

  
“I made a house. I made Lexa appear without me having to be there. It’s like if I think hard enough about something, it shows up.”

  
“Your mind is making a world?” Raven queried. “You don’t need me to code it?”

  
“Yeah. Did you know this could happen?”

  
“How would I? This is totally new for me too. I’ve never done anything like this before, but Clarke, I’m worried. This is dangerous for you.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because the brain is already a computer basically and I just attached another one to it. You already saw what happened when you did too much at once. If you’re literally coding with your mind, I just…” Static. “I don’t know what could happen to you and I think you should tell Abby. She should run some tests and maybe-“

  
“Maybe she’ll want to take it out?” Clarke finished for her.

  
“I know you miss her, but if it’s too dangerous, I doubt Lexa would want you to risk it.”

  
“I feel better than I did before, Raven. I slept for the first time in a long time last night and I ate food there and I felt better here.”

  
“You should have told me you were going in, Clarke.”

  
“I went back at night and Lexa was already there and there was a house for us and I feel better now just knowing I can go back to that tonight.”

  
“What happens when you want to be there more than you want to be here?”

  
“I already want that in a way, but I’m here.”

  
“Clarke, this is stupid. You’re risking your life. I saw your nose and you just passed out. What if that happens again and we can’t get you out?”

  
Clarke held the radio near her mouth.

  
“Then, leave me there.”

  
“Yeah right! Look, you either tell Abby or I will. I’m not giving in this time, Griffin. She’s your mom and she should know what you’re risking to see Lexa again.”

  
“I’ll tell her the next time I see her, Raven.”

  
“You better or I will, Clarke. I’m serious.”

  
“I know. I’ve gotta go.” She sat the radio down and didn’t wait for Raven’s reply.

*****

It had been a long day. The meeting with the ambassadors had been a long one as they charted the path they’d take and verified that the schedule of people moving through the tunnels was okay to be enough people in what Clarke guessed would be small spaces and yet not enough to be overcrowded if they could avoid it. She was exhausted and she was hungry and wanted a bath more than she’d ever wanted in her life and left the tower with her guards to make her way toward the small house.

  
The sun had set and she lit candles in the house without electricity and then she fell into the bed. She’d worry about everything tomorrow. Tonight, she just wanted…

*****

“You’re back?” Lexa spoke as soon as Clarke appeared outside the house. She was on her horse dressed in her armor again. “I got my gift.” She smiled and then climbed down. “And I can see you’ve been busy.” She motioned with her head toward the ever-growing city Clarke was creating. “Did you actually accomplish anything back in the real world, Clarke or were you too busy creating this one?” She teased and then she was in Clarke’s arms. The skyscrapers from before had been replaced with a few small businesses as in Polis.

  
“Actually, I accomplished a lot out there today and I didn’t even know I was doing this.” She looked around and saw there was a forest behind the house now and a fairly dense one. The horse had a mate that was black in color and was running freely next to the horse Lexa had just dismounted. “I made a forest?” Clarke looked at Lexa’s face in disbelief.

  
“I rode through it while you were gone. I returned earlier, but was just about to go for another ride. It’s a large forest, Clarke. It reminds me of the woods where we encountered that gorilla.” She smirked. “And there’s something else I noticed inside. Maybe you can explain it to me.”

  
Clarke looked confused, but she took Lexa’s hand and they walked inside the house that had candles lit everywhere, which was unsurprising. Even though Clarke’s mind had also put in electricity; she could tell by the light switches and fixtures that had appeared in her absence, Lexa had always preferred many, many candles.

  
“I see what you mean.”

  
“Not this.” Lexa pulled her into the bathroom, which had grown in size rather substantially since Clarke had last been here and now included a large bathtub that apparently had warm, running water filling it up. “This.” She pointed.

  
“Thank God!” Clarke replied exasperatedly and reached for her shirt to pull it over her head.

  
“So, I should assume this is for you?”

  
“No, this is for us.” Clarke pulled her into the room that was warm from the water’s temperature and the lit candles sprinkled throughout it. She turned around and looked at Lexa. “Why are you wearing this?” She laughed lightly and tugged at the armor. Lexa just rolled her eyes and began removing it.

*****

It took a few moments before they were resting comfortably against one another in the bathtub; Lexa sitting behind Clarke running warm water up and down the girl’s back as Clarke leaned forward.

  
“You’re not worried about the prisoners?” Lexa asked her after Clarke ran through the plan.

  
“I don’t have time to be worried about them.”

  
“Geimbreika, Clarke.” Coup.

  
“I know they might try to stage a coup, Lexa, but the Azgeda ambassador assured me of his loyalty and that they can handle them. That’s assuming they decide to come at all.”

  
“If they were loyal to the Nia, they will likely seek power and if they feel they have no chance taking yours, they may choose to stay behind.”

  
“They’ll get themselves killed.” Clarke returned as she felt Lexa’s hands on her back and closed her eyes at the sensation.

  
“Then, it is to be.” Lexa kissed her between the shoulder blades. “You’re doing everything you can, Clarke.”

  
“Am I doing everything you would do?” She asked and then leaned back, which forced Lexa to do the same and she wrapped her arms around her stomach. Her head went to Clarke’s shoulder.

  
“Chit bilaik thri bakon gon Heda?”

  
Clarke’s head turned and her body followed. She backed away from Lexa in the tub and watched as the water swayed around them.

  
“Lexa, really?”

  
“Answer the question.”

  
Clarke rolled her eyes as she watched Lexa’s knees push against her own chest. Clarke reached forward and pulled them apart, creating just enough space for Clarke to rise to her own knees and settle between them.

  
“Noun, fiyanes, en uf.”

  
“Yes, the 3 pillars of being a Commander are wisdom, compassion and strength. Your plan shows all of those.” She reached around Clarke’s back and pulled her closer as she looked up into her eyes. “So yes, you are doing everything I would do, Heda.”

  
Clarke lowered her head and kissed her.

*****

They moved to the bed afterwards; neither bothering to put on clothes. Lexa had gotten over her shyness it seemed. She’d brought Clarke food from the kitchen. It was her favorite Ark food on the tray again and Lexa asked her if she’d ever get sick of it. Clarke shrugged as she devoured it and Lexa ate along with her this time. When they’d put the trays away and were ready for sleep to take them, Clarke moved toward the headboard and motioned for Lexa to sit between her legs; first leaning back against her so she could hold her and kiss her neck gently while they talked. Then, she had her lean forward slightly so Clarke could remove her braids. She’d thought about doing this for Lexa before. There was the time she drew her as she slept and the time before that when they were in the tent preparing for battle and Lexa was trying to relax while Clarke continued thinking about the upcoming battle.

  
“Oh.” Clarke muttered and her hands stopped halfway through a braid.

  
“What?” Lexa checked and turned slightly. Clarke was stunned. Lexa’s bare back was in front of her with the tattoo from her conclave against her spine. Her skin was soft and fresh and the light from the flickering candles hit her face in such a way that her olive skin lit up perfectly around her eyes with her long neck slightly in shadow. Clarke couldn’t believe how beautiful the woman in front of her was and she couldn’t believe how lucky she was to get to see her this way. “Are you okay? Lexa asked.

  
“I just realized something.” Clarke dropped her hands from Lexa’s braid and grazed her skin with her fingertips; watching Lexa’s eyes close and small smile as she did.

  
“What did you realize?”

  
“That I’ve wanted this for a long time.” Lexa went to turn, but Clarke stopped her. “No, don’t. You look perfect right now.” She ran her fingers back up and then slowly down. “I was thinking about how I used to picture this. We weren’t exactly naked, but we’d be sitting somewhere and I’d reach over and you’d let me take down your hair.”

  
“You pictured this?”

  
Clarke’s hands returned to Lexa’s braids.

  
“Back before the mountain even. You were trying to rest and getting frustrated because I couldn’t.”

  
Lexa lowered her head to laugh.

  
“I remember.”

  
“I don’t know. I guess I just pictured it for a second. You seemed tired and you always seemed in control. You were Commander and you had to be, but I thought about how that must be difficult to never be able to just let go and I thought about doing this.”

  
They sat in silence as Clarke finished with the last braid and fanned out Lexa’s wavy hair. She pressed her front against Lexa’s back and slid her arms around the girl’s body.

  
“You really thought about this back then?” Lexa asked in a shy whisper.

  
Clarke shifted her hands on her stomach and Lexa got the idea and turned around. It didn’t take long before Clarke was moving so that Lexa had to lie down and Clarke was on top of her.

  
“Yes.” Her eyes met Lexa’s anticipating green ones.

  
“Now that you’ve performed the task, how did you find it?” She smirked and tried to hide her small giggle.

  
“I liked it.” Clarke leaned down and kissed her. “We’ll have to do it again sometime.” She captured her lips again before moving to her neck and she heard Lexa’s gasp when she dipped her hips down and into her. “Later though.” She sucked Lexa’s earlobe into her mouth and knew she’d once again have no trouble sleeping tonight.


	9. Chapter 9

“Clarke, you must go.” Lexa whispered in the girl’s ear as she held her from behind.

  
“It’s early.” Clarke replied.

  
“When you return tonight, will you tell me of life on the Ark?” Lexa whispered softly again and swept Clarke’s hair aside.

  
“You want to know about the Ark?” Clarke reluctantly rolled over knowing full well Lexa was using this as a ploy to get her to wake up after several hours of sleep.

  
“I want to know everything about you. You lived on the Ark for most of your life, so I would like to know about it.” Lexa’s arms wrapped around Clarke and drew her into her. “But now, you must go. I will be waiting for your stories when you return.”

  
Clarke growled as she pulled away.

  
“I hate that you’re right.” She moved to stand and reached for her shirt.

  
“What are you doing?” Lexa asked.

  
“Getting dressed so I can go since you are kicking me out.”

  
Lexa smirked.

  
“You’re getting dressed here to go there?”

  
Clarke dropped the shirt on the bed.

  
“Right.” She leaned down to Lexa who was sitting up to face her. “I love you.” She kissed her. “I’ll be back later.”

  
“I know.” Lexa replied. “And I love you too.”

*****

“Welcome back!” Kane greeted Clarke when she arrived by jeep back at Arkadia.

  
“Thanks. Are we ready?”

  
She looked around and felt like every citizen of Arkadia was outside making preparations of some kind. Jasper was under a rig that looked like it was built to carry a lot of dirt. He was dirty himself and fixing something. He slid out from under it and took a drink of his water that was nearby and looked in Clarke’s direction and nodded. He was clearly sweating and she heard him explain something to a grounder who was working on attaching some kind of plastic to the top of the rig that would likely act as the rolling greenhouse roof.

  
“I’ve heard from a few of the ambassadors and so far, so good.” Kane began his debrief as they walked toward the entrance. “The team we sent to the tunnels reported back this morning while you were on your way here.”

  
Clarke stopped walking. Everything in their plan depended on these tunnels.

  
“And?”

  
“And they appear to be okay. They haven’t gone all the way through them yet, but they reported back that the tunnels are 12 feet wide and about 7 feet high. There are rooms along the way. Most of the ones they’ve found so far are old offices, but they found one with dried foods; powder mostly. We’d have to inspect it before handing it out.”

  
“We’ll need people to drive the vehicles.” Clarke reminded.

  
“Jasper’s already volunteered.” Kane explained. “He wants to lead the group that has to drive whatever supplies can’t be carried underground. I think that’s why he’s working so hard. He realizes they need to leave fast to beat the radiation.”

  
Clarke turned back and saw Jasper working with a wrench with determination.

  
“I’d also like to drive.” The voice was Jaha’s and he was behind them. Clarke turned to see him standing there with a pack on his back. “I know I failed our people before, Clarke. I know this will not make up for the destruction I’ve caused, but I would like to help.” Jaha had apparently returned to Arkadia at some point without her being aware of it.

  
Clarke considered his offer and looked at Kane for affirmation. His expression was blank.

  
“You want to drive one of the supply cars?”

  
“I’ll do whatever you need, Commander.” He appeared to be genuine, but he also appeared to be exhausted like many other people around the small city.

  
“Get some sleep first.” Clarke ordered. “Then, talk to Jasper. He’s in charge of transpo. If he says no though…”

  
“I understand.” He looked around while shifting the bag on his shoulder. “Maybe it’s better if I sleep out here. I…”

  
“You can sleep in my room, Thelonious.” Kane offered. “Come on.”

  
“Thanks, Marcus.”

  
Clarke continued inside and made her way to the room where she knew she’d find Raven. She opened the door to find Raven and Monty talking and pointing at their computer screens.  
“We can’t spend any more time on it, Monty. It’s a lost cause. Besides, Clarke pulled back the teams.”

  
“Clarke’s here.” She greeted and Raven turned around.

  
“Hey, Clarke.” Monty returned.

  
“What are you two arguing about?” She walked toward them.

  
“Nothing. Raven’s right. I was just thinking that we might still be able to connect to a reactor. It’s a risk, but…” He shook his head. “She’s right. I’m just tired.”

  
“Get some sleep, Monty.” Clarke ordered.

  
“It’s my shift. She’s the one who’s supposed to be sleeping right now.” He looked at Raven.

  
“I can’t even tell you if he’s right.” Raven looked exhausted too.

“Why don’t you both get some sleep? We’ll need everyone ready to go soon and it will be better if we’re all a little less tired.”

  
“I’ll take the radio in case there are any updates.” Monty offered. “But I think Clarke’s right.”

  
“Don’t give her the satisfaction.” She stood.

  
“I’ll be back in 3-4 hours.” Monty explained and grabbed a radio. He walked past Clarke as she nodded at him and he left the room.

  
“So, what are you going to do while Monty and I are catching some rack time?” She approached Clarke.

  
“Check on progress. Make sure we’re ready when it’s time to go.”

  
“And?” Raven persisted.

  
Clarke sighed.

  
“Raven, she’ll want me to remove it.”

  
“Maybe you should.”

  
“Raven, come in.” It was Octavia’s voice on one of the other radios. “Raven?”

  
Raven turned and walked back to the radio.

  
“O, it’s me.”

  
“Your troops are here to escort me the rest of the way to the bunker. Just thought you should know.”

  
Clarke motioned for Raven to hand her the radio.

  
“Octavia, it’s Clarke.”

  
“I thought you were okay with me going alone.”

  
“I was when I thought we had 6 months. You’re on a horse, Octavia. They have a car and they have suits just in case.” She paused. “Where are you?”

  
“Gideon here just told me we’re about ½ way to the old Arkansas border.”

  
“Wow!” Raven was surprised. “She’s making good time.”

  
“It’s Octavia. I’m not surprised.” Clarke replied to Raven before hitting the button on the radio. “Have you slept at all since you started?” Clarke asked her.

  
“A little here and there, but not much. I’ll get sleep when I find the place. Look, I found a road that’s broken up, but still passable. I’ve been on it for a few miles and it seems to stretch pretty far at least that we can see. We’re going to take it for as long as we can. Should make good time.” She let go of the button for only a second. “How’s Bell?”

  
Raven took the radio back from Clarke.

  
“He’s good. He’s ahead of you. He’s about halfway through what used to be Missouri, but you’re catching up, O.”

  
“Nothing like a little sibling rivalry.” Octavia joked. “Look, we’re about to head out.”

  
Raven handed the radio back to Clarke.

  
“O, let your horse go. Ride with the team. It’ll be faster.”

  
“You really expect me to do that, Clarke.”

  
“I know it’s important to you, but you’re looking for a place for our people to call home, Octavia. We need to find this place faster than we originally thought. We have to outrun the radiation and the weather and the people need to know that there’s something waiting for them on the other side of all this.” Clarke implored.

  
There was a long silence.

  
“I can’t, Clarke.” She replied. “I’ll let them go on ahead. I’ll get there as soon as I can, but they can go one way when they hit the border and start looking and I’ll go another. It’s smarter really.”

  
Clarke thought about it for a moment. She sensed Octavia’s trepidation.

  
“Okay. Get their radio frequency and check in with them regularly. You plot out the search with them before they leave.”

  
“I got it.” There was a pause. “Thanks, Clarke.” She gave a grateful reply.

  
Clarke handed the radio back to Raven who put it back on the charger.

  
“You should sleep now. I’ll wake you up if I need anything.” Clarke told Raven who started to walk past her toward the door.

  
“When I wake up, Clarke, Abby better know.” She was gone.

*****

“Mom?” Clarke greeted when she entered the small hospital. Abby was crouched in front of a cabinet of medicine bottles apparently taking inventory.

  
“Clarke? You’re back?” She stood and made a mark on a piece of paper.

  
“Yeah.” Clarke gulped. “Can I talk to you?”

  
Abby looked around to see that the busy hospital seemed to be in good hands and nodded to the right for Clarke to join her in the hall.

  
“Is everything okay?” She asked while gripping Clarke’s elbow.

  
Clarke looked down the hallway and after one man walked past them, it was empty.

  
“I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it, but I need you to hear me out before you react.”

  
Abby looked concerned.

“Clarke, what’s going on?”

  
“You can’t tell anyone, mom. I’m only telling you because Raven will if I don’t and I need you to know that I am okay and that I can control it.”

  
“Clarke, you’re scaring me now. What’s going on?” She repeated her question.

  
Clarke walked toward a small room she knew they used for x-rays when she saw two more people join them in the hall and Abby followed and closed the door behind them.

  
“Raven figured something out about the Flame; the AI, A.L.I.E 2 or whatever you want to call it.” She paused for a second to see if Abby would say something. She didn’t. She just crossed her arms over her chest. “She was able to code it so that it would think I was a Nightblood and she built a basic, new City of Light.” She got it all out quickly. “I went in.”

  
Abby dropped her arms to her sides.

  
“You put that thing back inside you? Why?” Her eyes were big and she took a step toward her daughter. Then, she stopped and she realized her answer. “Clarke… Lexa?”

  
“She’s there, mom.” Clarke began. “She’s there and there’s this world where we can be together and when Raven told me, I had to try. It worked. It works. I’m okay and I can see her whenever I want now. I’m building a world there.”

  
“You’re building- What are you talking about?”

  
“My mind is controlling it. I create things there. There’s a house, horses, the woods. We have dinner together and we can fall asleep together and-“

  
“Clarke, you put a dangerous artificial intelligence back in your head so you can see Lexa again? Do you have any idea how crazy, how risky that is? We don’t know what this thing will do to you long term. If Raven was able to make it work for a non-Nightblood, how long until it works that out on its own and kills you?” She gripped Clarke’s elbow again. “We’re taking it out.”

  
“No!” Clarke shouted and recoiled.

  
“Clarke! We’re getting it out of you. You can’t-“

  
“Mom, stop!” Clarke ordered. “I love her.” She replied passionately and then slowed her breathing. “I love her.” It came out more calmly and also with a bit of vulnerability.

  
“Honey…”

  
“You don’t understand. It’s why I didn’t tell you. You can’t understand and I know that’s not your fault, but I had her and I lost her, mom.” She felt a tear fall down her face. “We never had a chance here, but we do there. She’s safe there. I can be with her there and my mind is making a home for us somehow. She doesn’t disappear when I’m not there anymore. She rode her horse without me being there.” She wiped a second tear away. “We can have a life.”

  
“Clarke, your life is here. I’m sorry, but Lexa died, Clarke. Even if that really is her in there, she died out here and here is where you live.”

  
“I can live there too. I go there at night. When I sleep there, I feel it here. It’s the only way I’ve been able to sleep. I can fall asleep next to her and wake up and she makes me come back here.”

  
“She makes you?” Abby seemed slightly offended.

  
“I never want to leave.” Clarke admitted. “I can’t bring her back with me so I never want to leave.”

  
“Clarke, this is dangerous. You’re spreading yourself too thin; between two worlds. I know that one feels real, but it’s just a fantasy, honey. This is the real world and I know it’s harsh and unfair that Lexa isn’t here, but we still have to live in it. We have to help these people and we need you to do that.”

  
“I’m here, mom. I’m here.” Clarke pointed out. She looked around the small room. “I’m not giving up on this world. I’m still working to save it. Lexa wouldn’t want me to give up on it and I won’t disappoint her. I’d feel that way regardless of the Flame being inside my head. Tell me you wouldn’t do this if you could have this with dad again. You could see him and talk to him and touch him and it’s real.”

  
“That’s different, Clarke.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because your father and I were married. We’d been together for years. We had a life together. We had you.” She motioned to Clarke.

  
Clarke remained silent as she considered her response.

  
“We could have had that, mom.”

  
“Clarke, you and Lexa met-“

  
“In another life.” Clarke finished. “Sometimes I think that. I used to look at her before she was gone and I’d think ‘How is it that I’m so drawn to her? Why do I trust her? How do I feel this strongly for someone I just met or someone I barely know anything about?’” She wiped at simultaneous tears and realized she didn’t know why she was even crying. “I can’t explain it in any other way, mom. We were supposed to meet. We were supposed to find each other and feel this way and if she was here now, we’d be together and we’d be leading these people to safety together and I need her, mom. I need her like I’ve never needed anything before. I lost myself when she died. I kept it together to get us through A.L.I.E., but I lost myself and I stopped caring because it was easier to not care and to stop eating and sleeping and just miss her.” She watched her mother’s extremely concerned reaction. “She’s the one person I’m supposed to spend my life with. It’s just that she’s not here and I am so this is the way I can share my life with her now and by keeping the Flame inside, when I die one day, I’ll get to share it with her there… forever.”

  
Abby stood in complete shock. She was not expecting that kind of reaction from her daughter. Her head was telling her that this thing needed to be removed and it was endangering her daughter’s life, but her heart was breaking for her child. She had no idea that Clarke felt this strongly for the former Commander. She knew they shared a connection and she’s suspected early on that something more might be going on between them, but she had no idea her daughter had met someone she cared this deeply about.

  
“I don’t know what to say.” Abby finally confessed. “I’m your mother and I want you to be happy, Clarke. This world doesn’t give us happy very often. I don’t know that we’ve had many happy moments since the Ark before your dad…” She wiped her own tear away. “I want you to have Lexa in a world where there is no pain. That is every parent’s dream; their child falling in love with someone deserving of that love and not experiencing any heartache or pain.”

  
“But?”

  
“But I am worried because I’m a doctor and A.L.I.E. scared all of us, Clarke. I know this isn’t the same machine and I understand that it is responsible for saving us from all of that, but I am worried. I’m worried that it will change you; maybe it already is. Maybe it’s doing it positively, but I don’t know. I don’t even know what tests to run to see if it’s doing anything to you physically. I don’t know how you can say you sleep there and you feel it here. I don’t understand and that scares me to death. Doesn’t it scare you?”

  
“No.” She replied honestly. “Because no matter what happens, it’s worth it.”

  
“How can you say that? What if it kills you one day?” Abby was growing frustrated with her daughter’s lack of concern for her own wellbeing.

  
“What would you give to have one more minute with dad, mom? One more hour to sit with him and just talk and catch up about your day?” She watched as Abby’s eyes welled up with more tears. “You’d give everything, wouldn’t you?”

  
“That’s not fair, Clarke. Your dad was floated. The last time I saw him-“

  
“He died.” Clarke completed again. “The last time I saw Lexa she died in my arms. I recited words over her to let her know I was there, but I didn’t tell her that I loved her and when Titus carried her body away, that was all I could think about, mom. Everything I never said. Then, I saw her in the City of Light and we barely had any time because we had to stop A.L.I.E. I saw her fight for me and I thought she died again. Raven gave me a chance and I took it and I don’t plan on taking it out. I will live with the consequences and you have to accept that. This is my decision, mom.”

  
Clarke was proud of herself for standing her ground and being completely honest with her mom. It had been a long time since they’d had a conversation this honest; maybe even since before her dad died. Their relationship had been strained ever since and after what happened with A.L.I.E., Clarke worried it would never be what it once was. It would never be close. This at least gave her hope. If Abby respected her decision, she’d have hope.

  
“I love you, Clarke.”

  
“I know. I love you too, mom.”

  
“I can’t tell you that I’m happy about this or that I won’t worry and I will want to run some tests; blood work, EEG, EKG, X-rays, MRI, CAT Scan, e-“

  
“Okay. Okay.” Clarke held up her hand. “I get it.”

“We should do it before we go. Most of this stuff can be transported, but it won’t work while we’re on the move.”

  
“I’ll do your tests, but you have to agree not to try anything.”

  
“Try anything?” Abby looked confused.

  
“You can’t try to put me under and remove it or-“

  
“You think I’d take it out without your permission?” She appeared offended. “Clarke, I may be worried that you’re hurting yourself and you don’t know it, but you’re an adult now.” She paused. “You’re the Commander. You’re our leader as much as I tried to stop you from becoming one. I’ll respect your decision to keep it in.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
“But if something happens and you get sick and that’s the only thing I can think to-“

  
“You can’t.” She objected.

  
“Clarke, you can’t ask me to let you die.”

  
“It has to stay in!” She shouted and felt the tears again.

  
Abby realized the magnitude of her daughter’s concern at that point.

  
“Or you won’t be there forever?”

  
“If it comes out before someone dies, I don’t think they end up there.”

  
“And when you’re old and gray and ready to pass on after a long and happy life, you want to be there with her forever?” Abby smiled a little.

  
“Yes.”

  
Abby considered her daughter’s request.

  
“I’ll setup the tests. Don’t go back in there until they’re done.”

  
“Fine. I’m ready when you are.”

*****

It took the entire day for Clarke to submit to every test her mom ordered. She felt pain in her arm from the needles drawing blood and she felt exhausted from the prodding and the stress test her mom made her submit to, which had her running in place while Abby looked at readings from electrodes attached to her body. People were staring off and on wondering why Clarke was getting tested for everything in the world, but no one said anything. Some results, like the x-rays were easy to read and looked fine. Others would take time and review so Abby sent Clarke to a room of her own for the night while she retired to her own to review some of the test results again.

  
Clarke promised she wouldn’t go back in until the tests were done, but she hadn’t promised to stay out until all the results came back. She knew Abby would be mad, but she just decided not to tell her and when her head hit the pillow, she thought of Lexa’s face and opened her eyes to find herself lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. She looked down and saw that she was dressed in her dad’s old shirt again and thanks to the openness of the house, she could watch Lexa move about the kitchen and small living room without the girl realizing she was there. She was wearing her white shirt and black pants and Clarke made a mental note to include more clothes here for the two of them. A moment later, she noticed that a door appeared to her left. That had been the outside wall of the house, but without even moving, she now understood it to be a closet door probably leading to new clothes she’d just imagined up for them. Lexa was sharpening a sword she’d never need again. Clarke wondered how she passed the time in here now that she could go wherever she wanted.

  
“Once a Commander, always a Commander.”

  
“I knew you were there.” Lexa replied without looking up.

  
“You did?”

  
“I can always sense when you’re about to arrive now.” She sat the items down on the small sofa and looked up at Clarke who was now sitting up on the bed. Lexa stood and walked over toward her. “It’s strange. I can feel you thinking about this place; thinking about me and then you appear.”

  
“It’s strange that I think about you?” Clarke smiled and reached her arms out for Lexa to climb into while she stood next to the bed.

  
“This whole thing is strange, Clarke. We have to be the only couple that’s ever attempted a relationship across worlds like this; you in the real world and me in one of your own making.” Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's neck and Clarke smiled. “Why are you smiling?”

  
“You just said we’re a couple.”

  
“Are we not?” It wasn’t concern in her tone. She knew Clarke was hers and she was Clarke’s. It was more a comment meant to mock Clarke’s happiness at her earlier words. Clarke could get used to this Lexa. She was lighter and happier and yet still managed to be herself. This was the complete Lexa. All parts of who she was were on display for Clarke and she was completely and totally in love with her.

  
“Of course we are. I’ve just never heard you say it.”

  
Lexa leaned down and pressed her forehead to Clarke’s.

  
“I love you, Clarke Griffin and I have belonged to you in my heart completely since the moment we met.”

  
“I love you too and I am yours.”

  
Lexa kissed her gently and felt Clarke pull her toward the bed. She knew what the girl wanted, but she pulled back slightly and instead climbed onto the other side of the bed to lie next to her. Clarke watched her movements with a curious expression.

  
“You are supposed to tell me about life on the Ark.” Lexa reminded.

  
“Now?” Clarke rolled on her side to face her.

  
“Yes, now.”

  
“Fine. Come here.” She faked disappointment and rolled on her back with an outstretched arm so that Lexa would rest her head against her chest and begin playing with the tattered hem of her shirt.

  
Clarke started in with the story of how her parents met and started dating. Her dad had only told her that story a thousand times so she had it memorized. She figured it was the best place to begin her own story, which came a few years after they got married when she was born. There were already strict rules in place. Children were for the sole purpose of the survival and maintenance of the species. She’d never told Lexa that couples were only permitted one child and that Octavia never should have existed. She explained that she remained hidden and that Bellamy protected her and once people found out, their mother was floated and Octavia was arrested and sent down to the ground with her.

  
At some point during the story, Lexa shifted to sit up facing Clarke so she could see her face as she spoke of her past. Lexa had known things were hard on the Ark, but she’d never gotten the full story of life in space and hearing Clarke mix tales of both the good and the bad of it made her realize this woman was even stronger than she knew and she’d thought that impossible. Lexa didn’t interrupt much or really even ask questions. There were words she didn’t understand and Clarke always seemed to be able to tell when that happened just by Lexa’s expression and she’d explain what it meant.

  
Clarke shifted from the not so great stuff about living in space to some of the good stories about her life. She talked about lunchtime when she was a kid and they had just started their classes and how they all got the same food since there wasn’t much of it, but they each liked different things more than others so they’d trade at the table and it usually resulted in multiple people wanting Clarke’s sprouts every Tuesday when they were served, which she couldn’t stand, but many of her friends liked and they’d argue over who would get them that day. Lexa watched Clarke’s eyes light up when she spoke of old friends and then darken again when she had to tell Lexa that they’re all gone now. Any of the people she considered friend back then, didn’t make it to the ground.

  
She talked about how they used to watch old sporting events on the big screen in Jaha’s room and it was clear Lexa had no concept of this so while Clarke was trying to explain it, her mind decided to create a giant screen for her and they both jumped when the sound of a soccer match “Gooooooaaaaaallllll!!!” was heard. Lexa spun around in her seat on the bed and Clarke could tell she was reaching for her sword that wasn’t there for a moment before she saw the screen. Clarke laughed at her and then pulled her into her and held her against her front.  
“This is soccer.” She explained and used a hand to move Lexa’s hair out of the way so she could rest her chin on the girl’s neck. Lexa’s heart was racing. She could feel it pounding. “Hey, it’s okay.” She tried to calm her. “What’s wrong? Should I turn it off? I guess I thought you’d like to see it.”

  
“Clarke, I haven’t heard another voice in a while.” Lexa confessed. “I heard Becca when she was here, but not in the same way I hear your voice when you’re here and this…” She kept her eyes glued to the screen. “I’ve never see anything like this.”

  
“Do you want me to turn it off?”

  
“No, I…” Lexa turned her head slightly. “You used to watch this?”

  
“We’ve seen every match a hundred times. I know almost every play of this one. That guy, the one wearing number 5 is going to pass the ball to number 8 and then 8 will pass it back to 5 before that one on the other team; in the black… number 12 is going to kick it-“ She pointed. “Out of bounds. See?” The play unfolded just as she described it. “These were all played before the bombs. On the Ark we had soccer matches recorded, basketball, baseball games, some golf I think, but I never watched that. We had concerts recorded, movies and TV shows from long before I was born.” The screen in front of them changed and was playing, instead of soccer, an old movie. It was in black and white. “Oh, this was one of my favorites. It actually used to remind me of my parents. It’s call His Girl Friday and it’s really old now, but they talk fast and my parents used to argue like the main characters.” The movie was in the middle. “I should start it over. We can watch it.” She instinctively reached for a remote control like they’d had on the ship and realized that there wasn’t one because she could control things without one, but she conjured one up almost immediately because it felt more familiar to her. “Here. Press this.” She handed it to Lexa who looked back at her confused and then turned back to the screen and did as she was told. The movie went back to the opening credits.

  
“This is what you used to do on the Ark? You’d watch things?”

  
Clarke kissed her neck.

  
“Sometimes. It became less and less frequent the worse things got and then I got arrested and they don’t let you have these in solitary so this is the first one I’ve seen since before then.” She professed and thought back on happier times. Her eyes fell to Lexa’s shoulder, which she kissed gently and then felt the girl relax more in front of her. “What did you do?” She asked. “When you weren’t commanding an army or meeting with ambassadors? I mean, before we met, what did you do?” Lexa didn’t respond. “You want to just watch this right now, don’t you?”  
Lexa nodded without saying anything and Clarke relaxed against the back of the bed pulling Lexa back with her. It was several minutes later when Lexa finally laid the remote down next to them and appeared to fully relax into the movie.

  
“This is remarkable.” She uttered.

  
Clarke laughed.

“Tonight, we’ll watch this and go to sleep, but tomorrow night, you’ll tell me about you before me.”

  
“Yes, Clarke.”

  
Clarke tangled her hands in the front of Lexa’s shirt before sliding it up so her hands could rest against the girl’s stomach instead. She fell asleep holding her like that and listening to the sounds of her favorite movie in the background.


	10. Chapter 10

“I can’t believe you went back in after you promised me you wouldn’t.” Clarke was being scolded by Abby after she’d come in to check on her and found Clarke sleeping. Apparently, Clarke’s smile was enough to give it away and the fact that she had a hard time flat out lying to her mother, made it all the easier for Abby to figure it out.

  
“I promised I’d do the tests, mom.” Clarke recalled. “I did the tests. They said I was fine.” Clarke stood and walked to the sink where she filled a cup with water and gulped it down.

  
“Some of them said you were fine. I was still waiting on the others. Honestly, Clarke…”

  
“I sleep better there, mom.” She sat the empty cup down and turned back to Abby. “Everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself. This is me taking care of myself.” She listened to Abby sigh. “Did you get more results back?”

  
“Yes and you’re not going to like what I have to tell you, but you have to hear me out.” She motioned to a chair next to a small table. “Sit down, please.”

  
Clarke’s mouth was suddenly dry. What had the tests revealed? Was the chip doing something to her?

  
“Just tell me.”

  
“Your scans are okay. They’re not clear, but they’re okay.” Abby sat in the empty chair.

  
“What do you mean they’re not clear?”

  
“Your brain is incredibly active; more than it should be. You’re using parts of it at very high levels; levels I’ve never seen.”

  
“So, it’s making me smarter?” Clarke checked.

  
“Not necessarily. Your parietal lobe is working overtime. It controls things like spatial reasoning, part of speech, visual perception, pain and other sensations and your frontal lobe is overactive too.”

“What’s that responsible for?” Clarke looked to get a lesson.

  
“Cognition and memory, concentration, problem solving, ability to analyze information and anticipate consequences, cause and effect and emotional traits.” She paused. “Which makes sense considering where you’re going and what you’re doing when you get there.” Abby lifted her eyebrows.

  
“What do you think we’re doing, mom? You think I go there so we can have sex?” Clarke basically blurted out.

  
“Clarke!” Abby exclaimed and stood. “You told me you’re creating a world for you two. Your brain backs that up.”

  
“So, what’s the problem then?”

  
“We’ve never seen brain scans come back like this, Clarke. I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know if a human brain can handle that amount of work on a daily basis and since you insist on going there every day, I’m worried it won’t be able to handle it.”

  
“What can I do?” Clarke asked in an effort to help her mother calm down.

  
“Stop going there and take the damn thing out.” Abby replied as she looked down at her defiant daughter, but Clarke sat with a stoic reaction. “But I know you won’t do that, so let me run them again, but while we’re running them, you’ll be there and we can check what happens while you’re actually working it out.”

  
“So, you want to run the tests again?”

  
“Just the brain scan.”

  
“And I’m going there while you do it?” She stood. Inside, she was happy to have an excuse to get back to see Lexa.

  
“Just for the duration of the scan and then we’ll wake you up or snap you out of it.”

  
“Fine. Let’s do it now. I’ve got work to do today so I’d rather just get it over with.” She meant the work part, but was excited that she’d get to see Lexa again. She just didn’t want it to show.

  
“We don’t have a choice. We’re tearing down the machines today to ready them for transport.” Abby agreed. She motioned with her hand and Clarke understood that to mean she should get ready to go.

*****

A few minutes later, Clarke was lying on a stainless steel table while Abby was readying the machine. She was in a hospital gown and wasn’t really enjoying the feeling of the cold metal against her bare arms and legs.

  
“Okay, it’s ready.” Abby confirmed. “Just uh… do what you do.” She tried to coach.

  
Abby had cleared the room so that no one else would see Clarke’s brain getting scanned. She’d told her that anyone with a medical background would know that something was wrong so all of Clarke’s test results we’re being kept confidential.

 

Clarke closed her eyes and found herself standing outside the small, yet somehow growing house she’d been sharing with Lexa.

  
“It’s nice to see you again, Clarke.” It was Becca’s voice coming at her from the same bench she last saw her sitting on except now the bench was on a sidewalk and there were two small trees flanking it.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

  
“I assumed that’s why I’m here.” Becca replied as Clarke walked toward her and sat down.

  
“Are you sure you can’t find any more information on the bunkers you told me about? I don’t know exactly where they are and even though it’s going to take us a while to move this many people all the way there-“

  
“You want proof to show them so they have something to hold onto?” Becca finished for her.

  
“Yes. I need something to keep them moving. Radiation isn’t a bomb. It’s not something that makes people run.”

  
“I understand.” Becca paused and looked toward the house for a moment. “You’re creating your own reality here.”

“I don’t know how. It just keeps happening. I wanted to talk to you and you’re here.”

  
“The AI has completely merged with your brain, Clarke.”

“Why didn’t it do this with anyone else? Why wasn’t it like this for Lexa?”

  
“Because Lexa didn’t understand that it was an AI. None of the Commanders knew what it was. I never told them. Before I died, I spoke with someone I trusted. Her name was Kate. She was an older woman who had been a neuroscientist before the bombs. She had a different job after them, of course, but only she knew the AI was an AI. By the time I died, the world had transformed almost completely.” She paused. “Clans had already formed and people were dying for land and power. It was as if when the bombs hit, we lost who we were. We went back in time and people forgot what they knew. She removed it after my death and placed it in her own head. I ended up here. She died immediately. A member of Trikru watched it happen and he was present for my death. He noticed the difference in our blood and made the right assumption. He removed it from her and placed it in the new Commander after the first conclave. Nightbloods became future Commanders and the AI I’d built to fix my mistakes became the Spirit of the Commanders; the Flame.”

  
“That’s how it happened.” She muttered to herself.

  
“Yes, I’ve been here ever since and any Commander after me has as well, but none of them understood what the AI was capable of. To them, it was voices; warnings or guidance. It wasn’t a self-actualizing computer.”

  
“So, I can come here and make changes to this place because I know what it is.”

  
“Yes, you have an understanding of how computers work. Your brain is doing the coding for you.”

  
“My mom is worried that it’s working too hard.”

  
“Your brain?”

  
“Yes.” Clarke replied somewhat nervously.

  
“I designed the AI to work long-term without causing any neurological issues, but it is possible that your brain isn’t built to handle it long term.”

  
“Why not?” Clarke grew worried.

  
“You were born and raised in space, Clarke. Space does a lot of harm to the human body despite the work we do to try to combat it. Bone density changes, you’re exposed to higher levels of radiation which can cause mutations in the body. Your muscles can atrophy. You took vitamins and supplements and exercised regularly, I’m sure.”

  
“2 hours a day almost every day until solitary.” Clarke explained.

  
“But spending that much time up there can cause your brain to change as well. It is possible that the AI will react poorly to that kind of environment, but I don’t know. It’s also possible that because of that, it will work better in your brain and cause no issues at all. You’re the first non-Nightblood, born in space to ever use it.”

  
“Is there anything I can do?”

  
“Trust your body. Trust your mind.” It was all she could offer and Clarke recognized that she’d exhausted all of Becca’s information on her current situation.

  
“What about the bunkers?”

  
“I have no more information for you, Clarke. I’m sorry. I do have a suggestion though.”

  
“What?”

  
“The 3rd Commander was a Nightblood raised near Arkansas. She was brought to Polis just before the conclave when she was discovered.”

  
“Why didn’t they know about her before?”

  
“The concept was still relatively new back then. Not all Nightbloods were immediately brought to Polis to train.”

  
“How do I-“ Clarke was about to ask how she could get her there when she turned around instinctively and noticed a tall woman with long blonde, braided hair. She wore armor not unlike Lexa’s and had one sword hanging from her hip.

  
“Clarke Griffin.” Her deep voice greeted. “I know all about you.”

  
Clarke stood and turned back to see that Becca had remained this time.

  
“Clarke has some questions she needs to ask.” Becca stood and joined Clarke.

  
“She called me forth to ask me questions?” The woman with dark brown eyes asked Becca.

  
“I need your help.” Clarke spoke for herself.

  
“I know what you need. Why should I help you?” She replied.

  
“Why wouldn’t you help me?” Clarke directed back.

  
“I was the first of the Commanders to understand that we must push our needs aside to focus on the needs of our people; the survival of the human race.” She took a step toward Clarke.  
Clarke realized something.

  
“You were the one that made love a weakness?”

  
“Love is weakness. Commanders have no time for weakness. It is our purpose to see our people survive; to do battle when it is necessary and to die when our sacrifice is called for.”

“You guided Lexa to-“

  
“It wasn’t just me. All former Commanders guided Lexa kom Trikru against allowing Skaikru into her coalition. You were one of the reasons.”

“What were the others?” Clarke persisted.

  
“Clarke, this is why you called her here.” It was Lexa’s voice. She had joined them outside the house and took her spot next to Clarke while Becca stood on her other side.

  
“Lexa kom Trikru, you failed to heed our warning and look what happened.” She spoke in Lexa’s direction.

  
Lexa took a step forward and put her arm out slightly as if to protect Clarke.

  
“I did what I thought was right.” Lexa replied.

  
“And you died for what?” She argued. “Your coalition? Your peace? Peace is not possible when war is easier.”

  
“Peace is possible. Peace is a reality. Clarke has made peace a reality.”

  
“It is fleeting; temporary. It will not last.”

  
“Hey, I just need to know what you know about a bunker.” Clarke spoke up. “That’s why you’re here. You wanna save your people? You want to continue the human race? Tell me where I can find it.”

  
The woman seemed to be thinking; her hands both on the handle of her sword. Lexa still stood protectively in front of Clarke.

  
“Becca is right. It’s outside of El Dorado by about 10 miles to the east.”

  
“How do you know that?” Clarke asked.

  
“Because my parents were raised there. My grandparents survived the bombs by seeking shelter there. I was born there before we were able to leave.”

  
“Thank you.” Clarke replied reluctantly.

  
“Thank me by letting me go.” She returned.

  
“Fine. I’ll send you-“ Clarke began, but before she could think about her no longer being there, the woman interrupted.

  
“You misunderstand me. I don’t mean now. I want to go. I have been in a world of black.”

  
“The vacuum.” Lexa muttered it mostly to Clarke.

  
“We all have.” The Commander nodded toward Becca. “We have advised Commanders for nearly a century and…”

  
“You don’t want to be here anymore?”

  
“She wants to rest.” Becca’s voice sounded. “You don’t know what it’s like here, Clarke. Before all this, it was just blackness and voices we could hear if we focused on them. We guided Commanders through our voices in their dreams, but there is nothing dreamlike about this world to us.”

  
“Clarke has created this world now. You can remain here.” Lexa turned to look at Becca.

  
“That’s true. We could.” Becca looked at the other woman who shook her head no slowly. “But the world has changed out there too. We have outlived our usefulness.” She turned to Clarke.

“You know everything we know, Clarke. You just have to figure out how to access it. The AI has all of our information. You just have to ask yourself the right questions and the answers we’ve gotten over the course of all of our lifetimes will be there.”

  
“So, you’re saying that you want to-“

  
“Die.” The blonde woman replied to Clarke. “Yes.”

  
“If we die in here, we can go be where everyone else ends up when they die.”

  
“Where is that?” Lexa questioned. “And how do you know it’s better than here?”

  
“I don’t.” She answered. “But I am ready for whatever comes next.” She looked at Becca who nodded. “The other Commanders are as well.”

  
Clarke thought about the other former Commanders and wondered if they all really did feel this way when suddenly there were several people standing behind the woman. There were men and women of all ages and all dressed for battle save for Becca who moved to join the group. They looked at Clarke and Lexa and Clarke suddenly felt very nervous to be in the presence of all of the former Commanders.

  
“Lexa?” Clarke whispered and Lexa looked at her.

  
“If this is what they want, Clarke…”

  
“I don’t even know what you’re asking.” Clarke spoke more loudly in their direction. “I don’t know how to make you… not here… permanently.”

  
“Yes, you do.” Becca told her. “Clarke, you can help us get peace.”

  
Clarke had not prepared herself to see all of the former Commanders when she entered the city to talk to Becca. She hadn’t even planned to see Lexa. She just wanted to find out more information about the bunkers, but Becca was right. The information was stored in the AI; not in these people standing before her and they all did look tired. They look like they’d been through hell and back and had somehow gotten stuck here acting as advisors to the Commanders that came after them. She nodded at them and took Lexa’s hand for no other reason than she needed to be touching her while she closed her eyes and begged her brain and the AI to cooperate somehow.

 

She opened her eyes to find Abby standing over here.

  
“Clarke! Clarke?!? Wake up!”

She opened her eyes to see the Commanders begin to disappear one by one.

 

She opened her eyes to see her mom waving a small flashlight into them.

 

She opened her eyes to see Lexa looking at her with a concerned expression.

  
“Clarke? What’s wrong?” She asked. “You’re bleeding. Clarke?” There was fear in her voice.

  
Clarke opened her eyes to see that all the Commanders were gone and she felt like they were gone for good. She’d given them peace though she had no idea how. She felt Lexa holding onto her. She was on the ground now. She could feel concrete beneath her.

 

She could feel metal beneath her.

  
“Clarke?!? Come on, honey!” Abby tried to wake her up.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke finally spoke and felt incredibly groggy and dizzy. “Lexa?”

  
“I’m here.” Lexa’s voice came to her. “I’m right here. Clarke?” She heard her say her name and then she heard it again, but it sounded like it was further away than before. “Clarke?”


	11. Chapter 11

She woke up in a hospital bed. Her eyes fluttered at first with the bright lights overhead and she turned her head a little to the side so she could figure out where she was. She saw Abby sitting in a chair. She was reviewing a chart Clarke guessed belonged to her.

  
“Mom?” Clarke uttered softly to which Abby shot out of the chair and hovered over her.

  
“Clarke? Thank God!” Her flashlight ran its way over Clarke’s opened eyes as Abby pulled her forehead up to gain better access. “Your pupils are still dilated.”

  
“How long have I been out?” Clarke asked.

  
“6 hours.”

  
“6 hours?” Clarke shot up.

  
“Clarke, stop!” Abby ordered and tried to push the girl back down. “You had a seizure and your nose was bleeding severely. You need to rest. You’re staying here tonight for observation.”

  
“I can’t. I need to-“

  
“You need to sleep. This was a mistake. I never should have let you go back in and I should’ve-“

  
“Mom?” Clarke stopped her. Abby looked at her. Clarke’s resolve broke. “Please tell me you didn’t take it out.” She waited and while she waited, she reached behind her head to feel for a surgical incision.

  
“No, I didn’t take it out.” Abby finally replied and Clarke confirmed her words when she felt no new incision or bandages on the back of her neck. “You weren’t stable enough to risk it.”  
Clarke knew in that moment that if she had been stable, Abby would have taken the AI out of her head and likely destroyed it. She would have never seen Lexa again. The last image Lexa would have of her would be seizing on the ground outside the house they just started to create together.

  
“Mom, I have to go back in.”

  
“What?” Abby expressed shock. “Not a chance, Clarke!”

  
“Mom, Lexa saw me like that. She was holding onto me. I can’t leave her there without letting her know I’m okay. I’ll come right back.”

  
“Clarke, you can’t keep-“

  
“You can’t exactly stop me.” Clarke reminded her and closed her eyes.

*****

“You’re okay?” Lexa asked as Clarke appeared in front of her. Lexa was still sitting on the ground outside the house in the spot Clarke had fallen and she had caught her.

  
“Have you been here this whole time?” Clarke asked her as she pulled Lexa up to a standing position and Lexa wasted no time pulling her into an embrace.

  
“I wasn’t sure if you were coming back and if you did and you…” She faded out as she pressed her face into Clarke’s neck. “I just wanted to be there in case you needed me to be.”

  
“I’m okay.” Clarke held onto her. “Sending them away like that just took a lot out of me, but I’m okay.”

  
“Clarke, this is too much for you. This is dangerous.” Lexa pulled back.

  
“I’m hearing that from my mom. I don’t need to hear it from you too, Lexa.”

  
“Your mom?”

  
“I’ll tell you everything later, I promise, but I have to get back now. She’s waiting.”

  
“Clarke, you can’t-“

  
“Lexa, I love you and I’m okay. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  
“Don’t.” Lexa replied.

  
“Don’t what?” Clarke asked her while holding onto her face with both hands to force Lexa to meet her eye.

  
“Don’t come back.” Her voice cracked. “Not if it’s hurting you.”

  
“I’m fine. I promise.” Clarke tried to reassure and she kissed Lexa’s lips hard as if to add to that reassurance. “I’m fine and I will be back. You have to tell me about what it was like before I got to the ground, remember?”

  
“Clarke…” She dragged her name out as if in warning.

  
“I’ll see you later.” She pecked her lips more gently this time.

*****

“I cannot believe you just did that.” Abby greeted her slightly enraged.

  
“I had to let her know, mom. I’m back now.”

  
“Clarke, you can’t keep doing that. We don’t know that long term-“

  
“I know. I get it. Lexa just said the same thing.”

  
“She did?” Abby asked a little surprised.

  
“Yes, she did.” Clarke got more comfortable in the bed knowing Abby wasn’t going to let her leave.

  
“Well, maybe Lexa and I are on the same side of this after all.”

  
“Neither of you want anything to happen to me, mom.”

  
“I know, honey, but she’s there and when you go there, she gets to be with you.”

  
“You don’t know her how I know her, mom.” Clarke tried to explain as she watched her mom inject the IV bag with something she suspected was about to make her too sleepy to attempt to travel back to Lexa. “She’s selfless. She told me not to come back if it’s hurting me. She tried to get me to stop earlier too.” She’d been right about the medicine. “She told me to find someone else and be happy here, but I can’t be happy here if she’s there.” She closed her eyes and felt her mother take her hand. “I love her so much.”

  
“I know, honey. Sleep now. We can talk tomorrow.”

  
“Wait, mom.” Clarke opened her heavy eyes. “Tell them 10 miles east of El Dorado.”

  
“Tell who?”

  
“Raven will know.” And she closed her eyes again.

*****

“Where’s Clarke?” Raven asked when Abby walked into Kane’s room without her.

  
“She’s sleeping. She needs her rest.” Abby replied as she stood next to Kane and they all looked over the table at maps and charts.

  
“So…” Raven started, but noticed they weren’t exactly alone so she faded instead of finishing.

  
“Yeah.” Abby confirmed and Raven nodded. “So, how’s everything going?”

  
Jasper and Monty sat in stools on the other side of the table. Jaha was off to the side. It was clear he felt uncomfortable with this group after what had happened.

  
“We’re getting there. We could leave tomorrow if we had too.” Jasper spoke up. “We just need to know where we’re going.”

  
“I’m going to ride with Jasper and the team above ground to coordinate the electronics. Communication’s pretty key here.” Monty offered. “We should get going as soon as we can with the stuff that can’t go through tunnels. Morgan said we’re okay for the next few days, but then if the wind starts blowing hard this way, we’re screwed.”

  
“Yeah, another reactor’s on the fritz. We got a report from Polis about more people showing up sick and they’re miles from the first group.” Raven explained.

  
“They’re here.” Kane pointed at the map. “To the east of the other group by about 40 miles. Raven and Monty don’t think the radiation from the first reactor could have gotten that far yet so it’s likely another one we can’t control remotely is starting to meltdown.”

  
“East?” Abby said.

  
“What?” Monty asked.

  
“Clarke said something before she fell asleep. She said about 10 miles east of El Dorado.”

  
“The bunker?” Raven guessed.

  
“How does she know that?” Kane asked.

  
“Does it matter?” Raven covered. “Let’s get the location to the team and Octavia. She’s following behind.

  
“What about the hospital?” Kane looked at Abby.

  
“All patients have been treated and released that can be released. We’ve got a couple I’m worried about traveling right now, but we should be okay. They’ll just need to go above ground and travel with life support equipment just in case. The machines are all being broken down for transport now.”

  
“I can start heading east with them when they’re ready.” Jaha approached and volunteered.

  
Abby looked at him unconvinced.

  
“Let’s wait for Clarke to wake up and make that decision.” She returned and was surprised at herself for that comment. She had to admit though Clarke was in charge. She was the Commander of the coalition and Skaikru was the 13th clan now. People saw her daughter as their leader and despite some questionable choices she’d been making regarding her own heath, she’d managed to keep them all alive and in peace.

  
Jaha nodded and took a step back.

  
“When will everyone be ready to leave? Thousands of people…” Kane started and faded.

  
“The ambassadors should have given the message by now and people should be preparing.” Abby shared.

  
“Farm Station had people who created lists and I made sure Clarke gave each ambassador the things they should try to contribute to the move; food and supplies based on where they’re located and what they’re known for.” Monty stood from his stool. “I’ll grab the radio and tell the team about the bunker. I’ll update Bellamy too and find out their locations.”

  
“Thanks, Monty.” Abby rubbed the back of her neck. Kane reached over to help her and Raven caught the movement and gave Abby a curious glance. “We’ve got work to do.”

  
“Yeah, we’ll leave you too alone.” Raven stood and motioned to Kane and Abby. Jasper caught her finger pointed and them and looked confused, but he stood anyway. Jaha made his way toward the door and Jasper followed him out issuing an order to help finish one of the rigs they’d been working on before.

  
“Raven, can I talk to you?” Abby asked and made her way toward the girl as she tried to follow the guys out.

  
“I’m actually on my way-“

  
“Raven…”

  
Abby turned around and saw that Kane was staring at the map on the table and she moved Raven around the corner so they were out of sight.

  
“So, this is where I get in trouble, right?” Raven expected.

  
“This is where I ask you what the hell you were thinking.”

  
Raven looked around and saw they weren’t exactly alone so she leaned in and kept her voice hushed.

  
“I was thinking Clarke looked like shit. She felt like shit. I was thinking that we needed her to pull herself together and I tested it, Abby. I promise I ran sims before I put it back in her and they came up clean.”

  
“You attached a computer to her brainstem, Raven.”

  
“She was just staring at it like it was Lexa. She’d clutch it in her hand so tightly I thought she’d start bleeding. She wasn’t eating or sleeping and she was trying to save the world again so yeah, I tried to do something that would save her instead and she got to see Lexa again and it made her feel better. I warned her it was risky, but she did it anyway and she’ll keep doing it no matter what you or I say.”

  
Abby seemed to be considering her statement.

  
“She really loves her, huh?”

  
“Lexa is the one that got away for Clarke except now she doesn’t have to be. She gets to see her whenever she wants and she’s better because of it.” She paused when someone walked past carrying part of a machine from the hospital over his shoulder. “She’s the reason we’re all keeping it together, Abby and Lexa is the reason Clarke is keeping herself together.” She took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall to give her leg a break. “She’s lucky really.”

  
“Lucky? I just watched her seize on my table, Raven. I’d hardly call her lucky.”

  
“Is she okay?” Raven grew concerned.

  
“For now. She’s okay for now, but I don’t know what’s going to happen next time.”

  
“She probably just did too much inside. She’s still learning how it works. She’ll get better.”

  
“And what if she dies first?”

  
“Then, she gets to be with Lexa forever.” Raven shrugged and stood up straight again. “She could easily take herself out whenever she wanted too, Abby. Think about that for a minute. She could be with the love of her life for all eternity; forever and ever. She’s choosing to come back to us each time and get us through another battle. That’s pretty heroic if you ask me.” She nodded to Abby and turned to start walking off.

  
“You said she was lucky…”

  
“Yeah, she gets what none of us get.” Raven answered and then continued walking down the hall. “A chance to get it right with the person we love.”

*****

“Hey man, how you doing out here?” Monty asked Jasper who was climbing out of a jeep. “I brought you this.” He passed him a bottle of water.

  
“Thanks.” Jasper took it and wiped his head with his forehead. “We’re good here. I think we’ll take off tomorrow. Get a head start.”

  
“Tomorrow?” Monty asked. “You’re not going to wait for the rest of the vehicles?”

  
“No, I’m thinking we’re better off just leaving. The more people that get on the road, the better.”

  
“I don’t think I can leave that soon.” Monty told him while they both leaned back against the vehicle and Jasper took a long drink of his water.

  
“That’s fine. We’ll be alright on our own. I’ve got the radio and-“

  
“Who are you taking with you?”

  
“Jaha’s coming along.”

  
“You’re bringing Jaha?” Monty sounded surprised.

  
“Yeah uh… it just feels like we’ve got stuff in common right now, you know?” He took another drink. “He lost Wells and I lost Maya and we both did some bad things and it might be nice to have someone to talk to about it.”

  
“You can talk to me.” Monty offered him.

  
Jasper stood up straight and handed him the bottle back.

  
“I know, but not about this. It’s different.”

  
Monty stood silent watching him for a moment.

  
“You know I lost my mom in all this, right?”

  
Jasper considered that statement and ran his hand over the back of his neck.

  
“I know and I’m sorry.”

  
“I’m just saying that we’ve all lost someone, Jasper.”

  
“I know, but you weren’t also responsible for putting people in the City of Light. You were on the good team, Monty. I was on the bad one.”

  
“So?”

  
“So, I wanted to be on the bad one.” He admitted. “I wanted to stay there and not feel anything from out here anymore.” It wasn’t an outburst. He was actually calm as he delivered his words, which was different than he’d been before. “I wanted the City of Light to be real and I was prepared to do whatever I had to do to make that happen.”

“A.L.I.E. was controlling you, Jasper.”

  
“Maybe, but that’s not how it felt. That’s not how it still feels and Jaha understands that. That’s why I’m bringing him along.” He paused and moved closer to Monty. “Look, this is good. This is what I need, alright? I need to leave this place and never look back.”

  
“Yeah, okay.” He put his hand on Jasper’s shoulder. “I’ll be right behind you though.”

  
“I know you will.”

*****

“Can I come in?” Kane questioned at Abby’s door.

  
“Of course, Marcus.” She replied from the chair at the table. She attempted to stack up all of Clarke’s test results and slide them into a folder before he sat down next to her.  
“Everything okay with Clarke? I went past the hospital and saw her in one of the beds?”

  
“She was just dehydrated and needed some sleep so I gave her a sedative to help.”

  
“And how are you doing with everything? We haven’t really had a chance to talk about it.”

  
“I’m hanging in there. I’ll feel better once we get where we’re going and everything finally settles down.”

  
“Do you think it will?” He asked her.

  
“Do I think it will what?” She asked back and met his eye.

  
“Ever settle down?” He laughed lightly and ran his hand through his hair. “It hasn’t settled once since we’ve been down here.”

  
“It wasn’t exactly settled on the Ark either.” She added and he smiled.

  
“I guess not.”

  
“And to answer your question, I don’t know. I know that right now everyone seems to be on the same side for once, which I never saw happening.”

  
“Clarke is a big part of that, you know?” He waited for her to respond, but she didn’t. “What she and Lexa started is what’s gotten us here.”

  
“Lexa, huh?”

  
“I believe her intentions were honorable.” He shared his opinion. “I think she really wanted peace between her people and our people.”

  
“I think she did too.”

  
“I wished she would have survived to have seen all this. I spent some time with Indra and it’s clear she misses her Commander and I don’t think Clarke ever planned on wearing that hat.”  
Abby laughed.

  
“No, I don’t think she did.”

  
“You know what they say though…”

  
“What?”

  
“That those who don’t seek power are the best ones to have it.” He stood. “Well, I’ll leave you alone.”

  
She considered her next statement for a moment as she watched him turn to go.

  
“Actually Marcus, do you want to stay? I was going to review the medication inventory and try to figure out how we can ever actually produce what we need down here and on the go, but I think I could really use some food instead.”

  
Kane smiled.

“Sure. Why don’t I go get us something from the cafeteria and bring it back?”

  
Abby smiled and nodded.

*****  
The moment Clarke realized the medicine had worn off was the moment she woke up in her bed and saw Lexa lying there next to her watching the TV. Without even trying, she’d returned to the woman she loved. Lexa didn’t even look over. She just reached her hand, palm up across the bed and held it there until Clarke put her own on top of it and intertwined their fingers.

  
“I’m sorry.” Lexa apologized.

  
“For what?” Clarke asked.

  
“For trying to send you away.” Lexa finally looked over at her and lifted her eyebrows.

  
“I forgive you. Just don’t do it again.” Clarke smirked at her.

  
“You didn’t come last night.”

  
“My mom gave me something to help me sleep.”

  
“That’s good.”

  
“Lexa?”

  
“Yes?” She let go of Clarke’s hand, but slid down the bed and rolled on her side to face her. Clarke did the same.

  
“Did I really send them all away? For good?”

  
Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s cheek.

  
“I don’t feel them here anymore.”

  
“Was that the right thing to do?”

  
“It’s what they wanted.” She replied with a small nod and kissed Clarke’s forehead. “They were tired and they wanted to rest; free of the burden that comes with being a Commander and then the Spirit of the Commanders.” She paused. “It was their choice, Clarke so yes, you did the right thing.”

“What about you?”

  
“What about me?”

  
“Do you want to be free of your burdens?”

  
Lexa smiled.

  
“I have no burdens, Clarke. I have you.”

  
“And I’m enough? You’re all alone here when I’m gone. Now, they’re gone too and I can’t be here all the time and then one day, it will just be you and I and no one else, is that enough?”  
Lexa smiled again.

  
“You will always be enough.”

  
“Maybe I can bring people here.” Clarke proposed and Lexa pulled back slightly. “Not really, but maybe I can create them here like I create things. I could try with Indra or Anya.”  
“They wouldn’t be them, Clarke. What makes this world real is you and I. You would just be making characters of them in here and I don’t want that.” She leaned back in and placed her hand behind Clarke’s neck. “I don’t need anyone else in here. Honestly, it’s been nice having time to myself. I never really had that before.”

  
“Do you want anything else in here? I can-“

  
“Just not right now, stop thinking.” She held her closer. “I thought you wanted to hear about my life before you.”

  
Clarke smiled at her.

  
“I do.”

  
“Where should I start?” Lexa sat up in the bed and spread her legs. Clarke smiled and climbed between them. She felt Lexa’s comforting arms wrap around her.

  
“Start at the beginning.”

  
“Do you have time?” She asked her.

  
“For you? Always.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Bellamy is here.” Kane pointed at the map on his table. “They found an old road. Overgrown, but easily drivable and they made good time.”

  
“How much longer until they arrive?” Indra had joined them after seeing to her other duties.

  
“Two days and they should be in the area and then the search begins.” Kane added.

  
“Octavia’s team is just outside El Dorado.” Raven pointed to the map and Indra glanced down. “They’re searching now. Octavia is right behind them. She should arrive by nightfall. Her plan is to search for an entrance while they sleep if they don’t find it first.”

  
“And what of our plan? When do we leave?” Indra asked.

  
“Do we have reports back from the ambassadors?” Clarke asked as she overheard and entered the room followed closely by Abby.

  
“Sha, Heda.” Indra bowed her head. “All ambassadors have reported back. “There is resistance and there have been reports of some fighting within clans.”

  
“How are they handling it?” Clarke moved to stand beside Indra and rolled her eyes internally when she felt her mom brush up against her shoulder. She’d be keeping a close eye on her apparently.

  
“Arrests have been made. The ambassadors are following your command, Heda.” She paused and gripped her sword. “There have been some deaths when there was resistance to that. We’ve made it clear that staying is their choice, but some believe none of us should leave; that the clan lands are sacred and to leave would be to leave all of our traditions and…” She faded and then released her grip slightly. “Heda, they have seen many changes recently.”

  
“I understand.” Clarke told her. “If they want to stay, no one will force them to come.”

  
“But someone should explain the dangers of radiation poisoning to them.” Abby added.

  
“They have been warned.” Indra returned to her. “Our lands are a part of us. You may not understand being from the sky, but we have traditions tied to them. Their fathers and mothers built the homes they live in, farmed the lands, fought battles and spread their blood across these fields.”

  
“Indra, I understand.” Clarke repeated. “But land is just land. It’s dirt and rock and this land is about to be poisoned. We will find a new land where they can build homes and farm and hopefully not fight anymore battles on. They can build it for their children and for future generations, but if they choose to stay, they are staying to die and that is their choice.” She took a breath. “Anyone who was taken prisoner should be let go when we leave. If they decide to come, they are free to join us and if they don’t, leave them with some supplies.”

  
Indra nodded.

  
“How many do you think will stay?” Kane asked Indra.

  
“It is likely most of Ice Nation will remain.”

  
“I thought they were with us.” Clarke shot her a look of confusion.

  
“Many of them are. Ice Nation is the largest of the clans. Many of them believe they can go further north and seek refuge in the cold. It is likely we will see only a small group from Ice Nation join us on our journey. The other clans will join us though and in large numbers.”

  
“And we’re ready with the schedule?” Clarke asked her.

  
“They all know when they must leave their clan homes, yes.”

  
“Okay.” Clarke turned to Jasper and Jaha who were standing in the corner. “You ready?”

  
“Yeah, we’re heading out as soon as we’re done here. We’ve got enough supplies and we’re good.” Jasper answered.

  
“Hourly updates.” Clarke looked at him.

  
“Copy that.” He agreed.

  
“Let’s get the first group moving. Everyone that’s leaving from Ice Nation should make their way east.”

  
“Why aren’t they taking the tunnels?” Monty asked. He hadn’t been fully briefed on the schedule.

  
“They’re too far north for them to do any good. It’s better that they just start heading east and then go south from there.” Kane replied.

  
“I’ll see to it.” Indra offered and left the room.

  
“The next group to go is everyone in Polis.”

  
“Yeah, they’re still getting things packed up.” Raven shared. She’d been keeping in touch with an ambassador Clarke had stationed there. “They should be ready to go the day after tomorrow.”

  
“And they’ll head toward the tunnels. Will they be cleared by then?” Clarke asked.

  
“The team said they were pretty clear to begin with.” Raven answered her. “No one seems to have actually used them before.”

  
“The bombs hit here first. It was the capital.” Abby explained. “Most people probably didn’t have any time to get there.”

  
“Better for us, I guess.” Jasper supplied.

  
“Get everyone in Arkadia ready. We’ll meet the people from Polis and anyone who’s taking the tunnels from those groups goes the day after tomorrow. Everyone else will follow behind.”  
“That’s the largest group so I’ll travel with them.” Abby proposed. “I’ve got doctors and healers splitting up between the other groups. We’ve got supplies ready to leave at the tunnel entrance for each group that follows behind. They’re labeled so as long as everyone sticks to the rations, we should be okay.”

  
“I go with Arkadia.” Kane added.

  
“I’ll be up top with comms in the caravan.” Monty pointed out.

  
“I can’t exactly walk that far.” Raven addressed. “So, I’m hopping in a car toward the tail end.”

  
“You’re staying back?” Clarke asked.

  
“Monty up front and me in the back. Just in case.” She paused. “I’ll take the last car out.”

  
“What about you?” Monty looked at Clarke. “You haven’t told us when you’re leaving?”

  
“You should go with Polis and Arkadia, Clarke. People will expect a leader up front.” Kane looked her way.

  
“He’s right.” Abby seemed to press her side even further into Clarke’s more out of worry than anything else.

  
“They’ll have leaders up front. They’ll have two ambassadors and a former chancellor in the tunnels and a former chancellor topside.” Clarke looked toward Jaha who seemed to appreciate her in that moment and nodded that he understood. “I’ll wait for the last group to go and I’ll take the tunnels with them.”

  
“Clarke, the radiation-“

  
“If they have to wait because we can’t get everyone through the tunnels all at once, it’s risky for them. It should be risky for me too.”

  
“You don’t have to prove anything.” Abby told her.

  
“I’m not trying to prove anything, mom. This is the right thing to do. We’re using the tunnels to get out of the hot zone because we can’t predict the weather. It’s not fair for me to ask people to wait until we can get them through them if I’m not willing to wait myself. I’ll be with the last group and I’ll meet you on the other side.”

  
They’d planned to have everyone go through the tunnels and then just continue walking in the direction of the bunkers. The groups in the north, including Ice Nation would go toward Colorado while the groups taking the tunnels would head toward El Dorado. Depending on what the teams reported back about the bunkers, that plan might change, but they had to get moving and couldn’t wait for them to find and explore the bunkers.

  
“It’s a good plan, Clarke.” Kane encouraged.

  
“The bunkers are temporary.” Clarke added. “We need to keep moving after that. Wyoming is the best place for us to end up and resettle.” She pointed at the map. “We’re regrouping in the bunkers and then we’ll see if it makes sense to stay or leave immediately based on how long it takes us to make the move.”

  
“A group this size and mostly on foot…” Jaha finally spoke up.

  
“I’ve done some rough calculations based on average walking speed and number of miles we can reasonably go per day. If we walk up to 8 hours a day. That’s just walking. I’m taking time out for breaks and problems, it would take us about 66 days to make the trip to Denver. I’d add another 10 days to that just to be on the safe side. We might run into rough terrain or weather.”

  
“And El Dorado?” Raven asked him.

  
“About 46 days so let’s say 56 to be safe. The cars will get there faster.”

  
“We’ll get stuff setup.” Jasper offered. “Help the team that’s already there make sure it’s ready.”

  
“Maybe we should just take everyone to the same bunker.” Kane proposed. “Denver is the furthest away from here and it’s closer to Wyoming if that’s where we’re going to resettle.”

  
“We haven’t even found it yet.” Clarke pointed out and walked around to the map. “We’re doubling our odds by dividing everyone up. Besides, we don’t know how big they are. They may not be able to hold everyone and we all have to go east anyway so if we need to change the plan mid-way through based on what we find, we can and we might only lose a few days.”  
“She’s right.” Jaha added. “It gives us the best odds of survival.”

  
“The last group leaves in a week. I’ll be leaving with them. I’ll return to Polis tonight to help make sure they’re ready to leave the day after tomorrow and I’ll stay near the tunnels after that to see everyone off and make sure we’re sticking to the schedule.” Clarke started to leave the room. “This is going to work.” She said it to them, but it was more to convince herself than anything. She nodded at them and made her way outside toward the jeep that would return her to Polis.

  
“Clarke!” Abby yelled as she followed her out. “We still need to talk about your tests results and-“

  
“We will, but not now.” Clarke climbed into the jeep.

  
“Honey, you have to be careful. You can’t keep going there that frequently if it’s hurting you.”

  
“I’m learning how to use it, mom. I did too much before, but I’m figuring it out as I go and I won’t do that again.”

  
“Do what?”

  
“Lexa wasn’t the only one there. The former Commanders were there too. That’s actually who I went in to see while you were running the test.”

  
“Who?”

  
“Becca. I got information from her and then the other Commanders appeared and they asked to be let go. They wanted to move on and find peace outside of the AI.”

  
“So what did you do?” Abby asked as she stood next to the driver’s side of the car.

  
“I gave that to them.” She replied and started the jeep. “They aren’t there anymore. That’s what caused me to have the seizure. So, it’s fine now because they’re gone and I can’t do that again.”

  
“You made them disappear?”

  
“I gave them what they asked for.” She replied gently. “They’ve been trapped in there and they wanted to move on. Now, they can.”

  
“And what about Becca?”

  
“She asked to go too. She told me everything she knew about the bunker, but I still have the knowledge of all of the Commanders in the AI; in me. I just have to figure out how to access it.”

  
“That’s dangerous.”

  
“I know. I won’t try unless I have too.”

  
“Honey-“

  
“Mom, I’ve got to go. I’m okay. I’ll be careful.” Clarke looked at her mom with an expression that told Abby she understood her mother’s concern and Abby nodded as Clarke pulled away.

*****

Clarke wasn’t sure what to do when she arrived back at Polis. Everyone was moving quickly; packing up outside their homes and their marketplace businesses. They all seemed to have a job and Clarke wasn’t sure what her job was at this point. She’d gotten everyone on track and they all knew what they had to do. What does a Commander do now?

  
She made her way to the small house with two guards in tow until she dismissed them to prepare themselves and their families for the trip. She wanted to be alone anyway. The house was much smaller in Polis than it had become in her mind with the changes she’d made. It was almost disappointing. She rummaged through things to see what, if anything, she’d left there and ended up with a small rucksack and not much else. She’d only spent a few nights there and she didn’t have a lot of possessions to begin with.

  
On her way back to the tower, she lifted a hood over her face. She wasn’t afraid anyone would do anything to her. She just didn’t want to be recognized. She stopped walking in front of the small space that still held the Polaris shuttle and remembered she’d left something inside. She made her way in and dropped the rucksack to the cement. She knelt down next to it and found that her sketches of Lexa were still there; still spread across the floor. She thought back to her old memory exercises where she’d squeeze her eyes closed just to try to picture her and she drew every part of her body from memory so she’d at least have the drawings to remember her by. She smiled a little at the thought that she no longer needed these because she could see her whenever she wanted. She still grabbed them and rolled them up and placed them gently in her sack before leaving and returning to the tower.

  
There, she lowered her hood and was greeted with nods and “Heda” repeatedly as she walked toward the throne room. People were moving quickly all around her and she had to admit that she was happy that everyone seemed to be heeding her words and the warning that came with them.

  
She made it to the throne room and watched as someone from Arkadia packed up the computers Raven had left behind. She didn’t recognize the person, but she could tell they were from the sky.

  
“I don’t seem to have an assignment.” Murphy entered the room as Clarke approached the throne, but didn’t sit in it. “Should I just assume you forgot about me since no one’s told me what group I should leave with.”

  
“You can go with whatever group you want, Murphy. Polis and Arkadia are heading out first.”

  
“And Emori?” He asked and walked toward her. Clarke just nodded at him. “So, is this whole be nice to Murphy thing gonna last?”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Just that I kind of saved your life and everything, but I don’t know when the appreciation for that is going to wear off and you go back to finding me annoying.” He smirked.

  
“Who said I ever stopping finding you annoying?” She joked. “Murphy, you did save my life and you helped save everyone else’s too. You may be annoying, but you’re just as much as part of this as I am.”

  
He didn’t speak at first. He just started backing away.

  
“Before this gets all heartfelt, I’m going to go find Emori and we’ll hit the road with everyone. Will I be seeing you there?”

  
“I’ll be with the last group.”

  
“So, I’ll see you on the other side?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
He turned and left with a nod.

  
The computer was broken down and the Arkadian responsible for the work just smiled lightly as he left with it. Clarke was left standing in the room alone and she took time to stare at the throne in front of her. She ran her hands over the cool, smooth wood as she walked around it. The truth was that she’d never felt like she’d belonged in this chair. She took it out of necessity, but this chair wasn’t her throne. Clarke had never carried a sword. She didn’t know how to use it, but she did carry a small knife and she had since she ran from Camp Jaha a lifetime ago. She pulled it out and began carving into the wood; surprised to find out how soft it was to carve into. It took her a while, but when she was done, she stood back to admire her work and she smiled before closing the knife and putting it back in her pocket.

  
“In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.” She pulled the knife back out and added more words to the seat. “In memory of Lexa kom Trikru who believed that life should be about more than just surviving.” She put the knife away again and ran her fingers over Lexa’s name in the wood. Despite the fact that she could go see Lexa now and no longer had to miss her in the way she had before, she still missed her here. She hated that Lexa would never get to see what she was seeing; clans working together in peace toward one common goal. She hated that she couldn’t stand beside her on the balcony and look out over Polis. That day at the mountain, she’d suggested Clarke come to Polis with her and Clarke’s heart was pounding and not just because of the battle ahead. They had so much promise then before the mountain fell and then they’d worked their way back to something even more real than before and they’d never have the chance to show people here how good they are together; how they just make sense. She cried as she stood staring down at Lexa’s name for everything Lexa had lost and for the fact that she’d lost Lexa. She knew it was silly. She could close her eyes now and see her again, but it would never be the same as if Lexa wouldn’t have died in the first place.

  
As her tears fell, she thought about how one thing can happen and it can impact the entire world. She started going back in her mind to try to find that one thing that could have set them on this course and the further back she went, she just discovered something else. She’d have to go back to Becca creating A.L.I.E. at first really, but that was too far. Titus shot Lexa because he knew she loved Clarke and he thought Clarke was leading her down the wrong path. At the end of the day, Clarke could only blame herself for Lexa’s death after it happened, but given everything that’s happened since, she felt the responsibility in her mind shift to Titus himself. He was the one that got the gun. He shot her despite who he was actually aiming at. Anger bubbled up inside her thinking about that moment again, but she pushed it down and just reminded herself that she’d see Lexa again soon.

  
She left the throne room and made her way toward the room she’d avoided since Lexa’s death; since Ontari had made it her own. Knowing that she’d been in that room; in that space that they’d shared their most important moment angered Clarke almost as much as the memory of Titus. She stood outside the door and recalled the last time she’d been there to see Lexa. She’d gone to say goodbye. She knew it would be hard, but she had no idea how hard it would be and just how hard it would hit her seeing Lexa standing in front of her with her hair loose and swept to the side. She was truly seeing Lexa then. She wasn’t the Commander in that moment and Clarke had come to realize how completely she’d fallen for the woman Lexa was as she stood in front of her. She tried to comfort both of them by saying they had hope. They might be able to have something someday and that had to be enough, but when Lexa held out her arm and offered her the goodbye they’d shared already at the mountain, Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. If this really was goodbye, she wanted Lexa to at least know that Clarke felt it too. She wasn’t alone.

  
As she stood unable to move to go inside, she thought back to what she’d just told Indra about the land people were worried about leaving. The land was just land. The people would find new land and new traditions. Clarke pushed open the door slowly and saw the room had either remained unchanged from Lexa’s last day or someone had put it all back. She had no way of knowing which had happened, but it looked almost the same. She pushed Ontari out of her mind and made her way toward the bed sitting in the same place. She felt Lexa’s presence in the room with her and then it happened.


	13. Chapter 13

“My old room.” It was Lexa’s voice.

  
Clarke was in the same room, but she had Lexa standing beside her, which meant she’d gone back to the city accidentally in her mind and apparently had created Lexa’s room there.

  
“I didn’t even mean to…” Clarke faded. “Do you want me to get rid of it?” She asked and turned toward the girl who was looking around the room she’d lived in for years.

  
“No.” Lexa replied. “This is perfect.” She looked at Clarke. “This is our room now.”

  
Clarke smiled at her.

  
“I went back into it to say goodbye to it. We’ll be leaving Polis and I guess I just wanted a moment where it all happened.”

  
“You were crying.” Lexa grew concerned and turned her body. Her hands went to Clarke’s face and she wiped away tears. “What happened?”

  
“I can create whatever I want here, but you’re still not there.” She admitted. “It’s just hard. You should be there with me.”

  
“What happened has happened, Clarke. There is no way to go back in time and repair what we’ve lost, but we can make the most of what we have now and we have each other.”

  
“I know.” Clarke pressed her forehead against Lexa’s. “I know.”

  
“It is nice to see everything back in its place again.” Lexa pulled back to see the candle stand next to the bed with flickering light helping to illuminate the room. “I’ve missed this room. It was the one place I had to myself.”

  
“Until I barged in.” Clarke corrected.

  
Lexa smirked at her. It reminded Clarke of the smirk she’d given at Clarke’s comment about Titus having a problem with her remaining in Polis during the blockade.

  
“Can you stay?”

  
“I should get back.” Clarke told her in a disappointed tone. “I wish I could.”

  
“I understand. I’ll be here when you return, but Clarke, when you return, we should speak about those tests your mother ran in more detail.”

  
Clarke kissed her forehead.

 

  
“I love you.” And with that, Lexa was left alone again.

Lexa was still getting used to the fact that Clarke literally vanished in front of her leaving the space she’d previously occupied empty. As someone who hadn’t seen a working computer before Skaikru made their way down to the ground, the fact that she was living inside one and that Clarke could enter and leave so quickly was astounding. She’d been spending a lot of time on her own and she’d gotten into a routine for when she knew Clarke would be gone for a long period of time. She’d go outside dressed in her old Commander garb and she’d saddle up the horses. She’d take turns riding each one even though she recognized one clearly as her own and the other as Clarke’s. She understood that they weren’t real. They were created out of Clarke’s imagination and desire for Lexa to remain somehow occupied when she couldn’t be here with her. She still wanted to make sure the horses got their exercise though as if it mattered. She’d take one out and ride for a few hours. She’d fly through the forest Clarke had created for her. She’d stop by small streams that were identical to the ones she’d grown up near. She’d lean over them and drink the water sometimes before taking her clothes off and enjoying the cool water in the deeper parts and swimming until she tired herself out and returned to take out the second horse. She’d go in a different direction, but she’d ride just as fast. It was amazing how free she felt while riding and wearing the clothing she’d spent so much of her life in.

  
When she returned, she’d usually go inside the house that Clarke had continued to expand for them while inside the city and also while away. The bathroom now resembled her own in Polis and she climbed into the bathtub relishing in the heat of the water and washed her hair and re-braided it herself. Though not ever hungry in here, Lexa always made herself something to eat more out of habit than anything. In Polis, she never had to cook. People always delivered her meals to her, but here she had a kitchen and Clarke had managed to stock it with food Lexa didn’t recognize. It came in tin cans and packages and was often dried. There were some items she knew of though. Fresh fruit was on the counter and Clarke had seen to it that they had a thing that keeps the food cold. She called it a fridge. Lexa had never seen one of them in working order before.

  
She’d explored the world around Polis before and after becoming Commander and she’d come across the ruins of old homes and businesses so it wasn’t an unfamiliar box to her, but the fact that this one worked and that when she opened it, the light came on and right before she closed the door, it appeared to turn off was something she found fascinating and she’d never tell Clarke that she’d spent a good hour trying to verify that it did turn off when the door was closed all the way until she finally found another activity to occupy her brain.

  
She’d really enjoyed the giant screen that was still inside her bedroom against one of the walls and found herself changing what Clarke called channels and revealing a new program each time. She was convinced she’d eventually get to something she’d already seen, but it was apparently endless. She watched soccer and didn’t understand what some of the cards and flags were for at first, but she started taking notes when they were held up and eventually figured out what fouls were. This was helped by a basketball game she watched between two teams. One wore black and red and the other wore a blue and yellow uniform. They had fouls in basketball too. She also watched movies. She’d watched some in black and white and some in color. There were funny movies and sad movies and movies with action; some depicted war. Lexa found herself drawn to those since they at least felt familiar to her.

  
She’d been teaching herself how to cook with the stove that’d she’d never used before. She’d cooked over a fire before though and was determined to figure out how to use it without asking Clarke. Turning it on and off wasn’t the hard part. Lexa was brilliant. She could read on/off. It was trying to figure out how long to cook things and how high the heat should be. Fires didn’t have temperature control. The foods were foreign to her too so she’d spend time mixing different things together just to see what they’d taste like. She’d never had ice cream, but there was some in the top compartment of the fridge. She made a plan to have that for the first time with Clarke. She had this vision of them eating a meal together that she cooked herself and Clarke enjoyed. She thought they could watch one of Clarke’s favorite movies together and maybe make love before falling asleep next to each other. Clarke told her that would be a date. Lexa was pretty sure that no Commander before her had ever gone on a date, but she’d been the first to do a lot of things as a Commander and thought this would just be one more.

  
Lexa had opened up to Clarke about her life before the Sky People made their way down to the ground. She was surprised at how easily it had come out of her. She’d been so guarded in life. She’d never reveal something she didn’t have too.

  
As she mixed two bags of dried items together with water in a bowl next to the stove and it looked like a gloppy mess, she thought back to the first time she’d told Clarke something significant about her life. She’d told her of Costia. Costia, the girl she’d loved before Clarke and yet now, she can’t see how that was possible. How had she ever loved anyone before Clarke? It seemed like so long ago. She’d been so young and she had no idea that Clarke Griffin was going to fall from the sky and change her world so completely. Clarke had seemed to be in pain at Finn’s death and as she spoke Trigedasleng over his body, Lexa had been more than surprised and thought maybe Clarke Griffin was different than the others. She’d mentioned the fact that she’d loved someone in hopes of easing Clarke’s pain somehow. It was silly to think about that now. Lexa laughed in fact as she gave up on the mixture and decided instead to eat an apple and go sit outside. The back of the house had a nice view of the forest and she enjoyed sitting there. Clarke had even managed to bring the books Lexa had left in her room with the room itself. She grabbed one of them and sat on the grass outside the house. She knew her mention of Costia would do nothing to bring Finn back for Clarke and the truth was that Lexa didn’t want Finn to come back at all. She’d grown fond of the blonde girl who seemed strong and a little stubborn not unlike Lexa herself. She mentioned Costia’s name for another reason and that became clear to her the longer she knew Clarke.

  
She’d wanted Clarke to know that she’d felt something before. She wasn’t cold. She had someone she’d cared about. Yes, she’d turned those feelings off because it was what was expected of her, but she secretly hated having to do that and wished more than anything that she could have saved Costia. She knew they wouldn’t have made it much longer considering how fast and strong her feelings for Clarke had hit her. Lexa would have ended her relationship with Costia once she’d realized her feelings for Clarke were so intense she couldn’t push them away and she’d want Costia to be with someone who felt that way for her. She also wanted Clarke to know that she’d been with a woman. She found herself sharing Costia’s name, in effect, to reveal that part of herself to someone she thought was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen.

  
Revealing even more to Clarke during her last long visit had felt unimaginably good to Lexa. She talked of her life before joining the conclave. She’d had 6 years with her parents before being sent to join the other Nightbloods. She knew it was coming. She’d been as prepared as a six-year old could be to leave their parents. She’d gone to Polis where she met Anya who was older than she was and who helped with her training. Lexa told Clarke that she’d been ecstatic, but did her best to hold it in, when Anya had selected her to be her second.  
They also talked about the conclave. Clarke now knew of Luna, but she wanted to hear Lexa talk about what happened when she had to kill the other Nightbloods. Lexa grew sad during that part, but considering their time in Lexa’s bed before her death, Clarke had been curious, she felt she owed it to her to share what that was like. Clarke had held her closer as she started talking about how Anya’s death was harder for her than she revealed the day she and Clarke had met. Clarke wiped a few tears away as Lexa spoke about their close friendship and how Anya was the one person she trusted implicitly as a friend or even a sister. Anya didn’t care that Lexa later became Commander. She’d always shared her opinions openly even when they differed from Lexa’s and that was forbidden.

  
Lexa told Clarke about Costia more after that. She spoke of how they met before she became Commander and she liked her, but was guarded because she knew if she was chosen, she’d have to stop. Costia was the first of the two to use the word love to define their relationship. Lexa replied with the same at first because she felt it was what she should say, but later she realized she did love Costia. It’s strange how someone can love two completely different people. Costia was soft and gentle in everything. She never spoke out of turn or challenged Lexa’s word about anything. She seemed to require Lexa’s strength and leadership in their relationship. In the beginning, being Commander was so new to Lexa that she didn’t mind supplying that in their relationship. Eventually though, she began craving something more from their dynamic. She started trying to pick a fight with Costia to see if she’d respond and when she didn’t, Lexa found herself stupidly disappointed. It wasn’t long after that Nia had kidnapped her and the next time Lexa saw her, it wasn’t all of her and that broke her. She no longer aspired to love anyone. She simply wanted to lead her people through whatever battles came their way.

  
Then, she saw Clarke Griffin for the first time. Lexa smiled at that thought as she sat the book on the grass and began to watch the trees move in the soft wind that was fairly constant in this world.

 

*****

“I was wondering where you were.” Clarke greeted from behind Lexa.

  
Lexa turned in her spot and smiled at Clarke who sat down next to her.

  
“Hello.”

  
“Not any good?” She asked and picked the book up off the ground.

  
“It’s one of my favorites. I was just thinking.”

  
“About what?” Clarke asked her and looked over at Lexa who was staring off into the forest; her green eyes light.

  
“You.”

  
“Me?” Clarke questioned.

  
“What we talked about before with Costia.”

  
“Oh.” Clarke tried her best not to let her jealousy ring in her tone.

  
“I feel the same way about Finn.” Lexa heard it anyway and smirked at her.

  
“What were you thinking about specifically?” Clarke leaned back on her hands.

  
“Just that the two of you were so different.”

  
“Oh.” Clarke repeated. She didn’t exactly know how to take that.

  
“I think Costia was the right first love for me.”

  
“Oh.” Clarke repeated again and this time her tone was more than obvious.

  
“I said first love, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa reminded. “I was so young back then and inexperienced in what it meant to be Commander. Costia allowed me to discover that and didn’t try to assert herself into my rule. I think maybe I needed that then, but if I think about her and I being together today…” She faded when she heard a small grumble from the woman sitting next to her and she laughed. “I can’t see it working.”

  
“Oh.” Clarke replied with a little more joy in her tone.

  
“With or without you in my life, even if Nia had let her live, I don’t think Costia and I would be together.”

  
“What brought all this on?” Clarke questioned with genuine curiosity.

  
“I guess I just have a lot of time to think in here and our conversation had me thinking about my past.”

  
“And now?” Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

  
“Now, I know I needed someone like you right when you came into my life.”

  
Clarke didn’t say anything at that comment. They both just stared off into the woods; Clarke creating a beautiful sunset for them to watch together.

  
“So, I saw some stuff in the kitchen when I walked through.” She interrupted their silence.

  
“Oh.” It was Lexa’s turn. She hung her head and started laughing and yet again, Clarke marveled at the sound of it.

  
“You wanna tell me what happened in there, Commander?” She mocked.

  
“I was trying to cook something and I gave up.”

  
It was Clarke’s turn to laugh a deep laugh that caught Lexa off guard.

  
“I don’t know what I have a harder time believing; you trying to cook or you giving up on something.”

  
“Yes, it is very funny.” Lexa replied with sarcasm and Clarke decided she’d like to see more of that come out of her.

  
“Come on. Let’s go inside.” Clarke stood. “I can clean up your mess and tell you about what’s going on outside of here and you can tell me about your day trying to learn how to cook.”

  
She held out her hand and Lexa took it. They stood face to face. Lexa put her hands on Clarke’s hips. Clarke had on a different shirt this time. It was a light blue that matched her eyes and Lexa loved it.

  
“Can I ask you something first?” She seemed nervous.

  
“Sure.”

  
“You spoke of a date before. People would go on dates.”

  
Clarke’s smirk was a mile wide.

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Can we have one?”

  
“You want us to go on a date?”

  
“Yes. Sometime. It doesn’t have to be tonight. Just…” She seemed to be getting more nervous. “I’ve been watching a lot of those movies on the screen and they go on dates a lot and-“  
“Lexa, this is the most adorable you have ever been.” Clarke explained and laughed after. “Seriously.”

  
“I’m not trying to be adorable.” She scowled.

  
“Too late.” Clarke took her hand. “And I would love to go on a date with you.”

  
Lexa smiled big.

  
“How do we…?”

  
“You want to do dinner and a movie?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Then, let’s do dinner and a movie. What was your favorite food in Polis?”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because we can have it.”

  
“No Clarke!” Lexa pulled back slightly.

  
“No? Why?”

  
“Because I haven’t forgotten that your mother ran tests on you and we haven’t spoken about them and I don’t want you creating stuff here just because you can. It’s too much for you.”

  
“Lexa, it’s different. I’m learning how to use it now. Something like this is fine. Sending Commanders away for good was too much.”

  
“How do you know this won’t hurt you too?” She stepped back into her.

  
“Because I just do.”

  
Lexa considered Clarke’s statement for a moment.

  
“My favorite food wasn’t from Polis.” She finally spoke. “My mother made this meat pie when I was young. I only had it a few times before I was sent away.”

  
“What was it like?” Clarke asked as she pressed her lips ever so slightly to Lexa’s neck.

  
“It was just a pie with meat. I don’t know. I was six.”

  
Clarke laughed hard at that and pulled back to look at Lexa’s face. It was light and free and Clarke loved seeing her like this.

  
“Think about it.” She told her. “Focus on it.” Lexa tried her best to recall the small meat pies her mother made her when she was young. She served them with cooked carrots on the side, which Lexa hated, but her mother made her eat anyway. She was watching Clarke who was staring at her intently.

  
“Let’s go inside.” Clarke told her and they walked in the house hand in hand.

  
Lexa was shocked and yet not so considering all the things Clarke could control in here when she saw the kitchen had been cleaned and there were two plates on the table complete with individual meat pies and cooked carrots on the side.

  
“You did it.” She looked to Clarke.

  
“Actually, you did it. I just listened.”

  
“How?” Lexa was curious.

  
“Becca told me I knew things I didn’t realize I knew. I can access information if I know the right questions or in this case if I just think about you and your favorite food.”

  
“So, you can just call anything to mind that you want about me? About my past?” She seemed thrown off by this new development.

  
“I guess, but it’s not like that.”

  
Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand and looked at her in an accusatory fashion.

  
“You have access to all of me; every detail. All the experiences I’ve ever had.” She paused. “Do we even need to talk anymore?”

  
Clarke approached her and put her hands on Lexa’s arms.

  
“Lex, I would never go into your past like that. I just wanted to do something nice for you.” She motioned with one hand toward their meal. “I wouldn’t use this stupid thing to find out information about you. I have you to tell me and I love talking to you. Information is just information, but you bring these things to life when you tell me.” She wrapped her arms around a cautious Lexa. “I promise you that I want this with you. I don’t want a stupid computer to tell me things you’ve done. I want you to tell me about them and I want you to tell me about them over a long period of time. I like learning about you little by little like this. It makes it real.”

  
“So, you won’t go into my head like that again?”

  
“I can’t promise it won’t happen on accident. I am still getting used to all of this. I didn’t plan to bring your entire bedroom here and I still don’t know why I brought your horse. The only thing I can think of is that you must have been thinking of it or something and I felt it, but I will promise I will never do it intentionally unless it’s something totally ridiculous like putting your favorite food that you haven’t had in forever on the table for you and also cleaning the kitchen. I didn’t care if the kitchen was a mess. I think that was you too.” She smirked at her and hoped Lexa would find the humor to be a nice change.

  
She nodded and looked over at the table. It took her a moment before she walked toward it and then she sat down in front of the plate. Clarke moved across the room as well and brought back three flickering candles which she placed between them.

  
“I hate the carrots.” Lexa confessed with a scrunched up nose and then looked at Clarke who couldn’t help but laugh.

  
“I actually love carrots.” She shared and took the fork next to her plate and stabbed a carrot on Lexa’s. She brought it to her mouth and ate it. “What did you drink with this meal when your mother made it?” She asked after she’d chewed enough to make it come out clearly.

  
“Water. What did you drink at meals?” She replied while prodding the pie with her fork as if to verify that it was the same one she remembered.

  
Her tone with that question reminded Clarke of the day they’d been trapped with the gorilla and Clarke had just learned how Commanders are chosen and Lexa asked her how their leaders were chosen. It made her smile.

  
“We usually had water. Coffee in the mornings sometimes. Mostly for adults, but my dad would let me have some of his.” She explained and then looked at Lexa. “What about wine?”

  
“What about it?”

  
“Have you ever had it?” Clarke asked her.

  
“Trikru pioneered a fermentation process used now by all the clans.” She shared with pride. Clarke was surprised. “I never imbibed. Commanders must always keep a clear head.”

  
“Did Titus tell you that?”

  
“He was my teacher.” She stuck her fork into the pie and immediately smiled. She could smell it and it smelled like home. Clarke didn’t mention that Titus was also her killer.

  
In front of them, appeared one bottle of wine. Clarke had never had wine either. They didn’t have it on the Ark, but when she was in the mountain, she saw a room with a stock pile of it. Dante had even spoken of it to her during one of their early conversations.

  
“I’ve never had it either.” She confessed. “But maybe we can try it together?”

  
“What does it taste like?” Lexa stared at the bottle and then took a bite of her food. She seemed to want to savor each one as if Clarke couldn’t just make her another meal just like this one.

  
“I don’t know.” Clarke shrugged. “Let’s find out.” She picked up the bottle her mind had conjured up. It looked like the one Dante had pulled out and dusted off to show her how cultured they were in the mountain. She pushed that thought out of her mind. She only wanted to focus on Lexa and the fact that technically they were on their first date.

  
She poured a glass for each of them and sat them both back down along with the bottle before she lifted her own to her lips and smelled inside. Lexa followed her lead. Clarke took a short sip at first and didn’t really enjoy the bitterness that met her tongue, but she took a longer sip after that when she felt the fruitiness that followed. Lexa did the same and gave an expression that said that she didn’t like it at all followed by one that said that maybe she could be convinced. They continued to sip on it as they ate and talked and Clarke kept pouring them glasses until Lexa took over that duty when Clarke almost poured wine on the table instead of in the glass and neither of them commented that the bottle seemed to be filled endlessly since they didn’t appear to be running out of wine.

  
“Did people do this on the Ark?”

  
“Drink too much?” Clarke asked for clarification after taking her last sip of wine for the night. She was definitely feeling what she assumed from the stories she’d heard was drunk.  
Lexa smiled at her and sat her fork down on her empty plate. When Clarke found out she didn’t like the carrots, she’d asked what Lexa wanted instead and Lexa just wanted another meat pie so Clarke gave her that and ate both plates of carrots.

  
“Go on dates.”

  
“Oh, I guess.” Clarke told her. She stood with her empty plate and took Lexa’s. Her walk was wobbly as she made her way to the sink to drop off the dishes.

  
“Let’s not forget this part.” Lexa stated and then joined her at the sink with their empty glasses.

  
“What part?” Clarke asked and looked over at her as she started the water and began to wash the plate.

  
“It would be easy to make this entire world false, Clarke. You could just make these dirty plates disappear, but I don’t want us to do things like that all the time. I want to cook for you and with you and clean the house like we would have done-“

  
“Out there.” Clarke finished her thought. “Then, you can dry.” She passed her the now clean plate. “Can I ask you a question?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“Are you saying this just because you want it to be like it is out there or are you worried that doing things like that could hurt me?”

  
“The first one.” Lexa told her. “Mostly.” She added. “Put the ingredients for the food in the kitchen, but we should make it together or you can make something for me and I can make something for you, but it shouldn’t just appear already made all the time. Part of being with someone is having moments like this and I want these moments with you.” She sat the dry dish on the counter.

  
“Okay.” Clarke agreed and passed the next plate. “How does dating work on the ground?” She changed the subject. “On the Ark, it wasn’t like it was in the movies. There were only so many of us up there so I’m sure some people just got along, but probably weren’t in love, but they got together.”

  
“But some people were in love?”

  
“Yeah, some people were lucky and they found the person they were supposed to be with.” Clarke smiled as she passed the glass to Lexa. She’d nearly dropped it in the soapy water and hoped Lexa hadn’t noticed.

  
“Most relationships are arranged by clan leaders.” Lexa sat the glass on the counter next to the plates. She was beginning to feel a little lightheaded and hoped Clarke missed the part where she missed the counter all together, but recovered the glass just in time.

  
“I don’t think I like that.”

  
“I didn’t like it either.” Lexa agreed and finished with the last glass before looking over at Clarke who seemed surprised. “What?”

  
“Lexa, the Commander of the 12 clans who said love was weakness secretly hoped her people would find it.”

  
“Mockery is-“

  
“Not the product of a strong mind, I know. I remember.”

  
It was Lexa’s turn to be surprised.

  
“You remember a lot.”

  
“I remember everything.” Clarke confessed and she didn’t know if it was the alcohol or if it was just the fact that she loved Lexa so damn much and she looked so good standing there in just a T-shirt that Clarke had left in the closet and shorts that were short and blue and were actually meant for her since they were the shorts she used to sleep in on the Ark, but she took one swift step forward and captured Lexa’s full lips in her own. It took only moments for Lexa to react, but it was slower than Clarke anticipated and she guessed the alcohol had a similar effect on the woman she was kissing. Clarke had to stumble step and push Lexa back so they could make it to the bedroom. When they finally did, she pushed Lexa down on the bed and climbed on top of her. “I know we said dinner and a movie, but can we do the movie later?” She asked as she attached her lips to Lexa’s long neck.

  
“Yes.” Lexa returned between gasps and she let Clarke tear away at her clothing before stripping off her own. Clarke wasn’t nearly as gentle as she normally was when they did this, but Lexa didn’t mind. They both apparently wanted this and they wanted it this way; fast and hard and hot.

*****  
After they’d exhausted themselves in the bed, Lexa stood and walked naked back out to the kitchen. She grabbed the ice cream out of the fridge and returned with spoons as well. Clarke was still lying naked and partially still sweaty from their activities and her eyes were on the very naked Lexa who had just climbed back into the bed with her. Her face must have been bright red because she’d never had someone stare at her so blatantly before with such love and lust in her eyes.

  
“Ice cream?” Clarke asked and sat up as Lexa handed her a spoon.

  
“I’ve never had this either.”

  
“It’s been a night of firsts for you.” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows and Lexa blushed again at the reference about the fact that she’d just come while sitting on Clarke’s face and that was something she’d never done before.

  
She dipped the spoon into the container and Clarke waited to see her reaction before taking a bite herself.

  
“This is…” Lexa faded and shoved her spoon back in for more.

  
“That good, huh?” Clarke teased.

  
“It’s so cold, but it’s really good.” She continued to eat for several moments while Clarke used the remote to find a movie they could watch. She knew she only had a couple of hours left before she had to leave and she wanted to make the most of them.

  
“Come on. Let’s watch something. It’s not a date if we don’t do the movie part.”

  
They sat next to each other on the bed while they had their fill of the ice cream before Clarke returned it to the kitchen. When she came back, she saw that Lexa had fallen asleep.

Apparently one of the side-effects of drinking wine was sleepiness. Clarke shook her head when she thought it could have also have been the fact that they’d just had sex three times. She had to shift the brunette so that she could get under the furs and Lexa woke for a moment.

  
“I’m sorry.” She apologized and took Clarke’s hand until Clarke climbed over her and positioned herself behind her.

“I thought you didn’t need sleep here.”

  
“I don’t usually. This is the first time I’ve felt myself get tired.”

  
“It could have been the wine.”

  
“I’ve never been hungry either.” She muttered as Clarke wrapped her body around her. “I’ve actually missed both of these feelings. Did you do this?”

  
“Make you tired and hungry? I hope not.” She kissed her shoulder.

  
“I like it. It’s real.” She paused and Clarke wondered if she’d gone to sleep. “Can we finish the movie another time?”

  
“Yes.” She replied. “But I might not be here when you wake up.”

  
“But you’ll come back… and that’s all that matters.” She responded and then Clarke knew she’d fallen back to sleep.

  
It was possible that Clarke had done that without realizing it. She knew Lexa was alone in here and when eating and sleeping isn’t there to help tick away time, the hours could drag on endlessly. She also guessed that Lexa’s statements to her earlier about not skipping out on real things might have had something to do with this recent development. Either way, Clarke didn’t care. She was just content watching Lexa sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

“You’re still here?” Lexa asked Clarke who was still by her side and awake. She woke up because she felt Clarke’s hand grazing over her skin as a way of coaxing her awake.

  
“I came back actually.” Clarke replied as her eyes wandered over Lexa’s body following her fingers as she moved up and down Lexa’s clothed stomach. She slid the shirt up a little higher so she could watch her fingers glide between Lexa’s breasts.

  
“How long have I been asleep?” She wiped her eyes and sounded surprised that she’d been out long enough for Clarke to go and come back.

  
“Only a few hours. I’ve come and gone a few times. I just wanted to be here when you woke up.”

  
“Is something wrong?” Lexa moved to sit back against the pillows, which meant Clarke had to stop her movements against her body.

  
“No.” She replied and sat up and turned. “It’s just we’ve never gotten to do this part.”

  
“What part?”

  
“You don’t really sleep in here and even when you were, you were basically just lying there with your eyes closed because I was sleeping. This was the first time you actually fell asleep and I wanted to watch you wake up.” She watched as Lexa smiled and Clarke’s skin turned a shade of red. “What?”

  
“You are very sweet, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa told her and took Clarke’s hand. “But I’m sure you have to go.”

  
“Yes, things are moving pretty fast out there. That’s why I was trying to make you wake up. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back tonight. I might not be able to come back tomorrow night either. I don’t know yet.”

  
“I understand.” Lexa told her. “I have been Commander, remember?”

  
“I remember.” Clarke answered and tried not to show her disappointment in the fact that Lexa was not still Commander. “I’ll try to stop in if I can, but if not…”

  
“Just take care of them. I’ll be here when you return.”

  
“Before I go, I just want to say two things.” Clarke started. “I haven’t forgotten you want to know about the tests and I promise I will talk to you about it when we have more time and that I’m fine.”

  
Lexa nodded.

  
“And the other thing?”

  
“Is there anything else you need here or want here that I can give you? I know what we talked about and I understand, but this isn’t out there. For it to be here, I have to make it so is there something missing you want or need?”

  
“Can’t you just go into my mind and figure it out?” Lexa questioned, but smiled as she asked it. She knew Clarke wouldn’t do that.

  
“I’m serious, Lex.”

  
“You never used to call me Lex.” Lexa raised one eyebrow. “I don’t think anyone has ever called me Lex.”

  
“That’s because you were Heda.” Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa’s. “Do you not like it?”

  
“No, I do.”

  
“Okay then. Lex, is there anything you want here that you don’t already have?”

  
“I’ll let you know if I think of something, but Clarke…”

  
“Yes?”

  
“When we talk about the tests and your results, can you also tell me more about what’s going on out there? I love just being with you, but what you’re doing out there is a big part of who you are and-“

  
“And who you are?”

  
Lexa smiled and then withdrew it.

  
“I just want to know about it. I know some things, but I only know them because I heard from the people in the City of Light or from what little you and I have discussed about the situation out there. I’d like to hear about it more if that is okay.”

  
“Of course it’s okay. We’ll talk when I get back.” She kissed her. “About whatever you want.” She kissed her again. “And I forgot there’s a third thing I wanted to say.” Lexa lifted her eyebrow curiously at her. “I love you.”

  
“It’s a good thing I can’t tell everyone how sweet and romantic their Commander is.” Lexa smirked at her.

  
“It’s a good thing I can’t tell everyone how funny you apparently turned out to be.” She gave her one soft, sweet kiss on the lips. “Say it back.”

  
“I love you.”

  
Clarke pulled their faces apart so she could look into Lexa’s eyes.

  
“Beautiful.” She uttered it to herself before she closed her eyes and opened them again in the world she shared with everyone else in her life.

*****

The day dragged on and Clarke had to admit that she was exhausted by the time night fell and she wished she could spend the night in restful sleep next to Lexa, but she needed to be here with the people looking to her for guidance.

  
Most of the vehicles were on their way already and Octavia had thankfully reported back that she was with the team and they located the entrance to the bunker. It took some strength and creativity to get the door to it opened, but once they did, they were able to explore it and estimated that it would likely be okay to help them weather out the storm so to speak. They sent along some measurements of room sizes and numbers and based on those calculations, they guessed that it could hold one-third of the current population. It wasn’t exactly what Clarke wanted to hear, but given that Bellamy’s group had also located their Denver bunker, which was in the side of a mountain and made Clarke think of Mount Weather, she was hopeful that maybe that one would hold more people.

  
“Everything’s intact.” Bellamy’s voice rang through the radio. “Radiation wise, we should be okay, but whoever came here to live out the old radiation…” He faded and Clarke wasn’t sure if she’d lost him.

  
“Bellamy?” She questioned.

  
She’d stationed herself just outside the entrance to the tunnels and was watching as people began to make their way inside. They’d decided to move up the departure by a few hours because Morgan was worried a storm might be heading their way from the north. Clarke stood overlooking a table in the tent she and Lexa once shared before battle. She watched as Abby directed a few of the healers to take boxes and bags inside with them and then they disappeared inside.

  
“I’m here. Sorry, it’s just…” He started and then stopped again. “They’re dead, Clarke.”

  
“Who’s dead?” Clarke replied thinking he was talking about the rest of the team.

  
“The people who lived here. They must have come here during the bombing and ran out of supplies at some point because there are bodies; bones actually. There are at least a hundred skeletons down here and we’ve only gotten into part of this place. We also saw a few at the entrance and a couple a little further out in the brush.”

  
Clarke considered his statement.

  
“They tried to leave when they ran out of supplies and the radiation was still too strong.” She asserted.

  
“Probably.”

  
“How big is the place?” She asked him.

  
“From what we can tell, it’s massive. It was clearly built to house a lot of people. We saw a sign that said max capacity is 35,000, but Thomas came across an office and found paperwork on it that said it could actually hold up to 50,000 reasonably, but they were stocked for the 35,000 though.” He appeared to be reading something as he spoke. “It should have lasted for 100 years so I don’t know what happened, but we’re seeing a lot of empty shelves here and these bodies can only mean one of two things. Either the radiation somehow got in and they died or they didn’t ration properly. Our readings don’t show radiation inside at all and it was locked up tight when we got here so I think they ran out.”  
“I think we’ll be okay on supplies so-“

  
“Wait, I get it.” He interrupted. “It was just finished. They’d just finished building the damn place. It probably wasn’t stocked all the way to begin with. I doubt they thought they’d ever actually need the place.”

  
Clarke waited before responding.

  
“Are you okay?” She asked him. “I mean with the bodies and-“

  
“The bodies in the mountain?” He interjected over the radio. “Yeah, it reminds me of it, but these aren’t bodies exactly so it’s okay. We’ll start getting them moved out so no one has to see them when they get here and we’ll explore the rest of the place too. Lay out some plans, if we can, based on what we’ve got. I want to go explore what’s left of the old city too. We might be able to spot stuff we can use before we have to lock the place down.”

  
“You’ve got time. It’s a long trip out there.”

  
“When are you making it?” He asked her.

  
“I’m going to El Dorado, Bell.”

  
“Oh, I just assumed you’d come here. This one’s bigger and closer to where you want to go later.”

  
“I will. If I can… if we can outrun it, I’ll go there, but I want to see El Dorado for myself; make sure it’s okay and then I’ll head that way.”

  
“Oh okay.”

  
“I’m sending Indra and 5 of the ambassadors I trust there.”

  
“Who’s going to be in charge? We’ll need one person if it’s going to work. A chancellor or whatever you want to call it.”

  
“Raven’s heading that way now.”

  
“You’re putting Raven in charge?” He queried.

  
“I’m putting Raven in charge of communications and I’m putting Indra in charge of enforcement.”

  
“You mean the guard?”

  
“Yes, if it’s needed. I’m putting the Ice Nation ambassador in charge of Denver, Bellamy. His name is Erik and he will make sure the place can run and he’ll report back to me.”  
“Ice Nation, Clarke?” He was growing angry. She could hear it even through the radio. “They blew up the mountain. They killed Gina.”

  
Clarke took the radio toward the front flap of the tent and she closed it. Abby caught her eye as the flap fell and Clarke walked to the back of the tent as far away as she could get from the people so she could speak more freely.

  
“Erik didn’t kill anyone, Bellamy. He supported Roan; not Nia and he was not a soldier before this. He ran a shop in a small village and was the leader of it before the City of Light got their old ambassador killed. He was chosen by Indra who knew him from before when there was a battle in his village and a lot of people got killed. He chose not to fight and even though he could have died, he stood his ground. Indra let him live because he wasn’t a threat and he singlehandedly rebuilt that village and when we needed a new ambassador, Indra immediately thought of him and knew he would be loyal to our cause.” She took a deep breath. “Not everyone from Ice Nation is evil just like not everyone from the Ark is good, Bell and this isn’t about you or me or what’s happened before. This is about the future.” She hated that she felt like she was scolding him, but she didn’t have time for him to be petty. “Erik will run Denver until I can get there and Kane will run El Dorado. We can’t have people from the Ark running both places. It won’t work. There are already people who don’t want me as Commander no matter what Indra tries to shield me from. They think I have the Flame and that’s the main reason why they’re supporting me.” She failed to mention that she did actually have it inside her because she didn’t want anyone outside of Raven and her mother knowing. “Putting Erik in charge is a good decision, Bellamy. People will see that he is a good leader and that he’s not like the Ice Nation they used to know and they’ll not only trust that I value the grounder leadership, but that they can start to let go of old feuds.”

  
“You’re the Commander, Clarke.” He paused. “Look, I should go. We’ve got a lot of work to do here.”

  
“Yeah. Check in with Raven later. She’s already on her way.”

  
“I will.”

  
She could tell he wasn’t entirely happy with the arrangement, but she didn’t have time to worry about Bellamy’s concerns. She needed him to let them go and if he couldn’t do that, he was free to go. Maybe he hoped she’d put him in charge of Denver, but while Clarke trusted Bellamy to a degree, she hadn’t been able to trust him how she did before when he was in Mount Weather trying to help people. She still had this pang of doubt about him that she wasn’t sure would ever go away. Finding Indra in a field of dead grounders and knowing that he had a hand in that when Lexa sent them there to help was still too much for her to try to process. It was his actions that caused the blockade that meant she had to say goodbye to Lexa that day. There she went again; back in time to try to uncover the one action that led to Lexa getting shot and there she was again; convinced that she’d never really figure it out.

 

Several more hours passed as hundreds of people began making the trek through the tunnels. Clarke stayed glued to the radio and kept in contact with Jasper along with Erik who had a radio himself and was walking with the rest of the Ice Nation that had decided to come along. Many had remained behind and Clarke found herself to be happy about it despite what it meant for them. She’d received reports that there were already deaths and more sickness spreading more rapidly and she wondered if they were even leaving quickly enough.

*****

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” Abby asked as she stood next to Kane at the entrance. The last of the first group had made it through the entrance. The next group would start the following day, which was really in just a few hours to try to stagger everyone and because not everyone could get to the tunnels at once based on where they were traveling from.

  
“I’m sure. I’m staying here.” Clarke replied.

  
“Please make sure you take care of yourself. Your scans were inconclusive and that makes me nervous.”

“I’ll take care of myself, mom. I promise.”

  
“And less frequent visits.” She looked around and noticed Kane was approaching with a large bag strapped to his back.

  
“When we get settled, I’ll let you run the tests again, okay?” She offered as Kane arrived.

  
“I will hold you to that.” Abby reached out to hug her daughter.

  
“You ready?” He asked Abby and then looked at Clarke. “I just heard from Murphy at the front. Everything’s good so far.”

  
“Good.” Clarke replied and looked back at Abby. “I’m right behind you.”

  
Abby nodded.

  
“We’ll see you soon.” Kane put his hand lightly on Clarke’s elbow.

  
“Take care of her.” She asked of him and he nodded in reply before looking at Abby.

  
It was strange to see someone look at her mom like that when it wasn’t her father and it was even stranger that it was Kane, the man they’d had so many problems with on the Ark, but things changed and the people changed with them. Clarke knew that she could trust him with her mother’s life and even with her own. She watched as they made their way through the entrance and then down and down until they began walking straight ahead and she lost them.

  
Two guards had chosen to remain behind for her protection despite the fact that she told them they should go. They stood outside the tent as she rested inside. She didn’t fall asleep because the next group could be arriving any minute and she didn’t want to be gone when that happened so her next trip to visit Lexa would have to wait.

*****

The sun rose in the sky and she walked around the room in a daze putting the candles out and regretting that no sleeping decision when she heard a commotion outside and went to find out what it was.

  
The next group had arrived with their ambassador who approached Clarke and extended her arm in greeting.

  
“Heda, only a small group of my people chose to remain behind despite the risks. The rest are here to begin their journey.”

  
“Good. The first group is already inside. You’ll just follow the main path. It’s been painted in red. The first group should have placed food rations for you and there are medical kits here.”

Clarke pointed at the kits Abby had put together. “You should be fine to make it through to the other side. The first group will keep marking the path for you to follow. If you run into any trouble, just use the radio.”

  
“Understood, Heda.” She nodded at one of the people standing behind her and he started walking toward the entrance. “And I did as you requested.”

  
“You spoke to her?”

  
“I sent word that I wanted to speak and she came to land.” The ambassador. “We met, but she has decided not to join us despite the changes you have made. She will remain on her boat and go out into the water as far as is required.”

  
“Maybe they’ll be safer out there.” Clarke replied about Luna and her people. “Either way, it’s her decision.”

  
“You are not like the Commanders that came before you, Klark kom Skaikru.”

  
Clarke thought about responding that she was grateful for the compliment, but she decided against it.

  
“Actually, I’d like to think that I’m at least like one of them.” She thought of Lexa. “Go on. I’ll stay here and watch the rest of the group go through.”

  
The ambassador connected their arms again and made her way through the entrance along with her people. Some nodded at Clarke as they walked past while others ignored her entirely. She didn’t take offense. She understood people weren’t happy about having to leave their homes and they saw her, at least in part, as the reason for that.

  
She stood outside her tent for a long time until she felt like she couldn’t stand any longer and made her way inside. She told the guards to grab her if anything strange happened and grabbed herself some water and an apple to try to actually eat something. Sitting down to dinner with Lexa seemed like months ago after the day she’d had and she crunched into it while looking over the plans.

  
She stopped momentarily to think about the last time she’d looked over plans in this very tent and turned around as if Lexa would be standing there telling her she should rest and that she’d done everything she could. She took another bite and returned her weary eyes to the table when she heard a sound outside the back of her tent. It was butted up against the side of the small hill the tunnel entrance had been built into or at least the entrance they’d actually found. There were more, of course, likely in the bottom of bombed out buildings and too difficult for them to find right now with the little time they had to do so and she turned to feel a breeze coming through a place where there should be no breeze and before she could do anything, there was a hood placed over her head and a hand placed over her mouth.

  
She tried to scream, but the pressure against her mouth was too much and she struggled to get out of arms that wrapped her body tight. Soon, her legs were lifted off the ground and she tried to wriggle free, but she was helpless. She could sense that they were outside the tent and she tried with everything she could to yell for the guards or some of the people that might still be straggling to get into the tunnels, but it was no use.


	15. Chapter 15

Eventually, the person holding her legs, dropped them to the ground and Clarke fell for only a moment before someone picked her up by the arms and bound them tightly behind her.   
“Help!” She screamed once her mouth was free of the hand, but then it was replaced with something else that went over the hood and she could tell it was fabric of some kind as whoever was behind her pulled hard on it to get her to be quiet. It was tied behind her head and then there was someone pushing her to walk forward. She resisted at first until she realized it was futile and they kicked her to the ground, picked her back up and pushed her to walk again. She did so for what felt like hours. She could tell not only because of how tired she was, but because of the sun moving higher in the sky and getting warmer every minute. She had sweat dripping down her face and through her clothes and she could feel cuts on both knees and an elbow, but did her best to block out the pain.

She was kicked again when they apparently arrived where they were going and then she was picked up to kneel instead. It took several more moments until someone undid the tie around her mouth and lifted the hood to reveal a man standing before her. He was clearly from Azgeda by his marking and face paint. He was also barely a man from what Clarke could tell. He was young; maybe in his late teens.

“You are Klark kom Skaikru, false Commander.” He began and knelt down on one knee in front of her only for a moment as if to verify and then stood back up. “I am Akoni, the real Commander.” He seemed to study her more as she knelt silently trying to assess her surroundings. She was in another tent. This one was smaller and dark inside despite the fact that the sun was high in the sky. She determined they must have set it up under a large tree or rock to offer some shade from the heat. There were two men standing behind him and she could feel two behind her as well. “You have something that belongs to me and it’s time I get it back.”

“I don’t even know who you are. How could I have something that belongs to you?”

He laughed an evil laugh and took a small knife from his hip. Clarke did her best not to show any fear that it was meant for her, but he surprised her instead by taking it to his forearm and dragging it across his skin revealing the dark blood that trickled out.

“My sister was Ontari of Azgeda.” He slid the knife back in his hip and let the small amount of blood do what it wanted. “I understand you think you can replace her as Commander. I’ve been told you used her Nightblood to gain access to the Spirit.”

“I didn’t kill her.” Clarke defended. 

“Did I say you did?” He looked at the men behind him. “I said you used her blood. My sister was taken from my parents two years after I was born by Nia. I do not remember her. I have no allegiance to her.”

“Then, why am I here?”

“Because you possess the Spirit, Klark kom Skaikru and that belongs to me.” 

“Seems it belongs to me actually.”

He laughed again.

“You are no Nightblood. You should be dead by now. Therefore, I don’t believe you actually have it inside you, Klark. I think you lied to the people you claim to command and that makes you a false Commander.” He paused and sat in a small chair in front of her. “My parents were not well after Ontari was taken from them by their queen. Nia only knew of my sister because I had been sent away from my family with my mother after I was born. We lived with people who could help care for her while my father went away to fight the Queen’s war. Ontari remained behind with my father until Nia took her. When my mother and I returned, she was changed by Ontari’s capture and lost herself. My father took me from her for my protection. I was raised on the outskirts of our lands so that the queen would not try to take me as well as my blood was as dark as my sister’s. When my father died, I returned to Ice Nation, but I never revealed by blood. I was warned against it by my father and my mother and I held onto those warnings.” He seemed to be enjoying telling this story and watching Clarke kneel in front of him. “Lexa kom Trikru posed a problem for the queen of Azgeda though. She wanted peace and Nia wanted war.”  
“Nia wanted power.”

“Yes, yes she did.” He laughed. “I watched her from afar; my sister waiting on her hand and foot. She was abused by the queen she probably thought of more as a mother than the woman who gave birth to her.” He took out his knife again. “When I heard of the death of the Commander, I was overjoyed. I’ve been raising a small army little by little over the years and made allies along the way. As a Nightblood, it was my right to join the conclave and take my place as Commander, but I did not act quickly enough. I underestimated my older sister and she won the conclave before I could stake my claim to it. Fortunately for me, she didn’t last long, did she?”

“That was fortunate for all of us.” Clarke agreed defiantly.

He smirked slightly.

“I think under different circumstances, Klark kom Skaikru, you and I could have been friends. We are two people who believe they are leaders; strong enough to command their warriors in battle.”

“I don’t want to command anyone in battle.”

“Then, you were born at the wrong time.” He pointed out and twisted the tip of the knife against his thigh as if to demonstrate that he could handle the pain. “I’ve already had my army marching south and killing those who would not join us and to your credit, Skaikru leader, there are many that would not follow me and therefore there are many that are dead.” Clarke wondered how she hadn’t found out that people were being killed. “We took these.” He pointed at a few radios she’d given to ambassadors. Not all of them had received one. They only had so many and because of that, Clarke hadn’t required them to check in regularly. She just asked them to report problems, but apparently they were killed before they could. “I am certain there will be riders heading to where we found you shortly to tell you of our actions. We were unable to catch some of them, but that was unimportant to me. I knew we’d get you and I’d get what I wanted and become the rightful Commander of-“

“Of what?” Clarke asked him. “Everyone is moving away from here. You’ll be the Commander of a dead army.”

“We’ll be on our way once I have the Flame. We’ll follow the people through those tunnels we saw and kill anyone that does not accept me as their Commander. We took the plans from your tent and know where you were planning to go.” He looked at the knife. “I will be the Commander of the Ice Nation and there will be no more clans. There will only be Ice Nation.”

“Why do you want to lead a nation that is responsible for your sister’s death; for you having to hide?”

“The name doesn’t matter. I want the power that comes with the Flame, Clarke. I want to have what rightfully belongs to me; what I would have had if my father had understood that this is what I was meant for. If my mother would not have been so frightened, I’d be taken away that she hid me in a small trunk whenever she heard sounds outside our home. I would have defeated my sister in the conclave and I would have killed all those weak Nightbloods to be made Commander, but you struck before I could get there.” He stood. “All I need you to do is tell me where it is and I will let you go.”

“You won’t let me go.” She disagreed. “You won’t just let me walk out of here.”

“Of course I will.” He motioned around with the knife. “I will have my men drop you off far from here and far from those tunnels. From what I’ve seen of the sickness, you won’t be able to outrun it and you will be dead soon, but I will let you leave here.”

“If I’m going to die, why not just kill me now?”

“I can.” He stated plainly. “If that’s how you choose to die, I can end your life now. Some might say this is an honorable death; a warrior’s death. Death by sword, but I will be happy to end the life of the leader of the Sky People if you choose it.” He held the small knife just under her chin and used it to lift it up. “Tell me where it is and this ends.”

“I don’t know where it is.” She lied. 

“Of course you know where it is. You had it inside you while you used up my sister’s blood. I know it had to be removed after and you lied to the people to convince them you should be Commander. Where is it?”

“I. Don’t. Know.” She repeated. Her worse fear in the world was that they’d figure out it was still inside her head and they’d remove it. She may survive that, but she’d never see Lexa again. At least if they killed her first, her spirit would be there for eternity. 

He motioned to the man behind her and to the left to lift her up.

“Search her.” 

Clarke felt hands in her pockets, hands sliding up and down her pants trying to find the small Flame. She knew if they didn’t find it on her, there was a chance they’d go further and feel the incision on her neck and find something that shouldn’t be there. She closed her eyes and remained in that tent while at the same time, seeing Lexa reading a book in the grass outside their house.

“Clarke?” Lexa looked at her and dropped the book on the ground. “You’re bleeding.” She rushed over to her. “What happened?” She asked as she held onto Clarke’s face and watched her nose and ears bleed.

“There’s no one to help me on the other side. They’re all gone.” Clarke said that to Lexa, but she heard Akoni ask her what she was talking about. “If I don’t end up here, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Clarke, stop! Tell me what’s happening. What’s wrong?” She wiped Clarke’s blood away from her nose.

“What was that?” Clarke heard Akoni ask and she realized he’d seen the blood under her nose get wiped away as if by itself.

“I love you.” Clarke told Lexa. “I love you.”

“You’re scaring me. Clarke!” 

Clarke knew she couldn’t hold on much longer. She could feel her body start to give out as the men pulled their hands away at Akoni’s insistence. He appeared to be confused and yelling at her and his men. She looked into Lexa’s eyes one more time.

“May we meet again.” She said softly and left Lexa standing there.

When her eyes opened, she was still standing and the man that was helping search her body for the Flame was close at her side and she drew on every bit of strength she had to reach for it. While she was talking to Lexa, they’d undone her bindings so they could search her fully and she intended to take advantage of it. She also called upon the Flame in that moment. Clarke was not someone who’d used a sword. That was Lexa’s weapon of choice, but she didn’t have a gun and there was no one around to come to her rescue. All Clarke had in that moment was herself.

She lifted the heavy piece of metal slightly and then stuck it inside the man in front of her before swinging around and slicing at the arm of the other man while she watched the other two men behind Akoni begin to move toward her. She called on everything the Flame could give her in that moment; everything Lexa could give her and she grabbed at the other man’s sword, pulled it back hard while jabbing one of the men who came at her with the first sword. Once the second was removed from its holster, she stuck the man she’d just stolen it from in the gut and then pointed both swords at the only guard left standing in front of her. 

With swords pointed at his neck, he stopped abruptly and Akoni looked shocked at what had just happened. 

It was then that Clarke realized she had Akoni’s small knife stuck just under her left shoulder. He’d thrown it at her and in her movements, she’d failed to notice. Her left arm grew weak and she dropped that sword to the ground. The man in front of her continued to stand steadfast waiting for her to make a move. She looked at the defiant Akoni and stuck the man through the throat before pulling the knife from her shoulder and throwing it hard back at Akoni. It hit him in the chest. He fell backwards into the chair he’d been sitting in. The last guard in front of her fell to the ground. She pulled the sword out and looked around the tent. The guards were all dead. Akoni was still breathing so she walked over to him and pulled out the knife. She threw it on the ground and stood, sword in hand nearly covered in blood.

“Still think I’m not fit to be the Commander?” She asked him. 

She watched as he hung his head wordlessly and died.

*****

She felt herself fall to her knees. Her head was killing her. Her shoulder hurt from the knife wound. She needed to gather her strength, but she knew she didn’t have time. Consciously, she had no idea where that fighting had come from, but subconsciously she knew she’d pulled that from Lexa. 

She pushed it out of her mind because she wasn’t out of the woods yet. She had no idea what or who awaited her outside the tent. She knew there couldn’t be people too close by though because they would have heard the fight and come to the rescue. She stood slowly and leaned against the chair where he still remained hunched over. After a few more moments of gathering her strength and breath, she grabbed at a small towel or what was probably a towel and tucked it between her shirt and her skin to help staunch the blood coming out of her shoulder. She tried to push the pain out of her mind and made her way near the other sword she’d dropped. She picked it up and held both in her hands. She took a moment to try to get herself more comfortable holding them and then listened just inside the tent flap. When she didn’t hear anything, she opened it with one of the swords and made her way outside.   
She walked for a bit before she heard sounds of people talking beyond the trees. She used stealth to go undetected and observed the crowd. Akoni had exaggerated the size of his force. There were only about 100 men. Of course it was possible that they were stationed elsewhere, but Clarke doubted it. Nowhere was really safe anymore and if he was planning on taking them through the tunnels, they’d likely be in one place. There was no way she could fight 100 men though and she had no way of knowing how they’d react to seeing her emerge as the victor in a fight between her and Akoni. 

She tried to get her bearings. She looked up at the sun and determined she needed to go east as it seemed they had taken her west. When she took her first few steps, she realized the plans for the bunkers were still in the tent. She needed to either take them back with her or destroy them so the rest of the army wouldn’t get the exact locations of the bunkers. She knew they likely knew to walk east and possibly even knew the cities where the bunkers were located, but the plans contained the exact latitudes and longitudes so she needed to keep them away.   
She walked back toward the tent trying to keep herself together. She noticed a torch lit just outside the tent and knew what she should do.

*****

As she made her way east, she noticed the smoke start to hit the sky. She watched from afar as the men in the camp noticed it as well and gathered their weapons. Many of them ran in the direction of the tent, but some remained behind. That was okay for her though. She just needed them to be distracted enough to get away.

She could run, but only just. She dropped one sword immediately after realizing she couldn’t carry both and still run. Her shoulder ached as did her head. She could feel the blood from her ears dried there and somewhat attached to her hair. She could also feel the sweat coming off her body, but she ran as long as she could before she had to stop and come to a walk. She found a small creek heading east and climbed into the water. This would make it harder for them to track her if they tried. 

She had no way of knowing if they even knew she had been in the tent. It was possible Akoni hadn’t told them about his plan to kidnap her. She only saw 4 guards and the rest of the men were kept at a distance. That’s the kind of man Akoni was. He was just like Ontari. He wanted the power and trusted very few people. His men might not have even known she’d been brought to the tent. Depending on how bad the fire had gotten, it was possible there’d be no evidence of her ever being there, but she couldn’t know for sure so she walked through the water; bending down and taking cups of it in her hand and bringing it to her mouth as thirst overcame her. 

She couldn’t hear anyone behind her and she knew she’d traveled for miles, but earlier, she’d walked for hours so she was probably only half way back to the tunnels and it was getting dark. She wouldn’t be able to tell which direction she was going once the sun was all the way down and there was no way to tell if the creek would stay on the easterly course so she decided to find shelter for the night and rest until she either heard someone coming for her or the sun came up and she could continue on.

 

It took some time for her to find a small ridge with a rock overhang. It didn’t offer much cover, but she used the sword to cut vines from one of the trees above it and hung them over the edge. This gave her enough cover in the dark, but it didn’t provide any help with the cold and because of the sweat that had dried to her clothing, she was freezing and dehydrated and while the bleeding in her shoulder had stopped, the pain still hadn’t. 

She listened to the sounds of nature for a few hours. She could hear animals moving around her, but not near enough for her to think they’d smelled her. She thanked herself for using the river again and leaned back further into the hard, cold rock wall. She had a thin jacket on, but it wasn’t warm enough to actually do anything.

She needed sleep. She knew that was the only way she could regain enough strength to make the rest of the journey back toward the tunnels. She also knew Lexa must be worried about her, but she couldn’t risk going there and not being on full alert in her position so she’d have to wait. 

*****

When she woke, it was to the sounds of movement. She clutched at the sword next to her and listened intently. She could feel the stiffness in both her legs and her arms, which actually helped her remain still. Unfortunately, it meant that if she had to run, it would make that difficult. She listened until she could tell there were at least two of them on top of the rock ridge. Then, she breathed out a sigh of relief and stood. It was difficult, but she did it and then she brushed aside the hanging vines and made her way out from under her cover to turn and look up.

“Heda!” One of her guards immediately made his way toward her. 

They’d gone searching in the night and they’d found her.


	16. Chapter 16

When she woke again, she was back in her own tent. A healer was doing something to her shoulder and she could tell someone was at the back of the tent repairing the hole and likely standing guard there until they left.

“Heda!” The healer, who looked to be a kind young woman with long, dark hair and gentle eyes, greeted her.

“Heda, you’re awake.” The guard at the front of the tent approached her side.

“I’m okay.” Clarke told him to ease his concern. “How long was I out?” She asked him.

“You slept through the night, Heda. It is the next day.” He told her. “I gathered men from the clan that arrived today. We will search for those that did this to you. We saw the fire. We know the direction and will-“

“No.” She sat up and the healer ceased her movements. “It’s better that we just keep moving. How many more groups need to make it through?” Clarke asked him.

“Today is the last group. All others are from the north or are already through.”

“Then, we go after them. Just keep guard around the perimeter until then. I only saw about 100 men and they might not try to follow us now that their leader is dead.” She allowed the healer to continue working on her shoulder and explained what had happened to her to the two guards and the healer who she guessed couldn’t speak English by the way she wasn’t participating in the conversation.

“Chof.” _Thank you._ Clarke told the healer who just smiled at her.

“Sha, Heda.” The guard replied. “I will do as you command, but what if they _do_ attempt to follow?”

Clarke didn’t know how to respond to that. They wouldn’t survive long here if they didn’t follow, but if they did, then they risked having to fight them in the close quarters of the tunnels and possibly losing more people.

“We need to set an explosive to blow cover over the tunnel entrance after we’re inside.” She came up with. “The door should survive, which means it will still be radiation proof. We just need to rig something to make the rocks cover it up and hope that it works after we’re inside and they can’t find it. We need to erase our presence from here too.”

“Heda, I don’t…” He tried.

“It’s okay. I know someone that can help us. Just see to the perimeter.”

“Sha, Heda.” He returned.

The healer completed her work and Clarke told her to go join the group who was still making their way into the tunnels. She also asked her not to tell anyone about Clarke’s injuries. She didn’t want word to spread about the possible attack just yet.

“Raven, come in.” Clarke spoke into the radio somewhat softly. This wasn’t done merely because there were people outside the tent, but also because Clarke still felt terrible. Whatever the healer had placed on her shoulder wound was helping with that pain, but her head was still pounding and she wished that one of the abilities that came with the AI was the opportunity to fight headaches.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you privately.”

“Hold on.” Raven replied and then after a few minutes returned. “Okay. We’re secure. No one can hear us.”

“I need to make a bomb.”

“What?” Raven shot back.

“It’s a long story and I don’t have time to tell it.” She thought about the fact that she’d already been asleep too long and the men, if they decided to come after them, could be just around the corner. “I just need to know if there are supplies here I can use. I need to cover the entrance to the tunnels. I don’t want anyone to follow us.”

“Clarke, who’s going to follow us?”

  
“Raven!” Clarke nearly yelled.

“Alright, you’ll tell me that later.” She paused and Clarke guessed she was thinking. “Hold on. I’m looking at my lists of stuff we had dropped there. Can you get me measurements of the door and maybe give me a better idea of what’s around?”

“Yeah, hold on.”

*****

  
Clarke returned to the tent after she’d done what Raven requested and delivered her the information.

“Okay. I think you’ll have what you need, but it won’t be a bomb exactly.”

“What do you mean?”

“You need to cover up the entrance, right? You don’t care if it actually explodes.”

“I guess.”

“There’s this compound we had on the Ark. It’s corrosive. Highly toxic. We weren’t allowed to use it inside the ship, but it worked outside when repairs had to be made. It can corrode metal, but it was used on the ground before to corrode rock enough to get it out of the way to build things. It was safer than exploding it.”

  
“And I have it here?”

“Wick has it and if things are still on schedule there, he’s probably in that last group. Either he’s already inside or he hasn’t gotten in yet. Either way, he should have enough to do what you want to do.”

“Why wasn’t he with the Arkadia group?” Clarke asked. She felt bad that she’d completely forgotten about Wick since he and Raven ended whatever they had.

“He left a while ago.” Raven reported. “We didn’t end well. He stuck around for a-. It doesn’t matter. He’s with the Lake People. They wanted to learn how to use some of our technology to produce electricity with water like the mountain did with the dam so he went there to show them. They’re the last group, right?”

“Yeah, they’re making their way in now.” Clarke walked outside the tent and looked at the crowd of people making their way through the entrance. She looked to her guard and told him to ask the crowd about Kyle Wick. He nodded and walked up and down the group while Clarke went back inside. “He’ll know how to wire it?”

  
“Just tell him what you need.” Raven responded. “Clarke, is everything okay?”

“It will be. Just keep going. I’ll be inside the tunnels soon.”

“Okay. Raven out.”

 

It took a few minutes before the guard came back into the tent to report that Wick had gone into the tunnel a short while before. He’d sent people running after him. Clarke nodded a thank you and then had her guard return to the perimeter. She began packing up the small amount of items in the tent so that she could leave in a hurry. The tent itself was taken down almost completely by her and one of the guards all while her head still pounded and her shoulder ached, but she pushed through it because she had no other option.

Wick was the only one running out of the tunnel entrance and Clarke thought he looked much tanner than the last time she’d seen him. He also appeared to have begun dressing like the Lake People, which made since if he’d been living there for a while.

“Hey Clarke.” He greeted once fully emerged.

“Wick, Raven said you had some kind of material that could corrode rock.”

“Yeah, it’s in my pack, why?”

Clarke motioned toward the rocks around the entrance.

“We’re covering this up. Can you do that?”

“Hide the entrance?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, but we’d need to be inside. I’d have to trigger it remotely from in there so we wouldn’t know if it worked.”

  
“Wick, we need it to work.”

He just nodded and looked around at the entrance and the rocks.

“I guess I’ll get to work.”

 

*****

 

Clarke completed what she needed to do to get the tent down and then she sent one of the guards into the woods to find a place to bury the tarp underneath enough brush that it wasn’t likely to be seen.

By the time he’d returned, the people had made their way inside the tunnel and all that remained behind were Clarke, Wick and the two guards. They kept watch over them as Wick finished lining the rock with the corrosive liquid that apparently came out of a tube and wouldn’t activate until he remotely triggered a chemical reaction. When he felt he had it done and that his calculations of where to place the stuff meant that the rocks would fall in a certain way to hide the entrance, he told Clarke it was time.

Clarke’s original plan to take the last jeep was scrapped after she’d been taken. She’d told the two people in the jeep who were waiting for her to meet the people on the other side of the tunnels instead the moment Wick began his work. Her trip through the woods to get back to the jeep would have been too risky.

She picked up the last of the supplies that had been left behind and looked around the area to see if they’d left anything else; satisfied that once the entrance was covered, they’d be in the clear, she climbed inside the entrance with Wick. He held onto a transmitter that would create the reaction they needed. One of her guards climbed inside as well, but the other remained outside.

“Heda, I will remain.”

“No, it’s okay. Wick said it will work.”

“I will ensure your safety from here. If the entrance is not covered, I will move the rocks myself.”

“You don’t have too.”

“Heda, I was guard to Lexa kom Trikru before you for many years. I am happy to offer my sacrifice if it means the safety of my people.”

Clarke looked behind her for a moment. She couldn’t see the crowd that was undoubtedly hurrying through the tunnels to outrun the potential storm headed their way.

“Lexa wouldn’t want you to make this sacrifice.” Clarke implored.

“I will shield you and I will go east. I will attempt to meet you on the other side. I will be faster on my own. I have my horse.”

“Clarke, we should go.” Wick reminded her. “When we were headed this way, we heard thunder.”

“Try to meet with the jeep that was going to take us, okay?” She asked him. “They’ll be headed east by now. Ride as fast as you can and you might be able to catch them. If not, just keep going east until you-“

“Heda, I will find you on the other side.”

Clarke nodded at him and looked to Wick. The guard closed the door from the outside and Clarke and Wick turned the handle until it was sealed from the inside. They waited a few moments to allow the guard to get back and then Wick trigged the reaction. It took several more moments and Clarke was convinced it hadn’t worked when they finally heard the sound of large objects begin to fall to the ground. Wick nodded and slid the transmitter into his pack and they stood only for one more moment before they took off to try to catch up with the crowd.

 

*****

 

Because of Clarke’s injuries, they could only go so far so fast and the two of them ended up deciding it was best for her to rest. The tunnels didn’t have electricity, but the first group of people through them had done their best to wire up temporary lighting regulated with a generator that the last people were supposed to take with them on the other side. That hadn’t happened and Wick and Clarke weren’t about to try themselves. They were sitting on the floor in relative darkness though as the lights began to wane slightly and Clarke wanted so badly to see Lexa; to tell her that she was okay and tell her what had happened that made her do what she’d done.

She looked over at Wick who appeared to be asleep and she decided it was the best time to try so she closed her eyes as well and pushed the pain in her head out of her mind as she emerged on the other side to see Lexa pacing back and forth.

“Lexa.” She greeted in a whisper with a large smile that resulted from just being able to see her again.

“Clarke?” Lexa turned to see her and rushed in front of her. She pulled her into a long hug and pressed her face against the crook of Clarke’s neck. Clarke’s arms wrapped tightly around her and she never wanted to let her go. “What happened? I’ve been waiting and-“

“I’m okay. Can we sit?” Clarke asked Lexa and they pulled away only as much as was required to sit on the small sofa that reminded both of them so much of Polis.

Lexa’s hands went to both sides of Clarke’s face again as if to check that she was real. She stared into her blue eyes before she closed her own with a smile only to open them back up again a moment later.

“You were bleeding again.” Lexa finally said into the air.

“I was at the entrance to the tunnels.” Clarke began. “The ones Becca told me about. We were sending groups through them to avoid the radiation at least for long enough for us to get out of the hot zone of the east coast reactors. We had almost all the groups through and I was in the tent and I was taken.”

Lexa’s face changed. Clarke could tell her expression was a mixture of slight fear and mostly anger.

“Who took you?” Her voice had changed too. She became Commander Lexa.

“Ontari had a brother.”

“Ontari?”

“She had a younger brother. He was young, but strong. He looked strong.” Clarke recalled her meeting with Akoni. She’d tried to push his youth out of her mind knowing that she’d killed him. “He wanted the Flame.”

Lexa realized in that moment why Clarke had risked her life and attempted to be in both places at once. She was trying to say goodbye in case the flame was removed and they would not have their forever together.

“Clarke…” Her hands covered Clarke’s in her lap.

“He didn’t think I had it inside. He knew what we’d done to Ontari to make it so I could stop A.L.I.E. He thought I lied to everyone and had it stored somewhere so he tried to find it on me. I couldn’t risk him figuring it out.”

“He touched you?” Lexa’s anger was more pronounced.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay.” Clarke assured her. “They didn’t do anything. I stopped them.”

“How?” Lexa questioned.

“You.”

“Me?” Lexa grew curious.

“I used the Flame. I used your fighting skills technically.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, but they undid my hands and one of them had a sword and I pulled it out and…” She faded and hung her head. “I killed all five of them including Akoni.” She wasn’t proud of what she’d done. She just hadn’t seen any other way out. “Akoni had a small army. He wanted to take over as Commander, Lexa and he was just as crazy as Ontari. I could have let him live, but-“

“He would have come after you again… and our people.” She took a breath and lifted Clarke’s head up to look into her eyes. “You did the right thing, Clarke. I know you may not believe me, but you did.” She paused again. “What of the rest of his men?”

“They’re still out there. I got away and tried to cover our tracks so they can’t follow, but they will move east to get out of the radiation.”

“They are without their leader. They may regroup and come after you.”

“I know. I couldn’t take them all on though and there wasn’t time to try. It was safer to get everyone in the tunnels and moving.”

“What you did was smart, Clarke. Don’t ever think otherwise.” She reached for Clarke’s cheek and cupped it with her hand. “Where are you now? Out there?”  
“Inside the tunnel. I’m safe. I’m with someone I trust.”

“So, you’re not alone?”

“No, we’re resting until I can…” She debated about telling Lexa of her injuries. “I was injured a little. I’m okay, but I needed to rest. We’ll join up with everyone else tomorrow. It’ll be a few days in the tunnels before we hit ground again and then we just have to hope we can move fast enough.”

“How were you injured?”

“Knife to the shoulder, but I’m okay.” Clarke said that last part quickly as if to stress it. “One of the healers bandaged me up. I can hardly feel it anymore.”

Lexa appeared to be gritting her teeth and Clarke knew her protectiveness of her was on full display. She’d always been protective of Clarke. From the moment the missile threatened the camp and Lexa made Clarke leave with her to the moment at the mountain where she’d insisted Lincoln remain with Clarke to the last time Clarke saw her in the City of Light running off to stop the crowd from preventing her from killing A.L.I.E., Lexa had always protected her.

“I wish I could have been there.” She finally admitted. “To help you.”

“I know.” Clarke replied. “I know.” She repeated more softly. “But you were in a way. I’ve never used a sword like that before.”

Lexa smirked slightly.

“And you were worried Roan would kill me that day?”

Clarke was able to let out a light laugh at Lexa’s joke.

“I was worried I’d lose you when I’d only just-“ She stopped herself and met Lexa’s curious glance. “I’d only just opened myself up to you again.”

“What about your head? You were bleeding again.”

  
“It still hurts. I pushed too hard, but I didn’t have a choice. I’ll rest and it will go away. I won’t do that again.”

“Clarke, I’m worried that you might have to and that it will kill you.” She took a deep breath in. “As much as I would love to have you here all the time, I don’t want it to be because of that.”

“I know.” It was all Clarke could say.

They sat there and stared at one another for several more minutes.

“How long can you stay?”

“A few hours.” Clarke answered.

“Then, let’s rest.” Lexa stood and pulled Clarke up to join her. She walked her over to their bed and helped Clarke climb under the furs. She slid in behind her and wrapped her arms around the blonde. She kissed her shoulder and neither of them said anything. It was enough to just be there with one another after everything that had happened.

 

*****

 

When Lexa felt like Clarke was completely asleep, she slowly backed away from the girl and walked into their bathroom. She closed the door behind her and stared into the mirror for what felt like a very long time. After trying to calm her anger at what had happened to Clarke and not being able to stop it by actually being there to fight for her, Lexa looked down to find that her hand was bleeding and then she realized she’d smashed the mirror. She reached for a towel and wrapped her hand and was trying to figure out how to explain this injury and broken glass to Clarke when she heard the girl’s voice.

“Lexa!” It was yelled and then the door was flung open. “What happened?” Clarke ran toward her and took her hand in her own immediately. She peeled away the towel and then her eyes noticed the mirror. “Lex…” She took Lexa’s hand back to the sink and ran warm, soothing water over the gashes on her knuckles while neither of them said anything. Clarke tossed the towel to the floor before reaching for a new one and placing it gently over Lexa’s hand that was still bleeding. “Why?” She finally asked her as they sat on the edge of the bathtub next to one another. Clarke still had Lexa’s hand in her lap. She could have fixed the injury for her and she wanted to, but she didn’t think Lexa would want that for some reason; at least not now.

“You know why.” She replied softly. Her anger had abated the moment Clarke touched her. That’s how it had been between them most of the time. Lexa would feel herself melt the moment Clarke was near. She hated herself for allowing someone to have that kind of hold over her, but she also loved the fact that she could feel that way after everything she’d been through; everything she’d been taught not to want as Commander.

“Lex, I’m okay. We’re okay.” Clarke tried to calm her down.

“You shouldn’t be coming here, Clarke. This isn’t helping you. I’m being selfish.”

Clarke recoiled slightly.

“Lexa, stop.”

“It’s the truth. You belong out there with them and I can’t be there with you.”

“We’ve talked about this.” She reminded her.

“And yet here we are discussing it again.” Lexa stood; freeing herself from Clarke’s grasp. “You’ll never be able to stop coming here though, will you?”

“How can you ask me that when you know the answer already?” Clarke stood and tried to take Lexa’s hand. “Lexa, I love you.”

“That doesn’t matter anymore, Clarke.” Lexa was almost yelling.

“How can you say that to me?” Clarke asked out of shock at Lexa’s words.

  
“Because there’s too much at stake. You’re fighting for your life out there and I am here. I can’t help you and I can’t-“

  
“You can’t?” Clarke left the room and went back toward the living room. “You can’t ask me to say goodbye to you, Lexa; not again. I won’t do it. I’ve lost you too many times already. I won’t lose you again. I won’t. Not when we can have this.” She looked around the house. “This is our home now, Lexa. It’s what we didn’t get to have out there and we can have it here and it can just be the two of us.”

  
“But you’re not here, Clarke.” Lexa made her way toward the blonde. “I don’t mind being here alone most of the time. I’ve gotten used to it and I meant what I said before; the solitude is welcome after years of never really being alone, but you go away and sometimes I just wish I could go with you. You get hurt and I can’t be there to punish those responsible. You come here bleeding and leave me with no explanation as to why and I have no idea if you’re returning to me or if I have to live for eternity in this place alone without you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just-“

  
“Wanted to say goodbye in case it was forever.” Lexa finished. “I know, but I was here. I was alone and I was here. I tried to search for that connection I feel when you’re about to arrive and I couldn’t. It was as if you were gone and I…” She stopped herself and looked to the floor. “I cried.” She confessed. “Clarke, I cried. I had no idea if you were hurt or dead or-“

  
“Lexa…” Clarke had only ever seen Lexa cry once and it was when she was leaving Polis. Really, it was just as Clarke kissed her and she realized the tears were happy ones; disbelieving tears more than happy, but they weren’t sad like the ones Lexa had so recently cried. “I don’t know what to do, Lexa.”

  
“We can have forever, Clarke. Maybe we don’t get right now. Maybe we still owe more to our people.”

  
“So, what? You’re suggesting I don’t come here until what… until I die?”

“What’s best for our people is to have their Commander focused, Clarke.” Clarke could see that Lexa was struggling. “You should give them that focus. I will be here.”

“You want to be here alone until I die, Lexa?”

“And I want you to have a long, happy life, Clarke. That’s what I want and if you happen-“

  
“Do not start this again. Don’t start talking about me finding someone else. I don’t want someone else.” Clarke’s tears began to appear. “I want you.”

“And I want you, but it hurts, Clarke. It hurts to know that I can’t be there to help you get through another war.”

Clarke wiped her own tears away and took a step away from Lexa. She needed a moment to gather her thoughts. What Lexa was suggesting was that she not come back until they could finally just have each other; be together without the burden of leading people hanging over either of their heads. Clarke turned away from her because she was having a hard time looking at the woman she loved more than anything and listen to her talk about them not seeing each other again possibly for years; decades if Clarke lived a long time.

She stood facing the window in the kitchen until she heard Lexa’s footsteps behind her and then felt her arms wrap around her waist. She pulled Clarke back into her and pressed her face against the back of Clarke’s head. She breathed her in as if to memorize the scent of her.

“Compromise?” Clarke suggested finally with a softness in her voice.

“What?” Lexa replied almost as softly.

  
“I know this is hard for you. You know if I could, I would go back in time and save you. I think about that all the time. If only I had acted faster, if I’d gotten a healer to you or stopped Titus before you even got shot. I think about it all the time. Things would be so different.” Clarke took a deep breath. “I know I would feel the same way if I were here and you left. I don’t know how you’ve handled it so well so far.” She turned in Lexa’s arms. “Actually, that’s not true. I do know. It’s because you’re you.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to Lexa’s forehead. “I can’t be away from you for that long, Lexa. I will if you tell me that’s honestly what you want because I don’t want you to be miserable because of me, but I can get our people through this. I can get them to the bunkers or to a new settlement and then you and I will be able to have more time together.”

“You’ll still be Heda, Clarke.” Lexa reminded her.

“No, I won’t.” Clarke replied and Lexa looked at her curiously.

“I never wanted this. You know that. I was fine as an ambassador with you as Commander and truthfully, I’d be just as fine not making any important decisions ever again.”

  
“You don’t mean that, Clarke.”

  
“I know it’s who I am. I know you believe that and I do too, but it’s not all that I am, Lexa. Just like being Heda wasn’t all that you were either. I will setup a new government. Maybe put someone else in charge then and I can…” She sighed. “I can take a break from everything. Maybe I could get a few nights of sleep in a row for once or spend time drawing landscapes or just coming here to be with you.” She proposed.

“This is your compromise?”

“Yes.” Clarke gulped and hoped that Lexa would understand and accept her offer. “If you say you don’t want me to come back until I’m here for good-“

  
“You know that’s not what I mean, Clarke.”

  
“I know. I know. I just don’t know how else to say it, but if that’s what you need, I will do my best to give that to you, but I can’t promise that I won’t come back accidentally and I kind of hate that you can sense me because I’d probably come back to just look at you every now and then.” She tucked a stray strand of Lexa’s hair behind her ear. “Sometimes being with you is the only thing that makes sense to me.”

“I love you, Clarke Griffin.”

“I know.”

“Take care of our people and then we can revisit this.”

“Revisit?”

“Yes, it will give me some time to think about what is best and it will do the same for you.”

“I don’t need time, Lex.”

“I do.” Lexa replied and a single tear fell down her cheek. “Please don’t take that the wrong way.”

“I’m trying.”

“This is the right thing to do, Clarke and you know it.”

“When is it going to be the right thing to do to just be together?” Clarke asked. “I’m running out of patience.”

This made the mood a little lighter, which was needed because they’d be saying goodbye again for a long period and while neither of them wanted this, they knew it was for the best. Clarke had to focus on getting everyone out there to safety and then figure out what to do after that and Lexa needed time to adjust to this life of solitude when Clarke couldn’t fully commit to a life here with her.

“We will have our day, Clarke. We may just have to wait longer than some people.” Lexa suggested. “But at least we found each other. Think of all the other people who never met the person with which they share a soul.”

That threw Clarke off. She hadn’t been prepared for Lexa to make that kind of remark; a remark she could never take back and Clarke knew she wouldn’t ever want to, but Lexa had just called them soulmates. It was a concept Clarke had always thought somewhat silly. She believed her parents loved each other. She’d seen how other people loved each other too, but she wasn’t sure there were really soulmates in the world; two people who were destined to be together as if they were somehow one person thousands of years ago, split apart so they’d have to spend their lives looking for their other half. At least that was how the story went. Clarke never thought much about it, but then Lexa came into her life and they shared something so special; a connection so deep that soulmate would be the only way to adequately describe what they were to one another.

“How do I just leave you here?” Clarke’s blue eyes ran with tears. “You’re all alone.”

“I will never be alone as long as I have you.”

“You have me.” She confirmed and hugged Lexa hard. “It took me a while to get here and I’m sorry because we could have had more time and-“  
“Clarke, it took how long it needed to take.” She pulled back so she could see her eyes. “I don’t care when our story began. I sometimes still can’t believe it even began in the first place.” She kissed her lips gently. “I only hope that now it never ends.”

Clarke knew she should leave. She knew she should kiss her goodbye and leave. Wick would likely be waking up soon and she had to meet up with the people she was supposed to be leading, but she couldn’t just leave her without making sure Lexa fully understood just how much she loved her so while their lips were locked in a slow, yet deep kiss, she began to walk them back toward the bed they shared. It wasn’t unlike what happened in Polis and they both knew it once Lexa sat on the edge of the bed holding onto both of Clarke’s hands.

“I’m going to say something and I’m trying to figure out how not to make it sound bad.” Clarke started as she stared down at the beautiful woman she loved. “We spent so much time there not really saying what we wanted to say or what we really felt and since we’ve been here, it’s like we finally say everything.” She told Lexa and squeezed the girl’s hands. “I don’t know how long it would have taken us out there to get here. It just feels like we had to come here to have this.”

“I understand.”

“I still wish we could have it all.”

“So do I.”

Clarke leaned down over her and pressed her lips to every part of her face before taking them to her neck and sliding Lexa back on the bed so they could lie together. As clothing was peeled away, lips and hands felt parts they’d felt before, but this time was different. This time, was almost painfully slow in order to commit it all to memory.

Clarke stared down into Lexa’s eyes while her fingers moved inside her. She listened to each of her sounds and watched all of her expressions. She still couldn’t believe she got to do this with her; that she could be responsible for making her feel like this. When Lexa’s back arched off the bed, she got quiet. Clarke always knew that the lack of sound was Lexa’s orgasm. It seemed fitting that Lexa would actually make no sound while others tend to make more sounds as they achieve that high. Clarke pressed her entire body down on Lexa’s and couldn’t imagine not being able to do this every night from now on, but she understood and she would respect what Lexa told her she needed.

“When you leave, do it when I don’t expect it.” Lexa requested while she hovered above Clarke after watching her come down and kissing her lips.

“What?” Clarke was able to get out between heavy breaths.

“I just can’t say goodbye again. I won’t be able-“

“Oh.” She understood what she meant and she nodded.

“I’m going to go get some water.” Lexa stated and climbed off of Clarke.

Clarke recognized that Lexa was pulling herself away. She thought about leaving in that moment, but she stayed. Lexa returned with one glass of water confirming Clarke’s theory that she’d only gone to get one for herself; expecting Clarke to be gone when she returned.

She didn’t say as much though. She just climbed back into the bed beside her and allowed Clarke to slide her arm around her so she could rest on her bare chest. She ran her fingers over Clarke’s skin for several minutes before she decided to try to fall asleep. That would be the best thing. Clarke could leave while she was asleep. She’d wake up alone and she’d be sad, but they’d had enough goodbyes for a lifetime and she didn’t want another.

The problem was she couldn’t seem to fall asleep. She was again delaying the inevitable. She could feel the fast pace of Clarke’s heartbeat beneath her and it was if each beat brought them closer and closer to their last moment together. After a while though, the rhythm started to soothe her and her eyes reluctantly closed, her hand slowed against Clarke’s skin and she fell asleep.

 

Clarke knew Lexa had fallen asleep when her hand stopped all together and her breathing slowed. She would never tell Lexa this, but Clarke was the reason she’d been able to fall asleep. She knew what the girl wanted and she knew she’d never fall asleep on her own so she helped her along. The idea was that she would then leave, but it got harder and harder the longer Lexa stayed asleep against her. Lexa’s arm on her stomach got tighter. Then, her leg draped over one of Clarke’s. Her head lifted up a little and then Clarke could feel her breath against her neck and then her lips were just pressed against her skin. She wasn’t awake. She wasn’t kissing her. They were just pressed there. Next, Lexa’s hand moved to Clarke’s face somehow. It rested against her cheek lightly and then she felt her start to wake as she played with her earlobe with her long fingers and Clarke realized she’d missed her chance.

“You’re still here.” Lexa finally said when she realized Clarke’s body was still beneath her own.

“Yes.” Clarke ran her hand up Lexa’s back. “And I didn’t want to wake you, but I am starving.”

Lexa giggled against her neck.

“What do you want?”

“Ice cream.” Clarke answered her quickly.

Lexa laughed again and Clarke memorized the sound.

“I’ll get it.” Lexa kissed her neck and groggily climbed out of the bed. She was still naked, but didn’t seem to notice. She also didn’t seem to notice that this was very domestic of them. She seemed to have forgotten that she’d asked Clarke to stay away for a while.

Clarke smiled at her as she left the room and disappeared in the kitchen. Clarke heard the drawer open and she guessed Lexa was getting her a spoon; maybe 2 if she was planning on joining her.

A few moments later, Lexa came back into the room with ice cream in hand and a smile on her face until she realized Clarke was gone. The ice cream dropped to the floor and she regretted everything immediately.


	17. Chapter 17

“You’ve been out for a while. You sure you’re okay?” Wick asked Clarke when he noticed she’d finally woken up. “Maybe you have a head injury or something. I thought about trying to radio Abby, but wasn’t sure if you wanted me too.”

“No, I’m okay. Just tired.”

“I get it.” He stood up and helped her stand up as well. “You ready to move?”

“Yeah, let’s get going.” She replied plainly.

“You sure you’re okay?”

She took a few steps alongside him and consider how best to answer his question.

“I will be.” Then she sped up her steps. “Once I get everyone out of here and across the country.”

He nodded.

__

 

The next several days dragged on and on and Clarke knew that it was a combination of things causing her to feel this way. They’d been walking nearly non-stop since they started and her body was incredibly tired. The storm Morgan worried would be coming did indeed come. Luckily for them though, it moved south only and not east. So, they’d gotten out ahead of it. They began moving faster though because they most likely wouldn’t be so lucky the next time. Clarke also knew that the reason she was so tired and she felt like the days were actually more like 36 hours instead of 24 hours was because it had been 4 days since she’d seen Lexa. Maybe Raven had been right and Clarke was addicted to being with her. Each day got harder and harder and she wondered when they’d start getting easier and easier.

They made it out of the tunnels at the end of day three and were now on the ground. Clarke’s guard hadn’t joined them immediately and she worried they’d lost him for good, but they had to press on despite that possibility.

Another three days above ground and she was hanging in there, but it was hard. Sleep just wasn’t as easy as it was with Lexa by her side. They walked and walked and the stopped to eat and sleep. Clarke rode a horse some of the time, but felt guilty about most of the population being on their feet and would give up her horse to someone so they could get a break.

She felt proud of herself for holding out for this long. She hadn’t checked in on Lexa once either accidentally or on purpose. She probably shouldn’t feel proud of herself for that, but she did.

Wick had rejoined the Lake People after Clarke told him it was okay to leave her on her own. She rode and walked around whoever happened to be where she was without really getting to know any of them beyond a few names here and there. She was going through the motions and she knew it, but thinking about how long it could be until she saw her again constantly flooded her murky mind.

So far though, the journey had been relatively easy. They seemed to be outrunning any storms that could be packed with radiation, Akoni’s men either weren’t following them or were too far behind to be noticed yet. She prayed that they’d given up once their leader was found dead. Either they remained behind and they’d be dead soon along with anyone else who’d chosen to stay or they’d head east and choose to engage or join. Clarke had to be prepared for them to show up one day and possibly to attack or stage a coup. At least she didn’t have to worry about the Azgeda prisoners. Clarke had been told by Erik that they’d chosen to start their own Azgeda north of the old border where they believed they be able to survive the radiation. According to Morgan as well as Monty and Raven, they wouldn’t last more than 4 months, but it was their decision and they’d have to live with it or in this case, die because of it.

She hadn’t seen her mother or Kane yet as they were still leading the pack, but she’d informed them about what happened so they’d be on alert in case the men decided to try to get ahead of them and catch them off guard.

__

 

“Are you planning on telling me what’s wrong anytime soon?” The question caught Clarke off guard; not only by the question itself, but by the person asking it.

“Niylah?”

“Sha, Heda.” She replied as she appeared next to Clarke and tried to get a better grip on her bag on her shoulder. “You’ve been… absent for a while. I’ve actually been walking behind you for the past day and you’ve barely spoken to anyone.”

“I thought you were with the Trikru group.”

“I was. I hurt my ankle.” She motioned down to her leg and Clarke could see she was walking with a small limp. “It’s better, but they went on without me and I’ve been moving more slowly ever since.” She paused and then looked over at Clarke who still hadn’t looked at her. “I chose not to take offense that you’d ignored me, but then I noticed you’ve been ignoring everyone.”

“You should be on a horse.” Clarke tried. She looked ahead and saw her own horse was being ridden by another injured person. “I’ll find you one.”

“Clarke, I can walk. The swelling has gone down. It’s almost healed.”  
Clarke looked over at her, but didn’t make eye contact.

“How have you been? We haven’t really had a chance to talk.”

“You became Commander.” Niylah pointed out.

“Wasn’t expecting it.”  
“You should have been.” Niylah disagreed. “People look to you. You saved them.”

“Not yet.” Clarke disagreed back.

There was a long moment of silence as they continued their trek.

“I knew you when you were lost before.” Niylah started. “You seem lost again.” She paused and waited for a response, but Clarke offered none. “How have you been since… Lexa…” She had vacillated between calling her Lexa or calling her the former Commander, but neither seemed okay given the topic.

Clarke looked over at her and stopped walking causing Niylah to stop abruptly and the people behind them to go around leaving them there to talk.

“Why?”

“Why am I asking how you are?” Niylah was confused. “Because I’d like to think that after everything we’ve been though, you’d see me as a friend.”

Clarke looked around.

“I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” She apologized. “I didn’t mean to ignore you or snap at you.”

“You should stop and rest.” Niylah suggested.

“I will when we take the next break.”

“I’ll stay back with you if you want to now.”

“It’s not fair.” Clarke replied.

“You’re the Commander now, Clarke. Fair no longer applies to you.”

“Fair applies to everyone.” Clarke returned. “Come on.”

__

 

A few hours went by and night fell. People started making their temporary camps and Clarke walked around as she always did to check in on them before she turned to her own makeshift camp site. Niylah had stayed with her for the rest of the walk and had fallen asleep next to Clarke’s spot by the time she’d settled in for the night.

Clarke looked over at her and recalled that awful time after the mountain before she was taken to Polis. She’d met Niylah unexpectedly and they had a relationship that Clarke wasn’t really proud of, but that wasn’t Niylah’s fault. The girl was nice to Clarke and helped them with A.L.I.E. when they needed it. She provided comfort when Clarke needed it and never asked questions about why she’d leave before Niylah woke up each time. Clarke was lost back then and apparently Niylah had noticed she was lost again.

For a moment, after she’d met the girl, she thought they could have something. She was kind to Clarke and beautiful as well. Then, Clarke thought of Lexa and how much she’d been hurt by her actions at the mountain. She’d been unable to figure out that those feelings of pain and betrayal were so deep because she’d fallen in love with Lexa. She resisted it and tried to push her out of her mind and Niylah was there to help with that, but that was all. She’d never be anything more than just a friend.

She tried so hard not to think of Lexa since that might mean she’d accidentally appear in front of her, but since that was nearly impossible, instead when she did think of her, she’d put all her effort into forcing her mind not to travel on its own accord. It had been working and Clarke was convinced it was the only reason her mind hadn’t done just that.

She laid down and put her hands behind her head holding it up slightly off the cold ground and closed her eyes. She focused her mind first on making sure Lexa had everything she’d need. She didn’t need to eat or sleep biologically, but Clarke knew she wanted to do those things. They made her feel real in a world that wasn’t. She focused on making sure there were things to cook in the kitchen and night after night, she focused on adding something else to the world. At first, it was mainly about the woods. She’d expand it in her mind and try to include different kinds of trees, animals and insects she’d seen while walking after the tunnels. She’d seen those magical looking blue butterflies glow in the dark again for the first time that night and decided Lexa might like to see them again as well and she pushed the idea out into their world.

Then, she thought about Lexa’s likely expression of wonder when she saw them and that was too much for her. She felt herself slipping, but was able to stop it before she appeared in that world. Then, she realized she felt something about Lexa. She didn’t know how, but she could feel that the girl was sleeping. She was completely asleep and Clarke couldn’t help but trust that feeling and she also couldn’t help herself when it came to letting her mind travel there completely even if only for a moment.

When she arrived, she was in the living room. Lexa must have been in the bedroom and couldn’t see her, but Clarke couldn’t guarantee that the couldn’t feel her so she’d only stay just a minute. She just needed to see that she was okay. She knew it wasn’t fair. Lexa couldn’t exactly check in on her, but Clarke needed it.

She looked around for a moment and noticed that the books she’d focused on sending the night before had arrived and Lexa had a few open on the table. She also had her swords on that table and Clarke smiled at that. She did her best not to make any sound, but she wanted to touch something of Lexa’s to make her feel like she was touching her, so she gently ran her fingers over the cool metal of the sword and then she saw something. She leaned down a little to find words written on the inside cover of the books. It was Lexa’s handwriting. She read the first few lines of one and then looked at another of the open books to see that the inside cover of it was covered in words as were the first few standard blank pages. Clarke realized Lexa was keeping a diary or journal of some kind and she averted her eyes immediately. Those were Lexa’s private thoughts and she respected that. She wouldn’t want anyone looking at her art without her permission.

She wondered what she could be writing about. Maybe she was just keeping a journal of her days to keep herself occupied with a task. Maybe it was poetry. She did seem to enjoy books of poems. Maybe she liked writing them too. Maybe it was a story she was inspired to write because of all the reading she’d done. Clarke wanted so badly to find out, but she couldn’t violate Lexa’s trust like that. Instead she wondered why she’d written them inside books. She glanced around the house and realized there was no other paper in the place. Before she could stop herself, Clarke had imagined up a journal. It appeared on the same table next to Lexa’s swords. She thought about making it disappear, but Lexa wouldn’t be able to tell Clarke had been here exactly just by its arrival. Clarke had made other things appear including all the books so she left it where it was. Then, she got an idea, but she’d deal with that later. She wanted to see Lexa first. She had no way of knowing how long she’d stay asleep and she didn’t want to lose her chance.

She made her way silently toward the bedroom peaking her head in just slightly at first as if that would even do anything. If Lexa was awake she’d be able to sense her no matter how stealthy she tried to be. She corrected her mistake and stood in the doorway. She could see that Lexa was sleeping soundly and she smiled again. She wished she could see her eyes, but she was already breaking their deal so she’d just consider herself lucky. She only had a moment before Lexa shifted in her sleep and Clarke worried she was about to wake so she took one last glance and left.

“Clarke?” Lexa muttered in her sleep as she turned over and that was enough to wake her from her slumber. She opened her eyes and leaned up. God, she missed her. She was dreaming about her again. It was the only time she wasn’t sad that she’d sent her away. In her dreams, they were together and they were happy. In Lexa’s reality, she regretted her moment of selflessness and hated herself for making the woman she loved leave her here.

She wiped her eyes with her hands and stood. She took a quick trip to the bathroom to turn the water on in the tub. She’d enjoyed taking long baths these days. She’d never really had the time before and when she and Clarke started taking them here, she realized how much she liked them. She waited until it was full; watching the water trickle down before turning it off and then stripping her clothes and climbing in. She enjoyed the warmth of the water for a long time before climbing out and redressing in one of Clarke’s shirts. She didn’t think she’d mind.

She made her way out to the kitchen to discover it was yet again filled with food and she smiled at Clarke making sure to only include items she’d have to learn how to cook, but managing to include a meat pie every couple of days. She also noticed something else on the table. She reached out for it and felt the leather. She assumed it was a new book. Clarke had been good about making a few appear nearly every day. She opened it to discover it was blank inside. The pencil Lexa had been using to write was actually one of Clarke’s drawing pencils. Clarke had imagined up a few pieces of paper and doodled on them one night and even though she’d left the back side of the paper empty, Lexa didn’t have the heart to use them.

Clarke had given her a journal. She now had one place to document her thoughts and feelings. She’d always kept a journal in Polis before becoming Commander. Every day after training with the other Nightbloods, she’d return to her room and write about her day. In some ways, it was how she processed everything that happened and everything she knew would happen. Of the 9 of them, only 1 would survive. That person would be Commander and lead their people. The others would just be gone. Of course, she had no way of knowing that Luna would flee, but the thought that she’d have to kill her friends or be killed by them was often difficult to handle and her journal was the place she could write down her feelings. It was just scraps of paper she’d accumulate and then hide under her bed after she was done for the night. She never had anything like what Clarke had given her and after she became Heda, she burned all the pages. She had no choice. She couldn’t risk anyone knowing her true feelings about the conclave and blood must have blood. The truth was that Lexa had always felt differently about many of the laws of her people than any of the other Nightblood. She’d listened to Titus speak about war and leadership and she listened intently believing one day these teachings would save her life, but at night, she’d write about how she wanted to change the ways of her people. She watched them burn after her ascension and she hadn’t written since. Then, she found Clarke’s pencil and noticed that each book she delivered had an empty page or pages and she started filling them with words; words about her life, her death, words about Costia and how guilty she felt still, words about Titus and how he took her life, but she forgave him and most importantly, words about Clarke. Her hand always struggled when she was writing about anything else, but when she started writing about Clarke, the words flowed endlessly from her mind to the page and she felt free again.

She sat at the table and took the pencil in hand and began to write again. She wrote for hours until she decided to get dressed fully and placed the journal and pencil in her pack. It was nearing sunset and she hadn’t taken the horses for rides yet so she included some snacks in her pack along with some apples and carrots for the horses and hopped on one of them. She rode and rode until normally the forest would end, but she didn’t exactly expect it to end because Clarke kept it growing almost daily. She kept riding until the sun was down and she climbed off her horse and tied him to a tree. She removed three candles from her pack and lit them on the ground and listened to the sounds of crickets and other animal life she’d missed and never realized how much until it came back to her here. It was then that she noticed them.

The bright blue of their wings lit up the night and she smiled as they seemed to surround her and offer her even more light by which to write by. Yes, she missed Clarke more than she could ever define in the words she wrote, but the truth was that, Clarke was always around her in these little things she did for her when she couldn’t be here herself.

She wrote for a while longer until she gave the horse a few snacks, blew out the candles and rode back in the night with blue butterflies leading and lighting her way. When she got back to the house, she fed the other horse and promised him a ride the following day in Trigedasleng before going back inside. She sat her pack down on the table and walked into the bedroom where she noticed something new. She approached and picked up a piece of paper off the bed. It was the drawing Clarke had done of her while she was sleeping. Clarke had sent it to her as a sign. She was thinking about her. Lexa only wished she could give Clarke a sign back that she was thinking about her too. Unfortunately, the Flame was in Clarke’s head and not Lexa’s.

She smiled at the picture, but she wished she had one of Clarke. She only existed in her memory and while her memory was pretty good and she could still close her eyes and see the exact shade of Clarke’s own, she still wished she had something that validated her memory of the shape of them or the little curl that happened when Clarke took out the braids she’d adopted when moving to Polis. She’d just have to wait until Clarke reappeared to ask her for a picture or a self-portrait.

Despite the fact that it was the middle of the night, she wasn’t tired. Well, she was rarely tired, tired. Sometimes, she’d feel it sink in that she was tired, but most of the time she slept at night because it seemed like that was the time to do it. She wasn’t in the mood for sleep though so she went out to the living room, sat on the couch before swinging her legs over to lie down and she started reading one of the newest books Clarke had provided her.

__

 

Clarke’s eyes shot open when a thought entered her brain. She was surprised by it, but just assumed it was because she always felt at least somewhat connected to Lexa these days, but she felt her more prominently just before her eyes opened. It was as if she was trying to speak to her; trying to reach out to her, but not in a bad way. Clarke didn’t feel pain or loneliness and she stared at the ground. The sun was up and people were packing. It was time for them to move on. She didn’t have time to consider the feeling at that moment, but she’d consider it later and try to make some sense out of it.

 


	18. Chapter 18

“We’ve been moving for 20 days.” Niylah pointed out as she sat next to Clarke finishing up their quick dinner.

“We still have another month of walking ahead of us.” Clarke added.

“I don’t know if my legs can handle that.”

“I think your legs will be just fine.” Clarke replied.

In the last week or so, Clarke really found herself enjoying Niylah’s company. She could actually be funny, which was rare for most of the people from Trikru and the other clans too if she thought about it. She also seemed to know when Clarke just needed to be alone or think and not talk so she was a good walking companion. She’d asked about Lexa again and Clarke left her question in the air without saying anything. Since then, she’d learned to let it go. Clarke knew she was just trying to check on her. Niylah knew Clarke loved Lexa. Clarke wasn’t exactly sure how, but it probably had something to do with Niylah being around while they were battling A.L.I.E. and Clarke was spending every free moment she had staring at the chip that contained the Lexa’s spirit. Niylah was also pretty smart so she could have just figured it out based on Clarke’s overall behavior before and after Lexa’s death.

“Your mom called on the radio earlier. Why didn’t you answer?” She asked.

“Because I didn’t want to talk to her.”

“Have you two talked about what happened?”

“It’s not about that. I need to be the Commander right now; not Abby Griffin’s daughter. She’s not calling the Commander.”

“She’s worried about you. I could hear it in her voice.”

“She’s always worried.”

“I think that’s how parents are. My father used to-“ She stopped abruptly. She stared off into the trees for a moment.

“I really am sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” She returned and looked back at Clarke. “The man responsible is dead.”

“I’m still sorry.” Clarke replied softly.

“I’m sorry about Lexa.”

Clarke nodded and looked at the ground.

“We should probably pack up. Everyone else is heading out.”

“I’ll pack up. You should call your mother. If you don’t want to do it for yourself or for her, do it for those of us who wish we had parents around to worry about our welfare.” She stood.

“You’re trying to guilt me?”

  
“Sha, Heda.” She knelt down and picked up the radio Clarke had turned off earlier and handed it to her. “I’ll meet you over there.” She packed up a few items and then walked away.

Clarke was left alone. She stared at the radio for a moment and then decided that not answering Abby wasn’t really responsible or a nice thing to do to her mother. She turned it back on and tuned it to the channel she knew Abby would be on.

“Mom?” She waited. “Mom, it’s Clarke. You there?”

“Clarke?” It was Kane’s voice.

“Kane, is my mom around?”

“Hold on. She’s helping someone who cut their hand. She’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

“How are you?” He asked. “After what happened… your mom’s been worried. More than usual.” She could hear him laugh a little.

“We haven’t seen any sign of Akoni’s men so I think we’re in the clear.”

“That’s not actually what I asked, Clarke.”

  
She took a moment.

“I’m okay, Kane.”

“Clarke?” Abby’s voice came in panicked, but loud and clear.

“Hi, mom.”

  
“Honey, are you okay? You didn’t answer earlier.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

“Mom, I’m fine. We’re just wrapping up dinner and we’ll be heading out after. We should be able to make it at least 5 more miles before we stop for the night.”

  
“Why don’t you let us send a car back for you? You should be up here at the front now.”

“I don’t mind walking.”

  
“It’s not about that, Clarke. People up here could use their leader.”

Clarke grew concerned.

“What’s going on?”

  
“We’ve been moving for a while. People are starting to get restless and tired. They’re wondering why we can’t just stop where we are and setup here.”

“We’re not far-“

  
“I know.” Abby interrupted her transmission. “They understand that too, I think. They’re just starting to not care as much because they’re in pain or they’re tired.”

“How far are you ahead of me?” Clarke asked her. “We just past marker 60.” Clarke shared.

The first group had placed numbered markers along the way so they’d be able to track everyone’s progress.

“We’re probably about a 2 day’s walk ahead of you then, but we can send a car back at daybreak and you’d be here tomorrow night.”

“Mom, is this because you just want to see me?” Clarke asked her. “Or is this really something you’re concerned about?” She asked and then hit the button again to keep talking. “I haven’t gone there since the first night in the tunnels. I haven’t had any problems.” She knew the line was supposed to be secure, but just in case she coded her message.

“I’m glad to hear that and yes, Clarke, I do want to see you, but I am also concerned. I think the people could use you up here.”

“Send the jeep back tomorrow. I’ll meet it at marker 70.”

“I’ll send Marcus back with the jeep.”

“Okay. I’m going to check in with Octavia now.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Abby replied.

Clarke changed the channel of the radio.

“Octavia?” A few minutes went by while Clarke packed up the rest of her stuff and started walking beside Niylah again. “Octavia?” She asked again.

“Hey, I’m here. Sorry.” It was Octavia’s hurried voice. “Where are you guys?”

  
“Still too far away.” Niylah shared with Clarke.

“We’re only 20 days in, Octavia.”

“I think we’ll be ready when you get here. Well, as ready as we can be.”

“I’m taking a jeep tomorrow. I’m going to stop at the front of the line for a few days, but then I’m going to take the jeep the rest of the way and get there before everyone else.”

  
“Okay. Why though? I thought you wanted to walk with everyone.”

“I did, but I think I’d like to see it before everyone else gets there.”

  
“Don’t trust me?” Octavia asked.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Octavia. I’m just going there first before I go to check on the Denver bunker so I’d like to get there and…”

  
“Have a few days of rest before everyone else shows up?” Niylah completed for her, but not into the radio.

Clarke smirked in her direction.

“I want to get there first.” Clarke decided she didn’t really need an explanation.

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you soon then.”

“Thanks, Octavia.” Clarke replied and then twisted the radio dial again. “Bell, come in.” A few minutes later, “Bellamy?”

“Clarke?”

“How are things there?”

“Uh… we’re okay. We’ve moved the bodies outside and found a spot in the woods where hopefully no one will see them. We tried to bury them, but a big storm came in and they’re kind of visible again.”

  
“It’s okay. We can keep people away from there.”

“We went into the old city a few days ago and found some old medicine in the hospital. A lot of it actually. We’re still moving it all in. I don’t know if any of it is any good, but I figured a doctor could look it over.”

  
“That’s good, Bell.”

“Raven said she’s a day out and Jasper and Jaha arrived today. They’re going to start working on setting up food stuff tomorrow. They got delayed in the storm or else they would have been here sooner.”

“Okay. Tell Raven I’ll bring Wick with me in the jeep I’m taking to El Dorado. I’ll have him start working on communications and he can work with her on getting thing connected to Denver once we’re there.”

  
“You’re taking a jeep?”

“I’ll stop by the front line for a few days and then head there directly.”

  
“Why?”

“Fraga.” _Murderer._ Niylah muttered under her breath. “You’re Commander, Clarke. He shouldn’t be asking you why you do anything.”

“Bellamy, I’ll be there soon to help Octavia get setup, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

She flipped the switch off.

“You okay?” She asked Niylah.

“I should put it behind me.” She tried to brush it off as they continued to trek through the woods.

“You can talk to me; you know?” Clarke offered after a moment of silence.

“You tell me about how you’re doing after Lexa’s death and I’ll tell you how I feel about one of the men responsible for my father’s death being put in charge of a bunker that’s supposed to save us?”

“Bellamy won’t be in charge.” Clarke replied and when she saw Niylah was unaffected by her response, she pulled at her arm for a moment to get her to stop. “I sent him away because I couldn’t look at him.” She admitted. “I couldn’t talk to him. I still have problems talking to him. I have to do it so I do it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust him again after what happened.”

“Moba.” _Sorry._

“You don’t have to be sorry. I just want you to know I understand.”

Niylah nodded and they continued on.

“The wind has picked up. We should probably make camp for the night.” Niylah said a few moments later.

“I miss her.” Clarke spoke up, but quietly. She looked at Niylah who’s lips went straight and another nod indicated that Clarke should continue. “It’s hard to talk about it.”

“I understand.”

“I wasn’t planning on meeting anyone.” Clarke admitted and shook her head to the side as they kept walking. “On the Ark, I was supposed to die on my 18th birthday so I’d put any idea of finding someone out of my head. There was no point.”

  
“You were supposed to die?”

It was then that Clarke realized how little she’d told Niylah about herself during their brief time together. So, she’d start there. It was easier anyway. She still wasn’t ready to talk about Lexa as if Lexa wasn’t there. She was worried that she’d end up revealing memories she had of their time together that hadn’t actually occurred in this world. She told Niylah about the Ark and the laws and what happened with her dad. She talked about getting sent to the ground and everything that led up to her meeting Lexa. Niylah had heard about some of the parts of that story through other grounders, but it was interesting for her to hear them from Clarke’s perspective.

They made camp for the night and Clarke took out a sheet of paper and her pencil while everyone else started to fall asleep. She had enough light from the fire to light her space just enough without keeping anyone else awake. She began to draw something she’d never drawn before and she had no idea what had inspired her to finally try it.

*****

When Lexa woke up after a few hours of sleep, she took the horses for rides and enjoyed the new parts of her own personal forest. She came back to the house and cooked something she hadn’t cooked before and it didn’t taste that bad so she wrote down what she had included in it and decided she might make it for Clarke one day. When she finished cleaning up, she went into the bedroom and found yet another sketch on the bed. She picked it up and gasped before she smiled widely. Clarke had drawn her a self-portrait. Lexa thought for a moment. How had Clarke known that this is just what she needed? She hadn’t been there when Lexa thought about it. She would have sensed her and Lexa didn’t say it out loud. She’d only thought it. She decided that at this point, she didn’t really care. She had a picture of Clarke she could look at as she fell asleep, when she was cooking or reading. She smiled again at the light curls Clarke had captured in her own hair. She only wished the sketch wasn’t in black so she could see the color of Clarke’s eyes. 

***** 

Clarke’s eyes opened at dawn and she was thinking of the color blue. Light blue specifically. That was different. Whenever she thought of a color these days it was always green and it wasn’t just a random thought. It was Lexa’s eyes that inspired the thought. She shook it off and started packing everything up. Wick met her where they’d arranged and the two of them headed off with Kane by mid-day in the direction of the front of the line. Niylah chose to ride along. Clarke guessed that her ankle was healing, but probably not nearly enough since they were constantly walking, but Niylah never said anything. Clarke suggested she ride with her and she’d agreed.

The four of them drove for hours and mostly in silence. They watched as the new landscape passed them by and Clarke and Wick both fell asleep in the backseat and only awoke when Kane told them they’d arrived.

*****

Clarke had barely opened her eyes when she felt Abby’s arms around her. She didn’t embrace her back since she’d, at first not been expecting it and after that, didn’t feel comfortable hugging her mom in front of a large group of people who were standing around watching their Commander arrive by car.

“Mom, stop.” Clarke ordered and climbed out of the car. They’d been driving for hours and her legs were stiff. She wasn’t sure if that was because she’d been walking for days or if because after that, she’d shoved herself into the confined space of the backseat of the jeep for hours. It took her a moment to get them moving properly and she used that time to listen to the murmurs of the crowd that had gathered near the car. They all seemed to be talking about Clarke’s kidnapping, which they apparently knew about. It wasn’t surprising. They were traveling and the radios weren’t exactly the most private way of communicating in large groups like this.

“Clarke, you were kidnapped. I’m your mother.” Abby gave an explanation.

“I’m also Commander.” Clarke reminded and caught her mother’s concerned eye. “And I’m fine."

  
“She came up with a good plan to cover us too.” Wick offered up as he lifted bags out of the back. “No one’s following.”

“We’ve got dinner ready for you.” Abby pointed over at a fire that had been started.

The sun had recently set and the evening’s bugs were beginning to make their appearance.

“I will setup our tent.” Niylah looked at Clarke and then at Abby. They nodded at one another and the Niylah walked off.

“Our?” Abby checked.

“She’s a friend, mom.”

“Well, then I’m glad you have a friend.” Abby seemed unconvinced and she looked after Niylah who had made her way toward some members of Trikru she recognized and embraced them. “She seems nice.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at her mother.

“I’ll make the rounds and check in with people and then call it a night.” Clarke explained.

“I’d like to do a checkup.”

“Why?” Clarke asked her.

“Because I’m a doctor and you’re the Commander. We’re all exhausted, but we need you to keep us together so I’d like to make sure you’re okay… physically.”

“You better just agree to it, Clarke. She’s stubborn.” Kane offered as he walked past both of them. “I’m not hungry so I’ll see you in our tent.” He carried bags off toward a small grouping of tents. Not everyone had one and Clarke herself hadn’t always chosen to sleep in one, but it was extra cold tonight, so she was grateful for Niylah setting one up for them to sleep in.

“Our?” Clarke glared at her mother.

Abby rolled her eyes and took her daughter by the arm and walked off away from the people. When they were safely hidden behind a large tree and far enough for them to speak without anyone overhearing, Abby took her flashlight out and started checking Clarke’s pupils again.

“Any headaches?”

“I told you I haven’t seen her since we were in the tunnels. I’m not going back until we’re through all this.”

“And how does she feel about that?” Abby returned before feeling Clarke’s wrist for her pulse.

“It was her idea.”

Abby didn’t seem surprised.

“Of course it was.”

“What does that mean?” Clarke seemed offended.

“Just that what I know about Lexa isn’t much, but I do know a couple of things.” She let go of Clarke’s wrist and looked at a small cut on her other arm. “One, I know she cared for these people.” It hurt Clarke to hear Lexa referred to in the past tense. “She would want you here to lead them.”

  
“And two?”

“She cared about you too. Cares. She _cares_ about you.” Abby tried to understand. “She would want you to be here to get us through this.” She paused as she looked into Clarke’s eyes. “Lexa seems pretty selfless. She’d have to be to tell you to stay here and not go to her.”

Clarke gulped.

“Am I done?” Clarke asked referring to the checkup her mother had stopped.

“You’re done, but I still want to run more scans once we get setup in the bunker.”

“Kane was right. You are stubborn.”

  
“You needed Marcus to tell you that?” Abby smirked.

Clarke smirked back. It was a nice, light moment; something they’d been missing for a long time.

“How is Kane?”

“He’s fine, why?” Abby asked back.

“You two just seem to be getting along well these days.”

“Marcus and I are friends, Clarke.”

Clarke looked over at Kane who was shaking hands with some of the people from Polis she recognized and they were laughing.

“Dad’s gone, mom.” Clarke finally offered. “If you’re worried about me, don’t be.”

“Clarke…”

“I’m just saying that if there’s something you want; you should go for it. Take it from someone who waited too long to go after what she wanted.”

Abby nodded.

“How would Lexa feel about you sharing a tent with Niylah?” Abby teased, but lightly.

Clarke smiled just as lightly as they began walking back toward the group.

“She’d understand.” Clarke expressed.

“Really?” Abby replied doubtfully. “I saw the way she looked at Bellamy when we were in Polis and he asked you to leave with us and as far as I know, nothing’s ever happened between you two. Niylah, on the other hand…” She faded.

“Wait.” Clarke pulled her mom back. “What? How did you know?”

“Raven.” Abby answered back with a smile. “She gave me the short version of your time away from Camp Jaha before it became Arkadia.”

Clarke just shook her head.

“There’s nothing going on with Niylah and I. I don’t feel that way about her.” She confirmed for her mother. “She’s a friend and one day, I’ll tell Lexa about her. I have nothing to hide from her.”

“Good. That’s important.” Abby returned and they continued on their brief walk back to the group. She watched as Clarke walked around and shook hands, checked on injuries, helped people setup tents and tend fires. She looked at Niylah who was doing the same thing, but in a different part of the camp. She wished for a moment that Clarke could move past Lexa and find someone perhaps someone like Niylah, but really Abby would be content for Clarke to find someone she could share a life with here that made her happy. Unfortunately, Abby was realizing more and more that for Clarke, there would never be another like Lexa.

*****

As Clarke tried to fall asleep, she was grateful for Niylah being in the small tent with her. She would have been grateful for anyone though. It was freezing and the body heat they both gave off was making it somewhat better. Niylah was already sleeping on her side while Clarke was staring up at the beige of the tent. It was then that she remembered waking and thinking of the color blue. She thought of her eyes and decided that was the shade she had her mind on for some reason. She still couldn’t place it, but she was too tired to figure it out and she fell asleep listening to the wind clash against the tarp covering them.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Lexa was sweaty and tired, but a good kind of tired. She had worked that day; really worked. She’d chopped down a small tree. It was long, hard work. Her swords weren’t exactly made for it, but she’d used them because she had nothing else. She should have asked Clarke for an axe. Well, she should have asked Clarke for a lot of things, but she was so grateful to have what they had together, that she didn’t.

She wanted to build small shelters for herself out in different sections of the woods. She could stay out there at night and feel completely at ease. She hadn’t seen any real predators in the woods and guessed that Clarke hadn’t brought any over, but she’d seen the butterflies and rabbits and squirrels and smaller game.

She planned to use some of her time to make a bow and create her own arrows and maybe hunt some of that game. She was excited at this new plan that would both occupy her time and distract her from Clarke when she walked into the bedroom and began taking her sweat drenched clothing off so she could bathe when she noticed the drawing Clarke had done of herself. Something had changed about it. She wiped her dirty hand on her pants and grabbed it off the table beside the bed by the corner with care. Clarke’s eyes were now their perfect shade of blue; the blue they were whenever Clarke was happy.

Lexa smiled. She wasn’t sure how it had happened, but she looked at the drawing for several more moments before thinking how handy that axe would be and that also she could use some netting for fishing in the streams and maybe also this old Greek book of poems she’d had in Polis, but still hadn’t made its way here. She put the picture back in its place and smiling and went into the bathroom to clean herself up.

  

*****

 

Clarke and the rest of the group were walking by 6 in the morning and it was noon already with the sun high in the skin and the temperature just beginning to settle on chilly instead of cold. Niylah had rejoined a group of her friends. She’d invited Clarke to walk with them, but Clarke was ready for some alone time again. Kane and Abby left her alone as well and Wick was arguing with Raven over the radio about something to do with setting up the communications. Clarke found herself laughing at the old couple; wondering what had happened between them exactly. Then, she thought about Lexa and what she might be needing there. Another journal, she thought. She might have filled up the first one already knowing how much free time she had. She reasoned she should send her one and also some new books. More poetry perhaps. She’d been sending her books Lexa had in Polis, but she still wasn’t done sending her the collection. During their later days in Polis together, Lexa had revealed the capital’s stock of old books. She had her favorites that she sometimes kept in her room, but she also replaced them with different ones from time to time. So, Clarke decided to deliver her the Greek section today. She’d been impressed with Lexa’s ability to speak Greek to her when she pointed it out. She also knew Latin and a little Spanish. None of those languages was spoken by any of the clans. Lexa just wanted to learn them. She thought to herself, “Lexa, I miss you” and closed her eyes to focus on getting Lexa the items she’d considered. Then, she thought about hunting, fishing, building. The thoughts just came rushing into her. She opened her eyes and pressed on. They still had a long journey ahead of them and she needed to remain focused on that.

 

*****

 

“I’m getting some radio interference.” Wicked approached her two days later as they sat in the jeep. “It could be because we’re getting closer to radios on this frequency, but I think we’re still too far out for that.”

Kane and Abby had chosen to remain behind while Clarke took Wick and three guards from their group in the jeep to the bunker. Clarke had given an impassioned speech to the hundreds of people who were nearby and they’d left the radios on an open channel so everyone near one could tune in. It seemed to cheer them up and they applauded her words about staying the course.

“What else could it be?” Clarke asked him as she drove the jeep.

“I don’t know. Could be the trees, could be old wires around here or something that are somehow still active.”

“Well, we’ve got another day of driving if the road stays clear like this. Think it should be something we should worry about?” She referred to the road that the original team had found and taken into El Dorado. They’d been right. It was pretty clean of debris and overgrowth enabling them to make actual progress. The three guards in the back were cramped and Clarke could tell they were uncomfortable, but they’d insisted on accompanying her to the bunker so she’d told them they’d have to deal with the small jeep if they did. They only spoke Trigedasleng so she didn’t worry about sharing anything confidential with Wick and them overhearing.

“We walked for almost a month and now we’re just driving on a road.” Wick pointed out.

“I’ll send someone from the team back with the jeep. They can pick up a few people and drive back. I just want to check on our fuel supply to see how many runs we can make. I told my mom she should send a healer with a few of the sickest or injured people and we’d start getting medical setup for when the rest arrive.”

“Good call. The blisters I have alone…” He faded out. “Hey, do you think we can stop? I need to go.” He lifted his eyebrows.

“Oh!” Clarke realized and brought the jeep to a stop. She told the guards what they were doing and all three of them also had to go. Clarke didn’t so she remained in the jeep as she watched the four men walk off into the brush and then returned her eyes to the road ahead. She thought she saw something flash for a second ahead about 100 yards or so, but she blinked and it was gone. She squinted her eyes and looked around, but nothing else appeared and she considered the fact that she might just be exhausted and hallucinating.

  
“Thanks!” Wick returned and climbed into the passenger seat.

“Do you mind driving for a while?” 

“Yeah, sure.” He climbed out and they exchanged seats, waited for the guards to return as well and then continued on. As they passed the area she’d thought she’d seen something, she looked for it again, but saw nothing. She pushed it out of her mind and closed her eyes to try to get some sleep while Wick drove.

  

*****

  

Lexa still couldn’t believe what was happening. She’d convinced herself that Clarke had to somehow be connecting to her because there was an axe, a fishing net, twine, a couple of hunting knives, and other random items used by hunters. Since they’d arrived, she’d fashioned herself 5 arrows and a rough bow, she’d made a shelter in one part of the woods and used the axe to cut down another small tree for another in a further out section. She’d also gone fishing with the net; allowing herself to first soak in the cold water and watch the fish swim around her and down the river. She didn’t know where the river ended though and she made a decision that one day, she would try to find out, but today, she went back to the house and laid out the fish she’d caught. She cleaned them while she listened to the sound from the screen in the bedroom. Clarke’s favorite movie was playing and Lexa had it memorized she’d watched it so many times. 

She’d kept herself so busy outside, that she’d failed to notice there were more books in the living room and when she was finished eating, she made her way over and picked up a few. The first one she grabbed though was another journal. She could tell because the cover was identical to her first one that she’d almost filled out completely. She opened this one and gasped. “Lexa, I miss you.” It was in Clarke’s handwriting. Lexa plopped on the sofa and stared at the words.

“I miss you too.” She said to no one and only wished Clarke could hear her.

  

*****

 

“I miss you too.” Clarke’s eyes shot open. The voice was Lexa’s and it was as clear as if she was whispering it in Clarke’s ear.

“You okay?” Wick asked as he drove.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She replied while she tried to catch her breath. It hadn’t felt like a dream and it also wasn’t from memory. Lexa hadn’t said those words to her in that tone before. It was Lexa’s voice though and Clarke could feel her again. “Hey, can I steal the radio?”

  
“Sure.” Wick nodded that he’d stored it in the glove compartment.

Clarke pulled it out.

“Can we pull over? I just need some privacy.”

Wick slowed the vehicle and Clarke climbed out. She felt the guards take positions around the car and Wick climbed out as well.

“I’ll fill up the tank.” He offered.

“Thanks.” Clarke replied and walked off toward the woods. She motioned for the guards to remain close, but not crowd her. “Raven, come in.” She waited. “Raven?”

  
“Commander, where are you?” Raven asked back.

“About a day outside of the bunker.”

“You still with Wick?”

  
“Yes.”

“He still pretending he understands more about our communications network than I do?”

“Raven, I need to talk to you about the AI.” 

“Oh.” 

“Is this secure?”

“Yeah, you’re good. I just scrambled us and I’m alone.” She paused. “Are you okay?”

“Is it possible for Lexa to communicate with me even when I’m not there?”

“You aren’t talking enough when you’re with her, now you’re talking when you’re out here?”

“Raven, I haven’t gone to see her in a while.”

“Everything okay with you two?”

“I’m trying to stay focused on all this and then I’ll go back.”

“Okay. So, you’re asking if she can talk to you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you do that thing where you’re in both places at once and maybe it’s like how it was in the City of Light before. Maybe she can project herself here like A.L.I.E. could.”

“If she could do that, I think she would have done it already.”

“Maybe she’s learning like you’re learning.” Raven expressed. “Maybe it’s like the beginning of that or something. I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to see her like that.” Clarke told Raven, but mainly told herself.

“What? Out here?”

“Like she’s a program or something.” She explained. “Like only I can see and talk to her out here, but like she’s just a part of the AI. In there, it’s different. It’s a world and she’s her.” She paused. “This is different though. It’s like it’s something she might want or need and I’m thinking about it when it wouldn’t be something I’d think of normally and just now, I heard her voice.”

“You heard her voice?”

“I wasn’t there and it wasn’t a dream. It was her. I know it.”

“Clarke…”

"No, Raven. I’m not crazy. It’s not because I miss her. It’s her.”

There was a silence.

“Your guess is as good as mine. We’ve gone way beyond my coding skills, Clarke. If you’ve found a way to communicate with her when you’re not even there, that’s something I’ll probably never understand. It’s your mind making that happen. The AI is really doing it, but your mind is controlling it. If you don’t want her coming here in person… or I guess in hologram technically, you should be able to control that too. I don’t exactly know how.”

"So, I’ve made it so she can talk to me somehow?”

“Did she hear you when you talked back?”

“I didn’t say anything back to her.”

“Then, it sounds like you can just hear her.”

“And I can’t hear everything. It was just a few words.”

“What were they?” Raven asked.

Clarke didn’t know if she should tell her.

“She… misses me.”

“Oh.”

Clarke thought for a second.

“I shouldn’t be talking to you about this now. I just… I wanted to know, but I should get back to the jeep. We’ve got to get to the bunker and get things setup.”

“Hey Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re back with us and everything. I know how you were before and I was really worried, but you’re back now and that’s good. I get not wanting to _see_ her out here. I can understand associating that with A.L.I.E. It’s just… it’s okay to miss her too.”

 “Thanks, Raven.”

 

 

*****

 

Clarke made her way back to the jeep and the guards followed behind her. Then, she heard something and turned to see one hit the ground. He had an arrow in his back.

“Wick!” Clarke yelled.

More arrows flew around them. One of the other guards got hit in the shoulder. Wick had finished with the gas and ran to the wheel. He turned the engine.

“Let’s go!” He yelled while ducking.

“Come on!” Clarke lifted the guard under his shoulder and practically threw him in the backseat while the other uninjured one sat next to him. The third one was already gone. Wick took off with a screech.

“Wastelanders!” The uninjured guard yelled as the sounds of melodic yells began to sound further away.

“What?” Wick asked as another arrow flew overhead. Clarke turned back and could see a few riders aiming arrows in their direction, but they’d gotten far enough away that their aim wasn’t very good and then they were out of range as Wick sped up as fast as the jeep could go.

“They’re from the dead zone. Grounders that were banished by their clans.” She looked at the injured guard and knew she couldn’t do much for him while they were moving and they couldn’t stop yet. She looked at the other guard. “Chomouda emo ste dula dison op?” _Why are they doing this?_

“Ai du nou get in.” _I do not know._ He answered her and before she could say anything, he’d yanked the arrow out of the other guard and covered his wound with his hand as the guard did his best not to yell out in pain.

“Wick, we can’t stop anymore.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

Clarke picked up the radio.

“Abby, come in. Kane?”

“We’re here.” It was Kane’s voice.

“Wastelanders just attacked us.”

“What?” Kane asked.

“They shot arrows at us. One of my guards is dead. Wick and I are taking the other two as fast as we can to the bunker.”

“Why would they do that?” Kane asked.

“Clarke, are you hurt?” Abby’s voice came over the radio and Clarke pictured her stealing the radio from Kane.

“I didn’t get hit. Neither did Wick, but another guard did. In the shoulder. I think he’ll be okay though.”

“Why would they attack you?” Abby asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe they just wanted our supplies. I only saw three of them, but there were a lot of arrows so there could have been more. You guys need to be careful. Have Arkadia guards create a perimeter around the group.”

“Okay. We will.”

  
“If they attack, mom… shoot them. Don’t hesitate. We’ve come too far.”

“Clarke, we’ll take care of it.” It was Kane’s voice. “Just get yourself to the bunker. When you get there, send a team back down the road with guns. See if they can spot them and find out why they attacked you if you can, but you stay in the bunker.”

“I will.”

“I’ll let the others know. Just get there as quickly as you can.” Kane added.

“Any idea at all why they’d shoot at us? You really think it was over supplies?” Wick asked her.

She turned back to the guard and placed her hand on top of the one covering the wound and nodded at him. He moved his hand and grabbed at his shirt, which he tore off and then placed on the wound so Clarke could remove her hand.

“I don’t know. I’ve only heard the stories about them. Emori was one before she joined us.”

“Maybe you should ask her then.”

Clarke then remembered Emori was in that first group with Murphy. She hadn’t noticed them during her time there, but that didn’t say anything. The group was large.

“Kane, is Emori around?”

“She’s with us. I don’t know where.”

“Ask her if she thinks she’s any reason they’d attack us.”

“I’ll find her, Clarke.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

They drove through the night. Clarke took her turn behind the wheel and then Wick. They drove and drove and only paused when they absolutely had to. The guard seemed to be hanging in there, but Clarke was worried about infection. They drove some more until they finally got close enough to the bunker entrance that Clarke could see Octavia riding toward them on her horse. She breathed a sigh of relief that they’d made it.

“Heard you ran into some trouble out there.” Octavia greeted and jumped off her horse.

“Kane’s looking for Emori to see if she has any info for us.”

Octavia had obviously been updated on the situation from either Kane or Abby.

“Well, let’s just get inside. We’ve got the entrance pretty much covered so you need to know what you’re looking for. The team’s ready to go back like Kane asked. They would have left earlier, but they need your jeep. The one they brought isn’t working right now.”

“I’ll take a look at it.” Wick offered.

“Let’s go.” Clarke said to all of them and they proceeded back toward the entrance of the bunker.

 

*****

 

“So, we’ve got the main hallway. It extends all the way through to the end. There are 5 levels and we’ve got rooms on either side.” Octavia briefed as she walked Clarke around.

“Levels 2-5 are housing. Level 1, the top level has medical, cafeteria, supply housing and other stuff like that. The generators are on level 5. There are-“

“Octavia, I want the tour. I know I need it, but I am beyond exhausted and if there are more people coming after us, I think I need to try to get some sleep.”

“Your room’s over here.” Octavia led the way.

Clarke turned into the open door way and saw the room was slightly larger than the room she’d had in Arkadia and it only had one bed in it.

“We can fit four people in here at least.” Clarke told her. 

“This room is for the Commander, Clarke. That’s you.”

  
“But if we’re short on space-“

  
“You can deal with that later. We don’t need the space right now though. Just sleep. I’ll keep an ear on the radio and if I hear anything worth waking you up for, I’ll get you.”

“Wick should sleep too.” Clarke walked into the room. The bed was a small one with a brown, old blanket that was thin and smelled like it had been covered in dust for a century. She threw it off the bed and onto the floor. She had another one in her pack and began to pull it out. “He’s been awake as long as I have.” 

“I’ll tell him you gave the order.”

“Because Wick is the kind of guy who will take my orders.” Clarke returned sarcastically. Octavia turned to go. “Octavia?”

“Yeah?” She turned back around. She was dressed in light clothes; no armor and no make-up or braids in her hair. It was just down and straight for the first time in a very long time. 

“How are you?” Clarke placed the blanket on the bed and then sat on the edge.

“How are _you_?” Octavia asked back. “We both lost someone.” She reminded her.

Clarke had a strong feeling of guilt come over her. As much as she wanted to share with Octavia, she knew she shouldn’t. It wasn’t fair that Clarke got Lexa back even though it was in a way that shouldn’t be possible when Octavia couldn’t have Lincoln back.

“I asked you first.” She replied with a smirk.

Octavia stood in the doorway and crossed her arms across her chest protectively.

“Being away from everyone all this time has helped.” She admitted. “I guess I can understand why you had to do it before. I don’t feel guilty about Pike. Maybe I should, but I don’t.”

  
“I’m not the right person to ask about how guilty you should feel about killing someone.” Clarke shrugged.

“I guess not.”

“Have you talked to Bell at all?”

“Only when I had too.” She leaned against the doorframe. “I know he didn’t pull the trigger, but he supported the guy that did.” He paused. “I can’t promise him I’ll ever get over that. I mean, we gave him every chance to come to our side and he couldn’t get beyond Gina and…” She faded out on her own and then looked out in the hall. “I should go.” She seemed to have reached her quota for feelings sharing. “I’ll tell Wick to stop with the jeep for a minute and get some sleep too.”

“Thank you.”

  
“We’ll finish the tour of the place when you wake up.”

  
“You’ll get me when-“

  
“Yeah.” Octavia interrupted. “Oh and when you wake up, maybe take a shower or something.”

Clarke laughed silently as Octavia closed the door behind her and left. She plopped unceremoniously back onto the bed. It was hard and not really at all comfortable, but it would do considering she hadn’t slept in nearly two days and still had a hard time getting a full night’s sleep without Lexa. She wasn’t sure how she’d managed to need Lexa to sleep properly considering they never actually got to fall asleep together before her death. Her eyes closed and it took no time at all for exhaustion to catch up to her entirely and she fell asleep.

 

“Love never dies, right? Only the body does…  
You said to me once.  
Indeed, love never dies,  
And can withstand the vicissitudes of life  
As well as the hardships of death  
Love never dies, unless…

Unless  _you_ decide to make her die.”

Clarke heard Lexa’s voice reading these words to herself. She heard them once in what sounded like Greek and then Lexa repeated them in English. When she opened her eyes, she swore for a moment, Lexa must have been right there beside her; that she’d transported herself to their shared world accidentally, but she knew the next moment that that wasn’t true. She could hear her now. She could hear her at least at certain times. Maybe it was when Lexa was thinking about her or maybe it was just when Clarke was really tired and Lexa was really tired.

She couldn’t know for sure unless she went to see her, but they’d made a deal and she’d already technically broken her promise once. She thought back to the words she’d heard her say and she realized how relevant they were to their situation and regretted sending her that book of Greek poems if they were all like this. Clarke wanted to send something back to her to make Lexa aware that she heard her. She didn’t know if that was okay or if that would hurt her even more, but if it did, Lexa could find a way to tell her maybe and she wouldn’t do it again.

Clarke stood and left the room. She regretted not having the full tour earlier, but she found what she needed fairly quickly. It appeared the team that had set this place up, had setup networked computers in one of the rooms just down the hall. She climbed into the chair, turned one on and typed in a search query. She closed her eyes and thought about what she wanted to send to Lexa and then turned the computer back off and left the room to go take a shower.

 

*****

 

Lexa noticed it almost as soon as it arrived. She’d been in bed reading from her book when a stray piece of paper fell from the ceiling. She wasn’t sure where it actually came from, but it floated down like a feather and landed on top of her outstretched legs. She thought it was another drawing from Clarke, but when she picked it up, she noticed something else instead.

“I can hear you. It’s not all the time, but I can hear you there. We can communicate back and forth, I think. Sometimes maybe. Tell me no if it hurts too much. Just say it out loud and think about me and I think I’ll hear it.”

Lexa read the note to herself and couldn’t believe it at first. Clarke could hear her. Then, she spotted the last three words. They were “I love you” written in Greek. She smiled and tears made their way into her eyes. It did hurt. It hurt because she couldn’t be with her, but it hurt worse because it was her choice to have Clarke stay there and remain focused on their people. She didn’t know what would be worse now. She could try to communicate with Clarke at least in this way, but that would require her thinking even more about her and that would hurt or she could tell her to stop so she could try to avoid that, but then they couldn’t share this miracle of being able to talk like this.

 

*****

 

Clarke stepped out of the shower and got dressed. She made her way toward her room to sort through the things she’d brought with her. She passed Wick in the hallway. He was heading back out to the jeep to get it fixed up. As she knelt down in front of her bag, she heard it.

“I love you too. Please don’t stop.”

She stopped what she was doing immediately. It was Lexa’s soft voice; the one she only reserved for Clarke. Her smile was big and she thought about how to respond back, but Octavia was at her door and they had to get to work.

It was also important, Clarke felt, to not just talk back and forth with Lexa like that. It would basically be the same as her going there. It would just pull her focus away from everything she needed to be worried about here. So, she’d reserve those moments for when they were needed and she went on the rest of the tour with Octavia.

 

*****

It was hours later when the team reported back that they hadn’t run into the Wastelanders, but they drove far enough back to meet the front of the group where Kane had finally located and sent Emori and Murphy. Clarke ordered the two of them be driven back so she could speak with Emori in person. She didn’t really need Murphy, but she suspected Emori did. 

It would be several more hours before they would arrive so Clarke spent that time helping Octavia continue to try to get the bunker in decent shape. The first of the group was about 18 days out. That gave them enough time to take the jeep into town once Wick fixed it and see if there were any old supplies they can pilfer in the same way the Denver contingent did.

They ate their food rations and Clarke used the radio to check in on each group. She heard Raven argue with Wick again and she and Octavia both just rolled their eyes.

“What happened between you two?” Octavia asked him while they sat around outside the bunker as the sun fell in the sky.

“Raven and I?” He questioned her.

Clarke was too busy looking around to really pay attention to their conversation, but she listened in enough to pick up part of it.

“Yeah.” Octavia replied.

Clarke was looking around for a couple of reasons. She couldn’t be sure that the Wastelanders didn’t follow them. This was especially true since the team hadn’t found them back where they attacked Clarke and the others. The second reason was that the radiation would be here and likely soon. She didn’t know how many more days outside and sunsets she would have. She remembered what it was like stepping foot off the dropship for the first time; her eyes wide and curious. She never thought she’d see the ground. When Abby told her they were sending them down, she never allowed herself to think they’d survive the flight and even if they did, she then expected the radiation to start killing them fairly quickly.

She took in breaths of the fresh, outdoor air knowing that soon, they’d be breathing filtered, contained air in the bunker. She hoped Wyoming would hold part of the small percentage of radiation free land, but they couldn’t chance it without proper exploration first and they couldn’t know for sure if it would be a radiation free zone until all the radiation spread itself out over the continent and they allowed bad weather to cycle through and then test the air again and again. She wasn’t looking forward to that part, but it was the best option they had. If they couldn’t find a place there, they’d have to keep their people in the bunkers until the radiation dissipated again. That would likely be another 100 years at least and all the people she knew would be long gone by then. This was her only chance to save these people and show them the peace she and Lexa both wanted for them.

“Clarke?” It was Octavia’s voice bringing her back. 

“Sorry.” She apologized. “What were you saying?” She looked at Wick.

“That it didn’t work out between Raven and I because she’s the most-stubborn human alive.”

“Lexa might have her beat.” Clarke said it before she could think. Neither of them knew what to say. Wick didn’t know the whole story of Clarke and Lexa’s relationship, but she guessed by his silence that he knew enough and Octavia also appeared to not know what to say. “I just meant that… she was pretty stubborn too.” 

“I remember.” Octavia tried to smile at Clarke to let her know that she understood.

Wick started to change the subject back to his failed relationship with Raven and Clarke went back to staring at the trees and overgrown moss on the outside of the bunker entrance. She’d forgotten that Lexa was dead to the rest of the world because she was still so alive to her.

“I think I’m going to go inside.” Clarke stood and picked up the trash from her food. “I’m going to check on some stuff.” She didn’t know what she had to check on, but she wanted to be alone. They seemed to accept the excuse and continued their conversation while Clarke headed inside.

 

***** 

It was another night that sleep came slowly to her and didn’t last long enough, but the morning came and with it, the team returned with Emori and Murphy in tow. 

“Thanks for the lift.” Murphy greeted immediately with sarcasm as he went to the back of the jeep to lift bags out while Emori went to help. The rest of the team carried their things inside and Clarke could tell they looked exhausted and she decided that tonight they’d lock up the bunker from inside so that no one would have to stay on guard and everyone could get sleep.

“Did you guys run into any trouble?” Clarke asked. 

Octavia stood beside her. Wick wandered around the jeep and helped lift bags out of the back as well. 

“Yeah, they did. What did you drive through a brick wall?” He questioned when he noticed the large dent in the back of the car. “In reverse?”

“Hey, it wasn’t me. Take it up with that team of mercenaries you sent back for us. They wouldn’t stop at all the whole time. I practically had to pee over the side of the car while we were tearing our way through overgrown weeds.” Murphy dropped the bags by the door. “So, this is home now?” 

“It’s mostly just the bumper so it should be okay.” Wick continued his inspection after having dropped the bag by his feet. Emori picked it up and joined Clarke, Octavia and Murphy near the entrance.

“Wick, it’s fine. We still need to connect and test the intercom. You planning on taking care of that at some point before everyone gets here?” Octavia asked him.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” He stood and walked back toward the entrance. “I’ll be in comms if you need me.” He shared and began to walk past. 

“We’d use the intercom to page you, but it’s still not working.” Octavia replied mostly in jest.

“I’m on it!” Wick yelled lightheartedly and gave a wave off of his hand as he made his way inside. 

“Come on. I’ll help you guys with this stuff and show you to your rooms.” Octavia looked between them. “Or is it room?”

Murphy and Emori looked at one another for a moment. 

“Right now, we have a lot of space. You might want to take advantage of it.” Clarke reminded. “Pretty soon, we’ll be 4 to a room.”

“Just one room is fine.” Emori explained and Murphy looked almost embarrassed for a moment before returning to form. 

“We going in?” He asked.

 

They made their way inside and showed them to a room they could share. While she knew they probably wanted to settle in, she also knew she needed to know more about the Wastelanders and Emori used to be one.

While Murphy and Emori were beginning to unpack and Clarke sat in a chair watching them, she considered just leaving them alone, but she felt it would be better to get the information and then let them have their space.

“Emori, what can you tell me about the guys that attacked us?” Clarke finally spoke up.

“I don’t know.” She replied, but continued to unpack her bag. “I don’t know who it was exactly. Wastelanders aren’t a small group. Over generations, as people got banished, the group has grown. I can’t even begin to guess how many people there are and how far they’ve spread.”

“Why would they attack us though?” Clarke wanted to know.

“It could be for any reason. Maybe you just had something they wanted.”

“Would they want the jeep?” Clarke tried.

“I doubt it. They wouldn’t know what to do with it.” Emori sat on the bed. 

“Could’ve been something else.” Murphy volunteered and sat next to her.

“Like what?”

“They could have just gone after you.” He pointed out.

“They wouldn’t even know who I am.” Clarke explained. 

“That may not be true.” Emori spoke up. “I can’t speak for all the groups of people that got banished, but I know some keep up with what happened in Polis. They have spies return to the city or just return themselves periodically if they’re able. They go back to villages too sometimes. They just stay in the shadows.”

“But what would attacking me do for them?” 

“City of Light.” It was Murphy again. He turned to look at Emori who had an expression that showed she understood. 

“What about it?”

  
“He could be right.” Emori looked back at Clarke. “A lot of Wastelanders have been trying to reach the City of Light for a long time.” 

“That’s how Jaha heard about it to begin with.” Murphy added.

“You have to understand that these people were banished from their land; their homes and their families. They were sent away because they would stain the bloodline. They thought the City of Light would be a safe haven and you… took that away.” 

“Because A.L.I.E. was torturing people.” Clarke defended. “Did they not hear that part?” 

“They might not have. If they attacked you where you said they did, they might not have known the entire story yet. They might have heard you destroyed the one place they’ve been dreaming of going and they didn’t hear the part about how it wasn’t the place they thought it was to begin with.” 

“Telephone.” Murphy just started causing a quizzical glance from both women. “Remember that game on the Ark?” He looked at Clarke. “We’d sit around in a big circle…” He started.

“And someone would say something and then whisper it in the person’s ear…”

  
“By the time it got back around to the first person, it was always different.” Murphy finished.

“And?” Emori questioned.

“It could be like that. Maybe they knew it got destroyed and that Clarke did it, but by the time it got out this far, no one knew the whole story.” 

“But how would they know I’m that Clarke?” She asked him. 

“They might not have known it was you. They might have just seen a car and gone after any Sky Person.” Murphy offered. “The guard is on high alert back there so hopefully, if they attack everyone else, they’ll lose. I mean, they’re most likely outnumbered.”

“They also might have had their spies following the group all along. Someone in Polis could have seen your speech and told them what you look like and then it just spreads until they get you alone and they attack.”

“How dangerous are they?” Clarke was pretty sure she already knew the answer to that.

“If they want you, they’ll find you.” Emori shared. “If they know about the radiation, they might try to follow the rest of the group here or to the other bunker and then try to steal it and make it their own.” 

“Who’s in charge? Is there a leader?”

“No. Some groups might have someone in charge, but it’s not like with the coalition. There’s not a government or anything like that.”

  
“How do we beat them?” Murphy asked. “Guns?” He suggested. “They don’t seem to use them.” 

“I don’t want it to come to that.” Clarke pushed back. She thought to herself that she’d use them if she had too though. 

“Isn’t the radiation spreading faster now?” Emori asked and Clarke nodded. They’d heard that the reactors near Polis were completely shutting down and more were starting that process. “Well, I can guarantee that not all banished people are heading this way. Some of them will just want to live their lives in peace and they’ll…”

  
“Die?” Murphy looked at her.

“If they stay, yes.” She looked back to Clarke. “The ones that do come this way might not be able to outrun it.”

  
“Which means their numbers will be smaller.”

Emori nodded at Clarke.

“We should still prepare for war, Clarke.” Murphy proposed. “Get everyone ready to fight for this place if we need too.”

  
Clarke stood.

“We’ll be prepared, but hopefully it doesn’t come to that.” She looked at Emori. “Do you know anyone we can reach out too that might be willing to listen to us?”

“Even if I did, how would I find them? We didn’t see anyone on our way here.” She reminded Clarke.

Clarke nodded that she was right. 

“Well, get settled in.” She told them and began to walk out.

“Clarke?” It was Murphy.

“Yeah?” 

“Talk to Jaha.” He told her. “He spent a lot of time out there looking for the City of Light and then trying to… Well, you know. I know he met some people. Maybe he can help.” 

“That’s a good idea. Thanks.”

She turned and walked out. 

“Raven?” Clarke said into the radio.

“Nope, but you’ve got Monty.” Came back.

“Monty, how are you?” She asked.

“Good. We’re good here. Getting things setup. Waiting for everyone else to arrive. We sent back a couple of jeeps to start trying to pick people up and drive them the rest of the way. Some people are hurt or sick.” 

“That’s good. Well, not the hurt and sick part.” 

“How are you there? I heard about what happened?”

“We’re okay. Emori and Murphy just got here. They didn’t see anyone on the road.”

“That’s good, I guess.” There was a silence. “So, you need Raven?”

“Uh… no. Actually, I need Jaha.”

“Oh.” He replied. “I can go find him for you. He and Jasper have been setting up the greenhouse inside, running the lights and everything.”

  
“Can you have him reach me on here?”

  
“Sure.”

“Thanks. I’ll keep the channel open.”

  

*****

 

It was about an hour later when the radio elicited static and Clarke jumped from her sitting position as she and Octavia reviewed plans for the bunker.

“Clarke?”

“Jaha, it’s me.” She returned.

“Monty said you wanted to speak to me.” He sounded surprised.

“It’s about the Wastelanders.”

“What can I tell you? I assume this is about what happened.” 

“Do you know any of their leaders or have any contacts? Emori said there’s a chance they might be following us; waiting until we get to the bunker so they can attack and take it or both of them from us.”

“Ah…” He answered and then there was a pause. Clarke looked at Octavia who rolled her eyes. 

“I know a few people who were in charge of bands of Wastelanders. I don’t know how far reaching their influence is though. What are you planning?”

  
“A summit.” Clarke answered to Octavia’s surprise. “Our leaders meeting with their leaders to ensure a truce.”

“Even if the people I knew would agree to that, there’s no telling what the others might do.”

“True, but if we can get some of them on our side, maybe we can at least lessen the chance of another war and more death.” She looked over at Octavia who pretended to be paying attention to the plans again.

“What will you offer?” 

“I need to think about that. Can you get in contact with them?”

  
“There’s a signal some of them use. I’ve seen them raise flags high in the trees or on cliffs to notify people of a meeting or a problem in the area.”

“Can you do it?”

“You want me to-“

  
“They know you. You can signal them so they know it’s you. Drive a jeep back east. Get at least 100 miles away from the bunker and set it up.” She instructed. “Hide the jeep so you have a way to get out if you can and bring whoever you can spare from there just in case. Be armed, but don’t-“

“I understand, Clarke.” He replied and she knew he did. “We’re not looking to start another war. This is a diplomatic visit only.” 

“Tell them I propose a meeting and that we don’t want violence. Radio me and we’ll work on a place to meet in the middle now. I’ll get you the location to get to them before you go.”

“And if they don’t accept?”

Clarke thought about how best to answer.

“Tell them we’re tired of blood and war. Tell them we don’t want too, but we will fight to protect our people.”

“I’ll get started on finding a way to make the signal and I’ll let Bellamy know the plan.” 

“Jaha, don’t.” Clarke replied as she and Octavia had the same reaction. “Get a couple of guards you need, but tell them right before you go. Just head out and if Bellamy radios, I’ll tell him what we’re doing. You can tell Raven though. She’ll need to make sure comms are good.” 

“Is there a reason you don’t want him to know?” He asked curiously. 

“He’s not ready for this again.” Clarke answered directly and Octavia looked back down at the plans. “Keep in constant contact once you’re out there. Every 3 hours. One of us will have a radio on.”

“Okay. I should be able to get a jeep and make preparations and leave tomorrow morning." 

“That’s fine.”

“Oh and Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

  
“Thank you.” 

“For what?” She asked confused. 

“For giving me purpose again.”

Clarke sat the radio down.

“It was a good call not telling my brother.” Octavia shared.

“He’s going to be angry when he finds out, but-“

  
“But he’d just end up trying to take over. He’s not exactly a diplomat.”

Clarke stared at her for a long moment.

“I’m going to ask you again because I feel like I should. How are you?”

  
“Fine, Clarke.”

Clarke waited. 

“It’s just that these walls aren’t exactly thick and you’re sleeping in the room next to mine right now so I heard you crying last night and-“ 

Octavia cut her off, but not with words; with a glare. She stared at Clarke for a moment as if trying to figure out how to respond. Clarke could see sadness in her expression and a bit of embarrassment.

“It’s worse at night.” She finally said, but left it at that.

“I understand.”

“For you too?” She didn’t look up from the plans. 

Clarke wondered if she was avoiding eye contact because she was afraid she’d cry again.

“I have a hard time sleeping. During the day, I can make myself busy.”

“But at night, you just have your thoughts… and memories.”

“Yeah.” Clarke felt bad about not telling her about being able to technically see Lexa whenever she wanted too, but it wouldn’t be fair to Octavia.

“I still see it. Some nights, it’s just on replay. Before you got here, I’d go for runs around this place at night just to try to keep my mind focused on something else. I tried to keep up my training so Indra won’t give me a hard time when she sees me again.”

“I drew.” Clarke admitted. “I wanted to remember what she looked like and I worried I’d forget so I’d draw at night.”

“Lincoln drew too.”

“I remember.” Clarke told her.

“Not pictures of himself though and grounders didn’t exactly have cameras.”

Clarke thought about how Octavia was like she was before Raven gave her this amazing gift. She had no idea if she would have been able to do all this in the state she’d been in before. It had been so hard to function after A.L.I.E. and the City of Light were destroyed. She was living in a murky fog and she guessed Octavia was still there. Then, she thought about Lexa and how she was dealing with the same thing in away. There weren’t any pictures there of the people she loved. She had a sketch of Clarke, but that was it. Clarke would fix that.

“If you need to come over at night and just talk to stay distracted, my door will be open.” 

Octavia didn’t respond to that. She just sniffled and cleared her throat.

“So, we should probably find that location you want to give Jaha for the summit.”

“Yeah, let’s get a map.” Clarke agreed to change the subject. She’d pushed Octavia enough. 

 

*****

 

Hours later, they’d decided on the location and let Raven know so she could get it to Jaha in secret. Jaha, it seemed, had gotten very motivated and found a few old blankets and some red paint to setup a signal. He’d be on his way with two men at first light.

Clarke had showered and eaten and finally laid down. Her wet hair hit the pillow and she allowed it to fan out to hopefully dry it faster. Then, she closed her eyes and got to work.

 


	21. Chapter 21

Lexa’s eyes opened and closed rapidly as she tried to take in everything Clarke had produced for her. She knew the Mountain Men could make pictures with their cameras and she knew the Ark had the same technology; maybe even better, but her people had never been able to capture things photographically. She’d seen pictures before. They’d battled the mountain men and discovered some. That was her first time.

Clarke had sent her pictures of different people. Lexa knew they weren’t real. It wasn’t as if Clarke had made each person pose for a picture. It was more like Clarke had taken a snapshot of her own memory of the person and made a physical picture of it here for Lexa. She even framed them and had them sitting on tables around the house.

Lexa picked up a picture of Aden first. He was standing and she could tell he was in the old throne room. He looked at least somewhat happy. Lexa figured it was from Clarke’s perspective the day Lexa was teaching the Nightbloods and Clarke came into the room. She smiled at his image and then quickly it disappeared when she remembered what had happened to him and all the Nightbloods after her death. She sat the picture down before moving onto one of Anya and then one of Indra. Neither woman smiled all that much so Lexa wasn’t surprised that in these pictures, they seemed serious. Then, she picked up the one with Titus. He was standing next to Lexa in the picture as she sat on her throne. It was weird seeing a picture of herself and it took her a moment to notice the piece of paper that had been in front of the picture on the table as she stared at her own image and that of Titus, who appeared strong and as her protector.

She sat the picture back down and picked up the paper to read Clarke’s note. “I wasn’t sure about the picture of Titus and I don’t know what Costia looked like or your parents. Maybe you can somehow tell me and I can make pictures of them for you too. I don’t know how that would work. I just think it might be possible. I thought you might want to know what’s going on here. I sent you another journal, but I thought I would write in it and you could read it. I just… I miss you. I hope you feel less alone having pictures of people you care about.”

Lexa knew Clarke hadn’t physically written the words on this piece of paper. It was more like her stream of consciousness. She set the paper back down and noticed a picture to the right of the one with Titus. It was Lexa, but she was standing next to Clarke. It was the night they’d bowed before one another. They were standing side by side looking out at the group. She looked next to it and saw herself sleeping on the sofa and remembered Clarke’s drawing her from the chair.

She walked to the other tables and saw more. There were more of Indra and Anya and Lincoln and Aden and a few more of the two of them together. Then, she saw the journal and sat down at the kitchen table to start reading Clarke’s update. She paused for a moment though.

“There should be pictures of people you care about here too, Clarke.” She said into the air and hoped Clarke would hear her. “Ai hod yu in.” She let out in almost a whisper. Then, she turned back to the book to read Clarke’s words.

  
*****

 

Clarke chose those words very carefully. She didn’t tell Lexa of being attacked because it would just make her feel bad for not being here to protect her. She told her about the good things; about the bunker being nearly ready and about them having enough supplies to make it despite her not knowing if that was entirely true. She didn’t lie. She was just being optimistic. She did talk about Octavia and her missing Lincoln and both of them still having issues forgiving Bellamy for what happened.

It was only a few minutes after opening her eyes again and still feeling her hair wet against her thin pillow that she heard Lexa’s voice.

“There should be pictures of people you care about here too, Clarke.” Then, a pause. “Ai hod yu in.”

Clarke inhaled and exhaled deeply as if in a sigh. She couldn’t believe they were able to communicate this way. It still seemed impossible to her, but she pushed that out of her mind since the impossible was rapidly becoming possible these days. She closed her eyes to think about what Lexa had said and when she opened them again, she decided that she likely wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for a while so she got up and went to the table and began to try to give Octavia at least a small part of what she was lucky enough to have.

She was up most of the night working on it. It was harder for her because she had to recall everything from her memory and her memory of Lexa had been much more seared into her mind than her memory of Lincoln. She did her best though and hoped that it would be at least something Octavia could hold onto. She knew the girl wasn’t one for a show of emotion in front of people unless it was anger so she slid the drawing under her door while she guessed the girl was asleep and then returned to her room to do the same.

 

*****

 

Clarke woke later than usual due to her activities the previous night. She readied herself and headed to the comms room to find Wick who was still trying to make the intercom within the bunker work.

“Have we heard anything from Jaha yet?” She asked as she sat in the chair.

“Just that he took off. One update since then at the 3-hour mark, but he’s due again in about an hour. The signal’s up. He’s just waiting for a response.” He grunted as he stood from his kneeling, tinkering position. “I am not giving Raven the satisfaction of calling her in on this one.”

“Still not working?” She questioned.

“I’ll get it. I can handle a ship in space. I can handle a 100-year-old bunker.”

“Where is everyone?” Clarke turned around in the chair and looked at giant maps they’d hung up in the comms room to track everyone’s progress. They had stuff on the computer, but the bunker had maps of the whole country, the region and the state along with a few city maps so they hung them on the wall and put dots on them to get quick visuals.

Wick looked happy to have a distraction and walked over to the maps using a screwdriver to point things out to Clarke.

“Denver contingent is here. They’ve still got about a month of walking left. 25 days if they push it. The first group is making good time. Rock Line clan met them a little further out since they were further west anyway. They were further north though too so they took the straight line approach.” He motioned the line with the screwdriver to point where Rock Line had met up with Erik and the rest of the Denver group. “They had some signs of radiation poisoning. A few deaths before they started walking so I think they were motivated to catch up and get out.” Clarke nodded and he continued. “El Dorado bound people are about 16 days out now. They made pretty good time yesterday. Octavia woke up early and went out with one of the guys to get a few of the really injured Abby worried about.”

  
“She went out alone with the Wastelanders out there?” Clarke questioned and shot up in her chair.

“I told her to talk to you, but she insisted they’d be quick and since they hadn’t spotted anyone last time, she thought they’d be okay.”

“It’s reckless.” Clarke announced.

  
“I heard Abby on the walkie. She sounded desperate. There are a few people that can barely walk and can’t seem to stay on horses either. We’ve got the jeeps. It just seemed like the only option.”

“We also have people out there shooting arrows at us and I know we have guns, but if you have nothing to aim them at, they’re not really that helpful.” Clarke stood. She grabbed a radio off the table and left Wick alone in the room. “Octavia, come in.” She said into the radio as she walked down the long, beige hallway.

“I’m here, Commander. How much trouble am I in?” She replied.

“You should have told me.”

“You would have said no.”

“Yes, I would have. At least until we know if the Wastelanders agree to the summit.”

“Well, Abby said they needed help and I couldn’t just sit around.”

“We could have planned it, Octavia.”

“We’re already almost there. We’ll be back by nightfall most likely. So far, we haven’t seen anything and I’m on watch, Clarke. I promise.”

“Just get back as soon as you can.” She ordered.

“That’s the idea. Is medical setup all the way yet?”

“I’ll check now, but everything looked good yesterday. We’ll need medicine. Make sure my mom gives you what she can to treat them until she gets here.”

“I will.”

They ended their talk and Clarke made her way to medical, which they mostly just had to clean when they’d arrived. It actually had more beds than they’d had on the Ark and the machinery really just needed a once over from a doctor who knew how to use it, but it all looked like it was in good shape. It looked like it had never been used before. Truthfully, the entire bunker looked like an abandoned ghost town. Clarke made her way to the giant medicine storage room and noticed rows and rows of medication, syringes and other supplies. She recognized some of their names, but wasn’t sure if they’d be at all potent 100 years later. She took some old IV poles and moved them toward three different beds just to prepare as much as she could. She grabbed some bandages and tape, some bottles of water from their supplies and some food and set them on tables by the beds. It was all she could do until they arrived and she found out what was really wrong and what Abby recommended she do for them.

She was happy to be taking care of people in this way again. She’d never really planned on becoming anything on the Ark. She’d had training in many areas; all of them science related because that was basically all there was on the Ark. They had other classes, of course, but those classes weren’t to help them decide on a profession when they were of age. They were mostly to pass the time. Science was the only thing that mattered in space. They needed people to figure out how to keep the ship up there; not artists who just wanted to draw pictures of the ground, but Clarke had started steering more toward her mother’s profession than her father’s right before everything happened. There was just something about helping people get better that made her feel like she was actually making a difference.

 

*****

 

Octavia returned late that night with 3 sick people. One had been injured and her ankle was severely swollen and had a cut that was clearly infected. For her, Abby had provided IV bags and a round of anti-biotics Clarke knew how to administer from her time on the Ark. The second was a man who appeared to be experiencing the initial symptoms of radiation poisoning, but he’d gotten far enough ahead of it to most likely not experience any long-term damage. Still, Clarke worried that she’d delayed too long. Guilt rushed over her as she connected his IV and he looked at her suspiciously. He was from Trikru and had most likely not benefited from modern medicine before Abby started his treatment. He definitely never had the Commander of the 13 clans treat him though. He was older and gruff in his appearance and finally just relaxed enough that she could slide the needle into his arm. She also injected him with a sedative that Abby had sent along and instructed her to use because apparently he was stubborn. Clarke was surprised when Octavia brought in the third person she was supposed to treat and she looked up just to see her placed on a free bed.   
“Niylah?” She questioned after making sure the older man was taken care of.

“I told your mother not to send me, but she insisted.” She lay back and appeared to be in pain.

  
“What happened?” Clarke asked as she moved to the girl’s bed.

“I was bitten by a trimani tripou snake.” _Forest log snake_. “I was fine and then this happened.” She lifted up her shirt on the left side, the side closest to Clarke and she saw the large red rash covering Niylah’s side and the small bite marks right in the middle.

“Jesus!” Clarke exclaimed.

“I think you can see why your mom wanted me to get them here.” Octavia sounded a little smug, but Clarke was focused on Niylah’s rash.

“The snake’s normally not poisonous. We see them all the time where I’m from, but I have a problem.”

  
“You’re allergic.” Clarke told her. “Something in the venom is affecting you differently than other people.” She read from her mom’s notes. “I’ve got to hook you up to this and get you medicine. I’ll also clean this.” She pointed to the bite and sat down the piece of paper

“I was fine out there. Your mother didn’t need to bring me here.”

“Don’t be stubborn. She did the right thing.” Clarke looked up at Octavia’s lifted eyebrow.

“Do you need any help in here?” Octavia asked.

“I’m good.”

“I’m going to check on Jaha then.”

“He called in about 2 hours ago so he’s due for another check-in soon. Last one for the night unless something happens. Still nothing yet.”

“Well, there wasn’t anything out there on our way there or back so maybe the whole thing was nothing.”

“I hope so.” Clarke told her and wiped at Niylah’s wound; receiving a wince from the girl. “It’s just alcohol.” Clarke almost mocked.

“You’re not the one who was bitten.” Niylah returned.

Octavia noted the exchange before leaving the room.

“My mom wants you to stay in here for the next few days and I have to chart the size of the rash every 6 hours to see if the antibiotics are working and report back to her if anything gets worse.” Clarke reported after reading more from Abby’s notes and returning to Niylahs’ wound. “Does it hurt?”

“It’s uncomfortable mostly. The bite hurts a little.”

“I’ll give you something for that.” She explained.

“No, I don’t want medicine.”

“Niylah, it’s not-“

  
“I don’t need it.” She gripped Clarke’s forearm. “Just save it for others.”

Clarke understood she didn’t want to use medicine that could go to someone worse off than she.

“If it gets worse…”

“We’ll discuss it again then.”

Clarke finished with the wound and bandaged it. She checked on the other patients and made sure they’d all eaten and drank. Then, she laid down in a free bed. She wanted to be there in case one of them needed her. She listened to the near silence as they all three fell asleep; Niylah last and then she heard footsteps and looked up to see Octavia making her way over to her.

“Nothing yet.” Octavia whispered. “Jaha said nothing’s happened. How long are we going to keep him out there?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke wiped her eyes. “Maybe another day.”

“You staying in here tonight? You don’t have too. I think they’re okay now that they can just lie down and get some real sleep.”

“I should. Just in case.”

There was a long silence between them.

“Listen, I’m sorry for not telling you about going out. I just needed to get out of here and do something. We don’t have many days left above ground.”

  
“I know. I understand.”

“And uh…” She stopped herself and Clarke looked at her meaningfully. “Thank you for what you did; for what you gave me.”

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me, Octavia.”

“No, I do. It’s good. It kind of hurts to look at it. He’s staring back at me, but you gave him kind eyes.”

“You should get some sleep.” Clarke suggested to a weary looking Octavia. “I’ll keep watch over everyone in here.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” She turned to walk out. “Oh, Wick’s sleeping, but he’s got the radio in case anything comes over it.”

“Thanks.”

 

 

*****

 

“Hey uh, Clarke!” It was Wick’s voice that woke her from her slumber and she rolled over in the hospital bed to see him rushing into the room with the radio held high.

“Wick!” She whisper yelled back as the patients in the room looked to be sleeping.

Niylah was stirring and Clarke guessed he’d woken her.

“Sorry, it’s Jaha. They sent a signal back.” He made little effort to quiet down.

Clarke sat up and took the radio from him, but waited until she was out of medical before she spoke into it.

“Jaha?”

“Clarke, they’re here.” He spoke into the radio quietly. “There are 10 of them that we can see. They’re coming in slowly down a ridge.”

“Do you recognize any of them?” She asked.

“They’re too far away, but it’s possible. One of them is wearing armor I can see from here and it looks familiar.”

“Meet them halfway.”

“Okay. I’ll radio when it’s over, but if you don’t hear from us in an hour…” He faded out.

“We’ll wait for your reply.” She reiterated with determination she hoped gave him courage.

“Bellamy knows we’re here. He radioed in late last night. I told him what we were doing, but that you’d ordered him to stay there. He will probably want to talk to you if he hasn’t tried already.”

“Thanks, I’ll take care of it. We’ll be standing by.”

She looked at Wick.

“Bellamy tried to talk to you late last night. I heard him on the radio, but told him you were sleeping. He’ll probably try again soon though and he seemed pretty angry.”

“I’ll deal with him later.” She turned and walked back into medical and approached Niylah’s bed. “How are you feeling?” She asked her.

“Better. I think I can get out of here now.”

Clarke lifted her shirt slightly and saw that the rash was smaller, but only slightly.

“I don’t think so.”

“You can’t really keep me here.”

“I’m not going to force you to stay, but you should.”

“I heard Jaha made contact!” Octavia came rushing in and noticed Clarke pulling down on Niylah’s shirt to cover her back up. “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m feeling a lot better.” Niylah sat up.

“Jaha is meeting with them now. He’ll update us soon.”

“Unless they kill him.”

  
“Octavia!”

“It’s a possibility, Clarke. You knew that when you sent him in.”

Niylah made a move to get off the bed.

“You stop talking about Jaha getting killed and you lie back down so I can give you the antibiotics you have to stay on to get rid of that thing.” She pointed at the rash on her side and both of the other girls froze.

Slowly, Niylah moved back into the bed and Clarke changed her IV feeling Octavia’s stare over her shoulder. Once finished, she moved to their other two patients and gave them what they needed before grabbing the radio, issuing Niylah a warning glance and leaving with Octavia in tow.

“So, you two seem to have gotten close.” Octavia stated after they’d made their way a few steps down the hall.

“I guess.” Clarke replied absentmindedly. She was starving and was walking toward their food stock without really telling Octavia where she was heading.

“She’s nice.” Octavia stated. “And she helped us with A.L.I.E. despite what happened to her father.”

Clarke stopped in place and looked over at her. She squinted her eyes.

“Just ask me what you want to ask me, Octavia.”

“It just seems like you two get along.”

“She’s a friend, Octavia.”

“I know. I get it.” She answered back. Clarke wondered if she really did get it though. “Did Lexa know about her?”

  
“What was there for her to know, Octavia?”

“You guys…”

“Had sex?”

“I wasn’t going to say it like that.”

  
“Why not? That’s what it was, but no I never told Lexa about that time in my life because I was trying to get away from it. I wasn’t exactly proud of myself for things I did at Mount Weather and after. Niylah was nice to me and she could have turned me in, but she didn’t and she got herself beaten because of that. She’s loyal and she wants peace and she’s one of the few people I can actually talk too because I trust her, but it was just sex, Octavia and that’s all it will ever be.”

“I wasn’t suggesting you just move on from Lexa if that’s what you thought I meant.” She paused. “I understand more than anyone right now that the idea of moving on seems completely impossible.”

“My mom suggested it.”

“She did?”

Clarke let out a short sigh.

“Yes.”

“Then, maybe she’s at a place where she’s ready to move on from your dad.” Her eyes got big. “Sorry. I just meant that maybe she thinks it is possible because she’s there now.”

“It’s okay. I know she is. She and Kane are working their way there, but she’s denying it.” She started to walk again. “I’ll never be there.” She said when she felt Octavia join her at her side.

“Love is shit.” Octavia stated rather loudly. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh lightly at that. “Think about it. There we were just going through our lives; trying to survive this hell on earth and we meet these people and all the sudden…” She paused. “they change everything.”

Clarke looked over at Octavia who appeared to be struggling with those last few words.

“Lexa and I…” She struggled too. “You wanna know the first words we technically ever said to each other?” She smiled.

“Sure.” Octavia actually decided unsure.

“You’re the one.” Clarke shared.

“What?” Octavia almost let out a laugh.

“It’s funny now, but back then it wasn’t. She actually said ‘you’re the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive’ and I told her she was the one who sent them there to kill us, so not very romantic.” She explained and Octavia snickered a little. “It’s crazy how we ended up being right for each other considering how we began and everything that happened after that, but the only reason I can think of is that… it was just supposed to happen.”

“Meant to be?” Octavia let out almost reluctantly. Clarke nodded because she didn’t know what to say. “And what are we supposed to do when we still have this whole life here without them?”

Clarke gulped.

“I don’t know. Just survive, I guess.”

“What was it like when you saw her there; in the City?” It was the first time Octavia had asked that question.

“It’s hard to explain.”

  
“But it was her?”

Clarke smiled for a moment.

“Yeah, it was her. We didn’t have any time to just… be us. We were too busy trying to stop A.L.I.E.”

“Did you get to say goodbye?”

“I told her I loved her and she said she’d always be with me. Then, she ran off to stop Jaha’s guys from trying to kill me because that was Lexa.” She looked at Octavia. “I said goodbye when it happened… when she was shot.” She recalled. “I mean… she knew and I knew and I just…” It hurt her to remember this despite the fact that she could still see Lexa; despite how lucky they were to have these chances to see each other. “She was stubborn to the last second. She tried to convince me that the next Commander would protect me. I should have told her I loved her then, but I didn’t and I hated myself for that after…”

“She knew.” Octavia assured. “You told her when you saw her again. She didn’t say it back?” She questioned curiously.

Clarke thought back to the last time they’d exchanged those words, but she couldn’t tell Octavia.

“No, but I knew. I know. I think she loved me before I could even begin to try to love her.”

Octavia seemed intrigued by that.

“Why do you think that?”

“I’ll tell you that story if you tell me one about Lincoln I don’t know.”

Octavia didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared down the hallway before looking at the ground and releasing her arms.

“You first.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

“You sent Jaha out without telling me. I could have helped, Clarke.” Bellamy stated into the radio. Clarke held it in one hand while she tried to eat with the other.

“It was my call to make, Bell and I made it. You’re needed there.”

“I get that you’re the Commander now, but you-“

Clarke held down the button of the radio so she could stop Bellamy from saying whatever he was about to say. She released it a few moments later to see if he was done.

“Bellamy, I’m done discussing this. I need to keep the radio open for Jaha. Keep getting the bunker ready.”

There was no response back.

“You handled that well.” Octavia told her as she ate alongside her.

“I don’t have time for him right now.”

“Preaching to the choir, Commander.”

Clarke was surprised for a moment at Octavia’s returned sense of humor. She smiled as she took another bite realizing that allowing Octavia to leave Polis on her own, stay on her horse and get to the bunker before everyone else gave her the time alone she needed, but being here now as her friend and being able to talk to her and relate to what she was going through was probably helping the girl even more.

“I cannot get the damn thing to work.” Wick walked into the room.

“The intercom?” Clarke asked him.

“No, that I think I got figure out. I just didn’t want to test it while people were still sleeping. I’ll check it out in a few hours though. I know it works in certain sectors. They labeled everything here by sectors. I just don’t know if it works throughout the whole place yet. There’s also an alarm that I thought I should let everyone know I’m testing before I just sound the sirens.”

  
“Probably a good idea.” Clarke replied as Wick sat down on the other side of the table.

“So, what’s not working then?” Octavia asked.

“Oh, there’s an electrical system here that works fine, but there’s a backup system they must have made just in case the first one failed. Both are connected to everything, but only the main one is working properly. I’ve tried turning it off to trigger the back up into taking over, but it didn’t so I ran diagnostics and everything should work, but it’s not.”

  
“Do we really need the back up?” Clarke checked.

“We will if the main one goes down. We won’t survive down here without electricity. Pitch dark and the air is circulated through the filtration system with electricity so I’d prefer both to work.”

“You know who would be good at this?” Clarke suggested.

“I can’t ask Raven.”

“Put your pride aside, Wick.” Octavia told him.

“Look, there are things you’re better at than her and things she’s better at than you. It’s why we need both of you.” Clarke encouraged. “Call her and tell her what’s going on. If she needs to come here to check it out, tell her to do that, but you should go there. They need at least one of you.”

“So a trade?” He questioned.

“If she can’t see what you’re working on, it might be easier.” Octavia agreed.

“Fine, but if I have to listen to her tell me about how she’s the better engineer…”

“You’ll do it because you know it’s the best thing for all of us.” Clarke told him.

“You owe me.” He argued and stood to leave.

Octavia was smirking.

“You’re good at this.”

“At what?” Clarke looked over at her.

“Being in charge.” Octavia replied and took a drink of her water. “I kind of wish now that I could have seen you and Lexa doing this together. I bet the arguments between you two would have been worth it alone.” She smirked again and Clarke appreciated this lightheartedness between them.

“I’m sure a lot of people would have enjoyed that, but we usually saved that stuff for when it was just the two of us. Sometimes, we didn’t have a choice, but when we did, it would just be us talking about how to help her people and my people and then it became our people.”

“I guess I didn’t get to see the side of her you did.”

“I don’t think anyone did.” Clarke returned. “Kind of like no one got to see Lincoln like you did.”

“He was always quieter somehow when it was just the two of us. We talked and sometimes, we argued too, but most of the time it was just quiet. It worked for me because I was used to the quiet. When I was on the Ark, I had to be under the floor a lot and sometimes I couldn’t hear anything and I couldn’t speak or someone out there might hear me. I got used to the quiet.”

“Quiet sounds nice.”

Octavia toyed with her cup.

“So, what was she like?”

“Lexa?”

“No, Niylah.” Octavia gave an eye roll.

Clarke smiled and the got to thinking about how best to sum up Lexa.

“I guess she was calm.”

“Calm?” Octavia seemed surprised.

Clarke smiled again and nodded.

“Yeah, she could be calm. At least she was with me. Not necessarily quiet, but sometimes I guess she could be. Other times, she’d be talking, but she would just be… calm with me. In front of other people, it was different, but when it was just the two of us, it was like she understood what I needed somehow after Mount Weather. I was angry and most of that was directed at myself, but some of it was at her and she just let me feel it. She left me alone and only pushed when she didn’t have a choice. There was this part of her that was the Commander, but there was also this part of her that was just a person.” She paused to let in oxygen. “That’s the part I miss most now. At first, it was the Commander part. Everyone was looking to me to make decisions and I’d just lost her and as much as I missed her, I needed her to help me make decisions for everyone, but now I just miss Lexa. I didn’t get enough time with her.”

“I don’t know that we ever get enough time with the ones we love; not here anyway.” Octavia spoke up.

  
“It’s why we say ‘may we meet again.’” It was Niylah who had walked into the room while Clarke was talking. “Sorry, I overheard.”

“You should be in bed.” Clarke objected.

“I’m feeling fine. I just wanted to stretch my legs.”

  
“Haven’t you been walking for a month?” Octavia asked.

“You forget that we didn’t have cars before Sky People. Most of us are used to walking. I would have been fine going on if not for this.” She clutched at her side and sat down next to Clarke. “And I am sorry for interrupting” She repeated.

“It’s okay.” Clarke assured.

“What were you saying?” Octavia asked.

“Just that most of us believe in reincarnation so ‘may we meet again’ is us telling one another that we’ll find them in our next life.”

Octavia looked down at the table. Clarke knew she was replaying Lincoln’s final moments in her head because she was replaying Lexa’s in her own.

“We don’t really believe in that.” Octavia finally returned.

“What do you believe?” Niylah questioned.

“I don’t know that I believe in anything.” She stood, nodded at Clarke and then left the room.

“I’m sorry. I think I said something wrong.”

“It’s okay. She’s just going through a lot right now.”

“We have all lost a lot; too much.” Niylah returned.

Clarke waited a moment before trying to come up with a response. What Niylah said was true. They’d all lost too much and there was no way to get it back. They just had to do their best to move forward. 

“You should go back to bed now.” Clarke finally suggested.

Wick walked back into the room.

“Turns out, Raven’s having issues with hydraulics over there.” He made eye contact with Niylah who looked confused. “The elevators aren’t working properly so they can’t lift the supplies they’re taking in to the different levels. I’m going to take a jeep and head that way. She’s coming here. She said she could leave in about an hour, but wanted to check with you on that first since Jaha’s out there and we’re waiting to hear back on the summit.”

Just then, the radio sounded of static and Clarke picked it up.

“Clarke?”

“Jaha?” She asked into it. “Are you okay?”

  
“Yes, one of the men recognized me. His name is Seneca. He is one of the leaders of a band of Wastelanders. They call themselves the Vallis. He told me they were not the ones that attacked you, but he knows who did. They’re called Exilium. They were on their way to Polis when they heard about us finding the City of Light. They’d heard that people had gone there, but they didn’t know the whole story. They’re led by a woman named Nerva. Seneca told me she’d been banished when she was a year old after she had a seizure. I think that’s what it was at least. They called it commotio, which means shaking and the way he described it… Nerva was picked up by a man named Felix. Felix used to lead the Exilium. When he died, Nerva took his place.”

“And why did she attack me?”

“Seneca thinks it’s because you’re Wanheda.”

Clarke wanted to roll her eyes, but she resisted.

“Wanheda doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Nerva thinks it does. She thinks you have the power over death and she wants to take it from you.”

“By killing me?” Clarke guessed.

“By killing you and everyone else who is with you, Clarke.”

“I’m Wanheda.” She felt ridiculous saying it.

“Seneca is here with me. He’s telling me they fear Nerva. All of the other Wastelander clans do. She wants only Exilium to survive. She took power by killing Felix’s actual successor; the man she’d grown up with as her brother. Then, she killed his young son and daughter before killing all the elders in the village that would have had a problem with what she’d done. She believes killing you will legitimize her rule and make her the Commander of Death.”

  
“My father heard rumors of Wastelanders who were peaceful, but nothing like this.” Niylah offered Clarke.

  
“What does Seneca think we should do?”

“He says she will not attend a summit. Most likely, she is just waiting to either kill you when she can or take out our entire population at once if possible. She’s picked up other bands of Wastelanders who wanted to go to the City and she’s using that to get them to engage in war. Seneca was offered this chance, but he turned it down as did a few of the other clans. They were planning to just move out of the way until I set the signal.”

“I thought she only wanted her people to survive. Why get the rest of them-“ She stopped herself when she realized her answer. “She plans to kill them after.”

“Yes. Seneca realized this and that’s why he chose not to participate.”

“How many Wastelanders does she have?” Clarke asked.

“Seneca believes she has similar numbers to our own.”

  
“How is that possible?” Clarke asked.

  
“Just because they were banished doesn’t mean they didn’t lead their lives the same way we do, Clarke. They had families and then their families had families. When she grouped the clans together, Seneca says her numbers match ours.”

“Will Seneca fight with us?”

“Hold on.” Jaha stated and they waited a few moments before he returned. “I told him about the radiation, Clarke.”

“He wants safety for his people.”

  
“Yes, he said he will fight with us if we can guarantee that the ones who survive have a place to stay free of the radiation.”

“We’re stretched pretty thin as it is, Clarke.” Wick volunteered. “We’re already going to be using up everything here at a high rate. If we add more bodies to that-“

  
“We don’t have a choice, Wick. If she’s planning to attack us with an army and we’ve got nowhere else to go, she could just wait until everyone gets here and start shooting. We’re running low on ammunition according to the stock counts Indra took a while ago, so the guns will only go so far and not all of our people are trained soldiers. Most are just people looking for a new home. If Seneca’s people can help us-“

“Clarke?” Jaha had apparently grown impatient.

“I’m here. How many people does he have?”

  
“Seneca says his clan is only 200, but the other clans he believes will join him are around the same size and there are five others.”

“So, about 1200?” She said to herself. “Tell him Seneca has a deal. I’ll call Bellamy and tell him to prepare more space there and we’ll start doing the same.”

“I’ll tell him.”

“I should meet him.”

“He doesn’t think you should leave, Clarke. If Nerva has eyes on the bunker, they’re likely to try to take you out and worry about everyone else later.”

“We need to make plans, Jaha.”

“I’m sending Seneca to you by jeep. He’s never been in a car before, but he’s agreed because it’ll be faster. He just needs to discuss with his people first.”

  
“While he does that, take the jeep back to the bunker and have Raven drive him here. She was coming here anyway. Send a few guards with them, Jaha.”

“I’d like to come along as well.”

“I need you there.” She implored. “Erik from Ice Nation needs to get here instead of there for now and sooner rather than later. Can you spare another car to pick him up?”

“I’ll send one out when I get back.”

“Tell him what’s happening and have him begin to coordinate a plan from there.” She paused. “For protection only. Defense.” She reiterated.

“I understand.”

“And we need Indra.” Clarke said to herself. “Jaha, get started.” She commanded and then changed the channel on the radio to talk to Erik herself. “Erik, come in.”

 

 

It was several hours later when all had been arranged. Erik was about to be picked up by a jeep along with two of his most trusted advisors and Indra who apparently was itching to get back into battle. Clarke was not surprised. All of them were headed to El Dorado instead of their original Denver destination since Seneca was convinced if Clarke left the bunker, she’d be an easy target. She could only hope that Nerva’s people wouldn’t try to take out anyone else headed this way yet and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t since she’d left Octavia and their team alone multiple times.

She checked on the patients again and noticed that Niylah’s rash was much less severe and the bite had healed quite a bit, the radiation sickness was dissipating with proper medication and the other injuries were healing much faster since they weren’t out in the rugged wilderness walking. She had them all stay in their beds though just in case, but Niylah being nearly as stubborn as Octavia instead joined her in her room along with the other girl and they began looking at maps and pictures of the bunker and surrounding area together trying to come up with a plan of action. They talked well into the night and when Clarke yawned for about the hundredth time, she told them both she was going to try to get some sleep.

After they left and she turned in, she realized now she was missing Commander Lexa. They’d planned the battle at the mountain together and she could use a lot of Lexa’s wisdom right about now. Unfortunately, she hadn’t told Lexa about the Wastlanders and she knew she shouldn’t; at least not yet anyway. If things got bad, she’d have no choice. She was grateful at least though that it appeared what they wanted to do was just kill her. It sounded strange as she thought it, but at least they didn’t seem to know or care about the Flame. Her thoughts returned to the plans of the bunker and the cliff it had been built in along with the surrounding woods and the road they’d taken to get here. She was trying to strategize, but nothing was coming clear to her so her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep.

 

*****

 

Lexa had actually slept the entire night through, which she hadn’t done in a while. She loved waking up and walking around the house and looking at pictures of people Clarke had left for her along with the new ones she’d seen appear the day prior. There was one of Clarke’s parents. It looked like it was on the Ark. Her father, Lexa guessed, had his arm around Abby. Then, there was one of Octavia and Lincoln and one just of Octavia. There was one of some boy Lexa had never met, but he must have been sent to the ground with them because the picture was taken in the woods. She made a mental note to ask Clarke who he was, but she’d wait until she saw her again and have her take her through all these pictures from her mind. There were a few that had a mix of people in them; some Lexa recognized and some she didn’t, one just of Raven and some of Raven with a guy and then there were more of random people she didn’t know. The pictures in frame now covered nearly every empty surface.

She made her way to the kitchen that Clarke had yet again stocked for her and made herself breakfast. She was getting better at cooking since she was able to practice so much these days. She listened to the wind in the trees and the sounds of life outside the window while she ate.

Then, she opened Clarke’s journal and hoped to find an update about her day. She sat back on the bed and opened to the last page she’d read the day before and noticed there was a new entry, but this one was different. She squinted her eyes in disbelief as she realized this one couldn’t have been intentional. The other things Clarke had written to her were clearly directed at Lexa. She even used her name several times and told her things she’d like about the bunker or about what they were doing.

This entry seemed more scattered as if it truly was made up of Clarke’s random thoughts throughout the day and what scared Lexa most was when she realized Clarke appeared to be preparing for another battle.

“The Wastelanders?” She said to herself, taking in the sound of her own voice, which she heard so rarely these days. “Felix is dead?” She continued tearing through the pages until she came to a map Clarke’s mind had made up of the bunker and the road that Lexa guessed led up to it. She kept turning the pages and she did her best not to grow angry at Clarke for not mentioning this to her. She knew this was Clarke’s way of protecting her from the stuff Lexa could no longer be a part of; could no longer protect her from. She took in every detail of what Clarke’s mind had already planned.

Erik from Azgeda would be headed her way with Indra and Raven. They were a group Lexa could trust. Indra had spoken to her of Erik before everything had happened with Nia and she trusted Indra. Raven had helped in the battle at Mount Weather and had been loyal to Clarke through everything so she knew she could trust her to be there for her as well. Her breathing grew faster and faster as she closed the book and tried to push it all out of her mind. She couldn’t help her. She had to trust that Clarke could take care of herself.

“Du bilaik yo ste kwelen. Tich emo kaina uf yo gada in.” _They think you are weak. Show them how strong you are._ Lexa said to herself, but hoped it was also shared with Clarke.

 


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke woke with a start and felt Lexa’s words more than she actually heard them.

“How did she…” She faded out as she sat up in her bed wondering how Lexa had known about the Wastelanders. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she was just saying that. Maybe she hadn’t even meant for Clarke to hear it. Clarke had thought about Lexa being somehow physically in her world without actually being there a few times since talking with Raven. The idea was too tempting to her for her to actually try it. She knew how addicted she’d become to having Lexa appear physically in front of her when only she could see and hear her. She pictured herself talking non-stop to her if that happened and not being able to focus on anything else with her standing there. There was also the obvious concern that she’d mess up and say something to her or get caught talking to no one and someone would wonder what was going on and she’d have to fess up or risk looking crazy.

She wondered what people would think about their Commander if they knew she put a possible deadly weapon inside her head just for the remote possibility of seeing Lexa again. She also thought about how selfish it might be of her to cut Lexa off from that possibility without talking to her about it. Lexa would somewhat be involved in things again. She could see people like A.L.I.E. did before. She just wouldn’t be able to talk to any of them. Clarke tried to think about what Lexa would want. If this was her brain taking the first step by allowing Clarke to hear Lexa’s voice. Maybe the next step would be to allow Lexa to come into the world again in whatever way they could. The last thought on that topic though always came back to the fact that Clarke didn’t like the idea of Lexa appearing to her like that. In the city they shared, Lexa was Lexa. She was whole. If she appeared out here, she wouldn’t be.

“Clarke?” It was Octavia standing in her doorway after shoving the door open. Clarke could see a much better Niylah behind her. “They’re here.”

The group had driven through the night and Clarke had slept in after going to sleep so late so half the day was nearly gone when she wiped her face before standing to wash it and then get herself ready to go meet everyone and continue trying to figure out what they’d do with Nerva and the Exilium.

***** 

She hugged Raven and shook hands with both Indra and Erik. Indra had even given her a small smile or what Clarke assumed amounted to one in her mind. Then, she shook hands with Seneca who was a tall man who was not of a typical warrior build. Clarke guessed he was from one of the more peaceful clans of Wastelanders. She noticed he walked with a limp and felt that was the likely cause of his banishment years ago. He didn’t exactly give her confidence in his clan’s ability to help them protect everyone, but at least if he wouldn’t be much help in battle, he could provide intel.

“Your English is very good, Seneca.” Clarke told him when they arrived in a room they’ve designated at the new war room.

“Thank you. My mother was a warrior for the Delphi so she spoke it well and passed it onto me.”

  
“She raised you?” Octavia checked.

“When my defect was discovered, my mother knew I’d be banished. She and my father left willingly with me and raised me in the Dead Zone for several years before we migrated further west and met the Vallis. My father eventually became an elder and I was chosen to lead my people after the death of our previous leader.”

Clarke wanted to know more about these banished peoples and Seneca’s story was of interest to her, but she also had more on her mind than just learning about his upbringing. They were joined in the room by Emori and Murphy. Indra stood near the doorway as if protecting them from whomever might try to walk in.

“I’m going to leave the battle planning to you guys and get looking at the electronics.” Raven stated as she began to move toward the door. “Can anyone tell me where I need to go?” She asked when she realized she didn’t know where to walk.

“I can show you.” Niylah offered and Clarke nodded. “It’s this way.”

“What happened to you?” Raven asked her when she noticed her grip her side as she stood.

“I’m fine. Come on.”

“Raven, she needs to get antibiotics in her. Take her to medical first. She doesn’t need an IV, but the drugs are right next to it. She needs an injection.” Clarke reminded Niylah.

“Abby’s notes say how much.”

“I can do that.” Raven looked at Niylah. “So, you gonna tell me what’s really wrong with you?”

“Let’s go.” Niylah pulled her along with her and they left.

“Heda, we saw no signs of an army on our way here.” Indra began and gripped her sword. “And Octavia said she saw no sign of an army from the direction she went, which means they will be coming from either the south or the west. There would be no way of hiding an army that size if they are within a hundred miles of here. If they were further out, I believe they would have attempted to take out our people by now.”

“What makes you think that?” Clarke asked her.

Indra motioned with her head toward Seneca.

“Nerva has people watching both groups, but I don’t believe she has her entire army following them. As you know, it’s difficult to move a group that large and they’d leave a trail. They attacked you because they saw a moment of opportunity, but I believe they most likely were not rewarded for that by Nerva. She wouldn’t like them letting her intentions and presence be known unless they were successful in killing you and I personally believe she wishes to dispatch you herself.” He paused. “The power of Wanheda is only transferred to her if she is the one that kills you. The people that attacked you were likely of another clan; one that only wanted revenge for you destroying the City of Light. It is even possible that she killed them after their failure to send a message.”

“She sounds like Nia.” Octavia spoke up.

“Just what we need.” Murphy added.

“I’ve heard of Nerva.” Emori looked toward Seneca. “She is fearless. At least that’s what they say.”

  
“Crazy is probably more accurate.” Murphy looked at it. “If you’re not scared of anything, it’s probably because you’re crazy.”

“Crazy or not, she intends to kill all of us so we need to figure out how to stop her.” Clarke reminded him.

“She is likely coming from the south.” Indra got them back on track. “Seneca says he met with Nerva and the other leaders here.” She pointed down at the old map they had on the round table. “They met just a week ago. She would not have had the time to move the entire army west of here or the other bunker.”

“So, she’s going to attack from the south?”

“If she does, she’ll probably take all of us out.” Octavia began. “She’ll put some of her people here. Then, move up to Denver and take our people out there and put in her own.”

“First, she will kill all members from the other clans who support her now.” Seneca shared. “Nerva believes that most of us, the Wastelanders as we’re called, wish we could return to life in the 12 clans; that we feel allegiance to your people.” He looked at Indra. “Because many of us were born into a clan or our parents were if they had been banished. She believes we would all return if we were given the choice.”

“And she doesn’t want that.” Clarke pointed out.

  
“She believes that the banished are actually superior. We were marked for a reason and we should rise up against Polis and the 12 clans.” He explained. Clarke didn’t think to tell him there were 13 now. “The truth is that most of us have lives and we don’t want to return to Polis or the clans we may have come from.”

“That’s true.” Emori agreed with him. “I think many people did probably at least after they’d been banished, but you get used to it and then you kind of find a home and you don’t think about Polis or the clan you came from. Most people just care about the new families they’ve made.”

“Basically, Nerva’s just one more person searching for more power? I was hoping we were done with all that after the last few people just searching for more power.” Murphy hoped out loud.

“So was I.” Clarke agreed with him. “So, if she’s coming from the south, she has the woods for cover.” Clarke pointed at a close-up map of the bunker and the woods that ran about 5 miles out toward the south and the west. “We don’t even know when to expect an attack or what kind of an offensive she’s planning to launch.”

“We expect an attack always. That is war.” Indra looked at Clarke. “Heda.” She finished, forgetting for a moment that Clarke was Commander now.

“I think we need to get our people here faster; the ones with guns at least.” Octavia suggested. “Keep sending jeeps out to bring soldiers.”

“If they have scouts, they’ll know we know and attack early.” Indra proclaimed.

“We’ve been bringing people here for days though. Sick and injured people. They haven’t attacked them because they don’t think they’re a threat. They must just think we’re getting them here to help them.” Clarke told everyone. “Hide the guns in the jeeps in the middle of the night to reduce the chance they’ll see anything if they do have someone watching. Have the doctors and healers dress it up like their injured or sick and send as many as we can in the jeeps at a time along with at least one doctor or healer. We should have them here just in case.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Murphy told her. “It at least gives us a chance if they do attack before everyone gets here.”

“What of their spies that are following our people?” Indra asked her. “They will likely report back their positions and when they get close enough, the army will attack. They will try to outflank us.”

“Octavia, feel like going hunting?” Clarke asked her.

“Absolutely.” Octavia replied.

“Octavia and Indra will go back in a jeep, but leave it before it arrives. Take a different way back if you can to avoid them keeping an eye on you, get out before it gets to our people.” She motioned to the map. “They should be about here by now according to Kane. Get out of the jeep about 5 miles before the position and stay outside the group.”

“Find the spy.” Octavia stated. “Or spies.”

“We don’t know how they’re getting their messages back to Nerva. They might be using messengers.”

“Or radios.” Emori suggested and everyone looked at her.

“She is correct.” Seneca stated. “I have seen them. She had them at our meeting. We’ve never used technology like that in my clan, but Felix and his father before him located a wealth of old technology and they’ve used it ever since. They use electricity in their village as well. It is one of the reasons Nerva believes they are superior. They understand the ways from before the bombs better than anyone else.”

“Do they have guns?” Clarke asked.

“No, I’ve never seen them with guns.”

“At least we have that advantage.” Octavia pointed out. “You want us to take out their radios?”

“No, and I don’t want you to kill her people unless you have too. We may need them for information.”

“You want us to use them to report back different positions.” Indra ascertained.

“Yes.” Clarke confirmed. “She shouldn’t know we’ve got her people or our people’s position. Try to get them to tell you where she is and if there are any more spies or scouts out there.”

  
“Sha, Heda.”

“Wait. What if they don’t tell us?” Octavia paused.

“Their loyalty is not likely to be as strong as your loyalty to your Commander.” Seneca explained and looked at Clarke. “The spies she’d send wouldn’t be the people she trusted the most. She’d send the people she could spare.”

  
“And they would be from the other clans; not as loyal.” Emori stated and Seneca nodded. “They might talk to you if they will get sanctuary.”

“Sanctuary?” Murphy questioned.

“Safety.” Emori explained. “If we either just let them go or bring them here and they live among us.”

“If they help us with Nerva, they’re free to live here with us.”

“You have no problem with… our differences?” Seneca asked and clutched his weakened leg at the thigh and she looked to Emori who clutched her own hand as if on instinct.

“I don’t have a problem with anyone unless they attack my people.” She stated confidently and watched as both of them slowly moved their hands.

 

 *****

 

“So, you don’t want to go back in the battle room and help them plan?” Raven asked Niylah who was sitting next to her on the floor while Raven worked with a small flashlight staring at a bunch of wires and connections.

“No.” She replied plainly.

“Shouldn’t you be in medical?” Raven asked her.

“You gave me my medicine. I will be fine.”

“You _are_ stubborn.”

“I believe you and I share that trait.” She returned to Raven who laughed.

“So, will you even tell me what really happened? What the meds are for?” She asked and paused her work.

Niylah took a moment to look at her and then lifted her shirt slightly.

“Snake bite.”

Raven dropper flashlight and moved over to her. She held up Niylah’s shirt for her.

“Wow! It really did a number on you.”

  
“It was worse. The medication Abby provided has helped.”

  
“It was worse than this?” Raven looked up at her for a moment and her hand went to the bandage that still covered the actual bite. “Can I?”

“Sure.” Niylah granted with a quick eyebrow lift.

Raven peeled away at the tape and lifted the bandage up so she could see the residual snake bite.

“Doesn’t look too bad.” She tried to encourage and then replaced the bandage.

“It was a damn forest snake. I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“You think you can control if a snake bites you?”

“Shouldn’t you be fixing the electronics?” Niylah returned.

“Probably; assuming Wick didn’t screw it all up.”

“You and he used to be together.”

“We were. It was a while ago though and it wasn’t like we were official or anything. We tried and it didn’t work.”

  
“Why not?”

  
“Why are you so curious?” She asked, returning to work. “It’s not like we had some epic love story or something; not like Cl-“ She stopped herself and she stopped her work at the same time.

“Clarke and Lexa.”

“Those two… Yeah.” She got back to it.

“Would you maybe show me what you’re doing?”

“You want to learn this stuff?” Raven asked in surprise.

  
“I ran a trading post with my father. It’s all I’ve ever really known.”

  
“And you don’t exactly know what that translate to in here.” Raven guessed and met the girl’s kind, yet seemingly lost eyes.

“I want to be useful. I want to help where I can.”

  
“Because of Clarke?”

Niylah looked at her quizzically.

“What do you mean?”

  
“You two had a thing, right?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“It’s not like that. Clarke told me about what happened after the mountain. Well, she told me about part of it. She was pretty torn up back then and she met you while she was trying to figure it all out.”

  
“She did.”

  
“And you two… did stuff.” Raven stated, but received only a stubborn glare in return. “You’re not hung up on her, are you? Cause I don’t think anything’s going to happen there.”

  
“I’m not hung up on Clarke. She and I were like you and Wick maybe. We weren’t together and I knew she didn’t feel anything like that for me. It was more just about combatting loneliness for both of us.” She paused. “And she is the Commander now and has a lot on her shoulders. I just want to help where I can.”

Raven smirked at her.

“Grab the wire cutters because my ex whatever made a mess in here.” She motioned with her head toward the wires that appeared to be darting in and out in no system that made sense to Niylah.

 

*****

 

“Hey, got a minute?” Raven knocked on Clarke’s open door.

“Sure. Come in.” Clarke returned. She didn’t look up from her papers.

Raven sat in the empty chair.

  
“So, I haven’t made any progress because I had to fix what Wick messed up and I was also playing teacher, but I’ve got it back where it was and I should have it fixed by tomorrow.”

  
“Playing teacher?”

  
“Niylah stayed. She wanted to learn.”

  
“Electronics?”

“I’d imagine she’d want to learn anything that we need done here. I just happened to be working on that. You should give her a job or something.”

  
“Her job is to get better right now.”

  
“She’s fine, trust me. Just give her something to do.”

  
“Why are you talking to me about a job for Niylah?” Clarke finally looked up.

“I don’t know. We just hung out for the past few hours and we rode to Polis together that one time there was that whole A.L.I.E. fiasco and she’s nice and wants to be helpful and there’s no shortage of things to do here.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to her tomorrow and find out what she wants.”

  
“Did everyone head out already?” Raven asked noting the time.

“Yeah, Octavia and Indra headed out and the car will keep going after they drop them. Hopefully, it just looks like they’re getting sick people. The group is getting closer to us so their runs won’t be too long now. They should be back and then we’ll send someone else back out to get more.”

  
“And how are you doing? We haven’t had a chance to talk just you and I.”

  
“I’m fine.”

“You know what I’m asking you.”

  
“I do and I’m fine. I haven’t had any headaches in a while and I haven’t gone to see her either.”

  
“And you’re good with that?”

“No.” Clarke replied directly. “No, I miss her and I want to see her, but she’s right to make me stay away.”

  
“She’s right?”

  
“This whole thing was her idea. If I felt like she wouldn’t be mad at me, I’d be there with her every night, but she’s right to make me focus on what’s going on; especially now.”

“So, she has no idea what’s going on up here?”

  
“Remember when I asked you about us talking back and forth?”

  
“Yeah.” Raven leaned in.

“I send her notes and she responds and I can hear it. I can’t hear everything she says, but I hear it when she’s focusing on making me hear it. That’s the best way I can describe it. Since she can’t hear me though, I’ve sent her written updates.”

  
“How are you even doing that?”

“I don’t know. I just think about things I want her to have or see and they appear. I thought about making her a journal where I write down what’s been happening up here, but I’ve left out the part about the Wastelanders.”

  
“So, you’re lying to her?”

  
“I’m just leaving it out.”

  
“That’s lying by omission, Clarke, but it’s still lying. Why update her at all if you’re just going to lie to her?”

  
“Because I tell her everything else.” She paused. “Everything I’m thinking while we’re trying to set this place up and everything I’m feeling while I’m doing it. It’s all really me and she told me she wants me to keep doing it.”

  
“Then why leave out the other part?”

  
“Raven, I can’t tell her about how someone’s trying to kill me again; that someone else is coming after her people. She can’t do anything about it and it would just hurt her.”

“I guess I get it.” Raven finally understood.

“I think I did something accidentally though.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“I think I sent her all of it somehow. I must have been thinking of her at the same time I was thinking about the rest of it because she told me this morning that they think I’m weak and I should show them I’m strong.” She paused. “That’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Raven asked. “Why don’t you just go see her and tell her what’s going on and why you didn’t tell her to begin with? You could go right now. I’ll watch over you.”

  
“I don’t need you too, but thanks.” Clarke told her. “I want to, but I made a deal that I’d resolve this first. I’ll just stop leaving it out from now on since I know she’d want to know now even if it does hurt knowing she can’t save me.” She took a long look at the map on the table.

“Clarke, you’re not exactly the girl that needs saving.” She paused and Clarke looked up at her. “You’re usually the girl that does the saving. Lexa knows that. It’s probably one of the reasons she started liking you in the first place. That’s why she told you to remember how strong you are and to let the Wastelanders know too.”

Clarke looked back down.

“Doesn’t stop her from wanting to protect me.”

“It shouldn’t. She loves you. That’s how it works.”

“I guess it is.”

There was a knock on the half opened door and Clarke could see Niylah peaking her head in.

  
“I’m sorry.”

  
“It’s okay.”

  
“It’s time for my medicine. I’d do it myself, but I’ve never done that before and Abby was specific about it happening at certain times.” Niylah entered fully.

“I’ll meet you in medical.” Clarke told her.

“I’ll take care of her.” Raven stood. “You should get some sleep. Staring at those all night won’t help anything.” She pointed at the maps on the table. Clarke smiled. “What?”

  
“You just reminded me of something Lexa said to me before Mount Weather.”

“Oh.” Raven didn’t know how to respond to that with Niylah standing there. She didn’t know Clarke could see Lexa at will. To her, the girl was still grieving. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Clarke understood. “You sure you can take her?”

“Yeah, but I don’t exactly know where I’m sleeping. Can you point me in the right direction?” She asked Clarke.

“I can show you to an empty room.” Niylah offered with a glance in Raven’s direction.

  
“Just not Wick’s old one.” Raven smirked at her.

“If you’re feeling better, Niylah, you should just take one next to Raven then. We should all stay as close as we can for now.”

Niylah nodded with a small, understanding smile and the two girls left the room.

 


	24. Chapter 24

Kane and Abby remained huddled by the fire while others slept around them.

“They should be here soon.” Kane told her at only a level of volume Abby could make out. “Based on when they left, I expect they’ll be here soon. We should get the team ready to go.”

“I’ve already talked to Miller. He has three ready to go. He’s got them inside the tent.” Abby motioned with her head toward a tent just large enough to fit a few people inside. “The guns are in those bags over there.” She nodded in a different direction. “They’re getting bandaged up now.”

“When did you do all this?” Kane asked her in disbelief.

“While you were talking to the other ambassadors.” She answered directly. “There’s a healer ready to go with them too.”

  
“You should go with them instead.” Kane suggested. “You should get to the bunker and make sure medical is setup and ready to go.”

  
“Clarke’s assured me it is already.”

  
“Still, it’s not a bad idea to have one of our doctors there. You could go with the healer and begin training.”

Abby looked at him confused.

“Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me, Marcus?” She questioned.

He chuckled and rubbed his hands together nearer to the fire.

“I’m not trying to get rid of you. I think it’s the right decision.”

  
“Then, we can send Ethan from Alpha station.”

“Ethan won’t leave his husband behind.”

  
“Then, we’ll send both of them.”

“Abby…” He began, but tried not to sound frustrated. “You should go. Clarke is there. I’m sure you want to see her.”

  
“So, this isn’t about a doctor going to El Dorado, is it? It’s about me going to El Dorado.” She paused. “Because you’re worried about me not spending enough time with my daughter?”

  
“I’m worried about you.” He stated with mild frustration. “I’m worried about you.” He repeated.

“Marcus…”

“If there really is an army trying to keep us from getting there, you should leave now and head them off. You can lock the door from the inside if something goes wrong out here. At least then you and Clarke will be safe with whoever else is able to make it inside.”

“And what about you?” Abby returned his concern. “You’re staying out here because of some sense of nobility?”

“It’s not nobility, Abby. I’m in charge of these people.”

  
“Clarke is in charge of these people.” Abby reminded him. “And as much as that has scared me in the past because she will always be my little girl to me, she’s gotten us this far and she believes this plan can work just like she believed in the plan at Mount Weather and the plan to destroy A.L.I.E. and every other time she’s saved these people.” She paused. “So, I trust her when she says this is our best chance and she believes we’re safe out here right now.” She paused again. “So, I’ll stay until she tells me to go or we all have to go together.”

Kane just stared at her through her speech.

“Like mother, like daughter.”

“Please, Clarke is more like her father than she is me.”

“I disagree.” He proposed. “I think the reason you two butt heads sometimes is because you’re more alike than you care to admit.”

“We’re a lot to handle, that’s for sure.”

  
“Not so much.” Kane returned.

They heard the sounds of an engine and tires pulling up nearby and saw headlights through the trees.

“It’s time.” Abby told him and they both stood.

Abby made her way over to the tent and looked at Miller who had his arm in a sling, and three other members of the guard who had false injuries or maladies. She motioned to the healer she’d chosen to go the bunker and they four of them made their way; fake limping toward the vehicle. Kane picked up the bag of weapons trying to pretend it wasn’t incredibly heavy and placed it in the back. Within a few minutes, the first group was headed toward the bunker and Abby and Kane walked back toward the camp.

“Have you even set your tent up yet?” Abby asked him as she looked for his now familiar tent.

“No, I gave it to a Trikru woman who lost her’s in the storm. I’ll just sleep outside by the fire. I’ve slept in worse places.” He tried to jest.

“Or you can sleep in my tent.” Abby suggested with her eyes flitting to the ground and then to Kane and then back to the ground out of unexpected nervousness. 

 

*****

 

Octavia spotted the man hunched over what she assumed was a tiny fire, which was his first mistake. They’d seen the smoke from about a mile away despite him trying to hide it by making it small. His second mistake was not keeping his attention on his surroundings while he apparently tried to cook something he’d hunted over that same fire.

He was no match for the two of them even if he’d spotted them and reacted accordingly. Instead, Indra’s sword met the side of his neck before he even felt them upon him.

“Chil au. Set raun weron yu ste kamp!” _Stay calm. Stay where you are._ “Ai laik Indra kom Trigeda-” _I am Indra of the Woods Clan._

“He’s unarmed, Indra.” Octavia noticed that the man’s sword was lying on the ground off to the side; his third mistake.

“Yo na ste kamp raun Gonasleng.” _You may stick to English._ “I was raised by a teacher. I speak it well.” The man remained in his hunched over position. “You may take what you want. I seek no violence.”

“Then, why have you joined Exilium and Nerva?” Indra asked him still keeping her sword pressed against his neck.

“It was my father’s decision. I do as he commands.”

It was then that Octavia walked around and got a glimpse of the man’s face as he finally took the chance to look up.

“Indra, he’s a kid.” She realized. “How old are you?”

“I am a man.” He pushed back her insult.

“If you are a man, then you take responsibility for your own choices and do not blame your father.” Indra slid the sword forward against a shoulder as a reminder of its presence. “Stand and face me.”

The boy did as he was told. He couldn’t have been more than 15, Octavia observed. It seemed so long ago that she was that age herself.

“We know what Nerva’s up to and we know what you’re doing out here.” Octavia told him. “We don’t want to kill you, but we’ll do what we need too.”

“What do you want?” He asked.

“Start with your name.” Octavia suggested. Indra was clearly annoyed with this beginning.

“Matias of the Montes clan.”

“Montes?” Octavia asked.

“Hill.” Indra answered for her. “He’s of the Wastelander Hill clan.”

“We don’t like being called that.”

“We don’t care.” Indra replied with disdain. “We seek information and will pull it out of you if necessary.”

  
“Matias, my name is Octavia.” She started and reached out to offer her hand in the grounder custom. She noticed then that he was missing his right hand when he returned with his left for the gesture instead of it.

“I was born without it. That’s why I was cast out.”

“Look, we don’t care about this.” She took his right arm and met it instead with her arm in the custom. “We’re united under the 13 clans now and your people will be welcome. You just need to help us with Nerva. She doesn’t care about you. She only cares about herself.”

  
“My father has sided with Exilium because he believes it is our best option for survival.”

  
“I thought you were a man.” Indra half mocked, half reminded.

“I am a man, but I am also my father’s son.”

Indra approached him quickly, but kept her sword at her side.

“My father died at the hands of a woman not unlike this Nerva. She seeks power for herself above all others and she will kill everyone to get it if that is what it takes. She will do nothing to protect you or your father when we begin the battle.” She was mere inches from his face. “She sent you out here because you are expendable. Have you even trained with a sword, boy?” He gulped, but did not respond to her question. “Do you know how I know the answer to my question?” She waited, but no response came; only more fear. “Because your sword is on the ground at your right side and not on your hip or in your hand ready to fight if the enemy approaches. Do you really expect you or your father to be alive when this war is over?”

  
Octavia stood off to the side and watched this unfold.

“Matias, just tell us how many of you there are out here and follow along and we’ll make sure you and your people are taken care of before the radiation gets here.” She offered.

“Radiation?” He looked away from Indra over to her.

Indra backed away. She’d made her point.

“You don’t know?” Octavia questioned. Then she realized. “Nerva and her people know what’s coming, but they didn’t tell you.”

  
“I don’t understand.”

“What happened after the bombs the first time, it’s going to happen again.” She explained. “People won’t be able to survive on the ground here; maybe not anywhere. Our Commander has a plan and we have places we can go below ground where we’ll be safe.”

“Your Commander?”

  
“Clarke kom Skaikru.” Indra told him Clarke’s name.

“Skaikru?”

“There’s a lot you don’t know apparently.” Octavia reasoned. “Matias, trust us. We can protect your people. Nerva won’t even try.”

He seemed to be considering Octavia’s offer between taking glances at Indra’s hand on her sword and Octavia’s more approachable face.

“How will I know you won’t just kill me after you get what you want?” He checked.

“Because we need you to feed her people false information for now and while you do that, you can make your way to the bunker or get your father even if you want and both head there. Once you’re there, you’ll be protected.” Octavia promised.

“And you won’t kill me then?” He looked at Indra.

“I do not kill unarmed children.” She professed.

“How many of you are out here watching our people?”

“6 of us are stationed.”

“And how are you communicating with each other and Nerva?” Octavia asked.

“We have these.” He went to move, hesitated and checked with Indra who nodded and he bent down and grabbed a very old radio. “We’re supposed to leave it off to save the battery and only turn it on when we have something to report.”

  
“What kinds of things to you report?”

  
“I haven’t reported anything yet.” He told them. “Jac is the lead scout. He is back that way about 10 miles ahead of us here. He stays ahead of the group walking and monitors the horses and uh…”

“Cars?” Octavia guessed.

He just nodded.

“He reports back directly to Nerva. I haven’t noticed anything here to report. People just walking and stopping and eating and sleeping.”

  
“And the other 4?” Indra asked.

“Are behind me. They are all of my clan. I believe I can convince them to work with you if you agree to protect them and their families.”

“Done.” Octavia agreed without thought.

“What about Jac?” Indra asked. “What clan is he?”

  
“Cascata.”

“Waterfall.” Indra announced to Octavia. “Those people were from the far north.”

  
“Northeast originally. They were pushed off their lands by Azgeda years ago. They had already been banished and they began to march on what little land they had to call their own. They were forced to leave and they’ve been making their way west ever since. They stopped in places for periods of time and made temporary homes there, but they’ve never found a place that felt like a real home. Their home was stolen from them.”

  
“By Nia kom Azgeda.” Indra expressed.

“She wanted resources, my father tells me.”

  
“She is dead.” Indra told him.

He seemed surprised.

“Our former Commander ended her tyranny.”

“How is it you know so much about Cascata if you’re from Montes?” Octavia wanted to know.

“Because… I met…” If it wasn’t dark, Octavia could swear she could see him blush. “When we joined Nerva’s group, I met-“

  
“Oh.” Octavia understood.

“She told me about what happened.”

  
“Who did?”

  
“His girlfriend.” Octavia told Indra.

“She’s not- I mean, she might one day be- It does not matter.”

Octavia couldn’t help but smirk at the kid’s awkwardness.

“Do you think you can convince Jac to be on our side?”

  
“No. Jac reports directly to Nerva because he believes what she believes. My people like the Cascata sought the City of Light because we believed it could finally be the home we’d been searching for and when we heard it was destroyed by someone who then became Commander, we wanted revenge, but not all of us believe in what Nerva believes.”

  
“Jac does though?”

  
“Yes. I do not think you’ll be able to get him to side with you.”

  
“Then, we’ll take him by force.”

  
“You’ll kill him?” Matias asked her.

“Not if we don’t have too?” Octavia promised. “But we’ll do what we have to do.”

  
“Is this Jac a child like you?” Indra asked her.

“I am not a child!” He objected.

“Matias…”

  
“Jac is not a child either. He has children himself.”

“Then, he is a man and is responsible for his actions.” Indra reminded him. “We will not kill him if it can be avoided, but we will take him and hold him prisoner to prevent him from telling his leader about our actions.” She looked at Octavia. “If he sends Nerva updates-“

  
“And doesn’t agree to help, we’ll need to find someone to replace him on the radio.”

  
“This boy’s voice is not yet a man’s.” Indra pointed. “We’ll need someone else.”

“Maybe one of the other 4.” Octavia suggested. “We should find them tonight.”

“Agreed.” Indra gripped her sword. “Boy, grab your gear. You’ll take us to the other three tonight. Octavia, report back to the Commander what we know. Tell her we will bring people who will fight for our cause.” She ordered.

“Sha, Indra.” Octavia grabbed the radio hanging from her own hip and searched for a place around that could help prevent the sound from carrying. She walked about 100 yards away from the group and Indra and Matias and found an overhang of long, tangled vines and climbed behind them. She turned on the radio and messaged Clarke about their progress. The Commander had been asleep, but welcomed the update anyway and asked Octavia to send another once they had the other 4 scouts gathered. Octavia said she would and then returned to Indra and Matias who had put out the fire and gathered the small amount of supplies he had before heading off in the direction of the next scout. Octavia knew they’d be working throughout the night and next day to get all 4 of them together considering how spread out they all were, but she had no problem with the walking. She knew she wouldn’t be able to walk outside much longer anyway so she’d enjoy what she could about this.

 

*****

 

It was difficult to try to take a look at their potential battlefield around the bunker with the enemy likely already back in place waiting to strike and especially waiting to get Clarke alone. She knew if she went back outside, Nerva would have her people probably try to kidnap her this time and bring her to their leader. She’d promptly kill Clarke for whatever power she thought she’d gain from Wanheda and then use the chaos of their Commander’s death to take action against her people.

She was stuck inside and relied on Niylah and Raven for reports. The two of them took one jeep out and appeared to be rummaging for supplies while they were in fact taking in the approximately 5 miles surrounding the bunker entrance and trying to focus on the south, but not making that obvious by still moving around the old city of El Dorado and moving east and north as well.

 

*****

 

“Clarke hasn’t told me much about what it was like in space.” Niylah offered while she and Raven drove the jeep slowly through a tight grouping of trees and headed toward the city to actually get supplies if they could find any more, but really to scout the area in more detail.

“You two didn’t talk about growing up or anything? What it was like?” Raven sounded slightly surprised.

“No.”

“I guess you guys really weren’t together, were you?” She realized. “So, you just what? Had sex?” She questioned. Niylah was taken aback by this and Raven laughed at her facial expression when she turned to look at her. “Hey, I’m not judging. I’ve done that myself a few times.”

“We were not together, no.”

“Did she ever tell you about Finn? I’m guessing no.” She asked and Niylah nodded her head no while the jeep sped up now that they’d made it through the trees and onto a main road with little overgrowth. “Finn was my boyfriend on the Ark.” She paused recalling their time together. “He took the blame for something I did because he wasn’t 18 yet and I was. If I was caught, I would have been floated same day.”

“Floated?” Clarke hadn’t explained the meaning of this word to her.

“Sent into space. Dead.” Raven answered her without looking over. “She told you about that part, right?”

  
“She spoke of people being killed for crimes, yes.”

“He got locked up and then they decided to send down all the criminal kids. Finn was in that group and he ended up on the ground.”

“What happened to him?”

“Hold on. I’m not done with my story yet.” Raven proclaimed and caught the girl’s eyes, which were hazel and felt oddly comforting to Raven. “He was down here and I found out and tried to figure out how I could get down here to be with him. Meanwhile, everyone down here thought everyone up there was dead or almost dead. There was no way for them to get up to us or contact us then.” She thought back to Abby’s concern over the bracelets that read their vitals being disconnected or destroyed. “We pretty much thought they were dead too.” She remembered. “Abby thought of a way to send someone down to check and I volunteered. When I got down here though, I discovered Clarke and Finn had a thing.”

  
“They were together?”

  
“He thought I was dead. She didn’t know I existed. I blamed her at first, but it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know the guy had a girlfriend and even though he thought I was dead or that there was no way he’d be able to see me again, he probably should have at least mentioned the girl he apparently used to love to the new girl he also apparently loved by then.”  
“He loved her?” She seemed surprised.

“He seemed too. He made a lot of bad decisions because of it, which typically means love if you ask me. Clarke liked him, I think. I don’t think she really loved him like that though. I do think that when I found out about them, I did not react well and I found someone to take my anger out on so I understand the whole sex without a relationship thing.”

“Is your story over?” She pressed.

Raven smirked at her.

“Yes.”

“What happened to him?”

  
Raven gripped the wheel tighter at the memory of watching Clarke mercy kill Finn.

“When Clarke was taken by the mountain, Finn went kind of crazy. He attacked a village and-“

  
“That was him?”

“Yeah, that was him.” She paused. “He wasn’t a killer. Finn was funny and fun. He was a good guy before he got down here. This place changed people. Up there, life wasn’t that great, but people weren’t kidnapping or killing other people. He did it because he loved Clarke and he thought he could save her.” She paused. “What he didn’t know is that Clarke Griffin pretty much always seems to save herself… and all of us too.”

“She killed him.” Niylah presented. “She killed him so he wouldn’t be tortured before his death. I remember hearing about that too. The Commander did not punish her for that.”

“I’m pretty sure Lexa was already in love with Clarke too by then even though they’d just met. Clarke Griffin, stealing hearts wherever she goes.” She added and Niylah laughed.

“How are you now?”

“About Finn?” She turned to look at the blonde with a long braid down the right side of her neck. “I’m okay now. He fell in love with someone else. It’s hard to think about that part sometimes. It’s easier to just think that he died while we were still in love with each other, but he died because of decisions he made because he loved her so what I was holding onto wasn’t really real anymore.”

“You weren’t ready to be with Wick.” Niylah surmised when the car came to a stop on what used to be a street in town lined with small shops, but was now a ghost town complete with overgrowth, broken glass windows and old cars that were sitting as if waiting for someone to climb in and drive them home.

Raven stared straight ahead.

“No, I wasn’t.” She replied. “You know, I’m not normally one to share my feelings with people.” She looked over at Niylah. “What is it about you that makes me tell you this stuff?”

Niylah just shrugged before climbing out of the car.

“We should get going.”

“Hey, when am I going to get your whole story? I just told you mine.” Raven slowly climbed out of the jeep and met Niylah in front of it.

“No, you didn’t. You told me about Finn’s part in it, but not your whole story.”

Raven let out a shy smile.

“Why don’t we start with you telling me about your first love then while we search this place? It’ll help pass the time.”

“I can’t.”

  
“I told you mine.” She squinted her eyes at Niylah.

“I haven’t had one yet.” Niylah proclaimed and began walking down the street.

Raven watched her walk for a moment before taking in one of the old cars.

“No way!” She exclaimed and made her way toward it.

“Not everyone falls in love. Sometimes-“ Niylah started while not turning back.

“No, not that. Sorry.” Raven told her. “This.”

Niylah turned around at that and notice Raven’s eyes were on an old car that had dust and debris all over it.

“What?”

“It’s an old Tesla model.” Raven shared. “On the Ark, we used to learn about earth machinery in engineering courses. It was kind of like our intro to Ark engineering since most of our technology was developed before the bombs. We had a few books on cars. I remember this one. I was kind of obsessed with it.”

  
“Why?” Niylah looked confused. It was just an old car.

“This was the first model with auto-pilot.”

  
“Chit?” _What._

“Auto-pilot.” Raven didn’t know much of Niylah’s native language, but she had heard that word before. She also recognized the tone. “It could drive itself with a computer. This thing is so cool.” She was wiping the glass and cupping her hands to try to look inside. “Yeah, I was right.” She determined. “I wonder if it could still run.”

  
“Why does that matter?”

  
“Because this is an electric car. It could run off of our supply instead of gas like the jeeps. In fact, if we could find more electric cars in decent shape, we might be able to get them running again.”

  
Niylah approached more closely and smiled at Raven’s excitement as she watched the girl take in the car.

“We’ll be underground. What do we need cars for?”

“Because if we are able to find a place in Wyoming like Clarke thinks we can and it’s habitable, these could help get us there or help us do supply runs from old towns there depending on how far we can go out with the radiation.”

“Wyoming?” Niylah questioned.

“Yeah, Clarke thinks we have a chance there. Becca-“ She stopped herself and stopped moving at the same time.

“What? Becca? As in the first Commander?”

Raven tried to cover.

“When Clarke was in the City of Light, Becca told her about Wyoming.” She lied. “It used to be one of the states and is far enough away from the reactors that any radiation would likely dissipate by the time it got to us there, but we’re heading to the bunkers now just in case and we still have to test it there and we have to wait for the reactors to meltdown fully to send people there to test it because that’s the only way we’ll get accurate readings on radiation levels and sustainability of the land and know if it is safe and-“

Niylah put her hand over Raven’s which had been resting on the side mirror of the old car.

“You talk fast when you get excited.” She told Raven. “Why don’t you slow down and tell me again? I speak your language well, but that doesn’t mean I understand everything you’re saying.” Niylah explained. “Teach me.” She requested.

Raven’s eyes had gotten big when she felt Niylah’s hand on her own. This was new, she thought to herself.

“Okay.” She replied. “Let’s do our actual job and scout this place and I’ll tell you all about nuclear reactors.” Raven offered. Niylah nodded with a smile and released Raven’s hand. Raven realized she missed it immediately and at that realization, her brown eyes got even bigger than before, her eyebrows lifted on their own accord and she muttered to herself, “What the hell?”

 


	25. Chapter 25

“What did you guys find out?” Clarke asked upon their return. She was getting stir crazy inside the bunker, which really didn’t bode well for her since they were likely going to be there for a long time.

“Calm down, Griffin. We literally just walked in.” Raven had a bag filled with something over her shoulder and she dropped it to the ground as soon as they were inside the building. Niylah did the same after her.

“Sorry, I’m just…”

  
“Crazy. We know.” Raven retorted. “We found some stuff. Nothing major. I got some stuff to help with the electronics and I found a Tesla!”

“She’s excited.” Niylah explained. “She hasn’t stopped talking about the car she saw.”

“Says the girl that got excited over a coat.” Raven smirked at her.

“I’ve never seen a coat like that before.”

“It was reversible.” Raven told Clarke. “There was this store that had heavy outdoor gear in it. It was almost untouched. We should go back. If we’ve got to make a long walk or stock up on stuff for the road if we ever get out of here, that stuff might come in handy.”

“We’ll go back tomorrow.” Niylah told Clarke.

  
“She just wants the coat.” Raven knocked shoulders with her.

Clarke just looked between the two of them and then she understood. She looked down for a moment and tried to hide her smile. She would not have predicted this at all, but if the two of them ever actually figured out what appeared to be going on between them, she’d be really happy for both of them. Ever since she fell in love with Lexa and really understood what love was for the first time, she started finding it easier to notice the beginnings of potential relationships in others.

“We’ll go back tomorrow.” Niylah repeated.

“Oh and we did take a look around too.” Raven explained. She pulled out a map she’d brought with her and Clarke watched as Niylah picked up both bags. Raven didn’t notice because she was too busy unfolding the map in her hands to show Clarke.

“I’ll take these in.” Niylah told them.

  
“Thank you.” Clarke looked at her.

“Okay, so here’s the main stretch of the town.” Raven explained.

“Raven…” Clarke looked at her and nodded with her head toward Niylah.

“Oh, Niylah?” Raven stopped her. Niylah turned back. “Meet me in electrical in 20?”

“Sure.” Niylah smiled.

“Oh and tomorrow? Same time? We’ll go south instead.”

  
“I’ll be there.” She seemed pleased and turned back around to walk away.

“And thanks for… carrying the bags.” She tried.

“Sure.” Niylah replied, but Clarke noticed a slight smile and wondered if she could hear Raven’s unspoken subtext.

“This is all flat.” Raven started. “Hardly any good lines of sight from the town so I don’t think they’ll be coming in this way at all even though it’s the best direct access here. They won’t have any advantage. They’ll actually bottleneck.” She pointed.

“So, their numbers won’t do them any good.” Clarke added and the two of them began walking down the hall toward the war room.

“We haven’t gone west yet, but south is the best option from what I can tell just by driving around a little. The ridge gives them good angles for those arrows you said they shot at you.”

“What if we can get them to go through the town instead?” Clarke asked her.

“How are we going to do that if they’re already south of us?” Raven considered. “It’s not like they’ll move to a crappier vantage point just because we ask.”

  
Clarke sighed.

“I don’t know.”

“You know who you could ask?” Raven suggested.

“Indra.”

  
“Clarke, come on.”

She understood her meaning.

“Raven, I told her I’d stay away until this was over.”

“And you don’t think the great Lexa, Commander of the 12- Sorry 13 clans wouldn’t have a good idea how we can beat these guys? You two working together…”

“I’m sure we can come up with something. Octavia and Indra should have an update soon and we have more and more guards arriving every few hours now that the group is so close. None of them have been attacked yet so the fake injuries are working. Besides, weren’t you the one that didn’t want me to see her because you thought it was bad for me?”

  
“You seem to be doing okay now. It’s weird actually.” Raven folded up the map as they continued down the hall. “This all started because I created this black and white world that had nothing in it just to see if I could engineer the City of Light again.”

“Yeah.”

  
“And Clarke, when we got stuff setup in Denver, I pulled up the code and it’s crazy now.”

  
“What do you mean?” They made it to the war room and they sat down.

“I don’t even recognize it anymore. Some of it, I can’t even figure out what you’ve done in there.”

  
“I don’t know what I’m doing or how I’m doing it.”

  
“I know. It’s like it’s fused with your brain. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but you seem to be okay unless you’re lying to me about the headaches or-“

  
“I’m not.” She paused. “When I was kidnapped, it got bad.” She admitted and then she told Raven the story of what happened in the tent.

“Clarke!”

  
“I didn’t have a choice. I thought they were going to kill me and it’s not like I really even knew what I was doing.”

  
“I get it, but that was risky.”

  
“I know. It’s one of the reasons Lexa told me to stop going there too, but I don’t know. It’s strange. I feel like I can control it.”

  
“You’ve said that before.”

  
“This time is different though. I’m talking to her from here or as close as we can get to it and I’m creating things easily now. I’m not getting headaches anymore.”

  
“But you haven’t been back in a while either so maybe it’s just because of that.”

“I guess. I just don’t think so.”

  
“Well look, I think you’re right. We get everyone’s heads together on this and we’ll figure something out. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want too.”

  
Clarke’s eyes got big.

“That’s still all I want to do, Raven.” She confessed. “I know it’s selfish, but it’s like you said, you’d want it too if Finn were in there.”

Raven seemed to be considering something.

“This whole going cross country thing, it’s given me time to think about that. You getting the chance to be with Lexa again even if it isn’t all the time or out here even made me wonder what I _would_ want if it were possible for Finn and I.”

  
“And?”

“And I don’t know anymore.” Raven admitted. “I thought a lot about what would have happened if you guys weren’t sent down here and we were still on the Ark and it was just Finn and I and I guess I have a hard time thinking we would have ended up together now.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because he fell in love with you so easily.” She realized that came out wrong. “No offense.”

  
Clarke let out a silent laugh.

  
“None taken.”

  
“It’s just that if he was able to fall in love with someone so easily after what he and I had, I don’t know if what we had was meant to be forever.”

  
“And you’re okay with that?”

  
Raven thought about how best to respond.

“I think I finally am, yeah.” She let out a small smile.

“And would this have anything to do with someone else?”

Raven looked confused.

“What do you mean? Wick? God, I hooked up with the guy a few times and people are still asking me the will they, won’t they question.”

  
“I’m not talking about Wick, Raven.”

  
“Who then?” She still wasn’t getting it.

“Hey, are you ready?” It was Niylah standing at the door. It was about time for Raven to meet her in electrical.

  
“Yeah, just a sec.” Raven told her and looked back at Clarke who had a lifted eyebrow. Raven’s face changed when it finally dawned on her what Clarke had been referring to only a minute ago. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Clarke replied.

“Raven? Should I just meet you there?”

“She’s ready.” Clarke answered for her.

“Wait. Are you…” Raven looked at Clarke. It was as if she was trying to ask something with her eyes. “I mean… if… would that be…”

  
“It’s great, Raven.”

Raven looked down at the table as if she just came to the realization that she had a crush on the girl standing in the doorway waiting for her. She actually wasn’t sure if it was a crush or not. They’d spent a few hours together that day. Less than a day in total of actual alone time probably, but they’d spent the entire time talking and Raven had laughed with her and Niylah seem to laugh back at her too. She’d never felt this way about another girl before. She’d thought about it and always knew she’d be open to it since it was about the person to her just like it was for Clarke, but she’d been with Finn for so long and then after getting here, liking someone and possibly really liking someone; maybe having a real relationship with someone had been so far from her mind. It felt foreign to her now to even be considering it when there was another war coming their way, but she lifted her head with a smile and shook it sideways at Clarke in a “I can’t believe this” kind of head shake and then stood.

“I’m ready.” She turned to look at Niylah for a moment and then back to Clarke. She seemed to almost shake herself out of something. “Oh, she had an idea she wanted to run by you.” She turned back to Niylah. “You should tell her.”

  
“It can wait.” Niylah suggested as Raven approached her and then did something neither Clarke nor Niylah had anticipated her doing. She wanted to make her way out the door, but Niylah was still standing in the doorway so she moved to the right of her to slide past and ran her hand over the girl’s stomach grazing her shirt as she moved beyond her. Niylah’s head followed her hand at first and then turned to watch her walk into the hallway and stand waiting.

“What is it?” Clarke asked her to try to bring her out of her stupor.

“Uh… I was thinking that there are going to be supplies and likely rationing.”

  
“Yeah.”

“I could be in charge of that.” She offered.

“Yeah, you could.”

“That would be okay with you?” She seemed to be asking one thing, but meaning another.

“It’s a good idea.” Clarke gave her back.

Niylah nodded and she turned back to Raven who was still standing there waiting.

“You ready?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Raven answered her.

“Will you tell me more about those cars?” Niylah questioned as they started to walk away.

“I’ve been teaching you stuff all day. When are you going to start teaching me something?” Raven replied in jest.

Clarke could overhear them and could practically feel Raven’s smirk.

“What do you want me to teach you?” Niylah teased back.

“You tell me.”

Clarke sat in the chair and thought about how much she missed Lexa. She just wanted to see her; to feel her. She wanted to do what Raven suggested. She was a better leader to her people with Lexa than she was without her. She tried to busy herself with more work; more planning and as the evening wore on and she ate dinner with a few of the new arrivals and watched Raven and Niylah flirt endlessly as if they’d finally been allowed to do it, she missed Lexa even more.

 

*****

 

She returned to her room after and before she could even decide how to try to occupy herself for the rest of the night, the radio on her hip answered that question for her.

“Clarke?” It was a whisper from Octavia.

  
“Octavia, I’m here.” She whispered back.

“Hey, we’ve got all 4 here and Matias helped us convince them to help us.”

  
“That’s good. What about the other one?”

  
“We’re making our way back now. He’s radioed the guys a couple of times to check in. They’ve told them nothing’s happening so we’re good there.”

“And do they all think Jac is on Nerva’s side?”

  
“They’re pretty sure, yeah.”

  
“Then, all we can do is capture him and bring him here. We’ll keep him locked up until this is over and then figure out what to do with him.”

  
“Okay. We’ve got one of the guys here that they think might be able to pass for him on the radio. Either way, it’ll take us another day and a half to get back without a car. That should buy you guys some time in case something goes wrong.”

“Thanks, Octavia.”

“We’re calling it a night. Going to camp out here and start walking at first light.”

“Good. Get some rest.”

Clarke put the radio on the battery charger on her table and did her new nightly routine since entering the bunker. When she was finished, she moved to the bed and flopped down ungraciously before rolling over on her side and staring at the new maps and sketches she’d drawn up and hung on the wall. Octavia and Indra were going to capture Jac in about a day and a half. If something went wrong with their attempt, he could warn Nerva and the attack could come at any moment. Whatever she was going to do to try to get them to come through the town and possibly bottleneck and make it easier for their guns to take them out if it went that far, needed to take place within the next couple of days. She needed a plan and her mind was too scattered and too tired to focus. She needed Lexa.

 *****

It happened before she could stop it. She was standing in their house. Her hands were at her sides and she was looking around trying to figure out how she’d gotten there and deciding she needed to leave. She told Lexa she wouldn’t show up until… Lexa.

Clarke’s eyes met the surprised ones in front of her. Lexa had emerged from the bedroom and had seen her standing there in the living room. Clarke had forgotten for a moment that she could always feel her when she’s about to arrive. She looked as if she had been in the middle of something when she felt Clarke appear and she rushed into the room to see if it was true.

“Hi.” She gasped out and dropped her clutched hands at her sides.

“Hi.” Clarke replied with the same gasp. “I’m sorry.” She followed. “I didn’t mean to-“

  
“It’s okay.” Lexa took a few steps toward her, but didn’t go all the way. “It’s okay.”

Clarke was so grateful to be looking at her again. It felt like it had been forever since she’d laid eyes on Lexa’s green ones.

“Can I stay?” She asked hopefully.

Lexa looked surprised again.

“Of course you can stay.”

Clarke took the rest of the steps to close the distance and her arms were around Lexa within seconds. Lexa returned her embrace and it felt to both of them almost as important as the one they’d shared in the City of Light when they saw each other for the first time after her death.

“I missed you.” Clarke muttered into Lexa’s ear.

“I missed you too.” Lexa responded and they pulled away to connect their lips in a gentle, yet firm kiss. They pulled back and looked at one another exchanging shy smiles before reconnecting their lips in a deeper kiss. “Are you okay?” She asked Clarke after several moments when their foreheads were pressed against one another.

“I’m safe.” Clarke ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair, which was down and toyed with the ends. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about everything that was happening. I didn’t want to worry you.”

  
“I know. It’s okay.” Lexa gripped the front of Clarke’s shirt; taking in that it was somehow one from the closet.

That movement caused Clarke to take in Lexa’s clothing for the first time.

“You’re wearing my shirt.” She commented and pulled on it gently.

“I wear it a lot.” Lexa confessed.

“And no pants.” Clarke finally acknowledged that Lexa was standing in her shirt and underwear only.

“I was about to go to sleep.” She defended.

“Can I sleep with you?”

“I’m sorry I sent you away. I regretted it immediately.”

  
“You were right. I needed to be there.”

“Stay tonight.” Lexa told her. “We can talk and you can get some sleep.”

  
Clarke smiled and Lexa took her hand and walked her toward their room.

“How are you?” Clarke asked her as Lexa pulled back the blankets on the side of the bed Clarke normally occupied. She didn’t say anything about the fact that she’d been sleeping there whenever Clarke wasn’t.

“I should be asking you that question.”

  
“Lexa, you’re alone in here. I-“

  
“Lie down.” Lexa commanded politely. Clarke complied and watched Lexa walk to the other side of the bed and climb in beside her. She could swear relief hit her instantly when she felt the weight of Lexa and her arm reach around and slide under her shirt; just feeling her fingers dance along the skin of her back as they stayed facing one another. Her hand traveled to Lexa’s face and then her back as well. She pulled the girl in tighter and breathed her in.

“I am so tired.” She admitted. It had hit her so quickly.

“Rest, Clarke.”

  
“We should talk.”

Lexa pressed her lips to her forehead.

“Rest now. We can talk when you wake.”

Clarke closed her eyes as Lexa pressed soft kisses all over her face and continued to move her hand around on Clarke’s back soothing her into a deep, restful sleep.

 

*****

 

She woke up to the sunlight coming in from the window, the smell of food and the sound of something sizzling in a pan. She rolled over to see that Lexa was gone. She stretched and climbed out from under the blankets. She gathered herself and made her way into the kitchen.

“Can you feel me when I’m just coming into the room too?” Clarke asked her as she made her way over to Lexa and stood behind her; wrapping her arms around the girl’s waist and kissing her on the shoulder before looking over it to see that she was cooking eggs.

“No, but I can hear you when you roll around on the bed when I leave it so I know you’re about to wake up.”

  
“And you decided to make us breakfast?”

  
“I think I’ve gotten better at cooking.” She announced.

“You do?” Clarke laughed a little.

“You can tell me.” She was sliding a spatula around in the pan. She was making scrambled eggs apparently.

“Okay.” Clarke pulled back and began milling about the kitchen. She grabbed plates and poured drinks and made note of the many changes in the house. She had made some obviously, but Lexa had made many in her absence. She turned back to take her in. She was standing in front of the stove; still in Clarke’s shirt and only her underwear. She had a slight bounce in her right foot that was tapping and Clarke could only assume it was because of her presence. That was something that was beyond remarkable to her even after all this time and understanding how much Lexa loves her. The fact that she can impact her mood like this and make the normally stoic Lexa tap her foot and cook them breakfast in her underwear while Clarke slept, was like a dream. Actually, it was better. It was heaven. This would be her heaven.

She smiled as Lexa divvied up the eggs she had cooked them and sat the pan back in the sink. Clarke couldn’t believe how domestic she suddenly seemed and it made her smile yet again.

“When do you have to go?” Lexa asked her after taking the first bite. Clarke waited for her reaction before trying one of her own.

She reached into her mind without traveling back to try to uncover the time in reality.

“I can stay for a little while.”

“Should you?” Lexa checked.

“Yes.” Clarke shared and knew she needed this. She needed this time with Lexa if she was going to be any good out there. She took a small bite of the scrambled eggs and tentatively began to chew.

“You look surprised.” Lexa teased. “Thought they’d be terrible, didn’t you?”

  
“Yes.” She admitted. “They’re good. I haven’t had eggs in a very long time. We had this substitute stuff on the Ark sometimes, but that doesn’t compare.”

  
Lexa seemed proud of herself.

“Will you tell me about what’s going on?” She asked before taking another bite.

“Do you want me too?”

  
“Yes, Clarke.”

  
Clarke took a drink and leaned back slightly in her chair.

“Okay.”

She started with the jeep attack and the guard’s death. She continued with information she was pretty sure Lexa had already obtained from her inadvertent updates. She also filled her in on the events that had transpired with Octavia and Indra. Lexa seemed to be happy to have an update on her general and she also seemed glad to know that Indra was supporting Clarke in the same way she’d supported her.

“You need a plan to create the bottleneck.” Lexa stated at the end of it all.

“I don’t see a way around it. Apparently, she’s worse than Nia.”

Lexa changed at the mention of Nia’s name.

“Then, you have no choice but to protect our people, Clarke.”

  
“Coming from the south gives them the advantage. I don’t know how we can get them to move and I don’t think we can take them even if our numbers match and we have guns. They’re mostly soldiers. We’re mostly just people.”

Lexa seemed to be thinking and she took a long drink while Clarke awaited her reply.

“Remember how we met?”

“Of course.” Clarke recalled, but wasn’t sure where Lexa was going with this.

“You killed my warriors.”

  
“You sent them there to kill us.”

They smirked at one another.

“You saved your people that day.”

  
“I blew up everything in sight including your men.”

  
“That was war, Clarke. You did what you had to do just as we all do.” The domesticated Lexa was gone. The Commander had returned. “You could employ similar methods.”

Clarke looked off to the side as she considered Lexa’s suggestion.

“Do you have-“ She stood.

“It’s over there.” Lexa answered her question.

  
Clarke moved to the table in the living room and picked up the journal she imagined up and returned to the table.

“Wait. How did you know?” She asked when she realized Lexa had finished her sentence.

“Because I know you, Clarke.”

Clarke slid her chair until it was right next to Lexa’s. Breakfast was over. She opened the journal and rushed through the pages to find something she just knew had to be there.

“I can’t believe you read all of this.” She remarked as she took in her own scrambled thoughts. “Okay.” She pointed at the map her mind had sketched onto the small journal pages. “Here, right?”

“And there.” Lexa leaned in and added. “Station your guns-“

  
“Here.” Clarke finished. “And then come from this side.”

“That’s what I would do.” Lexa leaned back. “Indra should lead the swords, but you’ll have to be careful your shooters-“

  
“Don’t take out any of our own people, yeah.” Clarke finished for her. “What if we get them to move into the town down the main street?” She moved her finger to the map. “We have shooters camouflaged on the roof. Raven says some of the buildings are in good shape, but we can move some debris up there for cover.”

  
“Snipers?”

  
“And the other guns are at the front. Indra-“

  
“Comes in from there.” Lexa completed this time. “That would do it.” She looked over at Clarke. “The question is if we do win, how many people do we lose in the process?”

  
“As few as possible, but as many as necessary.” Lexa replied with her standard wisdom.

“Victory comes on the back of sacrifice?” Clarke looked over at her.

“I hope this is the last time you are forced to make decisions like this.”

“Me too.”

Clarke felt Lexa’s hand on her own.

“You will be safe, right?”

  
“Lexa…”

  
“I know I can’t stop you from fighting and not just because I’m here, but because it’s who you are. All I ask is that you-“

  
“I’ll be okay, Lex.”

Lexa slid her fingers between Clarke’s and lifted their combined hands to place them in her own lap.

“Does anyone other than Raven or your mom know about what we have here?”

  
“I haven’t told anyone.”

  
“And Nerva… has she expressed interest in the Flame?”

“Oh.” Clarke looked at her. “No, she doesn’t seem to care about it. She wants the power of Wanheda to try to gain more followers and power.” She leaned in toward Lexa. “If something happens to me out there, I’m still coming here.” She proclaimed.

Lexa just gulped in response. They sat there for a while longer and worked out a few more plans together. They’d both missed that part of their relationship. Then, Clarke walked Lexa through the pictures she’d sent including the one of Wells whom Lexa had never met. She knew their time was short and while she wanted to do so many things with the time they had left, she wanted Lexa to walk her around and tell her about the things she’d been doing while Clarke had been absent more than anything else. They made their way around the house at first and then outside where they walked hand in hand and Lexa pointed out additions to the backyard. She even made requests for things Clarke could create for her and Clarke smiled and made them on the spot.

*****

When Clarke could feel time was getting away from them, she took that time to embrace Lexa as they laid side by side in the grass with silent touches and gentle, yet purposeful kisses until Lexa told her it was okay to go and Clarke gave her one more kiss with the promise she’d return when it was over and Lexa told her to stay safe. They exchanged the important words that had escaped them when Lexa was alive and Clarke vanished in front of her eyes. Lexa wasn’t sad though. She felt happy. Clarke was home to her in every way.

 


	26. Chapter 26

“Raven!” Clarke rushed into the room Niylah had found for Raven.

Raven shot out of her bed and looked groggily at Clarke.

“What?!? Are we under attack or something?” She questioned Clarke’s outburst.

“Not yet, but I think I figured out how to get them to come from the town.”

“Really?” Raven was clearly disappointed she’d been woken up just for that. “What time is it even?”

  
“It’s almost noon. I was surprised you were still sleeping.”

Raven moved her legs over the edge of the bed slowly.

“I was up late last night.” She replied.

“You were?” Clarke teased.

“Not like that.” She returned with a glare. “We fixed the backups after dinner last night and then we just stayed up for a while and talked.”

“About?”

“You wanna talk about this now? Just a second ago, you stormed in here because the plan was important.”

Clarke knew she was right.

“Get dressed. I’ll meet you in the war room.”

Raven more mumbled a reply than anything and Clarke left the room and closed the door behind her.

“Hi.” Niylah greeted her when she emerged. It looked as if she had just left her own room, which was next to Raven’s and was about to make her way into the other girl’s room.

“Hi.”

“We were going to work on setting up the supply station.”

“Raven was going to help you with that?” Clarke asked.

“Yes.”

“Can you postpone and come to the war room with us instead? I’ll grab Murphy and Emori and meet you there.”

“Sure.” Niylah stood still for a moment looking off to Raven’s door. “I don’t know what happened.” She told Clarke. “With…”

  
“You guys like each other.”

“I don’t know _how_ it happened. I wasn’t trying to- Planning to-“

“I wasn’t exactly planning to fall in love with Lexa either.”

  
“It’s not _love_. I like her, but I don’t know about…”

  
“You just met her. I didn’t mean that you already felt that. I meant that sometimes you meet someone when you have other priorities and it just kind of works.”

  
“And she feels the same way?”

“I think Raven should tell you how she feels if or when she’s ready. I just saw something in both of you I hadn’t seen before and I think it’s a good thing.”

  
“We talked all night. It was nice. She’s very excitable.” She stopped herself. “She’s stubborn too.”

“Yes, she is.” Clarke laughed.

“I like it though.” Niylah confessed.

“Good.”

The door opened and a surprised Raven emerged. She noticed Clarke and Niylah talking and shifted her glance between the two of them suspiciously.

“What are you two talking about?”

“You.” Niylah answered before Clarke could. Clarke admired the girl’s honesty. “I can go get Murphy and Emori for you and meet you there.”

  
“Thank you.” Clarke replied gratefully and Niylah smiled coyly at Raven before walking past both of them.

“What the hell was that about, Griffin?” Raven whispered as she pulled Clarke along in the other direction toward the room.

“Nothing. She was just on her way to talk to you about the supply station and I bumped into her.”

  
“I told her I’d help her get setup.”

  
“That was nice of you.”

  
“Oh, stop acting like you don’t know why I did it.”

  
Clarke smirked.

“I’ve never seen you like this.”

“You and I didn’t know each other when I first met Finn and there hasn’t been anyone since that I’ve really… felt things for.”

  
“Things?”

  
“Yes, Clarke. Things.” She reiterated. “I get that she’s feeling things too.”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“I’m not being egotistical or anything. It’s just kind of obvious. Last night, she sat very close to me and… it doesn’t matter. I just know she feels at least something.”

  
“What happened?”

  
“Nothing.” Raven replied and Clarke lifted an eyebrow at her. “No really. Nothing happened. We kind of held hands, I guess.”

  
“Kind of?”

  
“They were-“ She grunted at herself. “This is stupid.”

  
“It’s not stupid.”

  
“They were just next to each other and then her pinky met my pinky, but I don’t know. I didn’t move my hand or anything. I just kept it there.”

“Why?”

  
Raven turned her head to make sure no one was around and she stopped walking. Clarke stopped and turned back to meet her.

“I’ve never held hands like that with another woman, Clarke.”

“Oh.” Clarke understood.

“It’s not that I didn’t think it was possible. I did. I just had Finn and then we were all down here and she’s the first woman I’ve really wanted to do _anything_ with and she’s…” She considered how to say this to Clarke. “She’s experienced. Is this weird for you? You were one of those experiences. Yeah, this is weird. It’s weird for me. You’ve seen her naked and-“

She rambled. “Oh my God! You’ve seen her naked, Clarke!” She nearly shouted and realized at the same time.

“Raven!” Clarke grabbed her elbow. “That was a while ago and in case you forgot, I love Lexa. Niylah and I… it didn’t matter. She likes you.”

  
“Still, I don’t know that I can talk about this with you.”

“Who else are you going to talk to about it?”

“Octavia. When she gets back…”

“You’re going to talk to Octavia about being with another woman?” Clarke questioned. “Right after the love of her life was murdered, you’re going to flaunt your new relationship?”

  
“It’s not a relationship. We haven’t even talked about anything like that, but I guess you’re right.”

“Niylah won’t care that you’ve never been with a woman before. If you like her and want to do those things, she’ll be fine with taking your time if that’s what you need.”

  
“Taking your time with what?” Murphy had snuck up on them. He had Emori and Niylah in tow, but Niylah didn’t appear to be paying attention. She was picking up something she’d dropped and then she stood back up and her eyes immediately went to Raven and she smiled.

“Nothing. Your ass took your sweet time getting here.” She poked at Murphy and they all continued toward the room, but Raven waited a beat so Niylah could walk beside her.

“I brought you this since you didn’t eat anything.” She handed Raven a sandwich. “Oh and this.” She pulled out an apple. “The green house they brought here is amazing. Have you seen it?” She asked.

“No.” Raven replied. “Maybe we can check it out later.” She suggested.

“Sure.”

 

*****

 

They sat around the table in the war room. Clarke stood and pointed at the giant map she had rolled out.

“That’s the plan?” Murphy griped. “I thought you wanted a peace summit. Now you’re talking about a slaughter.”

  
“It’s not a slaughter.” Clarke chastised. “And I did want a summit, but Nerva wouldn’t be interested.”

  
“It’s true.” Emori shared. “I had Octavia on the radio last night. She said the guys she’s with know Nerva and they’re saying she’s not interested in peace with us at all. She wants us dead.”

“Then, our only option is to draw them here.” Clarke pointed again at the map and leaned over the table. “If she’s on the front line, we can take her out first and maybe her people will turn and run or be interested in talking to us with her gone.”

  
“You think she’ll be at the front?” Murphy questioned.

“She might be.” Clarke replied.

“We should plan for everything though, right?” Raven proposed. “I mean, if she’s not up there or she’s not in the battle at all, that plan kind of falls through. We won’t have enough guns and ammo to take out that many people.”

  
“It will likely be hand to hand.” Niylah pointed out. “And bows. You should station them here.” She pointed at the top of the bunker. “You can leave extra arrows in piles along this ridge. They’ll be hidden. If the archers have to run or make a move, they can grab them from there.”

  
“Good.” Clarke agreed.

“And you want Octavia and Indra to be here?” Raven pointed and questioned.

“I’ll be there too.” Clarke told her.

“Clarke, that’s too easy. You’d be out in the open.” Raven looked at her.

“I know. That’s the idea.”

  
“You wanna be bait?” Murphy asked.

“No, it’s not bait.” She looked around at the group. “It’s where she’ll be if she’s not up front.”

  
“How do you know?” Niylah asked.

“Because I know.” Clarke reassured.

Raven met her eyes with a quizzical glance. Clarke gave her the smallest of nods and Raven lifted her lips in a smile of understanding.

“So, what do we do then?” Emori turned to Murphy.

“I shouldn’t be seen outside yet so I need you guys to set everything up.”

“Raven?”

“I’m on it.” She confirmed and stood. “There were already some supplies here and I brought some stuff with me that’ll work.”

  
“Okay.”

  
“What about me?” Niylah asked Clarke.

“Help Raven.” Clarke gave them. “I’m going to radio Kane, Octavia and Bellamy and fill them in.”

“What about that Seneca guy?” Murphy questioned.

“I’m not including him in this. He isn’t a fighter and he seems fine just to play a different role here.” She answered.

“Let’s go.” Emori stood and motioned to Murphy.

“Just one day without having to work on something, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He complained.

“Shut up.” Emori teased and pushed him through the door.

“Can I steal some of the guys later to help move everything?” Raven asked as she stood.

“Take whoever you need.” Clarke agreed.

“Cool. You ready?” She asked Niylah who had already stood up beside her and moved toward the door. Raven moved next to her and Clarke watched as Raven confidently slid her hand inside the other girl’s. Niylah looked over at her in shock, but Raven pretended like it was something she’d done a thousand times before and just started walking, pulling Niylah along with her.

 

*****

 

She explained the plan to Kane and Abby and then Octavia and Indra who were well on their way back toward Jac. Then, she made the call she’d been dreading.

“Clarke.” Bellamy’s voice greeted after she said his name.

“Bell, we’ve got a plan for beating Nerva.” She informed.

“Well, thanks for including me.” He replied sarcastically.

“Bellamy, I don’t have time for this. I’m telling you now.” She argued.

“What do you need me to do?” He asked sounding slightly defeated.

“Make sure the bunker there is ready.”

  
“And?”

“That’s it. Just work with Jaha and Wick and make sure it’s ready to go. If we don’t win here, I’m sending anyone that gets away to you. We’ll use whatever cars we have to get people out and the horses too, but most will just have to run and hide if they have too. How many jeeps do you have there?” She asked.

“I think we’ve got 5.” He was clearly frustrated.

“Send Jasper and Monty along with three others here with them. It’s not much, but it will help save some at least if this doesn’t go our way.”

  
“Clarke, I’ll drive one there now. Let me in this fight.”

“Bell-“

  
“I know what I did was wrong and I have to live with that. My sister won’t even talk to me because of what happened and you’re shutting me out. I can fight, Clarke.”

  
“You’ll have to fight if we lose here because she’ll bring some of her people that way. You’ll be the one that has to stop them then.”

  
“That your way of making it sound better?”

“Honestly, I don’t have the energy to make any of this sound better. Just be ready and send the cars tomorrow morning at first light.”

“Fine.” He agreed. “Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

  
“How is she?”

  
“Octavia’s fine. She’s with Indra.”

  
“That’s not what I meant.”

  
Clarke took a deep breath.

“She’s dealing, Bellamy. We all are.” She turned the radio to another channel and sat it down on the table.

 

*****

 

She should have spent the rest of the day helping Raven, but when she passed the room she was working in, she felt like she’d be a third wheel and decided instead to do Niylah’s job for the day and review their supplies. She made kits with canned goods, water, blankets and a few random items she found here and there. These would either be for new arrivals or for people who needed supplies to try to get to Denver if everything went wrong. She worked on these for hours. Everything else was in motion. No one seemed to need her elsewhere so she just kept finding things and putting them into piles on tables. She started making lists of everything so she could give it to Niylah later.

Then, she moved onto medical. Her patients had all “checked out” so she stripped the beds and put new bedding on, organized the IV stands and took another quick inventory of the medicines there; noting things she thought her mom might want to know and then she checked on Murphy and Emori who had returned inside and looked just as exhausted as she felt. They’d only just returned to their room when she happened to walk past.

“How was it out there?” She asked.

“We moved the debris to the rooves and it should provide enough cover.” Emori stated while removing her jacket.

“And we found some good ground hiding spots too. I marked them so our guys can ID them.”

  
“Good. Any sign of Wastelanders?” She questioned and then looked at Emori. “Sorry.”

  
“It’s okay. It’s what I am.”

  
“It’s what they made you.” Murphy corrected. “Well, go back out tomorrow.” He looked to Clarke. “Will Raven be ready?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m going to check on her right now.” She closed their door and left them alone before proceeding to the room she knew Raven and Niylah would still be working in.

 

When she got to the open door to the large space she stopped before going inside and watched what appeared to be the end of a kiss between the women. Niylah had her hands on Raven’s waist and cheek while Raven was leaning back against a table and had her hands gripping the edges of it; knuckles white from what Clarke could see. She turned to walk away before she was spotted, but before she could get away, she heard Niylah.

“Are you okay?” She asked in a whisper.

“Uh, yeah… I’m good.” Raven tried to play off her nervousness.

“Answer honestly.”

Clarke’s eyes got big as she heard that and tried to slide to the outside of the door to stand in the hall out of sight instead.

“That was a pretty good first kiss, so yeah. I’m good.” Raven replied. “Clarke, you can come in now.”

She was busted. She turned and walked back into the open doorway.

“How’d you know I was here?”

“Your damn jacket zipper clangs when you walk. I heard you walking up.” Raven announced as Niylah moved back a few steps allowing her to stand up fully.

“Sorry, I was trying not to interrupt.”

“You didn’t. We’re good.” Raven looked at Niylah when she said that last part and tried to take the girl’s hand, but Niylah backed away slightly.

“We were working, but-“ She tried to defend.

“She thinks you’re a slave driver, Griffin.” Raven teased.

“It’s okay.”

  
“Yeah, Clarke doesn’t have any room to talk when it comes to kissing on the job.”

“Raven!” Clarke warned.

Raven knew immediately after she’d uttered the words that she shouldn’t have.

“What do you mean?” The blonde standing in front of her asked.

“Just that Clarke fell for Lexa during the whole war between our peoples thing.”

  
“Raven!” This time it was Niylah exclaiming her name. “Why did you bring that up?”

“It’s okay.” Clarke told her. “I’m okay.”

“I just don’t think it’s right for you to bring Lexa up like that.” She looked at Raven. Clarke could tell Niylah was worried that Raven’s comment had been insensitive. She’d shared a lot with the girl while they walked to the bunker and she understood how hurt Clarke had been over the loss of Lexa. What she didn’t understand though was that she could see Lexa still and Raven was aware of that.

“Niylah, there’s something we should tell you.” Clarke offered and walked toward the two of them.

“Clarke…” Raven started.

“It’s okay. She should know.” Clarke sat in an empty chair and watched as both of them did the same. “It’s about Lexa.”

 

*****

 

Niylah leaned forward in her chair for several moments after Clarke wrapped up her story about Lexa and the new city they’d created for themselves. She included Raven’s role in it and made sure to explain that that was why she’d made that comment. After those moments, she leaned back in the chair and looked between both of them.

“So, this has been going on for a while.”

  
“Since Polis.” Clarke shared. “Only Raven and my mom know and now you. I trust you, Niylah, but you can’t tell anyone else.”

“I wouldn’t do that, but you said it made you sick. Are you sure this is safe?”

“Honestly, no. I feel okay now though and it is worth it to me to get to see her again. She’s alive to me because of what Raven did for me.”

Niylah looked at Raven.

“I don’t understand it at all; how you do what you do, but it is amazing.” She told the brown eyed brunette sitting to her right.

“I started it, but Clarke’s taken it and now I don’t even understand it.” Raven tried to deflect the credit.

“I think I’m going to go.” Clarke stood. “Raven can fill you in on the rest of it. I’m going to try to get some sleep.”

  
“Are you going to see her?” Niylah asked. “Do you see her like the others saw A.L.I.E. too? Is she here now? Is that how it works?”

  
“No, she’s not here. It doesn’t work like that or at least it doesn’t yet. I don’t know if she’d want that; to be here, but not really be here and I haven’t exactly told her that it might be possible. I honestly don’t know if it is possible. I haven’t tried. I saw her last night though. It was the first time in a while, but it’s best if stay away until we finish this with Nerva. When I’m with her, I never want to leave.” She answered honestly. “It’s hard to even come back.”

  
“I get that. It’s war all the time here.”

“It’s more than that.” Niylah looked at Clarke. “Moun de?” _Other part?_

“Yeah.” Clarke answered in English.

“Um…” Raven raised her hand half way into the air. “For those of us that don’t speak other languages?”

  
“It doesn’t translate directly.”

“It’s an expression mostly. Lexa told me once.” Clarke added.

  
“It means other half.” Niylah. “She feels like she’s leaving her other half behind when she comes back here.”

Clarke didn’t need to say anything. Raven knew how she felt about Lexa. She’d seen her at her worst. It was partly the reason she worked on the Flame to begin with.

“Get some sleep, Griffin.” She said.

“You too.” She lifted one eyebrow at Raven. With that eyebrow, she’d said “or not” without words and she left the room.

 

*****

 

Clarke could hear giggling down the hall by the time she made it to bed and she knew it was the two of them making their way back to their rooms or possibly room. It was interesting for Clarke to watch something like this happen so quickly between two people. It had never happened that way for her before and she hadn’t really seen it ever happen. She guessed that Lincoln and Octavia had fallen for one another somewhat quickly, but that part didn’t happen right in front of her like this was and with Murphy and Emori, whatever was happening between them, they’d preferred to keep private and she respected that.

With Raven and Niylah though, they appeared to be falling for each other more each day. She’d watched their stolen glances in the beginning and noticed that they’d become more direct ant blatant and she’d just witnessed their first kiss. She had no idea what they’d be doing tonight, but she assumed they’d at least sleep in the same bed and that thought made her miss the person she wished she could share her bed with.

She mentally prepared a journal update to send to Lexa trying to make it less scattered than the one she’d sent before and then kept her eyes closed in hopes that she’d fall asleep.

“I read this earlier and thought of you.” It was Lexa’s voice that forced her eyes back open. “Just where that star above shines with a cold, dispassionate smile -- If in the flesh I'd travel there, how many, many a mile! If this, my soul, should be unprisoned from its earthly bond, time could not count its markless flight beyond that star, beyond!” There was a silence. “I meant what I said before. I’ll always be with you.” Lexa’s voice continued. “But I wish more than anything that I could be there next to you right now.”

Clarke let Lexa’s words sit with her as she smiled. What would Lexa really do if she could be there? She wouldn’t be able to touch anything, to talk to anyone other than Clarke. No one would even know she was there. Wouldn’t it just hurt more to see Clarke in battle and not be able to do anything? She wished for a moment that Lexa could just be here; be whole again.

 

*****

 

Lexa held her book of poetry in her hand and wished she could hear Clarke’s voice say something back to her, but she’d have to settle for whatever sign Clarke would send to her instead.

“I wish that could happen too.”

Lexa dropped the book to the ground and stood in surprise. She looked around thinking Clarke had arrived and she didn’t feel it for some reason, but Clarke wasn’t there.

“Clarke?” She questioned after the initial shock had worn off. “Did I just hear you say you wish that could happen too?”

 

*****

 

Clarke shot up in her bed when she heard Lexa’s voice again realizing that Lexa had heard her.

“Yes.” She stated thinking extremely hard about Lexa in that house talking to her.

“I can hear you.” Lexa’s voice came back. “How is this possible?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke thought for a moment. This was both amazing and possibly terrible. If she could actually talk to Lexa like this without having to close her eyes and go to their private city, she could get even more distracted by it. Maybe Lexa would hear her talking about the battle strategy or possibly hear her die if it came to that and Clarke didn’t want that for her. She also wondered if this was another inadvertent step she’d taken to seeing Lexa in the real world. She hadn’t talked to the girl about that yet.

“This is strange.” Lexa finally came back. “I’m thinking about talking to you and you can hear it.”

  
“And I’m thinking about talking to you and you can hear it.” Clarke returned.

Then, she felt something beneath her nose and reached her fingers there to discover the warmth of her own blood. The headache began behind her right ear and progressed to the back of her head fairly rapidly. Here it was again.

“Can you come?” Lexa asked and Clarke hated that she even had too. It shouldn’t have to be like this. Lexa should be here with her; not there alone and wanting her to be there with her. Clarke also knew that Lexa didn’t want to ask that question. She could hear it in her tone that she missed her and wanted to see her, but hated asking Clarke to come to her when she had the world to save.

“I want to, but-“

  
“It’s okay.” Lexa’s voice fired back rapidly as if she was expecting Clarke’s response. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

  
“No, Lex. I want to be there. I just have to be here right now.”

“I understand.”

  
Clarke wanted to explain it to her. Her nose was bleeding and her head was beginning to throb. Those were the reasons she couldn’t see Lexa. Them talking like this was making her sick and she didn’t want Lexa to know because she knew Lexa would stop it for good and Clarke really didn’t want that.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked her as a droplet of blood fell onto her pants.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to try to get some sleep.” Clarke replied. She wanted to say something more; something different even, but the pain in her head was getting worse and she needed to stop the blood coming from her nose.

“I will too then.”

“I love you.” She said and stood with her hand pinching her nose.

“I love you. Good night, Commander.” Lexa’s voice reminded her so much of that night after her victory over Roan.

“Good night, Commander.” Clarke replied and closed her eyes. She told the Flame to block out Lexa’s voice for now or at least she was pretty sure that’s what she did. It killed her to do that, but she was worried it was killing her to talk to her this way.

She cleaned herself up and stopped the blood before heading to medical and grabbing a bottle of pills she hoped were still good and downing a few to help with the headache. She made it back to her room unnoticed by anyone and climbed back into bed.

 


	27. Chapter 27

“Uh, Commander Griffin, you planning on joining the fight today or just sleeping?” It was Murphy’s irritated voice that pulled her from her deep slumber. She rolled over onto her back, but kept her eyes closed as she did so. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” She replied sarcastically with what energy she could summon. “I don’t think I slept well.”

  
“You look like you haven’t slept period. In like a month.”

  
“What time is it?” She sat up slowly.

  
“It’s like 2 in the afternoon. Raven came in here to wake you up hours ago, but she said you looked like you needed the sleep so she left you like this.”

“It’s the afternoon?” She hung her legs off the side of the bed and wiped her hands over her face a few times.

“That’s what I said.”

“Okay. I’m up. I’ll meet everyone in the war room.” She stood.

“Everyone is out getting prepared for battle… again.” He paused and turned back toward her open door. “I just came back for supplies and to get your ass up. Octavia was on the radio asking for you.”

Clarke just nodded as Murphy left the room and she headed to her table to pick up her radio and turn it back on. She’d left it off for the night.

“Octavia?”

“Hey, Clarke.” She greeted in return after several moments.

“What’s going on out there?”

  
“Jac is dead.”

“What?”

“We didn’t do it.” Octavia defended. “Nerva may have the numbers, but I’m not sure how many of them are actually warriors. I don’t think this guy knew how to survive out here. It looked like an animal attack. He was torn to shreds. It just happened though. Maybe an hour or so before we got here.”

  
“So, Nerva doesn’t know?” Clarke checked.

“No, I doubt it. We had our guy call on the radio and tell her people things are normal for now until we heard from you about what intel we want her to know and what we want to learn from her.”

  
“I guess we won’t be learning anything from Jac now.”

  
“Maybe what his last meal was since we can see the inside of his stomach.” Octavia replied. “But that’s about it.”

“Just report to her the progress of the group as normal. Raven will be taking care of getting her army where we want them.”

  
“Okay. Should we try to learn anything ourselves though?”

  
“I don’t want her to get suspicious so don’t ask any questions. We don’t know what Jac knew and if you ask something he should have known…”

  
“Got it.” She responded. “If we happen to find anything out from her though without asking questions, I’ll let you know.”

  
“Good.”

  
“You still want Indra and I in the battle, right?”

  
“I need you in it.”

  
“And Bell?”

“Is staying in Denver still. He’ll be there as backup in case we need it, but he’s sending the cars they have to try to pick up anyone they can to take them there. I told them to get a head start. At least some people can get in and head that way if things go wrong here. The rest will have to go on horses and run if they have too. It’s the best I can do.”

  
“It’s the best any of us can do, Clarke.” Octavia reminded her. “You’re doing the best any of us could do.” She paused. “Indra and I are heading back with the rest of them now. We’ll radio Nerva’s people at their regular check points. She won’t know where we are so we’re good.”

  
“I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Sha, Heda.”

 

*****

 

Several hours later and everyone had returned from their tasks and met Clarke in the war room.

“Everything’s setup in the woods. We just need to flip the switch.” Raven illuminated. “Kind of hate to admit this, but I kind of wish we had the mountain’s acid fog about now. It would have come in handy.”

  
“This will have to do instead.” Clarke replied, but understood where Raven was coming from. The acid fog would be helpful about now. “When should we do it?”

“Now.” The voice was Octavia’s. They had an open channel with her and Indra on the line. “We just checked in with Nerva’s people and they’re on the move. They’re coming up from behind the bunker and they’re going to wait about 5 miles back behind the tree line until our people are close enough to take out as many as possible.”

  
“How far away are they now, Octavia?”

“They’re probably about 20 miles back. They’ll be there making camp by tonight.”

“You should wait.” It was Indra’s voice. “If we do it now, by the time they arrive, there will be no cover for them to hide behind.”

“Indra’s right.” Clarke asserted. “We’ll wait until tonight after they make camp. Indra, I’m sending a car for you and Octavia. Find a meeting point that won’t cause a disturbance and get back here. Mom?”

“I’m here.” Abby replied.

“Can you get close enough to the town, but keep everyone else back?”

  
“We’ll send the guards your way now.” Abby replied knowing Clarke would want any of their trained gunmen headed toward the bunker. “And Marcus had the clan leaders select their best archers. We’ll keep the swordsmen back just in case.”

  
“Good. They’ll flank her army if it gets that far.” Clarke added. “You should get here now and setup medical as a trauma unit. I’ve done what I can, but you should be here.”

“I’ll leave as soon as we’re done.”

“Okay.”

“When are you going to get in position?” Murphy asked Clarke from his position beside Emori.

“I’ll head out at first light.” She answered as she looked at him “Everyone should be in place by then. They’re going to have to move after Raven flips the switch and come in through the town. I should be there before that, but hidden.”

“Agreed.” Indra stated.

“I’ll be with you.” Octavia stated.

“Thank you.” Clarke told the radio. “Indra, take the other side of the flank.”

“Sha, Heda.”

“Guns will go here with archers on the top of the bunker. We want some watching behind it just in case she keeps some of her army back despite their cover being blown.”

“Makes sense.” Raven agreed.

“Everything’s ready in town.” Emori stated. “Cover has been placed on rooftops and the cars on the ground will provide some too. You should put an archer with a gun at every cover point.”

“Do it.” Clarke looked at her.

“I will be here.” Niylah pointed at the drawing of the battle plan at the top of the bunker.

“I’ll be there too.” Raven shared and looked over at Niylah.

“You should be inside the bunker.” Niylah looked back at her.

“She’s right.” Clarke agreed.

“I can hold a gun just fine.”

“It’s not about that.” Clarke told her. “I want you inside in the comms room. You can update Denver and you put the cameras up outside, right?”

  
“Yeah, but-“

  
“Monitor them.” Clarke ordered. “Make sure Nerva doesn’t surprise us from behind.”

“Clarke-“

  
“And Niylah, you should be inside too.” Clarke continued and looked over at the blonde. “Work with my mom. You know our supplies better than anyone and I’ve left you inventory lists too. Help her in medical.”

  
“I can fight, Clarke.”

  
“This _is_ how you’ll fight.” Clarke reminded her.

She looked at Raven who seemed to be taking a deep, grateful breath.

“I’m a gunner.” Murphy raised his hand. “Put me here.” He pointed to a rooftop near the front.

“Probably doesn’t look like it, but I’m good with a bow.” Emori proclaimed. “I’ll stand with him.”

“Work out the rest of the teams?” Clarke checked with Murphy who nodded.

“I’ll get an archer and a gun on each station. Weapons will be ready.”

  
“Thank you.”

“So, this is it?” Raven looked around. “The night before the big battle.”

“Hopefully, the last one.” Murphy added.

“Hopefully, no battle at all.” Clarke reminded them. “If we can stop Nerva, maybe we can convince the others to stand down.”

“And if not?” Octavia asked.

“Then, we fight again.” Clarke pointed out. “We have no choice.”

“We might.” Raven was staring down at the battle plan and then looked up as if she had an idea. “What if we could get all of _our_ people inside the bunker while just holding off her people that don’t stand down?”

“What’s that gonna do?” Murphy questioned her.

“The bunker locks, genius.” She replied sarcastically. “So, while you’re distracting Nerva, we move our people way far out around her people. They can split here.” She pointed. “Take half of them, the non-fighters and they head this way and the other half head this way. They’re far enough out not to be noticed and they end up at the bunker entrance. If there is a battle going on by then, they just slip inside.”

  
“We take out who we have too.” Octavia shared through the radio.

“What about Clarke?” Abby asked.

“You’d be with Nerva.” Raven realized. “At the back.”

“There’s going to be a car right here.” Murphy pointed and reminded. “If something goes wrong, hop in and drive through town. Pick us up along the way.” He pointed back and forth between himself and Emori. “And head to the bunker.”

  
“The car on the other side should do the same.” Clarke explained. “If we have too, but if Nerva or her people start to head toward the bunker and try to overtake us, whoever is on the outside is…”

  
“Out of luck.” Murphy finished for her.

“They should try to escape to Denver before the radiation makes its way here.”

“Anyone trapped outside the bunker will be dead in a few weeks.” Raven expressed.

“Once this is over, we’ll send a team to Wyoming to investigate.” Clarke shared. “See if we can make a home there. If not, we’ll be stuck here.”

  
“Forever.” Emori stated.

“Yeah.” Clarke could only agree.

“We have enough hazmat suits from the mountain and the Ark to move about 100 people at a time through the radiation to Wyoming if it is viable. Raven, can you call Denver and have them start thinking about how we can make that move happen with so many people? Put Jaha on it. It will give him a distraction.”

“Sure.”

There was a moment of awkward silence.

“I guess we’re done.” Clarke finally said. “Everyone should move into their positions tonight. In shifts though just in case. Take whatever supplies you need with you. I’ll go last.”

Everyone nodded. After goodbyes were exchanged, people began to file out of the room and Clarke closed the channel on the radio.

 

*****

 

Clarke was helping out where she could without leaving the bunker when Abby finally arrived and walked into medical to assess the situation.

“Clarke…” She walked over and immediately brought Clarke in for a hug.   
Clarke was glad the room was empty since she didn’t really want them seeing their Commander getting hugged by her mother.

“Mom, I’m glad you’re here. We need-“

  
“Just hold on. Let me look at you.” Abby pulled back leaving her hands on Clarke’s arms and looking into her eyes. “How are you? Have you had any headaches, nosebleeds, fainting spells?”

  
“I’m fine.” She lied.

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Mom, this should be the last thing we worry about right now.” Clarke began to walk away.

“Not if you’re risking your life by going to see her there, Clarke.”

Clarke took a deep breath and turned back to face Abby.

“Things have changed.”

  
“What do you mean things have changed?” Abby replied concerned.

“I can do things I couldn’t at first and so can she and it’s a lot for my body to handle, I guess, but I’m okay. I’ve gotten used to everything else. I’ll get used to this.”

  
“To what, Clarke?” Abby pulled on Clarke’s hand.

“We can talk to each other.”

  
“What?”

  
“When I’m here and she’s there… At first, I could just hear her, but now she can hear me too. I can hear her talk and I can respond to her from here. I don’t even have to be there anymore.”

  
“That doesn’t make any sense, Clarke.”

  
“None of this does.”

  
“Are you sure you’re not just imagining it?”

  
“Both sides of a conversation?”

“Maybe it’s your mind filling in what you want to her to say as if she’s really hearing you.”

  
“It’s not.”

  
“How do you know?”

  
“I can go there right now and ask her if you want.”

“No!” Abby exclaimed.

“It’s real, mom and I can’t explain it and neither can Raven. Becca’s gone and it’s just us in there. No one else has ever worked with this thing and actually known what it was before. Lexa and the other Commanders thought it was the Spirit of the Commanders before them. They didn’t know it was a computer attached to their brain, mom.”

  
“And you think that because you’re aware of that, you’re able to use it more?”

  
“I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“What happens when you talk to her and you’re out here?”

  
“It’s only happened once.” Clarke started and considered lying for a moment. “And it hurt.” She confessed. Honesty was better at this point. She knew that. She knew her mother wouldn’t want her to hurt herself, but she also knew she needed her mother to take care of her if the AI did something to her. “I got a headache and a bloody nose, but once we stopped, I was fine. The headache went away after a few hours.”

  
“Clarke, you shouldn’t be doing that.”

  
“I didn’t do it on purpose.” She defended. “That’s what you guys don’t understand. Sometimes this stuff just happens. I stopped it almost immediately after it started.”

  
“Well, that was smart.” Abby took in her daughter. “I’ll run some tests after this is all over. Just avoid stressing your body with this until then, okay? At least do that for me.”

  
“Okay.” Clarke agreed.

“Now, help me.” Abby ordered and they started to prep medical for potential patients.

 

*****

 

“You can stare out that door all you want, but Clarke’s not coming down here and telling you she changed her mind.” Raven told Niylah who was standing in the doorway of the comms room while Raven was stationed at the computer bank.

“That isn’t what I’m doing.” She replied with a turn.

“Then, what are you doing?” Raven looked over at her.

“I just have a hard time sitting when I’m…”

“Nervous?” Raven completed.

“Anxious.” Niylah corrected. “I’ve been through battles before, but not like this. I’ve never really fought myself and I thought I’d get my chance this time.”

  
“I’m glad you’re not.” Raven stated from her seat. “Not sorry about that either.” Niylah smiled coyly at her. “I’m disappointed I’m not going out there too, but Clarke was right. This is how you and I will fight. I’ll monitor and communicate and you’ll help in medical and that is enough. We’re doing our parts.”

  
“I know.” Niylah agreed, but with a soft voice. “And I am glad you’ll be in here instead of out there as well.”

Raven took a moment before standing and walking over to her. She stood in front of her and took a deep breath.

“Look, I think I know what’s going on between us, but this is new to me and I’m not really good at this when it’s new apparently.” She paused. “I like you and I’ve never liked a woman like this before and things have been cool so far, but right now…”

  
“We have a war to fight.”

Raven smiled because Niylah seemed to understand her.

“But when it’s over, maybe we can figure it all out.”

“I think we’ve already figured it out, don’t you?” Niylah asked with a smirk.

“I guess so.”

“I should go.” Niylah said. “Abby is expecting me in medical, but after this is over, you and I can spend some more time together.” She took both of Raven’s hands in her own. Raven stared down at them.

“Um…” She started, but stopped herself. She didn’t know how to bring up her nervousness at what would come next between them after this war was over.

“It’s okay, Raven.” Niylah watched as Raven’s eyes met her own. “We will take our time.”  
“How did you know?” Raven looked at her with curiosity.

Niylah just shrugged and leaned in to apply a gentle kiss before smiling and leaving Raven to her work.

 

*****

 

“It’s good to see you.” Clarke hugged Octavia when she and Indra walked into the bunker.

“You too.” Octavia replied. “Everything ready?” She asked.

“Yeah, what did you see out there?”

“Nerva has moved her people into position.” Indra answered Clarke. “They are making their camp right now. We should begin.”

“I’ll tell Raven.” Clarke stated. “I hope this works.”

“It has too.” Octavia shared.

The three of them walked quickly down to the war room where Raven greeted them quickly and then Clarke told her it was time.

“You sure?” Raven checked. “Once I set them off, it’s done.”

  
“They’re dug in enough.” Octavia pointed out. “Once it spreads toward them, they’ll have to get their stuff together and then go around us to come at us from the town. I think the timing’s right.”

Clarke just nodded at Raven. Raven took a small box that had one switch in the middle of it.

“Here it goes.”

The women watched as Raven flipped the switch. They all stared down at the switch for several moments as if it would do something before Raven’s eyes finally went to the monitors and everyone else followed her lead.

“Did it work?” Octavia asked.

“Check it out.” Raven pointed at the screen. The images were in black in white, which was the best they could do and it was night so it was hard to see at first, but they all squinted and noticed the small flicker of a fire on one monitor and then looked at the others and saw the same. “It needed to appear natural. If they thought we were lighting the place up or blowing it up, they’d just attack us now. I’ve setup 6 ignition points and made it appear like it was just a random fire. One of their fires at their camp could even be blamed this way. It’s going to move back toward them.” She motioned with her hand. “Burn through all the trees and brush. They’ll have to pack up and if they plan on attacking us, go all the way around and back through the town since we’ll be burning up all the forest around the place.”

  
“If they leave soon, they’ll think they’re out ahead of it.” Clarke added. “Raven designed the ignition points to give them enough time to feel secure and have cover to reach the position we actually want them to attack us from.”

  
“I don’t think we _want_ them to attack us at all.” Octavia reminded.

“None of us want this, but it’s here.” Clarke pointed out. “Everyone else in position?”

“Yeah.” Raven confirmed.

  
“Then, I guess it’s time for us to go too.”

 


	28. Chapter 28

As much as Clarke wanted to see Lexa or even just talk to her before she put herself at risk again, she just couldn’t. She had to remain completely focused and couldn’t risk the pain that came with trying to talk to her.

When they left the bunker, she was covered so as not to be made and they moved as quietly as they could in case there were look outs watching the bunker entrance. They could feel the heat from the fire and hear the sounds of timber burning as they made their way onto the main street and down it to its natural end. Clarke and Octavia went to the right and located their cover Emori and Murphy had setup for them. Indra went in the other direction to find the cover they’d setup for her.

Kane was on his way with the majority of their population, but Clarke watched as grounder warriors and Ark guards began to trickle into the town as planned to get into their positions. The swordsmen of their group would be at the front line in case it got to hand to hand and the rest of the people would be behind and would escape if needed. Now, all that was left to do was wait and watch part of the forest in a controlled burn around them until the enemy made their move.

 

*****

 

The heat from the fire was probably the one thing that kept her awake. She was exhausted and despite the fact that they were about to go into battle, it was the heat that made them all uncomfortable and kept them awake; though not necessarily the most alert.

It felt like weeks had passed, but it had only been hours before they started hearing the army move around them. They were clearly trying to be quiet, but it would be difficult to keep a group that size completely silent.

“It’s happening, isn’t it?” Octavia whispered.

Clarke nodded.

Again, they’d have to wait and Clarke hated waiting.

“We’re good.” Raven stated into the radio that Clarke held to her mouth, but had dialed the volume nearly all the way down so as not to be heard by others. “They’re making their way around like we want. Looks like she left some behind though.”

“How many? Can you tell?”

“It’s still too dark, but at least a hundred; maybe more.”

“We can handle that.” Clarke told her.

She thought about the guards and archers that were stationed at the top of the bunker entrance hidden by the darkness for now and then by some light cover they’d setup once the sun rose, which would be happening soon.

“We’re ready, Clarke.” Octavia encouraged. “This is a good plan.”

“I know. I just-“

  
“Wish that she were here?” Octavia checked. “I know. I wish he were here too.”

 

*****

 

Clarke heard heavy footsteps trying to be soft as Nerva’s army, which sounded large, but she couldn’t tell how large just by listening, move around them. They were silent and they were hidden well. Everything depended on them remaining that way. Murphy and others had setup barriers in between the buildings up and down main street. They’d done it very well apparently since Clarke and Octavia were hidden alongside two guards with guns, while Clarke had one of her own and Octavia had two swords and a couple of spare knives. They could hear the soldiers around them grumbling about having to walk all the way around the main street and somewhat around the fire as well just to get back to the entrance of the bunker. She heard a few complaints about Nerva’s leadership, which was encouraging, but she also heard a few soldiers talking about how they believe she’s right and that they should destroy all the other clans and take over the world. That was less encouraging.

 

*****

 

Everyone was on high alert by the time the sun began to rise and shapes muddled by darkness began turning into soldiers with bows & arrows, swords, knives, staffs and just about every other weapon Clarke had ever seen a grounder carry. They were hidden on the outside of two long rows of vehicles that would allow them to walk toward the end of the rows and rows of soldiers Nerva had preparing to attack.  The sound of the soldiers was just enough to drown out her call to Raven saying she was going in. Octavia nodded and gripped her swords in each hand and they crept along their cover. Clarke’s heart was pumping hard. She’d been in battles before. It should really expect this from her by now, but every time she went through something like this, she felt as if it might rupture inside her chest.

When they made it to the end of their cover and ducked down so as not to be seen, Octavia pointed in the direction straight ahead and it was then that Clarke noticed one woman atop a beautiful white horse. She had long, red hair that matched the fire that was finally beginning to die down around the bunker. Her war paint was streaked across her face in white mostly with slight blue tint to it as if she was imitating Ice Nation. She had two swords; one hanging over each side and she was pointing at a grouping of soldiers that had been laughing and without even a word from her, they stopped.

She nodded at Octavia and took a few steps outside of their cover. She dropped her gun to the ground and Octavia picked it up for her and stowed it. Clarke knew that they’d just take it off her anyway.

“Nerva, you wanted Wanheda?” Clarke half-yelled and watched as every eye around her turned in her direction. “You got her.”

 

*****

 

“Hon daun Wanheda!” _Take Wanheda!_ Nerva yelled and soldiers near Clarke grabbed her as she stood in place; not resisting.

“We should talk.” Clarke told her.

“We need not speak.” Nerva climbed off of her horse and placed two hands over one of her swords. “You made a mistake by identifying yourself and now I will kill you.”

Cars were heard approaching from the sides and there were guards with guns aimed at Nerva’s soldiers out the top. Her soldiers lifted their swords and watched the guards, but didn’t take any action.

“Like I said, we should talk.” Clarke repeated.

“You think your guns scare me? You don’t have enough to kill every one of my soldiers.”

“I don’t think I’ll need too. I don’t think they’re all as loyal as you think they are.”

  
“If they’re not, they’ll die either way.” Nerva returned.

“We can all exist peacefully. You don’t have to do this.” Clarke tried reason.

“The world is ending again and only the strong will survive.” She paused and glared coldly at Clarke. “I intend to be the strongest.”

  
“You don’t have to kill everyone to be the strongest.”

  
“Maybe not, but I want too.”

Clarke knew everyone had been right about Nerva. There would be no reasoning with her.

“You know we’ll fight.” Clarke replied with confidence.

“You’ll lose. Just the fact that you revealed yourself before the battle even began shows you’re not the leader your people think you are.” She scoffed. “I wonder why Akoni had any trouble with you at all.”

  
“Akoni?” Clarke recalled the last time she saw his bloody body in that tent.

“He was one of mine. Did he not tell you?” She looked around and then back at Clarke. She recalled that Akoni had mentioned having allies. She’d just never put it together that this could mean he’d been working for Nerva. “He liked to believe he was in charge, but his soldiers were really my soldiers. He was supposed to find you and bring you to me, but he got greedy. I should have known his relationship with his sister; though nearly non-existent would get in the way.” She paused. “Still… I wonder how you were able to defeat him given this display.”

  
She removed her sword and held it out. Clarke could hear the guards move their guns slightly more into position. The arms around her tightened.

“You had a chance to end this.” Clarke told her. “Remember that.”

Just then another jeep sped into the crowd and the brakes squealed to a stop when it was only about ten feet away from Clarke and Nerva who had moved within a few feet of her. The soldiers around them had backed away from the jeep to allow it to stop, but then moved back toward it until they noticed two men with guns pointed down on them from the top and the door on the passenger’s side opened and Clarke saw Bellamy climb out with his gun pointed. Jasper was behind the wheel and she could make out Monty in the back seat looking slightly nervous.

“This is your weapon?” Nerva mocked as she took in Bellamy who approached in full on guard gear.

“Bellamy, what are you doing here?”

“You didn’t tell me you planned to use yourself as bait, Clarke.” He told her and got slightly closer to them with gun pointed squarely at Nerva.

“If you use that, my people will kill her before your soldiers can kill all of them.” She reminded him.

“How about I just take her away?” He tried and took another step.

Clarke was furious. Bellamy was supposed to be in Denver. He was not a part of her plan. He could ruin the whole thing.

“Bellamy, go!” Clarke ordered.

“Clarke, this is-“

  
“Bell!” Octavia yelled and revealed herself. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  
Bellamy’s attention was taken away from Nerva as his head turned to see his sister and Clarke watched as Nerva pulled out his taser wand from his belt and before he could turn back, she had it on and connected to his neck. The electricity jolted through his body and he fell to the ground. One of her soldiers picked up his gun as he lay there trying to gather himself and Clarke heard Octavia yell and start to move toward them.

“Don’t fire!” She yelled at her guards, but before she could give any further instruction, the taser had been placed against her skin too and she felt what Bellamy had just felt.

She could hear voices, but they were muddled and her vision started to blur, but she could swear she was in the little house she shared with Lexa before she returned to the world.

She felt another jolt and saw Lexa standing over her in that house more clearly. She could see her mouthing “Clarke,” but couldn’t hear the words.

She was back in the world and watched Bellamy begin to stand before she saw the soldier that had taken his gun, point it at Bellamy’s leg and fire. He gripped his leg in pain and Clarke could swear she could feel that pain herself as another jolt of electricity ran through her body. This was not how this was supposed to go. The plan had been a simple one. If they couldn’t get Nerva to stand down, she’d be killed and Clarke would work to convince the rest of her army to stand down or die. She knew some would fight. There’d be no way around that, but Clarke’s people had the advantage. She knew they’d kill who they had to and save those they could in the bunker. If there were others that still opposed them outside, they’d be dead once the radiation came if they didn’t just give up and go away before that.

Because of Bellamy’s unexpected arrival, she was now in extreme pain and barely hanging onto the world with the feeling that Lexa was trying to pull her into her own to check on her. She heard another shot and then more. She watched as Octavia used Clarke’s gun to shoot as many soldiers as she could and then the guards in the jeeps started firing too. She could see Nerva’s sword in front of her and the other one she had holstered at her waist and she knew what she had to do to get herself out of this. She closed her eyes and reached her mind out toward Lexa. She could feel more pain in her head now, but focused even harder on Lexa; attempting to somehow draw strength from her.

Moments later, she woke up in their small shared house. She’d accidentally transported herself here again.

“No, no, no.” She repeated to herself as she looked around the house. “Lexa!” She yelled. “Lexa!”

 

 

Lexa didn’t know where she was, but after a few moments, she knew at least that she was in a battle and the woman in front of her with a long sword and red hair was intending to kill her. She mustered her strength and dodged the swipe of the sword with a movement. She could hear gun shots around her and saw bodies falling to the ground, but the woman in front of her was still attacking. She moved away from the sword again and reached for the woman’s holster to pull out her other sword and met the red head’s sword with her own just above her head. It was then that she saw part of her small reflection in the metal and realized she wasn’t herself. She was Clarke. This was real.

That realization made her falter and the woman in front of her regained her own composure at Clarke’s apparent sword skills. She struck her and scraped Clarke’s arm. Lexa felt the pain and the warmth of the blood, but began fighting back. She saw Indra off to the left waving her own sword and taking out soldiers as she did and Lexa knew this was Clarke’s battle. This woman in front of her was Clarke’s enemy; the woman who had intended to kill Clarke and their people. The Commander in her returned in full force as she grunted through every plunge of the sword and dive to miss Nerva’s.

“You’re better than I thought you’d be, Wanheda!” The woman told her.

“It’s Heda!” Lexa asserted as Clarke and in one swift motion, she knelt, blocked Nerva’s sword, grabbed a knife from a downed soldiers leg holster and plunged it into Nerva’s calf. The woman yelped in pain and Lexa stood again.

 

 

Octavia was fighting to get toward her brother. She had long run out of bullets and she sensed the guards in the jeeps were about to run out as well and they were not ready for hand to hand.

“Raven, now!” She called into the radio and then threw it to the ground to resume her fighting.

Moments later, strategically placed bombs began going off in the middle of Nerva’s eager army. Raven had placed mines in the ground far enough away so their people wouldn’t be taken out too.

Just then, Octavia heard the sounds of yells coming from behind the mass of Nerva’s army and recognized the cries as those of battle from the grounders. The others had arrived just in time. She heard the guns, but knew that there were swords and bows working the back of Nerva’s army while their small force attacked the front.

“We’ve got to go.” She yelled at the jeeps. The guards nodded that they understood. “Go back to the bunker!” She yelled as Jasper and Monty who had no idea what to do in their jeep since it had clearly not gone as they’d hoped. Jasper floored the car in reverse and drove away.

Octavia watched as the other jeeps turned and began moving back toward the main street. Soldiers began running to follow. She could see her brother on the ground gripping his leg in pain, but knew she could do nothing to help him now. She continued fighting for a moment; taking out an enemy before turning and running back toward the bunker leading them in that direction so that the guards and archers could take them out.

 

 

Indra killed two soldiers at once with a swipe of her swords before moving past their bodies to see Bellamy lying on the ground. She only had a second to notice him though before she was back fighting again. She made her way toward him though as she did and after putting the enemy down, she looked at him again.

“Can you walk?” She asked him with quickened breath as she used her sword to kill again.

“No.” He confessed reluctantly as he tried to stop the blood that was rushing out of his leg. “I think it hit something. I can’t stop the bleeding.”

Indra noticed the amount of blood on the ground and the pallor of his skin. She knew he was likely to die. She knew there wasn’t much they could do to help him and that she should keep fighting.

“It will make no difference, but here.” She threw a small pouch she’d removed from her hip in his direction and continued her battle. “It’s from a healer. Made to help stop the blood.” She jutted a sword in the direction of a soldier.

She helped Bellamy because he’d helped her that day when Pike wanted to kill her along with the others, but that was the best she could do in the middle of a battle. She turned and watched as Octavia ran toward the bunker and knew it was time for her to draw more of the soldiers in that direction as well. She could hear their own people making progress toward the rear and took out two more enemies before making her way toward the street.

She watched out of the side of her eye as Clarke wielded a strong sword against Nerva and couldn’t help think that her fighting style looked familiar.

 

 

Bellamy removed his hands from his wound and gripped the pouch at the same time, he pulled it open and stuck his hand inside feeling a paste against his bloody hand and pressed a large amount of it over his pants and his wound.

“It’s you.” A man stood over him. Bellamy knew it was one of their own. They’d begun to make it through the mass of Nerva’s soldiers.

“Can you…” Bellamy held out the pouch for the man to take.

“You killed my wife and my son on that field.” He knelt down on one knee and took the pouch from Bellamy. He tossed it aside and took a look around. Everyone seemed to be distracted and not paying attention to the two of them.

Bellamy realized that he couldn’t feel the pain from his wound anymore. In fact, he couldn’t feel anything below his waist. It was as if his body were going numb. He was cold. He felt very cold and his lips began to tremble.

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy told the man above him.

“Your apology won’t bring them back.” The man reminded.

There was a sword flying in the man’s direction and Bellamy tried to summon the energy to warn him in time, but he couldn’t as the soldier behind the man ran his sword through the man’s stomach, withdrew it, and the man fell on top of Bellamy’s stomach dead.

Bellamy turned his head slightly and watched as Clarke continued to battle Nerva. He knew he’d been wrong not to trust her time and time again. He’d been wrong to show up today and he’d pay for that mistake with his life. He closed his eyes and thought of Octavia and begged whoever might be listening to the thoughts in his head that she might forgive him one day and that everyone else might too. He opened them one more time, looked at Clarke who now had Nerva on her knees and was holding a sword to her neck and knew their people were in capable hands. He closed his eyes once more for the last time.

    

                           

“You’ve bested me, Wanheda. Take your reward.” Nerva instructed her.

Lexa felt blood pouring from her nose; Clarke’s nose. She felt the pain in her head that Clarke must feel when she pushes herself too hard. She started to tell herself to push it out of her mind and actually began to feel the pain lessen ever so slightly, but while focusing on that, she’d missed the fact that Nerva had managed to pick up the taser wand again and connected it with her leg. Clarke’s body wavered slightly and then Lexa found herself in the house she shared with Clarke.

“No!” She said to herself realizing that Clarke must be back in her own body and there was nothing she could do about it. “No.”

 

 

While Clarke had been in the city, she made a guess that the electricity from the wand had somehow shorted the AI in her head and caused her consciousness to switch with Lexa’s. It had been a scary thought, but almost immediately after thinking it, she found herself with a headache, a nose bleed and a shaky set of legs, but with a sword in her hand facing Nerva. She had no idea what had happened, but she somehow knew Lexa was the reason the woman was on her knees. Clarke waved the sword at the wand before it could connect with her body again and then held the sword back to Nerva’s neck.

“You could have come peacefully.” Clarke told her.

“I’ve never been a peaceful person.”

Clarke lowered the sword slightly to hover inches above Nerva’s chest. She thought for a moment about what she should do. She knew she needed to kill her. Nerva would never agree to Clarke being in charge. She would only kill-

Before Clarke could finish her thought, someone from behind her had been pushed into her back and the sword she’d been aiming at Nerva was driven into the woman’s chest. The person behind Clarke fell to the ground and Clarke removed the sword quickly. Nerva’s body fell to the ground.

Clarke gasped when she realized it was done, but then she took a look around and noticed that no one had stopped fighting. It was time for the next part of her plan. She clutched the radio on her hip and was grateful it had managed to remain there.

“Everyone, back!” She commanded into the radio. “Everyone get back!” She repeated. She waited a few moments as she watched others around her fighting in pairs and sometimes sets of three, but basically ignoring her and the fact that she’d just killed their leader. “Raven, 60 seconds!”

  
“Got it!” Raven replied.

Clarke took off running toward the bunker, but before she turned around, she noticed her people in the crowd begin to back up the fight in the direction opposite the bunker. They needed to create space between them and the enemy. She was confident a minute was enough time as she ran toward the bunker still carrying the sword. She weaved in and out of the crowd and only had to defend herself once before making it to the main street. She ran behind the buildings on the left side where no one really was and could hear the guns firing at their enemy from the rooftops and the sound of the arrows whizzing through the air. She didn’t turn around once. She knew she needed to make it back to the bunker and just hoped that everyone else would make it back too. When she rounded the last building before she’d be in the small grouping of trees that would lead to the bunker, her head turned slightly and she saw the giant ring of fire Raven had created.

They’d used the same approach they had to resort to before at the drop ship and setup a large ring of fire with smoke bombs added to it for effect. This way, her people who had hopefully backed up in time would now be able to make a run for the bunker as she had just done while Nerva’s remaining army would be stuck at least while the fire burned. It would give them just enough of a head start so they could close the bunker door.

She rushed through the open door past four guards with guns who weren’t shooting at anything yet, but would make sure none of Nerva’s people made it inside. She noticed her people above the entrance though firing and guessed that the hundred or so of Nerva’s men behind the bunker attacked when they heard the fighting break out and Clarke knew that would be over soon. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the bullets and arrows from above would take care of the people Nerva kept back there.

“Clarke, are you okay?” Abby rushed toward her daughter as soon as she’d made it inside.

“I’m fine.” Clarke told her. “Where’s Octavia? Jasper? Monty?” She began rambling off names.

“They’re fine too.” Abby confirmed and reached for the cut on Clarke’s arm that Clarke didn’t even know was there. “Octavia went to meet Raven in the comms room. They’re monitoring outside. Jasper and Monty went to help setup the cafeteria as triage. We’re going to have a lot of injuries start coming in.” She reported.

Just as Abby said it out loud, Indra ran into the building and several people came in after her. Abby was immediately focused on directing the ones with injuries to medical and the cafeteria while Niylah came into view and started directing the ones who weren’t injured into other areas of the bunker.

“Indra, did you see Bellamy?” Clarke asked her. She’d recalled watching him get shot, but then had no idea what happened after and she knew Octavia would want to know. That may even be why she ran to the comms room to see if Raven could tell anything from the monitors.

“I did, Heda.” She returned. “He was on the ground. I do not believe he would have made it out alive.”  
Clarke closed her eyes for a moment and thought about Bellamy. She knew that even though Octavia was angry with him, she’d not only lost Lincoln now, but also her brother and despite their recent past, she did love her brother. This would likely be another setback for the poor girl. Clarke had no more time to think about Bellamy or any of their other potential losses because more people were beginning to pour into the bunker. She helped direct them where to go for several minutes before leaving them to check on Raven.

 

*****

 

“Update?” She asked when she walked through the open door.

“Glad you made it out okay.” Raven said back. She was sitting at the computer bank with Octavia staring at screens over her shoulder.

“How’s it going out there?”

  
“The guys Indra and I brought back are out there working for us.” Octavia informed. “They’ve talked to some of the leaders during the fighting, which wasn’t easy, but there are a lot of people out there who don’t want to fight.” Octavia explained. They’d given each of the look outs Octavia and Indra had brought back radios and told them to find people they could trust in Nerva’s group to convince them to stand down. Apparently, they’d been at least somewhat successful. “When the fire out there dies down, they’ll go around the fight and head this way.”

  
“How do we know they’re telling the truth?” Raven asked them.

“For now, we just have to trust them.” Clarke informed. “When it stops out there, we can talk to them more, but we don’t have time now.”

  
“Bell?” Octavia finally asked.

Clarke had been waiting for that question to come from her friend and she hated having to be the one to report the news to her.

  
“I don’t think he made it, Octavia.” She said softly and reluctantly. Octavia took a moment and then nodded before staring down at the floor. “I’m sorry.”

  
“Yeah, me too.”

“We don’t know for sure.” Clarke tried.

“Sure.” She replied, but knew Clarke was just trying to be nice.

 


	29. Chapter 29

She checked on Abby in medical and found that Kane had joined her; although he did so as a patient. He had a large cut on his left arm and some kind of wound in his shoulder and Abby was applying bandages quickly. Clarke made her way toward the cafeteria to check on the healers and Ark doctors who were helping those who needed it along with Niylah, Jasper and Monty who were keeping supplies stocked and helping out where they could.

“Clarke? What happened to Bellamy?” Monty asked her when she joined in to help. “What happened to that woman?”

  
“Nerva is dead.” She replied. “Bellamy…” She looked into Monty’s pleading eyes. “Is probably gone too.”

“We shouldn’t have let him come.” Jasper approached and dropped sheets onto an empty bed. “He made us bring him and told us to drive as fast as we could to get here.” He paused.

“He wanted to be in the fight.”

“It’s not your fault.” Clarke expressed. “Bellamy made his own decisions.” She reminded. “We all do. We’re responsible for our own actions.” She thought about all of her own actions and how many people had died because of them. She gulped, but then she took a look around and realized that there were hundreds of people already safely inside the bunker and that was at least in part because of those same actions.

 

*****

 

“Clarke?” Raven approached after Clarke had been working with the guys for several more minutes. “It’s out.”

  
“And?”

  
“I think almost everyone’s inside.”

Clarke nodded at her and made her way back toward the bunker entrance.

“Do we have a count?” She asked Kane who was injured, but was still leading. He’d gotten bandaged up and went back to the bunker entrance to help everyone else.

“We don’t know how many we lost out there, but I split everyone into groups of 20 before this and Abby created check-in points in here for them. We think we’re there.”

  
“And the fire’s out, which means Nerva’s fighters will be heading this way.”

  
“We should close the door now.” Kane shared as he looked outside the entrance and watched as Murphy and Emori ran inside followed by the last of the guards and archers stationed on the buildings in town. He looked out and noticed no one else was coming their way. “We can wait a few more minutes, but we should close it soon. Raven can monitor the cameras and see if we missed anyone. If we can, we can open it again.”

  
“5 minutes. Then, close them.” Clarke ordered and Kane nodded. “Murphy, you guys okay?” She asked as she caught up to him and Emori who looked battle worn, but fine.

“We’re good. I think the plan worked. We used all our ammo and ran back here.”

  
“Good. Can you help Jasper and Monty in the cafeteria?”

“We’re on it.”

Clarke went to the war room mainly to catch her breath. She was alone for the first time since the battle and sat in a chair before looking down at the wound on her arm. She knew she didn’t have much time, but she needed to do it.

 

*****

 

She was sitting on their bed with her legs outstretched in front of her and her hands resting in her lap. Clarke would have taken her for being completely calm were it not for the tension in those hands and her twiddling her thumbs.

“Clarke!” Lexa felt her before she saw her and jumped up immediately. She rushed toward the girl and wrapped her arms around her. “What happened? Are you alright?” She questioned with her face buried in Clarke’s hair.

“I don’t know what happened and I’m okay.” Clarke pulled back so she could look at Lexa. “I was thinking about you when Nerva used the taser on me. The only thing I can think is that it somehow messed with the Flame.”

  
“And caused me to be there instead?” Lexa tried to determine.

“I haven’t had time to run my theory by Raven and honestly, I’m not sure anyone would be able to tell us what really happened, but-“

  
“She used that thing on me too.” Lexa interrupted. “When I was you…”

“That must have been what brought me back there.”

  
“What does this mean, Clarke?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t stay right now. The battle still going on. I just needed to know you we’re okay and I wanted you to know that I was too.”

  
“Are you safe up there?” Lexa asked softly.

“I’m in the bunker. Nerva is dead.” Clarke smiled. “I don’t know what you did, but you brought her to her knees, Lexa.”

  
“I told you I could fight.” She smirked.

“I remember.” Clarke told her. “I have to go.”

  
“I understand.”

“I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

“I can hear you now, remember?” Lexa checked as Clarke began to pull her hands away. “Please just tell me that you’re safe when it’s all over even if you can’t get back here.”

  
“I will.” Clarke pushed out the idea of the searing pain she’d have to deal with to do that. It would be worth it to give Lexa peace of mind. Lexa nodded and Clarke recognized it as being very similar to the small nod she gave her that day in Lexa’s room when Clarke told her she had to leave now. She pulled the girl back in closer to her. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Lexa replied.

 

*****

 

Clarke was back in the war room alone. She took a deep breath before standing and making her way toward Raven in the comms room.

“No Octavia?” Clarke checked when she saw Raven was alone.

“She left. I think she went to find Indra.”

“How’s it going out there?” Clarke stood behind her.

“Door’s been closed. So far, I don’t see any of our people out there, but I don’t know everyone obviously. There are some gathering just outside the tree line.” She pointed to one of the monitors. “I doubt they’re ours. They would have just walked up to the entrance.”

“They’re just standing out there?”

  
“Yeah. Been there for a few minutes now. What are we going to do?”

  
“Try to get them to come inside.”

“Wait. What?” Raven looked back at her.

“Do the outside speakers work? The intercom?”

“Yeah, I told you-“

  
“Good. We’ll need them.” She looked down and grabbed the microphone. “Turn it on.” She ordered and Raven looked at her for a moment before turning the microphone on and then flipping a few more switches to connect it to the speakers outside the bunker and the bunker’s own intercom.

“You’re on, Griffin.”

  
Clarke inhaled deeply and then pressed the button on the bottom of the old-fashioned microphone.

“My name is Clarke Griffin.” She paused. She could hear herself over the speakers. “I am the Commander of the 13 clans. I am from Skaikru. I was born in space, but I am from earth.” She paused again looking for inspiration to come from somewhere. “I know our history is filled with violence and war, but we are all people. We’re human beings just trying to survive.” She took another breath. “I am speaking to the people outside the bunker; to those that followed Nerva. Nerva is dead. I know some of you don’t believe in what she did. I know some of you just want to live in peace like we do.” She paused again. “But peace is a process. It doesn’t just happen. We have to work toward it together. We fought today for survival, but we are worth more than just battles and blood. We need to breakdown old barriers and build a new world where we can all live together unified.” She exhaled and remembered that it was likely that Nerva didn’t tell all of her soldiers about the radiation heading their way. “The feisbona that ended the world before is coming back.” She spoke of radiation as poison to get their attention. “You’ve probably already seen people getting sick. It’s coming and we don’t have time to keep fighting each other.” She grunted at how stupid this all was. “We have a plan that can save all of us. We can all live together if we just work together.” She implored. “We’re going to open the door to this bunker. Anyone who wants to lay down their weapons outside can come in. Your injuries will be treated and you will be safe.” She looked at Raven who looked a little concerned. “Violence will not be tolerated. If you fight in here; you’ll end up out there.” She warned and wondered if she was any better than the adults on the Ark who came up with the floating policy. “There are no more Wastelanders.” She continued. “No more Trikru, Azgeda or Skaikru. We are one clan now. We are one people.” She paused again. “The door will be open for 1 hour. If you don’t lay your weapons down, you won’t be allowed in. When the door closes, that’s it.” She clicked the button on the microphone and then clicked it back on. “Kane, open the door.” She commanded and put the microphone down.

She turned around and saw Octavia standing in the doorway.

“I’m going after Bell.” She told her. “I’ll be back within the window.”

Clarke just nodded at her and watched as the girl disappeared down the hall.

“That’s risky, Clarke.”

“She’ll be fine.”

  
“No, I mean letting these people in. Even without their weapons, they’re fighters. What if they try something? We’ve got some time. We can let them cool down out there and maybe in a few days-”

“The radiation is on its way, Raven. We don’t really know when it’s going to get here. Besides, not all of them will fit in here. We’ve still got people moving to Denver and the ones that don’t fit here need the head start to get there.”

Raven just nodded in agreement.

 

*****

 

Clarke walked down the hallway and people saw her and moved out of her way. She arrived near the door and saw the light coming in from the outside and stood next to Kane. There were 4 guards with guns standing at the entrance and she watched Kane clutch his own gun in his uninjured hand. She only hoped she’d been right to put faith in these people because if she’d been wrong, she was just risking more lives.

She stared out at the tree line past the guards and saw no movement for several moments. She worried and her heart raced until she saw several lines of people begin to emerge from the trees and while they were carrying their weapons, they didn’t appear to be in attack mode.

“What do you think?” Kane asked her. Clarke didn’t answer. She just took steps toward the door and then outside. “Clarke!” Kane worried after her.

Clarke watched as one man began to take the lead in front of the others.

“I’m Clarke.” She greeted him after passing the guards who appeared concerned for her safety and aimed their guns in the direction of the hundred or so people out there.

“Ciro.” He told her his name. “They’ve selected me to speak to you.”

“And what did they want you to tell me?” She asked hopefully.

He seemed to gulp. She could tell despite the fact that he was at least 20 feet away from her.

“This is all that is left of us.” He motioned around. Clarke realized that the guns her people had in combination with their plan had knocked out at least 80% of Nerva’s army. “We followed Nerva because we had no leader of our own.” He paused. “We know now that that was a mistake.”

  
“All of you?”

  
“Some that still believe in her have already fled. We outnumbered them.” He admitted. “We don’t want to die out here by poison.”

  
“So, you’ll come in peacefully?”

“What about our families?” He checked.

“Where are they?”

  
“Nerva would not allow them to come with us this far. We’ve left them about 50 miles east of here. They will not cause trouble.”

  
“You’re the leader of these people?” Kane asked him as he emerged to stand beside Clarke. Ciro took a hesitant look around before nodding. “We’ll need an accurate number of your people to determine which bunker to send people too.”

“But they’ll be safe?” He asked.

“All of you will be safe.” Clarke reminded Ciro. “Do you have any injured?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Then, we’ll start there. Bring them in and we’ll take care of them” She looked at Kane. “Work with Ciro on getting that number and finding out how many can stay here and how many need to go to Denver.”

“I can do that.”

  
“I will take one of them and ride to their families. I’ll escort them here.” Indra had emerged from the bunker.

“I’ll go with her.” Emori stated and Clarke realized she had emerged with Murphy as well. “It might come in handy to have someone like me there too.”

  
“I’m with her.” Murphy pointed at her.

“Ciro, can you have one of your people ride with Indra to get your families?”

“Yes.” He nodded happily.

“We’ll see to it, Commander.” Indra told her and walked toward the group she’d just faced in battle.

Clarke couldn’t quite believe the woman. When she thought about how they met and the fact that Indra had never been the forgiving type, Clarke worried for a second that Indra might try to take Ciro’s head off with her sword instead of escorting people peacefully, but Indra marched past him and climbed atop her horse. A second later, she looked at Clarke and nodded. Clarke couldn’t help but smile a small smile. Indra knew this was it. This was their last battle. It wasn’t about war anymore. There were no more enemies to fight. It was about survival and getting all of their people through this together with no more blood.

“The war’s over. Come inside.” Clarke offered and turned around. She headed past the guards who had long since lowered their weapons and through the bunker entrance. She heard Kane greet Ciro and imagined him holding out his hand for Ciro to shake in the custom as Kane was known to do, but she didn’t turn back around to see for herself. She walked past the crowd that had gathered at the entrance and felt their eyes on her as she did so.

Even Raven and Niylah stood and watched her chat with Ciro and then watched her walk past them. Raven smiled. It wasn’t a smirk, Clarke noticed, which Raven was accustomed to do. It was an actual smile and that made Clarke feel pretty good. She knew there was more work to do and that she would need to pitch in. No one would be exempt from helping out, but she needed a minute to herself

She walked into her room and closed the door behind her. She made sure to lock it too and then she climbed into bed face first and felt the emotion take over. Tears began to fall and at first she wasn’t sure if they were happy or sad and then she gave in to the fact that they were both. They were happy that she’d survived another day and that many of her people had too. She was sad though that they’d lost so many along the way; so many she couldn’t save.

 

*****

 

She cleaned herself up and threw on one of her cleaner shirts before heading back out into the fold. Some noticed her while others were too busy. She felt herself going through the motions for a while; working with strangers mostly just trying to get them settled and then she saw Abby who looked forlorn motioning her over.

Clarke followed her down another hallway with Abby saying nothing until they arrived at the door of a room.

“She found him on the ground. He died from the blood loss.” She explained. “We’re keeping him in here for now. I’m sorry, honey.”

  
Clarke walked into the room and saw Octavia sitting in a chair next to a bed where Bellamy had been placed. His hands were on his stomach and his eyes were closed as if he was just sleeping and would wake up at any minute.

“Octavia, I’m-“

  
“I know.” She finished for Clarke. “I know. Everyone’s sorry.” She stood up. “I’m going to change.” Her clothes had blood on them and Clarke knew some of that was from the battle, but some of it was also from Bellamy. “Abby, what do I-“

  
“Nothing. We’ll take care of him.” Abby told her. “Just take the time that you need.”

  
“Do you want us to have a funeral?” Clarke asked Octavia. They didn’t exactly have a standard protocol for deaths.

“He wanted to be cremated. He told me that once a while ago… after the mountain.” She proclaimed. “Can we do that?”

  
“Of course.” Abby stated.

“I’ll spread his ashes outside. People can say their goodbyes then.” Octavia walked out of the room leaving Abby and Clarke alone with Bellamy’s body.

“Do you need some time alone?” Abby asked Clarke.

“I don’t even know what to say or…”

  
“You don’t have to say anything, honey. You can just sit here if you want.”

Clarke looked at Bellamy’s lifeless body and wondered if there was something more she could have done to save him. Lexa had been battling Nerva while she’d been in their shared city and Bellamy had been on the battlefield dying.

“I don’t even know what to feel, mom.” She confessed. “I’m sad he’s gone, but I’m also angry with him for coming in the first place.”

“I know.”

  
“He could have ruined this for all of us.”

  
“I know.”

“He died because he didn’t trust me… again.”

  
“I know, honey.”

  
“I’m just-“

  
“It’s okay to be sad that he’s gone and be angry with him at the same time.”

Clarke considered what Abby said as the woman left her alone in the room. She sat in the chair for a few moments thinking about what she would say to him if she could talk to him again. None of it was good. She even considered yelling at him for doing this to Octavia after she’d just lost Lincoln. In her mind, she called him selfish and untrusting and then she noticed Monty and Jasper standing in the doorway.

“Hey guys.”

“He’s really gone?” Monty questioned as he took a hesitant step forward.

“Yeah.” She admitted slightly defeated.

“We should’ve tried to pick him up out there.” Monty pointed out.

“You guys would have ended up getting shot too.” She stood. “I’ll give you guys some time if you want. Octavia will probably be back soon.”

  
“Oh God, how is she?” Monty asked.

“I don’t know yet.” Clarke shared. “She’s lost a lot.”

“We’ve all lost a lot.” Jasper piped up. “We lost everything if you think about it.” He paused as he looked down at Bellamy and then back to Clarke. “We’ve lost our families, our friends, people we love. We’ve lost our home more than once, but we’ve made it this far.” His eyes connected with Clarke’s. “I get it now. What you had to do at the mountain.” He sighed. “I think I always did. I just didn’t want to admit it.” He looked down at Bellamy and then back to her again. “You’ve gotten us all here and yeah, we’re broken and it’s going to take a while for us to be okay, but I think we will be.” He admitted. “I think we’ll all be okay someday.”

“Me too.” Monty added.

“I hope so.” Clarke replied.

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

“Hey.” She greeted Raven after they’d each worked several exhausting hours helping get people settled in.

“Hey.” Raven replied as Clarke sat down across from her at the table she was sharing with Niylah for a long overdue dinner in the war room since the cafeteria was still being used for patients. “You look terrible.”

  
“Thanks.” Clarke replied with a smirk. “You too.”

“Please, I always look good.” Raven replied and the two of them laughed lightly while Niylah just stared on confused. “She’s still getting used to my humor.” She nodded in the girl’s direction.

“Maybe she just doesn’t like it.” Clarke joked back.

“Maybe you two shouldn’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

“She likes it.” Raven teased and they all shared a smile. “How’s Octavia?” Raven changed the subject.

“She’s been in the room the whole time. My mom’s going to take him to be cremated later. We’ll spread the ashes tomorrow. I think she just wants to be with him while she can.”

  
“How are you?” Niylah asked.

“I’ve been better.” Clarke confessed. “But I guess today went about as well as could be expected.”

“Kane got those numbers and worked out that most of the people can stay here. Only a few will really need to go to Denver and they can go by car so they should get there before the radiation hits.” Raven explained. “And I know I’m kind of supposed to go back and run comms there, but I was kind of hoping-“

  
“You can stay here.” Clarke told her.

  
“Cool.” Raven looked over at Niylah who smiled.

“Do we know our losses yet?”

“Not yet, but it’s looking like it’s around 100 or so based on who’s reported in, which isn’t good obviously, but it could have been much worse. Nerva’s army was basically destroyed.”

“Guns.” Clarke stated.

“Guns.” Raven repeated.

“I thought they’d have them. Seneca said he’d never seen them, but that she used other technology. I guess I just assumed she’d find them or use them against us since she’d know we’d have them.”

“Maybe she couldn’t get access or maybe she was just an arrogant bitch who thought she could beat us without them.” Raven said.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m happy either way though.”

“Have you seen Lexa yet? Told her what happened?” She questioned.

Clarke filled them both in on what happened during the fight.

 

“Wait. You guys switched bodies?”

“Not bodies, technically.” Clarke pointed out. “Minds. Could the AI have shorted out or something with the taser and caused that?”

  
“It could have messed with it, sure, but I have no idea what makes someone’s mind switch with someone else’s, Clarke. This is all pretty crazy to me. Sorry. I mean, damn. Instead of the whole hologram or projection thing, you’ve managed to switch minds with her. That’s… Sorry, I’ve got nothing to explain that.”

  
“No, it’s okay. That was just the only thing I could think of.”

“It’s a good theory, but to test it, we’d have to shock you again and I don’t think Abby would like that idea.”

  
“That’s how I came back. Nerva shocked Lexa and it brought me back.”

  
“Then, you’re probably right. You probably shouldn’t go near a taser ever again then.”

“Yeah…” Clarke finally took a small bite of her food as she thought.

 

*****

 

That night, she fell asleep in her room alone. Thankfully, despite the fact that the bunker was full, she had her own space at least for one more night due to a lot of people still being in the cafeteria or medical. She didn’t know if she’d be able to have her own room much longer and was determined to share if it was needed, but secretly hoped it wasn’t.

 

*****

 

When she woke up in the morning, she did her rounds. She checked on everyone in their various roles and then found Octavia standing just inside the bunker door. Shortly after her arrival, Jasper and Monty showed up too. Raven approached a moment later. Kane and Abby walked up behind all of them and then Jasper opened the door.

They all walked outside slowly and noticed the sunlight hit their faces hard causing them to squint their eyes to adjust. Octavia held onto a metal box that now held her brother’s ashes and pressed it to her chest. The rest of them stood silently and waited for several moments.

“My brother wasn’t perfect.” She started. “And I won’t pretend he was now because none of us are.” She pointed out. “But he was my brother and I loved him. He protected me from the moment I was born. He was only down here because of me.” She reminded them all. “I wish he could be here now and know that I forgave him and that we’re all going to make it through this, but he was stubborn.” She chuckled. “And kind of an asshole sometimes.” She laughed a little harder and the others laughed lightly behind her. “I’m going to miss him.” She shared and without wasting a moment for fear that her emotions would betray her, she opened the box and slowly poured the contents into the air. The breeze picked up some of them and blew them away while everyone stood in silence waiting for her to finish.

When she did, she closed the lid. She didn’t tell them that she’d left some of his ashes inside to keep for herself. She just walked back inside and told herself that she would be okay. She’d get through this too. As crazy as it sounded to her, she thought about how she now had one more person out there watching over her. She chided herself for thinking that way before making her way toward her room and placing Bellamy’s ashes underneath her bed.

 

*****

 

“Okay honey, your tests are normal, but I still don’t want you to try that again.” Abby read Clarke’s chart before looking up at her daughter on the hospital bed.

It had been 5 days since Nerva had been killed and the army had been defeated. They’d all worked so hard to get the bunker working while sending off the people to Denver including Jasper and Monty. Erik had checked in and they were only a day out and Jaha had ensured her that Denver was prepared.

Octavia had volunteered to go to Wyoming to check out the land there. Clarke insisted that she take a jeep instead of a horse in case radiation came her way. She could get out quickly with a car and less so with a horse. Octavia had given in, but only under the condition that Clarke allow her to go alone, which Clarke granted.

The families of those soldiers they’d face had arrived and some had gone to Denver while others remained. The cafeteria was returned to a place to eat and medical was nearly empty. Clarke was one of a few patients there at the moment.

“I didn’t do it intentionally.” She reminded her mother as she sat up.

“I know, but Lexa took over your body, Clarke.” Abby spoke softly so as not to be overheard. “That scares me.”

  
“I know, mom.” Clarke hadn’t visited Lexa since the last time, but she had kept her promise and told her she was safe. She provided an update in the journal that Lexa could read until she could get to her. “But my test results are normal, right?”

  
“That doesn’t mean-“

  
“I know!” She stopped Abby’s word. “It’s not like I want the headache and nosebleeds, mom.”

Abby nodded and Clarke got up to get herself dressed and make her rounds.

 

*****

 

In the days since the battle, things started coming together in the bunker. There had been only once incident of violence and that was over a room assignment and only a punch was thrown before the fight was broken up. Since it wasn’t over anything serious and was clearly just because of stress and lack of sleep, Kane suggested they punish the man with a few nights in the small cells in the bunker reserved for these such things. Clarke agreed and when the man emerged, he was apologetic and Clarke saw the need for no further punishment.

 

Kane called a meeting of all the ambassadors in El Dorado and included Ciro in the mix to promote unity. Clarke joined, but allowed Kane to lead the discussion as she knew how good he seemed to be at all this.

They discussed sending the test party after Octavia reported back about what she’d found in Wyoming. Clarke admired how smoothly the conversation went with people from different clans deciding who from their group will participate. Different clans had different areas of expertise that would be useful for a trip like this. Clarke just watched as they laid out a plan for the trip itself, the equipment they’d need, who’d play what role and what information they needed to gather.

The mission date was set for two weeks from now, which would mean the radiation would likely be upon them in El Dorado, but with the vehicles, they’d be able to drive everyone in the direction of Wyoming, run their tests as the weather and other potential reactor meltdowns begin to take effect. After some time, if this place wouldn’t work, they’d return and everyone would just have to get used to living underground. For some, it would be getting used to it again and wouldn’t be unlike living on the Ark, but for others, it would be difficult given the fact that they’d been on the ground their entire lives.

 

*****

 

 

“How does it feel having another battle behind you?” Lexa asked Clarke as they sat under a tree in the forest. They’d ridden their horses out to a spot Lexa had grown to enjoy and listened to the river in front of them run and the animals Clarke had somehow created with her mind move around them with sounds of life. Lexa’s back was pressed against Clarke’s front as they used the tree to offer support.

“It hasn’t been that long. I’m not sure it’s registered that it’s really behind me yet.” Clarke proclaimed as she felt Lexa press further back into her and wrap Clarke’s arms around her more tightly.

“And preparations for the move?”

  
“The team leaves in a few days. Octavia is already there. She’s driven around a lot and tried to find small towns we could use somehow. She’s ran her own tests and no radiation so far.”

“That’s good, Clarke.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get back until now.” Clarke revealed against Lexa’s ear. “I wanted to, but-“

  
“I know. You don’t have to explain it to me.” Lexa offered. “Are we going to talk about what happened though?”

Clarke sighed.

“I was actually thinking about that.” Clarke shifted slightly, which encouraged Lexa to move out of her arms and turn to face her instead. “You were there, Lex. I mean, you were me, but you were there.”

  
“I was.” Lexa replied softly.

“I’ve been wondering about maybe trying that again.”

“What? Clarke, no!” She denied.

“Lex, I know it’s not the same, but you could be there. You could see people. You could even tell the ones we trust that it’s you and what’s happened.”

“Clarke…”

“What if you could do what A.L.I.E. did? Be a projection of yourself that I could see out there? It wouldn’t be the same thing. No one would know you were there, but you could see-“

“Clarke, I was you, remember? I felt what this did to your body and I will not let you do that again just so that I could-“

  
“Lexa, I could learn how to control it like I have everything else.” Clarke implored and took her hand. “I still can’t believe any of this is even possible.” She admitted. “I lost you. You were gone and I couldn’t even begin to move on. I just kept drawing you over and over and trying to picture your face in my mind so I’d never forget it and I had to try to save everyone at the same time.” She paused. “But then Raven gave me this amazing gift. She brought you back to me and I am never giving you up again.”

  
“I know, Clarke, but-“

  
“But it hurt at first too. When I came here and then when I tried to be in both places and then when I could hear you and then when we could hear each other, but after a few times, it didn’t anymore.” She explained. “It’s like my body adapts somehow and I can handle it.”

  
“This is different. This is too dangerous.”

“Why?”

  
“I would be in your body, Clarke and you’d be here.”

  
“So?”

“Clarke, you’re alive. I’m not.”

  
Clarke leaned back.

“You don’t need to remind me of that.” She paused. “What about the other option?”

“I don’t want to be a projection of myself, Clarke.” She paused and looked sad for a moment. “Even if it meant I could see the others. I think it would make it harder for me.”

“I understand. I do. I just-“

  
“Can we not talk about this anymore right now? I’m just glad you’re here and I know you can’t stay long.”

“Lexa, I have all day. I told my mom and Raven where I’d be. They’re covering for me. Besides, everything is in motion there. My mom even told me to come here.”

  
“She did?” Lexa sounded surprised.

“She said I needed a break. I was having trouble sleeping and she thought this might help.”

“This helps?” Lexa smiled softly.

“Yes, being with you helps.”

“We have all day?”

“Yeah, I’m staying the night and I’ll wake up and go back. Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay.”

“Then, can we keep talking about this?” Clarke smiled.

“We can revisit it at another time, Clarke.”

“Didn’t you like it? Being back? I know you were fighting Nerva, but…”

“All I felt was pain in my head and the desire to protect you and our people. That’s all I had time to feel until I was brought back here.”

  
“Then, think about what you could do if-“

  
“Clarke, another time. Right now, I just want to be here with you.”

“Will you just think about it?”

“I promise I will think about it, but I won’t do anything to hurt you, Clarke.”

  
“I know, Lexa.” Clarke shifted again to get Lexa to rest back against her. “I just worry that you’re here by yourself most of the time and eventually, you’ll be like Becca and the others and want to leave.”

“I’ll never leave you.” Lexa turned her head slightly. “I’d happily stay here by myself forever. You know that.” Lexa told her confidently. “If it just meant that I could have one more minute with you.” She paused. “Our time was taken from us out there, but I am happy here with you.”

“This is still new.” Clarke thought. “I’m still learning what this thing can do and how I can use it.” She explained. “I know that you being me out there is strange and isn’t exactly anything we’d planned, but I trust you, Lexa. You saved my life with Nerva. I know that if you were me out there, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about and you could see people again like Indra and-“

  
“Clarke, Indra is the only person out there I was even remotely close to outside of you and Titus. Titus is gone and you and I can meet here. Indra has moved on from me. That’s who she is. She accepts you as her Commander now. As Commander, I didn’t have friends like you do. I had subjects and generals and advisors, but I stood alone; always alone.” She turned back around in Clarke’s arms again. “You say you trust me, Clarke, but you must know that I trust you too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I trust you to take care of our people out there. If something happens and you need me again like that, I will protect you. I will always protect you, but I know you are the leader our people need and I don’t worry about them anymore.” She paused as she met Clarke’s blue eyes. “When I’m here alone, I don’t feel lonely. I feel like this world was made for me because _you_ have made it for me. I have everything I could ever want here; everything I could not have out there because I was Commander and while I wish I could see you more; all the time actually, when you do come here, it feels as if you are coming home from a long day at work and I can greet you and then it can just be us.”

Clarke smiled at her.

“And that’s enough for you?”

  
“A part of me will always be Commander, Clarke, but I can hear about things from you and I can help from here if I need too.” She paused. “One day, if it doesn’t hurt you anymore, maybe I can do as you suggest, but I don’t need too to be happy.” She placed her hand on Clarke’s cheek. “In these moments, I am truly happy.”

 

They stayed outside until after the sun set and then rode back to their house where they cooked together and then ate together. They found themselves sharing laughs that they hadn’t been able to before because they’d always been at war and even in their lighter moments, those thoughts were difficult to make disappear completely.

When Lexa touched her that night, Clarke felt instant relief from her worries and pain. The woman above her had this way of making her feel perfect in her imperfections and she made sure to let Lexa know how grateful she was when it came time for Clarke to return those touches. They fell asleep coiled in one another and when Clarke left the next morning, she promised to return nightly and relay the news of her day as if it was just another long day at work and she was coming home to the woman she loved.

 

*****

 

“You asked if she wanted to do that again?” Raven questioned her as she sat on the floor of the bunker next to Niylah in their now shared room.

“Yeah.” Clarke replied. “The team leaves tomorrow. Are the comms ready?”

“Of course, they’re ready. Who are you talking to?” She joked. “Back to you telling Lexa it was okay for her to just take over your body whenever she wants.”

“That’s not what she said.” Niylah offered.

“Thank you.” Clarke told her.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side.” Raven played with Niylah who rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying, Griffin, that’s a major kind of commitment.”

“It’s not like that. I’d have to control it anyway. I’ve got the AI, remember?”

“She said no, didn’t she?” Niylah asked.

“How’d you know?”

  
“Because she would know that it hurt you.” She explained.

“She said that and she also said that she’s happy there.”

“And no to the whole A.L.I.E. thing too?”

“She said it would hurt worse. I understand.”

“That’s good.” Raven offered. “Are we really thinking Wyoming is going to work?” She changed the subject.

“If it doesn’t, at least we’ll be safe here.”

  
“We’ll die down here. The world won’t be inhabitable for at least another hundred years if not longer.” She retorted. “I got out of one metal box just to die in another.”

“Shof op.” _Be quiet._ Niylah said this, but not rudely. Her tone contained a bit of hurt that Clarke recognized. She didn’t want to consider Raven dying as a possibility.

“Sorry.” Raven apologized.

“We made it work on the Ark. We’ll make it work too here if we have too.” Clarke offered the two of them.

 

*****

 

The team left the following day to go see if Wyoming would be habitable. They left with their radiation suits on and it was good that they did because about 10 miles outside of El Dorado, the radiation began to spike on their monitors. Fortunately, though, they were heading west and it dissipated as they did so.

Clarke and the others waited for them to report back their initial findings. It took a few days, but they reported back no major radiation; just small spikes here and there, but nothing that would cause long term damage to a person. They met Octavia who showed them town after town and they split up into groups assessing larger areas that could hold a population their size.

 

*****

 

Life in the bunker wasn’t easy. Everything was in short supply while they got everything setup. Food was rationed carefully and Niylah ran the group of people in charge of the inventory of supplies people were issued. Raven kept in constant contact with the others outside and reported any issues to Clarke about Denver and the team searching Wyoming.

There had been a few fights over supplies, but the guards had quashed them fairly easily once people came to their senses and the rolling green houses Jasper and Monty had crafted that had been adapted to work underground were beginning to grow crops. They’d have to plant a lot more, but at least for now, they’d get by. Denver was in the same position, but so far, everything, though tense, was at least safe from the outside.

 

*****

 

“Abby, can I come in?” Kane stood at Abby’s open door.

“Sure, Marcus.” She replied and kept her eyes on the chart in front of her. They had a few patients in medical, but she was actually checking up on the work of one of the doctor trainees she’d been working with since the Ark and was hoping would be able to take over for her one day since Clarke’s apparent interest in medicine was only when necessary.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go over the plans for the mobile med unit when we leave.” He sat down at the table next to her and then when she looked up at him, he shook his head sideways and rubbed his scruffy beard with his hand. “That’s a lie.”

“It is?” Abby seemed confused.

“I… uh… I don’t really know how to do this. It’s been so long.” He offered in explanation. “And we’ve been distracted and trying to keep everyone safe.”

  
“Marcus, what’s going on?”

“I’d like to ask you out on a date, Abby.” He finally admitted. “And I realize how ridiculous that sounds since we’re both adults and we’re stuck in an underground bunker, but I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time.” He paused. “I wanted to be respectful of Jake and Clarke, but with everything that’s happened and all the people we’ve lost, I just don’t know if waiting anymore is a good idea.” He looked back up at her. “So?”

“So, what?” She smirked and sat down the chart. “You haven’t actually asked me anything, Marcus.”

He chuckled.

“You _would_ make this difficult.”

  
“Stubbornness is a Griffin family trait.”

“Oh, believe me. I know.” He laughed again and ran his hand through his beard one more time. “Will you go on a date with me, Abby Griffin?”

“I’d love to.” She replied. “Oh hey, honey.” She looked at the doorway and saw Clarke standing there.

“Hi, Clarke. I…”

“I heard.” She told Kane. “It’s okay. I’m happy for you two.” She calmed him down. She looked at her mom. “Dad would want you to be happy, mom. I do too.”

Abby nodded at her.

“What did you need?” She asked her.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” He stood. “Tomorrow night?” He looked at Abby.

“Sure.” She smiled back and watched as he left and closed the door behind him.

“It’s about time.” Clarke mocked.

“Alright, Clarke. That’s enough. We can’t all find our one true love when we’re eighteen.” She said it without thinking and then met her daughter’s eye. “Oh honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t-“

  
“It’s okay.” Clarke told her. “I’m lucky. At least I still get to have her in some way. Others don’t get that lucky.”

“Oh no. That’s not-“ She stopped herself. “I know Lexa’s gone, but sometimes it’s like she’s not really because you still see her and you talk about her and you’re clearly happy with her even though it’s not at all how it should be.” She paused. “I was actually referring to Jake.”

  
“Dad?” Clarke realized. “He wasn’t your one true love?” She asked.

“I loved your father. I will always love your father. He was a smart, funny and kind man and he gave me you.” She reached for Clarke’s hand on the table. “But on the Ark, it wasn’t about finding that one person you’re supposed to spend your life with. It was just about finding someone you could be with at all; love if you were lucky and I did love him, Clarke.”

“I know.”

  
“But we didn’t find each other. We grew up together on a ship.” She looked at Clarke more intently. “You and Lexa not only found each other, but you really _found_ each other.”  
“What do you mean?”

  
“You were literally on opposite sides of a war and you managed to not only work together, but find strength and trust in each other. I didn’t see it at first and I’m sorry I won’t ever really get to see the two of you together, but what you had with her here and what you still have there, it amazes me, honey.” She paused. “You looked past the differences you had and found something there and you saw her in a way that none of us could and that’s why we’re all here now.”

  
“I don’t-“

  
“Clarke, it’s true. I know after the mountain, things were hard and she broke your trust, but you got it back and the two of you worked for peace before she was killed and then you went into the City of Light knowing she’d be there, didn’t you?”

  
“I hoped.” Clarke admitted.

“You knew she’d protect you and she did and you saved everyone from A.L.I.E. with her help and that was enough to start us on this track and get us to safety.”

“Lexa helped me plan and…”

“I know.” Abby shared. “You two bring out the best in one another. I am sorry you lost her. I am so sorry she’s not here to share this with all of us because she deserves to be here with you and to see all of our people safe and not in another war.”

  
“She does.” Clarke agreed.

“But at least you still get to see her in the way that you can and you can tell her about everything that happens.” She paused. “You can even tell her all of the things I just said if you want.” She smiled.

“I will.” Clarke asserted. “I doubt she’ll believe me though.” She paused. “Mom, do you think Kane is-“

  
“Oh God, I don’t know.” Abby sat back in her chair. “Marcus and I have a complicated past and things have changed down here and I like him, but I don’t know that I have a one true love in my future.”

“I hope you do.” Clarke told her.

“Well, I’m sure you didn’t come in here to talk about Marcus.”

  
“No, I wanted to talk to you about the AI.”

“Is something wrong? Are you-“

  
“No. Nothing’s happened. I just want to… I don’t know. I just don’t understand it and I do things accidentally sometimes without knowing that it’s happening or how it’s happening and I thought that maybe you and I should have a schedule or something.”

  
“Schedule?”

  
“For tests.” Clarke put out. “Maybe regular tests just to be safe.”

“Honey, where’s this coming from? Are you worried about something? You’ve always objected to me running tests.” She leaned forward again.

“I was worried you’d try to remove it and I’d lose her again, but I’m not anymore.”

“And there’s nothing else?”

“No, I just want to make sure that I’m okay from now on.”

Abby seemed to be considering Clarke’s comment.

“Before you didn’t care, did you?” Abby asked her. “In the beginning, you would have died with the AI in your head and you would have been with her and so you didn’t care what happened to you out here. What’s changed?”

  
“I guess nothing’s really changed at all.” Clarke admitted. “I just feel like giving up isn’t an option anymore.” She paused. “She trusts me to take care of everyone and she can’t be here to do it herself. I need to be here, mom. This is her legacy.” She smiled a small smile before retracting it almost immediately. “Peace will be her legacy.” She watched as Abby smiled back. “I want to be here for that and see it through until whatever the end is.”

“I think that’s a great idea.” She paused. “I’ll come up with a schedule of tests to run regularly.”

  
“Thank you.”

“Thank you.” Abby repeated. “I’m happy to see that my daughter wants to stick around here for a while.”

Clarke stood and laughed.

“You know it wasn’t about that, right?” She asked after the small laugh. “It wasn’t about not wanting to be here with you or with the others or not wanting to help. It was just about-“

  
“Her. I know, honey. I know I said that one true love and I haven’t exactly found one another, but I would love to see your father again. If I could, I would.”

“Me too.” Clarke shared.

 


	31. Chapter 31

Another two weeks had passed and the radiation was now surrounding El Dorado and on its way to Denver. Their new estimates had it at life threatening levels already, which meant that more and more reactors were melting down and that the weather was pushing the radiation further.

“And what else can you tell me?” Clarke asked Morgan who was on the radio from Denver.

“The numbers I’ve gotten from the team are good.” He answered. “The weather patterns are good too. The major weather concerns we’d face don’t occur there. They might have in the past. From what I’m reading, before the bombs it would have been a problem, but the new data shows we’d likely get little rain and what we would get would be dissipated enough to not cause any radiation poisoning. The only problem would then be fresh water. We’d need to be near a natural water source and we’d have to test it regularly.”

  
“Okay. Thanks, Morgan.” She told him and left the radio line open since Jaha, Wick and Erik were on the other side as well. “We need to give it more time there.” She expressed.

“Another few weeks and we should know for sure.”

“The reactors will all have melted down by then.” Raven added. She was sitting in the war room along with Kane, Abby and Monty.

“And what I’m seeing is that the radiation would have spread around the continent enough by then for us to know for sure.” Monty added to the conversation. He and Jasper had returned amidst the radiation to make some needed repairs on the green houses in El Dorado and it was decided that as long as they had to stay in the bunkers, people would likely be able to go back and forth at least when necessary assuming the suits stayed intact. They might even be able to work out a schedule in the future for people who just wanted to take the trip and see the other bunker; or spend some time above ground, but that would depend on oxygen and suit rations later and wasn’t a concern now.

“We should give it more time just in case.” Abby worried. “Another month at least. We can have the current team return and send another in their place. We should run tests and check their levels here in medical.”

“She’s right, Clarke.” Kane agreed. “I know people are bouncing off the walls in here waiting to find out if we’re ever going to be able to leave, but we need to run tests to make sure there’s no long term effects.”

Clarke nodded.

“We’ll have a few of them come back.” She explained. “And you can run your tests. The others can stay and keep running their own.”

  
“Good.” Abby nodded. “I’ll get a quarantine setup.” She stood.

“I’ll help.” Kane joined her. They’d been attached at the hip for the past couple of weeks and both seemed happier than usual, which made Clarke happy too.

“Those two are making it obvious.” Raven pointed at the door after they left.

“Can you get on the comms and have Octavia pick the people to return?” Clarke ignored her comment.

  
“Sure.” She agreed. “Wick, Jaha? You guys good?”

“We’re good.” Jaha said.

Rave disconnected the line.

“Should I tell her to come back too?”

“Leave it up to her. I don’t want to push her.”

“Probably a good idea.”

“Has she said anything to you when you guys talk?” Clarke asked her.

“Just the regular check ins. I guess she’s just the kind of person that needs space to grieve more than anything.”

  
“Sounds like her.”

“I’ll get her on the line soon. It’s lunchtime.” Raven stood. “I’ve got a date.”

“You two are doing good then?” Clarke asked as she stood too and they left the room together.

“Don’t go ringing the wedding bells just yet, Griffin.”

Clarke laughed.

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

  
“She’s cool.” Raven tried to be dismissive.

“Sure she is.” Clarke teased. “You can tell me; you know?”

“Tell you what?” She questioned as they moved down the almost empty hallway together.

“It’s been a few weeks now. More than a few actually.”

  
“Yeah?”

“And you two have been together all this time.”

  
“Yes, we have. What are you getting at, Clarke?”

  
Clarke stopped walking, which caused Raven to do an about face.

“Have you told her how you feel yet? I mean, how you really feel; not just that you like her and she’s cool.”

“What’s that to you?”

  
“Just take it from someone who thought she lost her only chance. You should tell her.”

Raven looked down at the floor and then back up to Clarke.

“I just still feel like it came out of nowhere. I never thought I’d meet someone. Honestly, I thought we’d all be dead by now.” She laughed and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Well, we’re not.”

“I used to feel so alone.” Raven admitted. “After I found out about you and Finn and it was clear that he’d chosen you… I just felt so alone and I have ever since I guess. I met her and it’s not like that anymore. I feel like she gets me, you know?”

  
“I do know.” She thought of her own girlfriend.

“I’ll tell her.” Raven started walking again. “Not like right now, but I’ll tell her.”

  
“Good.”

“Now, leave me alone. I’ve got a date.” She winked at Clarke and then walked toward the cafeteria.

 

“Everyone’s coupling off.” Jasper said to Clarke as he approached from behind.

“You heard?” She checked.

“Yeah, but it’s not like those two are much of a secret.”

“How are you doing?” She asked him.

“I’ve been better, but I’m getting there.” He admitted. “Monty and I are ready to talk about going back to Denver if you think that’s okay.”

  
“Why?”

  
“We’ve gotten things fixed and running here and we’d like to see about helping out there. It’ll keep us busy.”

“We’re bringing a few people back. Why don’t you catch a ride with their replacements when we do and then just keep driving? One of them can take the car back to Wyoming.”

“Sounds good. Thanks.”

“Sure.”

“The truth is there’s this girl Monty likes there and he’s been using a radio to talk to her at night and we share a room and it’s driving me crazy.” He smirked at her.

“Monty met a girl?”

“Everyone’s coupling off.” He repeated his earlier sentiment. “Oh, sorry.” He realized. “I shouldn’t have… I just… Lexa… and-“

  
“It’s okay.” She looked down for a moment feeling terrible about lying to everyone, but not knowing exactly how to share the fact that she can still see Lexa whenever she wants with them. “How are you?” She repeated her earlier question to him.

“I’ll get there.” He grinned. “You headed to lunch?”

“No, I think I’m going back to my room. I’ll see you later? Before you go?”

“Yeah.” He walked off toward the cafeteria.

 

*****

 

Clarke caught Raven after lunch and asked her to join her in her room.

“What’s up?” Raven asked her after the door to Clarke’s room had been closed.

“I want to train.”

“Okay… train for what exactly?”

“Train the AI. Train my brain.”

“Oh.” Raven replied with slight concern in her tone.

“I can feel that it can do more. I can’t explain it, but I know it.”

  
“More what, Clarke?”

“I don’t know exactly, but I want to learn. I want to control it better so I can do more with it without-“

  
“Nearly killing yourself?” Raven retorted sarcastically. “Is this about Lexa and having her share your body?”

“No, it’s about all of us.” She answered. “I want to know what it can do for us; for everyone. There’s got to be more information I have access to without knowing or just abilities to do more.”

  
“I’m sure there is.”

  
“My mom said I was using more of my brain than most people do because of it. Maybe that means I can help more; do more.”

  
“Slow down, Griffin. There’s too much we don’t know about this thing.”

  
“That’s why I want to try to train myself.”

  
“How do you do that?”

  
“I was hoping you could help.”

“I already told you this is way beyond anything I can do.”

  
“I’ve talked to my mom and she’s going to run tests regularly to see what it’s doing to me so I can be careful. All I want you to do is examine the code while I try to do stuff to see what happens inside and see if there’s anything I miss or something we can learn that I can’t recognize.”

  
“You want me to treat you like a computer program?”

“If that’s how it works.”

“Clarke…”

“Raven, we’re going to run out of food down here.”

“No, we’re not. Niylah-”

“We have stockpiles that will get us through the next 2 years with the population we have currently. Part of the reason I had Jasper and Monty come back was to take a look at everything again now after us being locked away in here, but it turned out I didn’t really need them for that. I could make determinations on my own. We have at least 14 pregnant women that I know about right now. My mom said one of them is pregnant with twins. That’s 15 new mouths within the next 9 months. The stuff we’re growing will help, but we don’t have enough space to grow enough fresh crops to feed us longer than 4 years based on what I’ve calculated so far.”

  
“Calculated?”

  
“And our medicine will likely run out within the year if we don’t begin producing, but we don’t have anywhere to produce and we lack the raw materials.” She was rambling.

“You _sound_ like a computer.”

“Sometimes, the information just hits me and I know it’s correct. I understand basic science and math on my own, but this is different. It always feels different.”

  
“So, if we can’t leave this bunker, we’re all dead in like 3-4 years? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Denver is better off. They should be able to go for 5-6 years based on what Erik told me. We could send people there when things get rough here, but that shortens their expectancy there.”

“So, what the hell are we supposed to do? I thought we’d be okay here.”

  
“So did I.” She explained. “We added people and not materials though and we’re going to run out of stuff from the Ark. We lost some of the stuff we brought with us during the battle and along the way here and we need to start producing things now to actually make a difference later.”

  
“And you think somehow training your brain will help?”

“I think there’s more I can do and I have to do it.”

“Okay.” Raven agreed. “If you think I can help, I’m in.” She paused. “Have you told anyone else this yet? The supply part?”

  
“No, I don’t want to cause a panic.” She looked at her hands. “I’ll tell the ambassadors soon, but I was hoping we could-“

  
“They’ll figure it out, Clarke. It won’t take long.”

  
“I know. That’s why I want to start trying to figure out the solution first.”

  
Raven appeared to be contemplating.

“Okay. I’m in.”

  
“You are?”

  
“I don’t really have a choice, do I? Gotta save the day again. One request though.”

  
“What?”

  
“Can I tell her? We basically share a room now so she’s going to notice if I’m gone more.”

  
“Yeah, you can tell her. I trust Niylah.”

“Okay. When do we start?”

 

*****

 

“You’re back.” Lexa smiled as Clarke appeared in their bedroom while she was occupied with her book. She didn’t even look up. She just felt her there.

“I missed you.” Clarke admitted and climbed into the bed next to her. “I know I said I’d be busy with the tests and wouldn’t be by as often.”

“How are they going?” Lexa asked and set the book down. “And I missed you too.” She leaned over and met Clarke’s lips with her own.

“Raven’s mostly been running sims.”

  
“Sims?”

  
“Simulations.” Clarke explained and Lexa’s arm moved around her shoulder to pull her into her. “She’s examining the code I’ve created and then runs sims to see how it responds to certain things. That’s as far as we’ve gotten so far.”

  
“And your other tests?” Lexa pressed.

“My mom says I’m still fine.”

“I worry about you.” She confessed.

“I know.” Clarke closed her eyes against Lexa’s chest and wrapped her arm around her stomach. She slid her shirt up a little as she did so and felt Lexa’s skin beneath. “I told Raven not to make any changes to this place. This, what we have here, has nothing to do with what we’re trying to do with the AI there.”

  
“And you’re not worried that it will change things here; what you’re doing?”

  
“Raven said not to be. She’s segmenting code. She’s moved sections of the code that relate just to the AI’s capabilities into one platform. That’s what she called it. She’s leaving this place alone.” She ran her fingers across Lexa’s skin and felt goosebumps appear. She heard Lexa’s breath deepen. “You okay up there?” She teased and then lifted her head to look up at the girl who appeared to be blushing slightly.

“I just…”

“What?” Clarke smiled at her.

“I got you something.”

“You got me something?” Clarke was confused. “That’s what that sound was for? I’m kind of disappointed.” She mocked and leaned down to kiss Lexa gently; hoping it would lead to more.

“Clarke…” Lexa turned her head slightly, but kept a smile on her face. “It’s important.”

Clarke leaned back on her elbow.

“What is it?”

Lexa stood and walked into the kitchen. She returned momentarily with something in her hand and sat back down on the bed.

“I didn’t exactly get it for you.” She confessed. “I made it.”

“You made me something?” Clarke sat up. She was suddenly even more interested.

“I carved it for you and found the string to put it on. I know you can’t exactly wear it out there, but…” She opened her hand to reveal a small wooden object she’d carved and then made into a necklace. “I don’t know if it has the same meaning for you as it did for us; your people and my people.”

  
“Lexa…” Clarke stared down at the symbol carved into the wood.

“It’s the feva fleim.” _Forever flame._  Lexa explained and held out the flame symbol she’d carved into a deep, dark wood and then connected to string.

“I love it.” Clarke looked up and met Lexa’s eyes.

“I’m glad.” She replied still acting a little shy.

  
“Why do you look surprised that I love this?” Clarke asked with a smile.

  
“I’ve never made anything _for_ anyone before; not like this. I’ve had a lot of time here to think back and remember the important events of my life. When I found out what it meant to be a Nightblood, when Anya selected me to be her second, when I was called to lead my people… most importantly… when I met you and I wanted to make you something that…” She hung the necklace around Clarke’s neck and watched the blonde take the carving in her hand and stare down at it. “I love you, Clarke kom Skaikru.”

“I love you.” Clarke replied while still staring down at the necklace. “I didn’t get you anything.”

  
“Clarke, you’ve given me everything.” Lexa looked around the room. “You’ve created this whole world for us; for me. You brought me back from the dead, Clarke.” She shared and watched as Clarke’s eyes shimmered with tears.

Clarke moved forward and captured Lexa’s lips in her own before lying the girl down so she could climb comfortably on top of her. The necklace hung down and met Lexa’s skin between her breasts over her shirt, which Clarke lifted up from the hem with one hand while the other held her over Lexa’s body. Lexa knew what she wanted and broke the kiss momentarily so she could lift herself just to hover and allow Clarke to pull up the fabric and slide it over her head revealing her body to Clarke. Lexa was flat on the bed and watched Clarke remove her own shirt and bra before reconnecting their lips.

 

*****

 

“I like when we can just be like this.” Clarke admitted while lying on her side with Lexa wrapped around her.

“So do I.” Lexa kissed her bare shoulder before returning her lips to Clarke’s neck and applying gentle kisses there.

Clarke closed her eyes at the sensation, but when she did, she felt herself being pulled away somehow. She was with Lexa, but she was also in her room with Kane standing over her bed next to her mother.

“Clarke?” Abby questioned. “Honey, wake up.”

“Clarke, are you okay?” She heard Lexa ask her and then felt her arms pull away so as to make Clarke roll over to face her. “Clarke?”

  
“I’m okay.” Clarke told Lexa, but also told her mom and Kane.

“You were just asleep.” Abby told her.

“I have to go.” Clarke told Lexa and rolled over to face her and see her green eyes. “They need me. I’ll be back.”

“Oh.” Lexa nodded.

“Back where?” Kane asked Abby more than Clarke.

Clarke pulled away from Lexa in their world and rejoined Abby and Kane’s.

“Are you okay?” Abby asked.

“I’m fine.” Clarke rubbed her eyes and sat up. “What’s wrong?”

  
“Back where?” Kane asked again. “Were you dreaming?”

“Something like that.” Clarke said. “Did something happen? What time is it?”

Abby knelt down in front of her.

“Were you there and here at the same time again?”

“Mom!” Clarke looked at Abby and then Kane before looking back down at her mother.

“Were you?”

Clarke’s hand instinctively went to her nose to feel for blood, but there was none.

“Yeah, but I’m okay. No pain.”

“Ladies, do either of you want to fill me in on whatever it is you’re talking about?”

Abby looked at Clarke.

“It’s fine. You can tell him, but tell me what’s going on first. Why did you wake me up?”

  
“Test results came back.”

“For Octavia?”

  
“And for the rest.” Abby stood. “They’re all negative. Everyone is fine.”

“Monty and Raven have been tracking what reactors they can remotely and they’re all gone.”

  
“Melted?”

  
Kane nodded.

“Morgan is still running some weather projections and the new team just arrived, but I think we can start sending a few more groups at a time.”

“To what used to be called Jackson Hole?” Clarke guessed.

“Yes, it seems to be perfectly located just like you thought it would be. Whatever radiation is there, is minimal and won’t do any lasting damage. We’ll keep monitoring, but I think we can start the move.” Abby educated.

“Really?” Clarke was shocked. Abby was always the more careful of the two so the fact that she thought it was safe to begin moving their entire population out of the bunkers surprised Clarke, but also made her more confident that it was the right decision.

“I’ve got the plans ready.” Kane elaborated. “We know who’s going and we’ve got the suits geared up. We just wanted to wait for you to approve and make the announcement.”

“Announcement?”

  
“This is a big deal, Clarke.” Kane told him. “We thought we’d be stuck here forever. You found this place. I don’t know how exactly, but you knew it would work and it will. You should announce it to everyone so we can celebrate.”

“Yeah, I guess.” She realized. She was still in a bit of a fog. She pushed her mind back toward Lexa who seemed surprised to see Clarke lying next to her again. “Wyoming is okay.” She told Lexa.

“It is?” Lexa questioned and reached out to touch Clarke’s face.

“Yes.”

  
“Are you here and there?” Lexa asked with concern.

“Yes, but it doesn’t hurt.”

“What’s happening?” Clarke heard Kane ask Abby.

“Marcus, we need to talk.” Abby told him.

“I have to go now, but I wanted you to know.” Clarke explained to the girl before her.

Lexa nodded another understanding nod and watched as Clarke disappeared.

“I’m ready.” Clarke told her mom.

“Will somebody please explain what’s going on?” Kane tried again.

Clarke and Abby sat down with Kane and explained that Clarke still had the Flame inside her and that she could talk to and see Lexa. He seemed dumbfounded at first, but then he began to understand when Clarke told him that the AI was how she found out about El Dorado, Denver and Wyoming as being a possible refuge. He rubbed the back of his head several times in disbelief and Clarke guessed it would take him a while to fully grasp what she could do, but he agreed it would be kept in their inner circle and that understood how important it was to Clarke.

 

*****

 

“It’s basically like most old towns we’ve seen.” Octavia shared with the group around the table at lunch. “It’s actually in really good shape though. Things are worn down, but the bombs didn’t land there at all. It’s mostly just covered in dirt and dust, but that’s easy to clean.”

“And it has everything?” Murphy questioned. “To start over?”

  
“It’s got what we’d need, yeah.”

“We don’t know if it’s always going to be safe.” Clarke pointed out.

“Yeah, but it gets us out of here.” Murphy interjected. “If it’s safe now-“

  
“We need to make sure that’s going to last.” Raven stopped him. “Clarke’s right.”

“So, we don’t go?” Emori questioned.

“We’re going.” Clarke nodded at her. “We’re just going to be prepared.”

 


	32. Chapter 32

It had been a couple more weeks since Abby had given the basic all clear to travel to what had been called Jackson Hole, Wyoming. During that time, Clarke and the others had to put the final touches on the migration plan among other things and Clarke was now standing on the small platform in the cafeteria in front of nearly the entire population of the El Dorado bunker with a connection to the Denver bunker as well. Raven and Wick had even worked together to get a working video feed so that Denver could see Clarke despite the fact that she couldn’t see them.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve had good news.” She began. “I know there are rumors going around about whether or not it’s safe to leave the bunkers, but we wanted to make sure we’d thought of everything that could go wrong before we made any decisions. We’ve tested land in Wyoming and determined that it is safe for us to make our home there.” She paused when the sound of cheers and applause erupted in front of her. She gulped at the thought that Lexa was missing out on this and wished so much that she could be standing here when the applause rang out once again. Then, she thought that maybe she could. She closed her eyes temporarily and thought hard about Lexa. “Lexa, listen.” She whispered away from the microphone.

 

Lexa snapped to attention at the sound of Clarke’s voice. She had been sitting at the table writing in her journal and then suddenly it was as if she heard people cheering. She could feel what Clarke felt. She stopped her writing and did as Clarke had instructed.

 

“This won’t happen overnight. We can only send so many people at one time due to the radiation that surrounds us here and in Denver and it will take a while before everyone is relocated.” Clarke continued and hoped Lexa could hear.

“How long?” Someone yelled.

“To transport everyone with the supplies we need in radiation proof suits, we’ve estimated it will take as long as six months.” There were some grumbles. “I know that seems like a long time, but the other option is spending the rest of our lives underground.” The grumbles stopped. “Your ambassadors will talk to you about when you’re scheduled to leave and how this will work.” She paused. “There’s more. Once we begin the move, we plan to build another bunker inside the mountains near our new home.”

“What?”

“A bunker? Why?” She heard.

“Because we can’t be sure we’ll always be safe from the radiation.” She explained. “We’ll continue to live above ground, but we’ll need everyone to help build a place like this just in case we ever need it. We’ll create work details and everyone will have a job.” She paused again. “This is the best chance for not only our survival… but for us to thrive.” She expressed. Then, she looked down at the floor and thought back to the moment Lexa had given a speech just like this after Clarke had refused to kill the last mountain man. “Our children can grow up not fearing for their lives in war, but playing in fields and going to school in peace. We’ll be prepared if we ever have to be, but we’ll be safe and we can finally do more than just survive.”

Applause rang out in the room again and Clarke, more than anything wanted Lexa to see the people standing in the room, embracing one another despite clan or their pasts painted in blood. She looked over at her mom as if to tell her to be ready just in case and then closed her eyes and decided that Lexa deserved to see this.

 

Lexa glared around the wide expanse of the room and her heart was pounding inside of her chest. She’d been transported again without being prepared for it and she immediately placed her hand under Clarke’s nose to check for the blood she expected to be there, but it wasn’t. She also didn’t appear to have any head pain either and after taking a moment to determine that, she glanced at Abby who appeared concerned for a moment before Lexa nodded Clarke’s head and then turn to see Indra and Octavia standing in the front row of a large crowd. Indra was shaking her second’s hand and appeared to have the smallest of smiles on her face. Octavia even seemed to be happy. She saw someone from Delfikru actually hug someone from Trishanakru and they had been at war for 4 years before the coalition began. She’d heard Clarke’s words and she knew that this was the announcement that they’d be free from the bunkers soon and she smiled herself when she recognized that the dream she’d had for her people for so long seemed to finally be coming true.

 

Clarke could feel Lexa and could still somehow see what was happening out there as if she was there herself despite standing in their kitchen alone. She couldn’t believe it. She could tell she wasn’t in pain out there. No taser had shot electricity through her body. She’d done this on her own. Her work with Raven had paid off.

Despite telling her mother and Lexa that they’d only been working on practical problems like the food supply issue, they’d also been working on training Clarke’s brain to do things like this. She wasn’t actually supposed to try anything yet, but she just couldn’t let this event happen without Lexa seeing it for herself and knowing that she played a part in getting their people to this point.

 

When Lexa found herself back in their house, she fell back against the wall momentarily to catch her balance and once she regained it, she smiled.

 

Clarke found herself shaking hands with people around her as she left the platform. She went to what they called the war room, but the name no longer seemed relevant. They hashed out a few more details including the fact that Clarke would go with the first group along with Raven and Niylah. Kane and Abby would remain in El Dorado. Jaha would join them from Denver along with Jasper. Octavia and Indra would be in the next group along with Wick from Denver. It would go like that until each and every person made their way along with all the supplies they’d need to start a new life there.

 

*****

 

The first group left a week later with Clarke in the lead car. Everyone was dressed in their radiation suits and had spare oxygen in case there was a delay of any kind. The drive would take the equivalent of one whole day if they were lucky and they’d take shifts at the wheel so they wouldn’t have to stop with the exception of adding gas to the tank. The suit was hot and Clarke could hear her own breath, but she didn’t care.

Raven and Niylah had left the bunker before the appearance of the radiation to check on the Tesla model car Raven had found. There were two more just like it also available and they’d brought them into the bunker and she’d been able to work on repairing them with some other engineers. It actually helped pass the time. Niylah also rummaged through that outdoor store that still stood after the battle and gathered some supplies and got her own reversible coat among other things. Then, the radiation hit and only people with suits had been able to go outside. The cars would help bring others along, but on this day, they were in one of their old vehicles making the drive.

Being above ground like this after all that time trapped beneath its surface was almost as exciting as it had been when they crashed in the drop ship. When she fell asleep after almost 12 hours on the road, she spent the next 4 with Lexa in their bed before talking Lexa into taking part of the drive for herself. The green eyed girl was once again reticent to agree, but she finally did and she opened her eyes in Clarke’s suit and looked around at the darkened sky and the same radiated butterflies that flew around them as they drove on.

“Clarke?” She had been silent for the first hour of being there since everyone save the driver whom she didn’t recognize was asleep. She turned to her left and saw Raven and a blonde who had her head on Raven’s shoulder despite how uncomfortable it must have been in their suits.

“Raven?” She replied.

“You’ve been quiet. You okay?”

“I thought everyone was asleep.” She answered.

“I was, but I woke up. This thing is seriously uncomfortable. I can’t wait until we’re out of the radiation zone. It’s already fading.” She was looking at a device of some kind. “Probably another hour or so. What town did Octavia tell you was where it was safe to take these things off?”

“I… I don’t…” She didn’t know the answer to the question. She thought about Clarke and begged her for help without words.

“No…” Raven stared at her differently. “It’s you, isn’t it?”

  
“What do you mean?” Lexa questioned.

“Lexa?” She whispered more than actually spoke so the driver wouldn’t hear. Lexa, as Clarke, just nodded. “Crazy.” Raven stated and shifted enough that it moved Niylah and woke her up.

“Brewster.” Lexa said out loud. “The town we are looking for is called Brewster. Octavia said she noticed a sign off the road. About 10 miles further in starts the safe zone.” Lexa shared as Clarke had finally revealed the answer to her.

“How much further?” Niylah asked as she actually came too.

“We’re only about half way there. Go back to sleep.” Raven told her and Niylah went right back to her old position. “How are you?” Raven asked Lexa while looking into Clarke’s eyes.

Lexa didn’t really know how to answer that question.

“I never thought I’d get a chance to tell you thank you myself.” It was all she could say.

“You don’t-“

  
“I do.” Lexa interjected. “You gave her back to me.”

“I was actually just trying to give you back to her.” She admitted with a smile. “And I guess bring her back to all of us. She was lost without you.”

  
“She’s not the type to stay lost for long.” Lexa explained about Clarke. “She would have found herself in time.” She thought about the fact that Clarke was likely listening in. “But I will always be grateful to you, Raven.”

“How long have you been you? I mean, here in the car.”

  
“About an hour.” Lexa explained. “I think it’s time I go back now though.”

“Why?”

  
“Because I want to see her.” She smiled.

Raven looked with her eyes to the shoulder where her girlfriend was resting and she lifted her eyebrows in understanding.

“I get it.”

“I can see that you do.”

“Will I see you again? Or hear you, I guess.”

“That’s up to Clarke.” Lexa shared, but made a mental note that she could feel no pain in Clarke’s body still. Her head and her nose both appeared to be fine despite the fact that Lexa had spent a significant amount of time in her body. Maybe this could work.

“Then, I’ll talk to you next time.”

Lexa smiled and then turned to look back at the outside before she closed Clarke’s eyes and found herself staring back into them from their bed. Clarke moved her arms around Lexa’s body and they fell asleep together.

 

*****

 

“Hey Clarke? It is you, right?” Raven checked.

“It’s me.” Clarke woke up. “Why aren’t you-“ She noticed immediately that Raven, Niylah and the others were all no longer wearing their suit helmets; leaving them open to the elements.

“We’re in the safe zone.” Raven pointed out and showed Clarke the radiation meter, which showed a normal amount of radiation instead of the elevated levels they’d seen earlier.

“Oh.” She stated and moved to take off her own helmet. She breathed fresh air for the first time in months and it smelled like flowers. “How far out are we?”

“Only about 5 hours. I would have woken you earlier, but I thought you might be… you know.”

  
“Thanks.” Clarke had been with Lexa and she’d been enjoying every minute of it, but she was also happy to be awake and to be witnessing the outside again.

 

*****

 

“This is it.” Raven said after glancing at the map she held in front of her.

“Jackson Hole.” Niylah read on a sign off to the side and pointed at it at the same time.

“We’re here.” Raven looked back at her with a smile.

Clarke looked at the beginnings of a small town.

“We’re home.”

 

***** 

The End

 


	33. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and commented on this story. As I said in the summary, this story is my attempt at a season 4 of the show and so I wanted to provide some type of finality to it. To that end, I've written an epilogue that takes us many years in the future. Thank you again and I hope you enjoyed the story.
> 
> I've written a few non-fanfics and posted them on Inkitt. They are lesbian romance and a series 1-4 as of now. You don't have to read them in order, but it helps. If you're interested, you can check them out on Inkitt by searching for the titles:
> 
> 1\. Fresh Start
> 
> 2\. When Literature Met Math
> 
> 3\. Just Tell Her
> 
> 4\. When Love Walked into The Lantern
> 
> Or view my profile and get to them here: https://www.inkitt.com/NicoleMarie.

It took months to get everyone there just as they’d thought it would, but the work began as group by group arrived. Housing had to be arranged, which meant old houses had to be inspected and repaired if they could be and then other houses needed to be constructed. Some clans had their beliefs in the types of houses they lived in and didn’t care for the ones Jackson Hole provided ready-made so they constructed their own and helped others as well.

The shops that lined the main streets of town weren’t exactly reopened, but they were able to provide things like food stores and a building to house medical until they could take a look at a hospital that was located within the safe zone.

Signs had been put up at the borders of the zone to alert everyone when they were going too far without protection and the suits were kept protected in one of the shops and checked out if needed to make sure they’d always be available.

 

Work on the bunker began under Wick’s supervision and while it was slow going since they had to start from scratch, he was confident they’d get done with the initial layout within a year.

Clarke, as Commander, had taken on overseeing everything officially, including elections. This concept was new to the clans, but common for those from the Ark. She wanted ambassadors to be chosen and not based on old clans, but on newly designated district outlines within their new home.

This caused some problems initially, but the ambassadors that already existed agreed that it was the right decision. Honestly, Clarke guessed that a few of them were old and tired of the added responsibility and wanted to live in peace without it while the others hoped they’d get elected and felt confident that that would be the case. With the districts outlined, there were spots for only 6 ambassadors. Kane was re-elected. Erik was an obvious choice. Octavia was chosen to her own surprise, but probably no one else’s. Since arriving in Jackson Hole, she’d seemed to have put her past behind her and became a true leader for everyone. Clarke admired her daily because of that. The other three ambassadors were three that had already had the role and Clarke was grateful that people with experience would still be there.

Her real concern came when they needed to decide on a Commander. She’d explained that this position would no longer be passed through battle and a Flame, but by a decision by the people.

She wasn’t sure if she was more worried they’d elect her or more worried they wouldn’t. no one actually ran against her as is common in elections. There was no campaigning or anything like that. People 16 and older cast votes and whoever had the most would win. She wasn’t the only one that received votes either. Most of the ambassadors new and old received several, but Clarke did receive the most in the end and she then finally had to admit to herself that she was glad. Her mom had always wanted her to be a doctor and she’d always drifted toward art, but this was where she belonged.

 

“You were born for this Clarke. Same as me.” Lexa’s voice rang out the second it was announced Clarke had been elected and the applause came from the crowd that remained.

Clarke smiled at her repeating her old words to her and got back to work.

 

*****

 

At a celebration marking the six-month anniversary of their arrival in the old Jackson Hole, Clarke watched as her friends ate and drank and enjoyed the sunset outside with seemingly no worries at all. Monty and his new girlfriend, Anne were doing well. Octavia and Indra were actually smiling together and Clarke couldn’t remember the last time either of them had even carried a sword. Jasper was standing beside Monty, but was actually looking at a girl Clarke had seen him talking to before and wondered if there had been something more to it, but hadn’t asked yet. Abby and Kane were sitting on a bench laughing about something and he moved a strand of her long hair behind her ear. Emori and Murphy were playing some game with three little kids. The kids appeared to be teaching them the rules and Murphy appeared to not to be following them on purpose; making the kids and Emori laugh. She found Jaha standing off to the side of a group of people. He wasn’t really participating in the conversation. He seemed to be taking it all in. He looked at her for a moment and raised his cup in her direction to which she nodded in reply.

Raven and Niylah were sitting on the ground on a blanket facing one another. Niylah was leaning in and Clarke looked just in time to see Raven lean in as well and kiss her for a moment. Wick walked past just in time and shook his head sideways and told them to get a room. Raven threw a piece of fruit at him and the three of them shared a laugh before he walked off to join his new girlfriend he’d met while working on the bunker. The world was swirling around her in that moment. All of her friends and family were happy. She was happy too.

 

*****

 

That night, she went to the house she’d chosen and shared with no one. She walked into her art room where she kept her sketches; still mostly of Lexa and glanced at them. She tended to do this nightly. She passed by her office where she had small group meetings when they were needed and then the kitchen to make herself a quick snack before walking up the creaking stairs to her room where she turned off the light, closed her eyes and then opened them again quickly.

She sat back up, dressed herself again, grabbed two of the large flash lights she kept in the house and walked outside. She sat on the ground near the entrance of the town and aimed the lights at the sign.

Then, she closed her eyes and opened them in her real home; the one she shared with the love of her life.

 

“You’re back.” Lexa greeted.

“Just for a second.”

  
“Why?” She seemed concerned.

“I just want you to see something. Then, I have to go back, but I’ll come right back to you after that.”

  
“What? What’s going on?” Lexa hadn’t been prepared for this. Everything had been so peaceful out there that these kind of outbursts by Clarke had all but disappeared.

“Come with me.” Clarke told her and held out her hand for Lexa to take.

They’d been doing this more and more since Clarke’s arrival in Wyoming, but despite all the times that Lexa had been able to see some of the things they’d been working on out there and the conversations she was able to have with Raven, Niylah, Kane and Abby who were still the only ones that knew about the AI’s capabilities, Clarke had left this one part out to surprise Lexa with.

 

When Lexa opened her eyes, she was in Clarke’s body again. It was a fairly familiar feeling at this point. Though she still found herself taking a second to determine if this was hurting Clarke at all just in case. She looked around for a moment before landing on the two flash lights that were aimed up at a sign that was about 10 feet in front of her. With the lights, she could make it out clearly despite the darkness of the night.

“City of Alexandria” Written beneath that in smaller letters, “Planned in peace and founded on three pillars: wisdom, compassion and strength.”

 

Lexa immediately returned to Clarke and looked at her in shock.

“What do you think?”

“You named the city after me?”

“It wasn’t just my decision.” Clarke admitted. “The ambassadors agreed. You were the one that started this whole thing, Lexa.” She paused and took Lexa’s face in her hands. “If you wouldn’t have given Skaikru a chance back then; given me a chance, none of this would have happened. The people wanted to acknowledge that.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything. She just let Clarke hold her there for a long time until Clarke told her she needed to get herself back to the house out there or people would wonder why she was just sitting outside.

It didn’t take her long to return to her bed there and then to return to the bed she really considered her own and she wrapped Lexa up in her arms and smirked at the fact that Lexa was once again wearing her old shirt and that it had become more Lexa’s than Clarke’s anyway.

“I love you, Lexa.” She whispered in her ear as she felt herself slowly drifting off to sleep.

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa gripped the girl tighter and listened as the blonde’s breathing slowed.

 

*****

 

It was decades later after the city of Alexandria had celebrated many more milestones including the completion of the bunker, the building of a real hospital, the births of many children including 2 for Monty and 1 for Jasper while Emori and Murphy had 2 themselves. There were weddings as well including Abby to Marcus and Raven to Niylah after many years of them disagreeing on whether or not to do it. They even had a little girl of their own after they got married. Jaha even found himself wed again and his wife gave birth to a son who he named Jake. It took over ten years for Octavia to find someone she could share her life with too. She’d never get over losing Lincoln and Clarke knew that, but she was grateful the girl had someone she loved again at least.

 

People had begun to wonder a few years after Alexandria started about Clarke’s own love life. It continued steadily, the questions, the potential setups by people who didn’t know about Lexa, for the next several years until finally people just accepted that Clarke wasn’t interested in finding love. She was able to say that the city was her primary focus and that seemed to get people off her back. Every day, she’d go to work as Commander, which eventually became President.

They’d originally thought about Chancellor, but decided a new title was more appropriate for the new way of life. Clarke had been elected time and again for two decades until she finally decided that she could leave the city in someone else’s hands.

She’d lost people during that time, but it wasn’t because of war. Old age became a concern they never thought they’d deal with and as they all got older, they found themselves visiting cemeteries more and more.

 

After her years as Commander and then President, Clarke focused on just being an advisor during her days, but every single night, she’d return to Lexa and they’d fall asleep next to one another in their shared home. They’d built it up a lot since the beginning. Clarke had years instead of days and weeks to practice with the AI and learn how to use it without hurting herself. She’d been able to create a whole town that mimicked Alexandria in their world. She’d even created people for them to talk to.

She’d promised Lexa that she wouldn’t create people from the real world that they actually knew. They’d be shadows; imitations of those people and Lexa didn’t want that. So, Clarke created people that she’d made up and they were shop owners and farmers and hunters and Lexa had friends to talk to when Clarke wasn’t there. As Clarke grew older in Alexandria, she remained the same age in the city she and Lexa shared as did all the people she created there.

Through the use of the AI, she’d helped her people in Alexandria create new medicines, develop better farming techniques and construction practices. She’d even helped figure out a filtering process that would help prevent radiation run-off in the water.

The accomplishment she was proudest of outside of the peace she’d help build for now thousands of people was actually another AI; another Flame. This one was different than the one inside her head though because she was actually a Flame within a Flame; an AI within an AI. Clarke wondered after years and years of testing her limits and seeing her body handle the consequences and then the consequences like the headaches and nosebleeds disappear completely. At that, she began contemplating what else she could do and as she stared at Lexa one day who was watching those glowing butterflies move through the forest she’d created for them years before, she got an idea and within an instant a small piece of metal appeared in her hand. It was a fully formed and she guessed fully functional AI like the one she had inside her own head.

Later that night, she and Lexa discussed it and after deciding to give it a try, Clarke put it inside Lexa’s head and they waited. They had no idea what might happen. Would this Flame allow Lexa to create a city within a city? Would she be able to disappear into another world as Clarke had done from her own people time and time again?

The answer came later. The AI within their shared world allowed Lexa to build onto that world. Lexa was now able, with its help, to create elements as Clarke had done for her all those years. They had never discussed what would happen once Clarke would no longer be out in the real world and would therefore not be able to create in this world anymore, but with this new turn of events, it seemed not to matter. Lexa suggested Clarke create another AI for herself within their world, but Clarke told her she didn’t need it. She’d always have Lexa.

 

 

When the time came for Clarke’s own life to come to an end, it was after 48 years of peace in Alexandria and it was a peaceful end. She fell asleep in her bed there and woke up next to Lexa who had been holding her the whole time and Clarke had felt it even in Alexandria. She rolled over and pulled Lexa in closer to her.

“Now we can have forever.” She whispered in Lexa’s ear.

“Finally.” Lexa replied and breathed deeply before letting the breath out slowly. “Welcome home, Clarke.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
